He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (5 page)

A
s I got
ready for my night out, Michelle, my roommate, was getting ready for a date of her own.

Only Nicole wasn't going out that night and she was moping around the apartment. “It's just not fair,” she was saying. “Why does everyone get to have fun but me? I'm a nice person.”

“Of course you are,” Michelle soothed. “And I'm sorry Rick cancelled on you, but sometimes that's how it works out.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Nicole dropped onto the couch and turned on the television.

I tried to keep from smiling as Nicole continued to complain. Nicole had been out every weekend that semester so I had trouble feeling sorry for her. This was only my second actual date since I'd been there and I wasn't going to let anyone spoil my good mood.

When the doorbell rang, Nicole ran to open it. “It's for you, Lily.”

As I walked toward the door, I thought about the message I'd left the day before to cancel one of my dates and felt guilty—until I saw who was at the door. “Trevor! What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message?”

He handed me an arrangement of flowers as a smile filled his face. “Sure I did. But I didn’t think you meant it.” He leaned close and whispered. “Not after what happened.”

Though my face flushed, I was angry he hadn't followed my wishes. “I'm sorry, but when I agreed to go out with you I'd forgotten I'd already committed to go out with a friend of mine.”

“Can’t you cancel it?” he asked, not moving from the landing.

“I can't do that. When I make an agreement, I keep it.”

“Oh.” He seemed to be getting the message. “All right then. I'm busy tomorrow night. How about next Friday?”

Relieved that he understood, I agreed to go out with him the following week.

“You can keep the flowers,” he said as he turned and walked away.

I closed the door behind him to the stares of my roommates.

“Gee, Lily,” Nicole said, a smirk on her face. “I didn't know you had to fight them off.”

“Ha, ha.” I went into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. A short time later the doorbell rang again and I dashed back into the living room. “You guys, please don't say anything about Trevor, okay?”

“Okay, whatever,” Nicole called out as she opened the door. “Big surprise, Lily. It's for you.”

I ignored Nicole's comment and stepped out the door as I greeted Justin.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“Thank you. You look good, too.”

He took me to a nice restaurant and then to a movie. I had a good time and told Justin so as he walked me to my door.

“Let's do it again,” he said. “What about next week?”

I'd enjoyed myself, but I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. I thought of him as a good friend, not a boyfriend. Besides, I remembered my date with Trevor for the following Friday night—I wasn't going to make that mistake twice. “I can't next week, but I think it would be fun if a group of us did something together.”

He frowned. “Oh. I see. A group activity.” Then he became serious. “Tell me, Lily, do you have any interest in me at all?”

Surprised by his honesty, I knew he deserved the same. “I really like you, Justin. But as a friend.”

“The old 'just friends' thing. Great.” He began to turn away. “I had a fun time tonight. I'll see you around.” He began walking down the stairs.

“Bye, Justin,” I called after him, feeling terrible somehow that I wasn't attracted to him like he was to me.

Later, as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to overtake me, I thought about Justin. I agreed with Alyssa that he was a really great guy, and I wished I was attracted to him like I was with Trevor, but I couldn't force those feelings.

Either I'm attracted to someone or I'm not. I can't choose who I fall in love with. Can I?

Over the next week I didn't hear from or see Trevor at all. He didn't even come to class. Disturbed by his lack of communication, I feared my rejection of him the previous Friday night had bothered him more than he’d let on.

Rather than worry about Trevor and his feelings though, I concentrated on my studies. Things were going well in my classes so far—I thought I was getting high grades and I was pleased with my progress.

Even more importantly, I hadn't gotten any more strange notes, which only confirmed my assumption that it had been put on the table next to me by mistake.

Obviously someone had gotten me confused with someone else. Surely no one would feel threatened by me.

F
riday night arrived
and I still hadn't heard from Trevor. I hoped our date was still on, although I was uncertain. Michelle and Nicole were gone for the weekend and I relished having the place to myself. I took a long, hot shower and took my time getting ready for a date I wasn't sure was even going to happen.

By seven o'clock I was becoming convinced that Trevor wouldn't be showing up. Upset and disappointed, I tried to use the time to get ahead of the next week’s assignments, although my thoughts strayed to Trevor.

How could he do this to me? I thought he really liked me. He even said as much.

At eleven o’clock my phone chimed a message. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I read the message and frowned. It was from Trevor.

Sorry about tonight. Something came up and this is the first chance I've had to let you know.

I deleted the message without replying.

T
he next day
I ran several errands and didn't get home until late in the afternoon, but when I arrived at my apartment, I found a note addressed to me stuck in the door. I pulled it free and went into the apartment.

I dropped my packages on the counter and unfolded the slip of paper. It read,
Lily, if you'll still have me, I'd like to take you out tonight. I'll come by at six. I'll understand if you don't answer the door. Trevor.

Checking the time, I saw I only had an hour to decide and get ready. I pictured his handsome face, blond hair and blue eyes, and knew I would be ready by six. Quickly putting away my groceries and other items, I hurried into the bathroom to freshen my make-up.

Half expecting him to be a no-show again, I was almost surprised to hear the doorbell ring at six o'clock sharp. I tried to slow my pounding heart as I walked to the door.

He held a large bouquet of long-stemmed white roses. “These are for you.”

I was pleased by the gesture, then recalled that he’d brought flowers on the night I’d had the date with Justin. “Do you bring flowers for every date?”

Offering me a half-smile, he shook his head. “I'm not that rich. I'm just trying to make up for last night. I feel really bad about that.”

Remembering the way I’d sat around waiting for him, and the distress I’d felt the previous evening, made me a bit grouchy. “You sure have things 'come up' a lot, don't you?”

“Ouch. I guess I deserved that.”

I took the flowers from his hand and opened the door wider. “Come in while I put these in a vase.”

He shut the door behind him as he entered and followed me into the kitchen. “It looks good in here. Are your roommates gone or something?”

I smiled to myself at his observation. It was true. Things were much neater with my roommates gone. They were sloppy and careless—another thing that drove me nuts about sharing an apartment. The idea of having my own place was becoming more and more appealing. “Yeah, they're taking an early vacation down to Vegas.”

“Why didn't you go? That sounds like fun.” He leaned against the spotless counter and watched me.

I filled the vase with water and set it on the table. “I wasn't invited, but I don't have time anyway. I have three tests next week.” I smiled at him. “You know how that goes.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Do we have a test in Sociology?”

“If you ever bothered coming to class, you'd know that we do.”

“It's not that I want to miss class, it’s just that I had some things I needed to take care of.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Some of us have to work, you know.”

The remark stung and I walked away from him and toward the front door. My hand on the doorknob, I turned back to face him. “We all deal with our circumstances the best we can.”

He stared at me for a moment. “Wait a minute. Did you think I was implying something about you? Because I wasn't. How insensitive do you think I am?”

I wondered if I'd made an assumption about what he’d meant. “What did you mean then?” I walked to the couch and sat.

He sat beside me, touching my leg with his. “You’re lucky your father left you some money so you don’t have to work while you go to school.” He paused. “I know you don't have anybody and I really admire you for all you're accomplishing.”

Tears sprang to my eyes at his words. It hurt to be reminded of my father's death and the fact that I had no family.

He wiped a tear from my cheek. “Don't cry, Lily. I'm here for you.” He gently stroked my face. “I'd do anything for you. Don't you realize that?” He lifted my chin to make sure I was looking him in the eye. “I really care about you.”

His words surprised me, especially after he’d pretty much ignored me all week. And even though I really liked him, I wasn't ready to share my feelings with him. Instead I leaned into him and let him hold me and comfort me. His strong arms wrapped around me and I melted a little at how good it felt to be in his embrace.

Eventually he pulled away from me. “We should probably get going. I made a reservation.”

Reluctantly I stood and followed him out the front door and to his car. He held the passenger door open for me before getting in on the driver's side.

The restaurant was nice and I enjoyed myself. Trevor didn't mention his feelings again until he took me home. I invited him into the apartment and we sat on the couch.

“I know we've only known each other for a couple of months, Lily, but the more I've gotten to know you the more I've grown to like you.”

I wasn't sure what to say. Things had gone from uncertain to Trevor professing his affection much too quickly. Only twenty-four hours before I'd been wondering if he remembered our date.

He held my hand in his. “Don't you want to say anything?”

“It's just that, well, I'm not sure how I feel yet.” At the look of disappointment on his face, I hurried to explain. “I mean, I do care for you, Trevor. But I don't feel like I really know you yet. For example, you say you want to get your degree, but you don’t come to class half the time.”

He drew back. “I can’t control my schedule. I have to work when I’m needed.”

“Can't it wait until after classes though? I thought you wanted to do well.”

He looked beyond my shoulder before meeting my gaze. “I do want to do well, but Rob’s schedule can't always work around mine. I do the best I can.”

“Rob’s your boss?”

“Yeah.”

I pulled my hand free from his grasp. “What kind of work do you do for him anyway?”

He stiffened slightly, then sighed. “You know, body work, repairs, that kind of thing.”

I nodded. “So, your major's business management. What do you plan to do with that degree?”

“I don't know yet what I'm going to do with my degree. It just seemed like the thing to go for. Speaking of work, I need to work early tomorrow, so I’d better get going.”

The abrupt end to our conversation threw me off balance and I didn’t know what to say. But I did have one more question that had been on my mind. “What about Amanda?”

“Amanda?” he asked.

“You know, that girl in our Sociology class who’s always flirting with you.”

“Oh. You don’t have to worry about her. I’ve known her for a while. We’re just friends.”

Somehow I didn’t feel reassured, but when he stood and held his hand out to me, I took it. When we were both standing he pulled me close and held me tight, then he leaned toward my ear and whispered. “I do care about you, Lily, and I'll prove it to you.”

A shiver of anticipation worked its way up my spine. Captivated by him, I wanted him to be the man I'd always dreamed of. We walked to the door and he gave me a lingering kiss. When he pulled back, he said, “How about if I take you out tomorrow afternoon?”

Pushing aside my worries, I smiled. “That sounds great.”

“Okay. I’ll come by around two o’clock.”

T
he next afternoon
, right on time, Trevor was at my door. The dark blue shirt he wore emphasized his tanned skin and vivid blue eyes, and my pulse quickened at the sight of him.

“Ready to go?” he asked, a wide smile on his face.

“Yes.” I stepped out the door and locked it behind me. “Where are you taking me?”

“Do you like to miniature golf?”

“I’ve only done it a few times, but I liked it.”

“Good, because that’s where we’re going.”

A few minutes later we pulled up to the local miniature golf place. After we got out of the car, Trevor took my hand as he led me to the counter. The warmth of his hand in mine only strengthened the attraction I felt towards him.

We had a good time as we golfed through all the holes. Trevor did a lot better than me—even getting two holes-in-one—but the main thing I enjoyed was Trevor taking my hand as we walked from one hole to the next.

When we finished the round of golf, we turned in our golf clubs and went into the arcade. Trevor bought some tokens and we played several different games. My favorite was Skee Ball. When we ran out of tokens, we took our tickets to the counter where Trevor told me to pick out a prize. We had enough for me to get a small stuffed bear.

“Let’s get something to eat,” he said, taking my hand after I tucked the bear into my purse.

When we got in line to buy our food, he stood behind me and put his arms around me. My heart did a flip at his nearness, but when his warm breath brushed by my ear and he whispered, “I’m hungrier for you than for any food,” I nearly stopped breathing.

“Can I help you?” the girl at the counter asked us.

Forcing myself to focus on the menu instead of how close Trevor stood to me, I ordered a burger and a Sprite. Trevor ordered his food, and once it was ready, he carried the tray with both our orders to a table. I scooted into the booth and he slid in next to me.

We were halfway done with our meal when Alyssa and Justin stopped next to our table.

“Hi, Lily,” Alyssa said.

“Hello,” I said, feeling awkward to have Justin there. “Are you guys going miniature golfing?”

“Yeah.” Alyssa turned her gaze to Trevor. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m a friend of Lily’s. Alyssa.”

“Hey,” Trevor said.

“Oh sorry,” I said, embarrassed I hadn’t done the introductions. “And this is Justin Radford.”

Justin held his hand out and Trevor shook it. “Nice to meet you. I'm a friend of Lily's too.”

“Oh. How are you?” Trevor said.

“Good,” Justin said.

“So, how long have you known each other?” Trevor asked Justin.

The question sounded innocent enough, but I when I detected a hint of jealousy in Trevor’s voice, a thrill went through me. Especially after the way I’d felt when Trevor had given Amanda so much attention.

“Just since the beginning of the semester,” Justin answered.

Trevor nodded in response. “That's great.”

“I guess we’d better get started on our game,” Justin said. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too,” Trevor said.

Alyssa smiled in our direction, then followed Justin out the door.

Uncomfortable having Trevor and Justin in the same room, I was glad they hadn’t stayed to chat. After the date I’d had with Justin and his obvious disappointment that I didn't have more than a friendly interest in him, I felt self-conscious around him.