He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (2 page)

T
he only empty
seats were in the front row. The teacher smiled at me as I made my way to a chair, and it seemed as if everyone watched me. Heat raced up my face, and I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my Sociology book. While the teacher passed out the syllabus, I thought about Trevor not showing up, and felt stupid for agreeing to sit by him in the first place.

Once class was over, as I gathered my things, I glanced at the other students to see if Trevor was somehow there. He wasn't. I left the room, once again feeling gullible for believing he’d had any interest in me.

With an hour until my next class, I decided to take a break and have something to eat. Somehow I remembered where the student union was and found it without too much difficulty. I picked up a tray and gathered my lunch before paying and heading to an empty table to eat alone.

Halfway through my meal, I heard someone calling my name. It was Alyssa.

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked. “Or are you going to do some studying?”

Pleased to see a friendly face, I smiled. “Not if I can help it.”

“Are you getting around campus okay?” She sat at the table, then pulled a sack lunch out of her backpack.

“Yeah, actually. It's not too hard once you get your bearings.”

“I knew you'd figure it out. I could tell you were smart.”

I laughed. “Thanks.” I picked up my fork and resumed eating. “How are your classes going? Do you think it'll be a tough semester?”

“As always.” She rolled her eyes. “Only three semesters to go until I have my degree. Thinking of that keeps me going.”

“Wow. I’m just starting. It seems like it will be forever before I finally finish.”

“So you just graduated from high school?”

“No. I actually graduated two years ago.”

“Oh. So you’ve been working for the past two years?”

I hesitated. “No. My dad had some health issues, so I took care of him. He passed away this past spring.”

“I’m so sorry. That must’ve been tough.”

I swallowed hard to keep a lump from forming in my throat.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” she said, “what kind of health problems did he have?”

I picked up my cup of soda and took a sip before setting it down. “I don't really want to talk about it right now.”

“Sorry.” She pulled out a napkin. “I can't help myself. I tend to be nosy.”

“That’s okay.”

“What about your mom?” She asked. “Oops. There I go again. Just don't answer my questions if you don't want to.”

“No, no. That's okay. She was killed by a drunk driver when I was young, so I don’t remember much about her. It was just me and my dad for a long time.”

“Oh.” Alyssa paused to take a bite from her sandwich. “So where are you living?”

I told her the name of the apartment complex.

“That’s a nice place. Do you have roommates?”

“Yeah, two. How many roommates do you have?” Glad for the change of subject, I put a forkful of salad into my mouth.

“Three. But at least I have my own room. I don't think I could stand sharing a room with someone else.”

“Yeah, that would be hard for me too. I like my privacy.” I finished my soda. “Well, I'd better get going. I don't want to be late for my next class.”

“Okay. I'll see you later.”

I dropped my tray off and went to find my Math class, happy to have made at least one friend.

B
y the time
my last class finished, I was ready to go home and take a nap before starting on my assignments. I was surprised I had so much homework after the first day—mostly reading, but it would take a while to get through all the subjects.

As I walked home, I congratulated myself that I’d had the foresight to choose an apartment within walking distance of campus. Even though I had Dad’s Honda Accord now, I wanted to save money where I could, and the price of gas seemed to keep going up. The money my father had left me had to be carefully managed to make it last as long as possible.

As I thought of my father, I smiled sadly, thankful he’d bought a life insurance policy when he did—he’d gotten sick shortly afterwards. That money was now my lifeline, enabling me to get my education so I could support myself.

I still had the house my father owned, but for sentimental reasons I couldn’t sell it yet. Even though it took over an hour to drive to it, just knowing it was there and that I could go there anytime I wanted brought a feeling of comfort.

I stopped at the mailbox before walking up the stairs to my apartment. Once at my door, I inserted the key, but found the door already unlocked. I went in, expecting my roommates to be home, but they weren’t. Even though we’d only been roommates for a few days, this wasn’t the first time they’d left the door unlocked. And even though I’d been raised in a small town, my dad had originally come from a large city and had trained me to always lock the front door. Coming home to an unlocked and empty apartment made me uneasy—especially in Reno.

I locked the front door and went into my bedroom, then set my backpack on my bed. With a quick look around, I made sure all my belongings were still where they should be, then took the books from my backpack and set them on my desk in preparation for studying.

Glancing at the work before me, I decided I needed something to eat before beginning. I went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, then shook my head in frustration. Once again my chopped vegetables were gone.

Though I liked my roommates well enough, I wasn’t used to living with anyone besides my dad. And for the last two years while I'd been taking care of him, I'd been in charge of everything at our house. Living with people who didn’t respect me or my desires was becoming tiresome.

Maybe I should splurge and get my own place
.

Fantasizing about having a place all to myself, I imagined coming home from somewhere and finding everything the way I’d left it—when I put food in the refrigerator, it would still be there when I next went to get it. But when I considered the cost of renting a place on my own, I knew I would regret it later if my money ran out and I couldn't finish school.

Maybe I could get a part-time job.

I shook my head as I looked through the cupboards for something to eat.

A job will cut into my study time and then it will take longer to finish school.

Giving up on finding anything to eat, I went to my room and closed the door, then plopped onto the bed. I sorted through the mail to see if anything interesting had come, but finding nothing for me, I set the few pieces of mail on my desk and lay down.

I thought about my day, smiling despite myself. I'd been so nervous to start classes that I'd hardly slept the night before. Things had gone better than I’d expected—I’d even met a few people. Though I knew I should socialize more, it wasn't something that came naturally to me.

I need to get out of my comfort zone, right, Dad?

I smiled at the memory of my father's advice. He’d told me many times that I needed to force myself to meet people, to join clubs, to socialize. He hadn't understood that I preferred to stay in my room and read a good book. That was a lot more fun for me than any party.

Excited voices from the living room seeped under my door, pulling me from my reverie. It sounded like my roommates, Michelle and Nicole. I rolled off the bed and went to see what was going on.

“I hope he's there,” Nicole said. “He said he might go.”

They turned as I entered the room. “What about you, Lily? Are you going Friday night?”

“Where?” I remembered my earlier annoyance with my missing snack and wondered if I should mention it.

“The dance, of course,” Michelle said. “You know, the beginning of the school year dance. Maybe you'll meet some cute guys.”

Trevor’s face flashed into my mind. “I don’t know yet. I haven’t decided.”

“You can come with us if you want,” Michelle offered.

Warmed by their friendliness, I smiled. Nicole and Michelle had known each other before coming to the University and I couldn't help but feel a little left out of things when they were around. “Thank you. I'll let you know.”

When the two girls began talking about what they were going to wear to the dance, I went back into my room to begin reading my assignments. I closed the door and tried to ignore the loneliness that washed over me. Even though they’d invited me to go with them, I didn’t feel like I fit in with their group. They were all so outgoing and loved to socialize.

So unlike me.

I wondered if I would ever find someone I would feel completely comfortable with.

Someone who would love me exactly as I am.

B
efore I knew it
, Friday afternoon arrived and I had to make a decision about the dance. School had only begun that week, but I was already beginning to feel buried by all the work I had to do. Having high expectations of myself, I planned to spend a lot of time mastering the material being taught.

I hadn't seen Trevor on campus and wondered if I ever would. My Sociology class had only met twice so far, and when Trevor hadn’t shown up for the second class, I’d almost felt relieved—I could forget I'd ever met him. But in reality I knew I wouldn't forget, not after the strong magnetism I'd felt towards him.

Maybe I should go to the dance—just to see if he shows up. I can always come home if he's not there.

After doing a little digging, I found some clothes that made me feel confident and set them on the bed to put on after I’d eaten.

Excited now about going, I wasn't very hungry—my roommates had gone out to dinner with their friends and had left before I’d decided I was going. I fixed some pasta and a small green salad before taking a shower and pulling my long dark hair into a French twist.

Not wanting to be one of the first people at the dance, I waited until it had been going for nearly an hour before I left my apartment to walk to campus. There were a few other people out too, although no one I knew.

A short time later I entered the large room where couples swayed to the music. Slowly walking around the room, I watched the dancing couples, then stopped and leaned against a wall. Completely alone, I felt very self-conscious.

It was a mistake to come.

I turned to leave, but a large group of students walked by and I had to wait until they passed before I could make my way to the exit. Then someone tapped my shoulder and I turned to see Alyssa.

“Hey,” I said as my anxiety faded.

“Hi there, Lily.” She smiled. “I’ve been thinking about you. I’d hoped you’d be here. Do you have a date?”

I shook my head. “What about you?”

“Nope. But who wants to be tied down at one of these, right?”

I returned her smile. “I guess so, but I'm not planning on staying long. I just wanted to check it out.”

“Okay.” Alyssa took me by the arm. “Come with me. I have some friends you might like to meet.”

I allowed myself to be led to a small group of people sitting at a table. Alyssa introduced me and I tried to remember the names thrown my way. Everyone seemed very friendly and I felt better about coming.

Someone pulled a chair out for me and I found myself sitting next to a man I remembered being introduced as Justin. He smiled at me as I sat beside him.

“Hi, Lily. I’m Justin. Where are you from?” He leaned toward me as he spoke.

“Here in Nevada. In Lovelock.” I noticed his thick black hair and green eyes. “What about you? Where are you from?”

“Just here in Reno.”

Though I noticed how cute he looked when he smiled, I didn't experience the same intense attraction I'd had when I'd met Trevor. This realization brought relief. During the years I’d cared for my father I hadn’t had much opportunity to date, and now the idea of having to figure out relationships was a bit overwhelming.

“Tell me about yourself, Lily,” Justin said.

Suddenly self-conscious, I tried to steer the conversation away from myself. “I’m not that interesting. Tell me about you, Justin. What are you majoring in?”

“Computer science.”

Genuinely pleased, I smiled. “Really? My major is Information Systems.”

Justin grinned. “Cool. Maybe we'll have some classes together.”

“I doubt it. I have a long way to go yet. You’re probably way ahead of me.”

He picked up a drink and took a sip. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Not right now, thanks.”

“You’re right though. I graduate next spring. But if you need help in any of your classes, I’m your man.” He grabbed my arm and stood. “Come on. Let's dance.”

Reluctantly I stood and allowed him to lead me to the dance floor.

I'm getting out of my comfort zone.

It was a fast song and I found myself having a good time. Then the song ended and I began to walk off the floor.

Justin took hold of my arm again. “Wait, Lily. How about one more?”

“Sure, why not?” Then a slow song began.

Justin pulled me into his arms and I swayed with him to the music, feeling slightly uncomfortable at being so close to him.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just enjoy myself?

Even though a lot of women my age were experts at dating, I felt like a novice when it came to men. As Justin moved me around the dance floor I tried to relax and have a good time and found that the more I pretended to have fun, the more fun I actually had.

When the song ended, Justin led me back to the table, which was nearly empty. “Wait here. I'll get you something to drink.”

Alyssa smiled at me as I sat across from her. “I told you I had some friends you'd like to meet.”

My face flushed at the implied comment.

“Oh, you’re blushing,” Alyssa said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

I watched Justin as he walked through the crowd, then I turned back to Alyssa. “You didn't embarrass me. It's just hot on the dance floor.”

“Well, anyway, Justin’s a really nice guy. And I think he likes you.”

I shook my head. “He just barely met me. He doesn't know anything about me.”

“So? He’s attracted to you. That’s the first step.” Alyssa glanced at the people dancing. “You should have seen his face when you guys were slow dancing. I’ve known Justin for a while. He doesn’t get a stupid grin on his face like that too often.”

I was flattered by Alyssa's comments, but I didn't really believe her. “I'm nothing special. Why would he be interested in me?”

“Listen to yourself. Do you ever look in the mirror?”

Self-conscious at the compliment, I tried to make a joke of it. “Of course I look in the mirror. How else am I going to get ready in the morning?”

Alyssa laughed. “Anyway, my point is you're a beautiful girl and guys are going to take notice. Surely you must be aware of that.”

“I don’t know. I never really paid much attention to that kind of thing. I’ve usually been too busy with other things.” I frowned. “Who has time to worry about how they look?”

“Plenty of people.”

Justin set a drink in front of me. “I hope you like Coke.”

I nodded, acutely aware of Justin's attention. “Thank you.” As I picked up my glass to take a drink, I heard my name, and when I turned to see who was speaking, I was shocked to see Trevor.

“Hi, Lily,” he said with a smile. “Will you dance with me?”

I glanced at Justin, who was looking at the table, then back at Trevor. “Okay.”

The song was just ending and the new one was a slow one.

Great. That's twice now.

When Trevor pulled me close, my heart began to pound, and as the scent of his cologne filled my senses, my heart quickened even more.

He pulled back slightly to look at me. “I'm sorry I didn’t make it to class. Something came up and I had to leave.”

“Oh,” I said. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah.” He pulled me closer and whispered against my ear. “Now it is.”

My breath caught in my throat. I didn't know what to say. Things were moving too fast tonight. Two men showing me so much attention was more than I was used to. I almost wished I hadn't come.

Don't be stupid. You're in the real world now. Not in that tiny town you used to live in.

The song ended much too soon and Trevor led me back to my table. “I'll see you on Monday.” And he was gone.

“Who was that?” Alyssa asked. “He's cute.”

“Where's Justin?” I replied.

“I don't know,” she said. “Now answer my question.”

“His name's Trevor. I met him Monday and he's in one of my classes.” I drank my soda, suddenly thirsty.

“Well, he's really cute.”

“What about you, Alyssa? Who do you like?”

She shook her head. “I haven't found anyone that interesting yet. I prefer to have lots of friends to a special boyfriend.”

I considered her comment. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Justin appeared next to the table. “Alyssa, how about a dance?”

I watched the two of them walk onto the dance floor and smiled as I watched them dance.

They’re both really nice, and everyone is so friendly.

I relaxed as I sat alone, my back to the table. When I turned to grab my soda, I saw a folded piece of paper next to my drink. I picked it up, wondering where it came from, then glanced around to see if I could tell who’d put it there. Everyone was busy and no one seemed to be looking my way.

I unfolded the note and read it silently.
Stay away from him
.

What in the world?

I reread the message.

What is this supposed to mean? Is it meant for me?

My gaze darted around the room as I tried to figure out who’d put it there.

Unnerved now, and not having such a good time, I stuffed the note into my purse and gulped down the rest of my drink, then decided I wanted to go home.

Justin and Alyssa finished dancing and came back to the table.

I stood. “It was nice meeting you, Justin.”

“Are you leaving already?” Alyssa asked. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

I didn’t know either one of them well and felt weird about showing them the note. I thought they might think I’d made it up to get attention or something. “I'm fine. I'll see you Monday?”

“Would you like me to take you home, Lily?” Justin asked.

Normally I would have preferred to just go home on my own, but the note had spooked me and I was glad to have an escort. “Yes. That would be great.”

We walked out to his car and he opened the passenger door for me. “Where do you live?”

I told him and we were there in only a few minutes. He climbed out and opened the door for me.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said as I stepped out.

“Maybe I'll see you at school,” he said.

I looked into his green eyes as a small shiver of attraction coursed through me. “Yeah.”

“It was nice meeting you,” he said.

“Yes, I enjoyed meeting you too.” Reluctantly, I turned toward my apartment, then turned back. “Bye, Justin.”

“Bye, Lily.”

With a smile, I walked into the stairwell and hurried up the stairs. Once in my room, I peeked out the blinds and saw Justin getting into his car.

No one else was home yet and I was pleased to have the solitude. Although still disturbed by the note, I tried to push it to the back of my mind, wondering if it was even meant for me. I’d barely met Justin and had only talked to Trevor twice, so I didn’t see how anyone could believe there was something between me and either one of them.

Forcing thoughts of the note aside, I got ready for bed and analyzed my feelings after the night’s events.

Here I am, trying to concentrate on getting my education, and now I'm becoming attracted to two men.

Then I corrected myself.

No, not Justin. He's cute and everything, but I didn't really feel the pull I felt with Trevor.

The inner joy of a new crush swept over me, but just before I drifted off, the strange note pushed its way into my thoughts, and the happiness I'd felt moments before melted away as the words rang through my head.

Stay away from him
.