He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (18 page)

I
drove away
from the donut shop and headed toward
Rob's Auto Body
.

Trevor loves these donuts. I hope he’ll be pleased by my surprise visit.

The moment I pulled up in front of the shop I knew something wasn't right—the place was dark and seemed to be deserted, and I couldn't see Trevor’s car anywhere. Gathering my courage, I climbed out of my Honda and walked toward the door of the darkened shop. I tugged on the door, but it was locked. Peering through the glass, I tried to see if there was any movement at all.

As I stood at the door I thought I heard a sound coming from somewhere behind me. Heart pounding, I raced back to my car, got inside, and locked the doors. It was creepy there in the dark.

Where's Trevor? Could he be home already?

I called his cell phone, but it went to voice mail. I hung up and drove home, hopeful I would find him there, but as I parked at the curb in front of our apartment it was obvious that Trevor wasn't back yet. His car was nowhere to be seen.

I grabbed the box of donuts and went into the apartment, then set the box on the kitchen counter. Concerned about Trevor’s whereabouts, I sat on the couch to wait for him to return.

Could he be out drinking?

The thought made me even more worried. I lay on the couch, determined to know the moment he got home.

Forty-five minutes later I heard a key in the lock. I flew to the door and pulled it open. Trevor stood there, looking like he always did when he got home from work. I was confused. If he’d been working all this time, why had the shop looked so empty?

“What are you doing up, Lily?” He smiled, obviously pleased to find his wife greeting him at the door.

I flung myself into his arms, thrilled to see him home safe, and in a good mood as well. “I've been so worried, Trevor.”

“Why? I told you I was going to work.” He closed the front door behind him, then wrapped his arms around me.

I let go of him. “I wanted to surprise you so I bought some donuts and brought them to Rob's shop.” I motioned toward the kitchen where the donuts sat on the counter.

Trevor walked into the kitchen and opened the box, then stared at the donuts for a moment before lifting one out and taking a large bite. Keeping his back to me, he said, “You must've come by right when I'd left to pick up a part.” He turned toward me, a smile on his face. “But thanks for thinking of me.”

With a tentative smile, I said, “When you left you were upset with me. I felt bad and I wanted to cheer you up.”

Trevor wiped his fingers on a napkin, then walked over to me. “That was very thoughtful of you.” He kissed me and stroked my face. “I'm going to take a quick shower, then I think I'll be ready to hit the sack.”

I smiled again, glad I'd thought to get the donuts for him. “Okay. I'm ready, too.”

O
n Saturday
I spent the morning finishing up assignments, and when I was done I asked Trevor, who was watching TV, if he would help me clean the house. Pleased that he agreed, we spent the next hour making the place spotless. Trevor had just finished dusting, and I was bent over the bed tucking in some fresh sheets, when I felt something hit my bottom.

Startled, I turned around to see Trevor grinning at me, a dust rag in his hand. He flicked it at me again and I grabbed it and pulled, drawing Trevor closer to me. He wrapped the dust rag around my waist and hauled me against him, then pressed his lips to mine. His kissing became more passionate and he pulled me onto the bed.

Two hours later I woke up from an afternoon nap and went into the living room to find Trevor gone. There was a note on the kitchen table.

Had to go into work. Be back later. Love, Trevor

Disappointed that we wouldn’t be able to spend the afternoon together, I sat at my desk, but I’d already finished all my homework and didn’t really have anything else I needed to do. Trevor hadn't given any indication of when he would be back. I felt lonely and discouraged.

Maybe a visit with Alyssa would make me feel better. I'll just drop by, and if she’s not home I'll just drive around a bit. I don't care. I just need to get out of the house for a while.

I freshened up before leaving a note for Trevor telling him I went to Alyssa’s, then I headed out the door.

As I climbed out of my car and began walking toward Alyssa's apartment, I hoped she would be home. I really didn't want to drive around by myself. What I wanted was to visit with a friend.

When I knocked on the apartment door I thought I heard noises coming from inside and hoped that meant Alyssa was home. The door swung open and I smiled at Alyssa.

“Lily! What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” She stepped back to let me enter.

“Yes, everything's fine. I just thought it would be nice to come over for a visit.” I saw several people in the living room. “Is this a bad time?”

Alyssa laughed. “No, not at all. We're just all hanging out. You're welcome to join us.”

I smiled. “Okay.” She and I sat on empty chairs.

“Where's Trevor this afternoon?”

“He had to work. That's why I decided to come over. It was too quiet at our place.”

Alyssa nodded. “Well, you're welcome to come over anytime. You know that, don't you?”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Someone in the group took out a game and we all began playing. A short time later the doorbell rang. I looked up as someone went to answer it, thinking it might be Trevor coming to find me.

Justin stood on the landing. “Am I too late for all the fun?” he asked.

Oh no. What should I do? What would Trevor do if he showed up and saw me here with Justin?

I was sitting on the floor and knew Justin hadn't seen me yet, and I hoped it would stay that way.

A moment later he stood in front of me. “Hey, Lily.”

I looked up. “Oh, hi, Justin. I didn't see you come in.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice friendly as he sat beside me.

I tried to smile, but my heart pounded as terror ripped through me that Trevor would show up at any moment. “I, uh, came to see Alyssa. I hadn't realized there would be a party going on.”

“Naw. Not a party. Sometimes we like to get together on Saturday and just hang out.”

That’s when I remembered that it was at the dance that I’d first met Justin. He’d been with this same group of people.
I
was the intruder here, not him.

He leaned towards me and spoke softly. “Can I talk to you, Lily?”

I pictured what this scene would look like to Trevor if he were to appear right now, and I knew he would be absolutely furious.

The doorbell rang. I jumped, frightened beyond all measure, but frozen to the spot. Justin put his hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”

I ignored him, my gaze riveted to the front door. Someone reached toward the doorknob and pulled the door open, and I held my breath, terrified it would be Trevor.

“Hey, Cathy. Come on in,” the person who had answered the door said to the blond woman standing on the landing.

My breath came out in a rush. “I've gotta go, Justin.” I stood abruptly.

He jumped up to stand beside me. “I really need to talk to you.”

I shook my head from side to side. “I can't. Tell Alyssa good-bye for me.” I dashed out the door before Justin had a chance to respond. Once I was several yards from Alyssa's apartment, I stopped to catch my breath, then stood there until my heart rate had returned to normal.

I walked toward my car and as I turned a corner I ran right into someone. “Trevor!” I said, stunned to see him there at just that moment.

If I hadn't left when I did . . .

I didn’t want to complete the thought.

Trevor smiled broadly. “Hi, honey. I just got your note and thought I'd come by and tell you I'm back.”

I forced a smile to my lips and took Trevor’s hand. “You could've called.”

“I thought it would be nice to say hi to Alyssa.” He turned me back toward Alyssa's apartment. “I came all this way, I might as well finish the trip.”

Panic gripped my mind.

He can’t know Justin is at Alyssa’s apartment.

Thinking quickly, I said, “She’s not feeling very well. That's why I was leaving. I don't think she’s up to having company just now.”

Trevor stopped walking. “Are you sure? It would only take a minute to say hello.”

I tried to steer him in the opposite direction. “Really. I think she might be coming down with the flu. You don't want to take a chance catching that, do you?”

“No, you're right. That would be bad.”

We walked to the parking lot together, and Trevor opened my door for me before going to his car.

My hand shook as I tried to put my key in the ignition, and my stomach churned so violently I thought I might vomit.

I drove home slowly, trying to collect myself before facing Trevor again.

O
nce home
, I went straight into the kitchen to distract myself with the work of preparing our dinner. Trevor took a shower then came into the kitchen.

“Did you get the things done you needed to?” I asked, feeling calmer.

Trevor pulled out a chair and sat facing me. “Pretty much. But you know how it is—there's always more coming in.”

I smiled. “It sounds like Rob's shop gets a lot of business. That's good, I suppose.”

“Yeah, it is. He always has plenty to keep me busy, that's for sure.” We were silent for a moment, then he asked, “Is Justin Radford in any of your classes?”

My hand froze over the bowl and my heart pounded as I used all of my self-control not to whip my head in Trevor’s direction. Instead I turned toward him slowly, trying to act casual. “Yes, as a matter of fact he is. In my Humanities class.”

So that was Trevor I saw
.

Trevor’s jaw clenched then relaxed.

“Why do you ask?” Then I wondered if he knew Justin had been at Alyssa's apartment.

What if he saw Justin coming in and then just pretended to show up later?

The thought left me breathless with fear.

“I was just wondering,” he said. “But I'm wondering why you never told me.” He stared at me, his eyes cold.

I set the spoon down and walked over to him, remembering my thought that I needed to make it clear that it was
him
I loved. I knelt in front of him and held his hands, then gazed up at him. His eyes seemed to warm. “What does it matter, Trevor?
You
are the man I love.
You
are my husband. Please don’t ever forget that. I’ve never given you a reason to think I don’t love you, have I?”

His face softened and he pulled me onto his lap. “You're right. I'm sorry.” He nuzzled my neck. “I get so jealous sometimes. I hate feeling that way.”

I cradled his face and gazed into his eyes. “I love you, Trevor. I want to be with you forever.”

He groaned as he pulled me close, and we stayed that way for several minutes. Finally I pulled back. “I need to finish making dinner, okay?”

He smiled as I stood and walked into the kitchen, and I watched him go into the living room and turn on the TV. Pleased with the way our conversation had gone, I hoped his fears were beginning to be put to rest. I knew I had no interest in Justin. Trevor just needed to be convinced.

T
he next morning
I arrived to class before Justin, and when he finally came in he ignored me and sat in the back of the room where he’d gone each class period since I’d asked him not to call or come over.

Though I felt bad at the hurt I’d seemed to have caused him, I didn’t know what else I could do. I had to put my marriage and Trevor’s feelings before Justin’s.

I thought about being at Alyssa's apartment when Justin had asked to speak to me. I assumed it was about me asking him not to contact me and I didn't want to discuss it with him. There was no way I would explain to him the reason for my request. I didn't feel right in sharing Trevor’s feelings with Justin—that was a private matter between Trevor and me.

Justin will just have to take my word for it that it’s best for us to not have any contact.

Once class was over I gathered my books and glanced at the back of the room, but Justin wasn't there. After threading my arms through the straps of my backpack, I walked toward the door in the back of the room, then stepped out into the hall and turned right.

“Lily?”

I turned around to find Justin waiting for me. Dread washed over me as I knew I would have to talk to him. “Hi, Justin.” I put a friendly smile on my face. “How are you?”

“Good. Which I would've told you Saturday if you'd given me a chance.”

Terrified someone had overheard Justin's comment, I looked around, my gaze darting in all directions.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I just need to get to my next class.”

“Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but you don't seem like yourself.” He waited for me to respond.

I tried to smile. “I don't know what you're talking about. I'm still my same old self.”

Justin shook his head. “Fine. I'll see you around.” He turned and stalked off in the opposite direction.

I watched him go, feeling terrible for the way I was treating him, but I didn't know what else to do.

After my last class I went out to the parking lot and climbed into my car. Worn out after my confrontation with Justin, and then having to take a major test, I was ready to go home. I put the key in the ignition and turned. Nothing happened. I tried again, but still it wouldn't work. I called Trevor to see if he could help me, but he said he couldn’t get away from work just then. Sighing heavily, I grabbed my backpack, locked the door, then slammed it shut. It was going to take at least twenty minutes for me to walk home, but I didn't have any other choice.

As I walked along the sidewalk, a car pulled up beside me.

“Need a ride?” a male voice called out.

I recognized Justin's voice right away. I turned toward his car, which had pulled over next to me, and smiled. “Thanks, but I'm fine.”

“Are you sure? You've got a little ways to go yet.”

I glanced up at the sky. “It's a beautiful day, but thanks anyway.”

“Suit yourself,” he called out his window, then he stepped on the gas and sped away.

I watched him go, irritated at Trevor that I didn't feel comfortable accepting a ride from a friend. It was a beautiful day, but my backpack was heavy and the sun was beating down on my head. I would have much preferred the ride.

Twenty minutes later I unlocked the door to my apartment, then dropped my backpack on the floor and flopped onto the couch, too tired to do any homework. I turned on the television and flipped through the channels.

Nothing but garbage on.

A moment later I turned it off.

My phone rang a short time later. It was Trevor.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home okay,” he said.

Pleased that he’d taken the time to check on me, I smiled. “Yes. It was a long walk, but I’m home.”

“When I get home from work you can show me where your car is parked and I'll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” I hung up the phone, grateful to have a husband who could take care of the car problems. I hoped he could just take it to work and fix it there.

Maybe it won’t even cost us anything besides the cost of any parts we might need.

Trevor came home a short time later and the two of us drove to the school parking lot.

“There it is,” I said.

Trevor pulled up behind my car and we got out. He tried to start the car but it still wouldn't start. He lifted the hood and looked inside, made a few adjustments, but when he tried to start the car again, it didn’t respond.

“It looks like I'll need to take it to the shop.” He shut the hood and locked the car before opening the passenger door on his car for me. “I'll take you home then come back with a tow truck to tow it to the shop.”

I squeezed his arm. “I'm so glad you can take care of this for me. Thank you, honey.”

He smiled half-heartedly. “At least I'm good for something.”

I leaned over and gave him a kiss. “You’re good for lots of things and I love you.”

He kissed me. “I love you too.”