You're Strong Enough (17 page)

When I was twelve years old, my mom moved me down to California to train to be a professional tennis player. After a year of my living with two different families, my mom decided to rent out her house in Utah and she and my little sister moved down to California. She felt I had so much potential to become a professional tennis player that she needed to push me hard.

When she moved down, I was a freshman in a brand-new high school once again. I had no friends and no one to talk to and all I did was play tennis. My mom’s drive for me to be a professional tennis player clouded her view that I was still her daughter and still a kid. Every time I lost, she would yell at me and push me to do better. During the fights, she would remind me that she moved down to California, rented out her house, and uprooted her family, all so I could pursue the chance to become a professional tennis player.

This pattern of screaming took place three or four times a week. The guilt I felt was immense, not just because I didn’t want to play anymore and my mom had moved out there for me, but because my little sister was miserable being there without any friends either. To top it off and add to the anger of my mom, my dad only lived thirty miles away and she knew I wanted to see him more.

I felt stuck and hopeless. I had no one to talk to and felt no compassion from my mom. As I continued to lose, the screaming got worse. After about six months of this hell, the only thing that started looking good to me was to commit suicide. But whenever I started to think about it, I had second thoughts.

Then one night my mom and I got into a huge fight. She grabbed a knife and jabbed it at my stomach, only breaking the skin. She knew she had gone too far this time. I ran out of the apartment at ten o’clock at night, determined never to come back. I remember thinking that this life was too hard and I thought of all the reasons why I’d be better off leaving this world.

As I was walking to this park that we lived by, I was totally oblivious as to how unsafe it was to be walking by myself at age thirteen late at night. The area we were in was known for its crime. I noticed a man sitting in the park watching me. I found it curious, but my anger blinded me to the fact that he could possibly hurt me. I sat down and started to pray. I told the Heavenly Father every reason why I wanted to die and then I asked him for one reason why I should keep living.

No answer came immediately, so I got up to start walking around. As I was walking around the park, I finally noticed this man staring at me. I was now conscious of the fact that I was in a dangerous position, so I started to walk towards home. The man started to follow me, so I walked faster. When I looked back to see where he was I saw his face look as white as a ghost. Suddenly, he ran as fast as he could to get away from me.

The feeling came over me that I had a guardian angel protect me and this man saw him. I realized that my quest was not over. I felt in that moment that if my Heavenly Father had a guardian angel watching over me, then He must want me to still live. I ran back home, jumped into bed and thanked Him for His protection. Our Heavenly Father showed me compassion that day when I needed it most. He can do the same for you, but you must ask.

Finding Filling Food for our Souls

Our Heavenly Father loves us very much. He knows we will be hungry for affection when affection is deprived, need love when love is withheld, peace when peace is the last thing we feel, acceptance when we feel all alone and want relief when we are drowning in despair. Therefore, our Heavenly Father has provided the means to fill our souls when they are hungry.

This Heavenly food (tree of life) is in the form of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, forgiveness, deep relationships, families, parents, friends, the atonement, and all other good gifts He has placed on our path. For some of you, deep relationships, stable families, honorable parents, and good friends may be missing on your path.
But the Gospel of Jesus Christ, forgiveness and the atonement are always readably available.

Through faith, repentance, and baptism in His church, and through the Spirit, we can find peace, love, joy, deep relationships, and indispensable shoes. The shoes of the Gospel can quench our hunger and keep us from going down dark paths. Therefore don’t be fooled by Satan’s tempting, poisonous caramel apples. They will do more harm than you could imagine. They have the potential of stopping your progress, giving you harder challenges on your quest, making you feel weaker and more confused about your direction and, ultimately, keeping you unprotected from the dragon and His puppet strings.
The shoes of the Gospel can always keep us one step ahead of Satan and walking clear of His poisonous caramel
apples.

Part of our quest here on Earth is to gain self-control, though many are giving in by partaking of every caramel apple they see. Many do this, because they don’t realize they are on a quest to return to our Heavenly Father as heirs in His Kingdom. As part of your first quest in chapter one, you came to know that you are on a quest designed by our Heavenly Father to be tested, tried, and challenged in order to prove yourself worthy to be an heir in His Kingdom. I hope that bringing to your awareness Satan’s designs and plans of placing as many caramel apples as He can in your path, that you will make better decisions. Remember Satan does not have a body. Therefore, He will do anything He can to help you destroy yours.

The great news of Christ’s Gospel and the atonement is if you have been tempted because of your challenges and hardships to partake of any of Satan’s poisonous caramel apples, you can be forgiven.
When you repent of the things you’ve done wrong, you are given the antidote for the poison you have inside your system. As long as you are alive, it’s never too late. It’s just a choice. You have the choice to choose today to start fresh, make better choices, have your poor choices cured, get back on your path and defeat Satan.

Your Quest for Self-Control

Start your quest
for self-control by writing down the voids or hungers you have in your life. Then write down the wants and needs that you feel will satisfy this hunger.

Second quest is,
find other ways (i.e., faith, the Gospel, forgiveness, good friends, deep relationships…) that can quench your hunger. By finding other ways of coping with the voids we feel in our life, we will be in more control of our life.

Post on your wall what alternatives you have for your hunger (i.e. starvation for acceptance, join a sports team…)

Your third quest
for self-control is to write down the poisonous caramel apples you are currently partaking of. Once you have acknowledged the caramel apples in your life and have realized that Satan is just trying to send you down a dark path, write down the ways you can overcome these temptations and cut the strings He has attached to your soul. If you find some hard to overcome seek help, especially from God. I promise you will feel better about life and yourself with a clean body and your senses intact.

Your final quest is,
write down what you will do today and the rest of your life in order to avoid the caramel apples in your path, so that you can conquer this quest faithfully and honorably as heirs in God’s Kingdom. You are stronger than Satan; prove it to him by kicking those caramel apples off your path completely.

Caramel Apples are there to tempt us.

Heavenly food is there to feed us.

Self-control is there to strengthen us.

Strength will help us defeat the dragon.