You're Strong Enough (12 page)

To explain how necessary forgiveness is on our quest back home, I want to use being wounded on our journey as an example. Picture, for a moment, being on this quest. On the path you are taking, you see trees on both sides. The terrain a bit rough (divorced parents), but nothing you can’t handle. And as you’re walking along enjoying life, someone jumps out of nowhere and stabs you in the leg (molested). He then takes off and leaves you there bleeding in pain. What you do?

The Band-Aid of Time

If you choose forgiveness, your first step is to put a Band-Aid on the wound. A Band-Aid represents time. Time is a necessary step when we have been wounded by others. It takes time to learn to forgive, to get our negative thoughts and feelings under control, to seek counsel when needed and to view things with more clarity then we would’ve the moment we were stabbed. In time, you will notice the Band-Aid of time did its job to stop the bleeding (i.e., anger, hurt, pain).
But forgiveness
starts
when the Band-Aid is taken off and air is allowed to work its magic on the wound.
This step is hard. The act of taking off the Band-Aid might be as painful as the wound itself (forgiveness can sometimes be very difficult).

The Air of Prayer

Air heals any wound completely. Without this step, the wound would remain moist and susceptible to infection. Prayer, like air, is a necessary step in complete forgiveness.
As you start to forgive those that have harmed you, you’ll find it easier to forgive them if you pray for them.
Ask our Heavenly Father to help you forgive them. You will find, as you pray for those who hurt you, God can and will transform all the negative feelings you have towards them. As you pray for them, God can help you turn anger into compassion, hate to pity, revenge to charity and infection into healing.

The Scab of Forgiveness

After you’ve use the Band-Aid of time and the air of prayer, you will find the scab of forgiveness is in the final phase of healing. When a scab forms, it creates a hard shell over the wound, protecting it against future infection and bleeding.
Similarly, forgiveness and prayer protects the one harmed against the infection of anger, revenge and despair.
When we truly forgive another, the scab will fall off, allowing all the other negative feelings to fall off with it. You will find peace has replaced anger, compassion has replaced hate, and pity has replaced revenge. Only when you have completely forgiven someone will you ever be free from future infection.

The Scar of Accomplishment

You may find once the scab has fallen off there remains a scar. Do not look at this as being a bad thing.
The scar is there to remind us of our accomplishment in forgiving that person and teaching us a valuable lesson.
If your injury was due to carelessness (not heeding warning feelings), every time you look at the scar, you will be reminded to be more conscience of any warning feelings that come next time. As you learn to use the scars of accomplishments as valuable lessons, you will find peace faster because you are wiser now.

Infection

If you dwell (unforgiveness) on what happened to you (pick at the scab), you never achieve complete healing. Instead, you find an open sore that will irritate you for your entire quest.
In fact, if the wound becomes infected with anger, hate and revenge, you will suffer more pain than the act itself (i.e. being raped, and then have it consume your entire life).
If you do not bandage your stab wound and still try to continue your quest home, how far do you really feel you will make it before bleeding to death?

Be careful how far you take unforgiveness. It has the potential of doing more harm than the act itself (destroy your life by bleeding to death). If you find yourself not being able to stop the bleeding (anger) on your own and need help taking off the Band-Aid (forgiving), go and find a doctor (i.e., parents, family members, friends, teachers, peers, a therapist).
Allow them to help you find the healing you deserve.
It will become very difficult, if not impossible, to make it home if we do not bandage our wounds with forgiveness.

Forgiveness can unleash the power to heal—no matter what has happened to you on your life’s quest.
Forgiveness can mend all broken things: broken homes, broken relationships, broken hearts, broken hopes, broken trust and broken mirror
(you).

Forgiveness and Communication

Prayer

Forgiveness is not always easy. Actually, most the time, it can be very difficult. Some of you may have had some very horrible experiences happen to you. Such experiences could make you feel entitled to be really angry and behave badly—especially if there was abuse involved. Such acts that seem unforgivable and still cause pain will require help from our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Our Heavenly Father gave man their free agency. But, He didn’t give it to us to abuse it.
The act of forgiving those who abuse it begins with utilizing Jesus Christ’s act and healing power of the atonement.
As we forgive those who have harmed us, it’s also necessary to pray and ask our Heavenly Father to heal us. Christ’s atonement can heal all wounds, no matter the severity. But, we must pray and ask for His healing balm.

For example, it is necessary when we have become wounded deeply, like being stabbed, to either put ointment on the wound or take some antibacterial medicine to ensure complete healing. The act of putting on Band-Aids to our wounds, taking them off, allowing them to scab over, and resulting in a scar is up to us. But the one that has the healing ointment or medicine is Jesus Christ. He can ensure complete healing to any wound we receive during our quest through the atonement.
Jesus Christ is our ultimate
doctor.

Communication with Others

It is not only extremely important to communicate with God when you have been wounded or things go wrong in your life, but it’s also necessary to communicate with others if we have been harmed or are in need of help. It can be difficult, and sometimes a bit scary, to talk with another person when we have been harmed. We may feel, somehow, it’s our fault and that we will get into trouble. Perhaps, we don’t want to relive the experience by talking about it.

If you want to begin the forgiving process, you must communicate with someone when harm has been done to you—especially if it is a deep wound (i.e., abuse, beaten, verbally cruel…).
If you cannot start talking about what has happened to you, then the wound will forever be susceptible to infection and take you off your course. Healing begins by getting it off your chest through communication. It’s important to note when communicating, if your wound is deep, talk to someone who can help you.
If the wound is small, try talking with the person who hurt you (gossip can be more damaging to you and the other person than keeping it inside).

Abuse and Secrets

Communication is vital if there’s abuse involved. If you are keeping secrets of a harmful nature, no matter the reason, it will destroy you and possibly others. For example, if you been molested by an uncle and don’t tell anyone, that same uncle could be molesting other people in your family.
Keeping harmful secrets is never in your best interest. It can do severe damage to you and
others.

Keeping secrets about abuse will not only lead to unforgiveness, but it will also start to control your life, dictate the choices you make and eventually mold your future.
Do you really want what happened to you to control the rest of your life? If the abuse is not communicated to someone who can help you, you’ll find it almost impossible to forgive the perpetrator. And if you can’t find a way to forgive him/her, then that person who harmed you will have won Satan a victory or will keep you off your path back home. The event will consume your thoughts, feelings and, ultimately, your quest.

Seek help from others to overcome the negative feelings that are taking over your life.
If you are being bullied, molested, beaten, or any other act that is consuming your thoughts with depression, violence, suicide, talk with someone.
How will others know to help you if you don’t open your mouth? Say something to an adult you can trust. Start talking to someone today so you can take back control of your life.

STAY
in control of your
life.

S
top the control they have over
you,

T
ell someone the secrets that are destroying
you,

A
ct now to save others from the same
fate,

Y
ield to the power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness and Parents

Filter and Forgive

Everyone has parents, and most kids seem to think their parents should be perfect. Parents are trying to survive themselves in this dark and dreary world while on their own quest. They were not given instructions on what to do when you make mistakes, when to ask for forgiveness when they have made mistakes, or what to do when problems arise.
Therefore, let them be accountable for their own choices. Forgive them and be accountable for your own mistakes.

My Quest for Freedom

When I was growing up, my mom was so hurt and angry at my father for divorcing her that, when he came down to visit us every six weeks, my mom would tell us how evil he was, call him all sorts of names and beg us not to go. My mom was emotionally blind to everyone and everything around her. She was so swallowed up in her own pain that she couldn’t emotionally see what she was doing to us kids by badmouthing our father.

There were times when she would say to us, “I can’t believe that you are choosing to go with him. You are betraying me.” At first, my mom’s constant badmouthing of my father affected me. But, after a while, I learned that it was her
hurt
feelings talking and it had nothing to do with me. I would remind myself that those feelings were her feelings and not mine.

After taking a step back, I was able to start forgiving my mother for projecting her pain onto me. I stopped allowing her dark mists of unforgiveness to consume my path.

Forgive Them

When we forgive our parents, it will help us separate their pain from who they really are and what actions they may take.
This allows us to filter their words, forgive them more easily and continue our quest.

If one of these choices that your parents made was divorce, it’s very important to filter what they say. For example: If one of them is asking you to hate the other or love them more, learn to filter it and let it bounce off you. Just take a step back and have pity on them and think to yourself:
You must still be in so much pain to try and convince me to hate them like you hate
them.

Sometimes, we may just have to forgive our parents for no other reason than the fact that they, too, have to complete their own quest.
On their quest, they may be consumed with dark mists. And as a result, they are wandering aimlessly, grasping at anything they can to survive.

Their Life, Their Views

If you have parents that are wandering in their own dark mists, it is very important you don’t allow those mists to invade your quest. For example, if your mom divorces your dad and is constantly talking about how she hates men because of one man, do those views have to be your views? No. They don’t.
That’s like saying your mom goes to her favorite restaurant and gets food poisoning. Does that mean you’ll never dine out again?
The same thing applies. Your mom had one bad experience with one man and, though it may cloud her view of all men in the moment (e.g., swearing she’ll never eat out again), make sure you don’t let it cloud your view of men forever.

If we allow our parents’ negative mists to creep onto our own path, this affects our ability to make wise choices. For example, if your mom finally gets over hating men and marries a wonderful man, but you took on her views of hating men as a child, then what happens when you start dating? Will you like men?
It’s better to forgive our parents, create our own views of the world and try to keep our skies blue, so that we don’t have to undo the negativity of others
later.