Unsettled (18 page)

T
en minutes after hanging up with Alex I was still staring at my popcorn-textured ceiling, toiling over how to carry out my apology. I finally got up enough nerve to e-mail Logan since he usually stayed up late responding to work e-mail. The idea of writing out my apology/thank you was more palatable than groveling over the telephone.

After I retrieved Logan’s mangled business card from my purse, I opened Gmail on my iPhone and started typing:

From: Brooklyn Caldwell

To: Logan Colton

Wed, May 9, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Subject: Fishy apologies

Thanks for the sushi rolls. You didn’t have to do that. Sorry for my abrupt departure.

-B

Sent from The Sushi Savant

A few minutes later my phone chimed with a response:

From: Logan Colton

To: Brooklyn Caldwell

Subject: Lukewarm admission of guilt

Wed, May 9, 2012 at 7:15 PM

Dearest Savant,

You’re welcome. On another note, can you please open your front door? It’s windy out here.

Logan

I reread his e-mail. I walked to the front door and peered through the peephole to see if he was bluffing.
Crap!
He was really standing in front of my door.

“Hey…” I said as I opened the door.

“Can I come in?” he asked. He was leaning up against the siding of our house wearing what looked to be track pants and a hooded pullover—definitely not his usual dapper look. I opened the door wider to grant him entrance. I knew I looked horrid in my ratty sweats and shirt, but I didn’t care much. He was the one who showed up unannounced. I really couldn’t believe that he was actually at my house.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, locking the door behind him. “I thought you were still in Florida.”

“I got back earlier this afternoon. In light of our phone conversation I thought we should talk in person. Plus, I wanted to see you. Sometimes I throw etiquette out the window,” he said, a shy smile on his face.

“Oh,” was the best response I could come up with.

“Well, let’s talk in my room so we aren’t interrupted. Alex will be home soon.”

Logan followed me back into my room and I closed the door behind us. I pushed aside the sushi that was lying on my bed to make space for him to sit down. I sat down next to him, leaving a few inches of space between us.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, trying to gauge how our conversation would go.

“Your ludicrous statement—you really feel that I couldn’t fall for someone like you?”

I sat quietly for a few minutes, biting the inside of my lip, trying to figure out how to respond to his question. Logan being next to me, smelling like linen and the fresh outdoors, was distracting. I couldn’t deny that I wanted him, but what would be the outcome afterward? I didn’t want to do something incredibly stupid—like completely fall for him.

“It’s just…you’re you…and I’m me…and I know that I have baggage…and I don’t want to get hurt. Let me just be blunt—you’re out of my league, and I’m fine with that. I saw the hesitation that you had the other night—after we kissed.” My thoughts out loud sounded jumbled and childish, but I continued anyway. “A woman like Elizabeth Drexel is more your speed.” Why did I just reveal that I’d taken the time to reference check who he had dated?
Argh
. I sounded pathetic.

I didn’t have the nerve to tell him that the honest truth was that his touch made my body feel whole that night—that I wanted the warmth that he provided—that I wanted him. Even if I had the guts to say all of that, I knew what the likely aftermath would be, and I already had enough regrets to span a lifetime.

“Nothing that you’ve said in the last two minutes is even remotely close to the truth. She and I were never together. We’re just acquaintances. Truthfully, I haven’t been seriously involved with a woman in over a year.”
Huh?

“You implied that I’m somehow unattainable—but I’m right where I want to be at this moment. Something about you makes me want to keep coming back for more. The night we kissed, I felt something…but I know that I live in a world of mergers, acquisitions, and schedules. The only relationship that I am intimately familiar with and actually do well is the one related to business. That’s why I’ve stayed away. But while we were apart, I caught myself thinking about the morning that we met. The way your radiant smile on your badge caught my attention when I picked it up off the ground. I had to meet you face to face. I had to know your name. I needed time to figure out if pursuing you was the right thing to do.”

I stood from where I’d been sitting, “Um I’m going to get some water. Would you like some?” I asked innocently. I needed to put some distance between us to clear my head of everything that he’d just admitted. Could I be with someone who was so driven and focused? I had no desire to be third-string basewoman to anyone’s career again, and of course I ran the risk of getting hurt—for a second time—and he just admitted as much.

As I attempted to walk past, Logan extended his arm, pressing his hand firmly against my torso. I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked down at Logan,

“Brooklyn—” He ran his free hand through his auburn hair, “please don’t run away from me. I don’t know what it is about you…and I don’t know if I’m the right person for you, but one thing is for sure—I will have regrets if I don’t at least give us a chance—Brooklyn, please look at me,” he requested, coaxing me to look into his deep green irises. I turned my head at his request.

“I believe that trust is a hard thing to come by, and once it’s broken, it’s very hard to rebuild. I know it will take time for you to believe me, but please trust me when I say, my intent is not to hurt you.”

“Logan, I’m scared,” I whispered, “and when I get scared, I run. I’ve been running for three years, and I am tired, but I don’t do the whole friends with benefits thing, so if you think there’s a possibility that we’re going down that road, we should stop now before—”
I lose myself in you
, I finished silently. I tore my gaze away from him again, choosing to focus on a small hole in the wall where a nail used to be. I felt like I was jumping into the open ocean with no life vest—and I was beyond terrified.

“Don’t worry Brooklyn, we’re on the same page. I am a very private person, and I don’t trust easily.”

“You could end up just being a space filler for the gaping hole that has been left in my heart from past hurts. That can’t be what you want,” I admitted, letting a low breath fall from my mouth. There were so many repercussions if we crossed over the sovereign line of friendship.

“Well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take,” he whispered.

My heart skipped a beat. The words that Logan uttered in his moment of honesty undid one of the tough ropes that restricted my heart from feeling. He was willing to try—with me. I knew what I had to do. I had to stop letting fear define me. My subconscious warned me to turn back before I headed into dangerous territory, but I kept walking straight ahead.

He pulled me down to his lap and sealed his lips over mine. He kissed me more seductively than the last time. As if familiar, our lips moved together in synchronized steps. I willed my eyes closed and they obeyed my command. My subconscious screamed at me to stop before things got out of hand, but I just wanted to erase the nagging anguish, isolation, and aching that I felt most days—even if it was only for a little while. His kiss made me forget those things and I became more focused on the enticing desire that was building between my legs.

I put my mind on cruise control and stopped thinking of all the reasons why being with Logan would likely be a fatal mistake.

He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and lusciously sucked. I wanted to reciprocate his touch, but my arms were frozen to my sides. My body was slowly igniting.

I was so caught up in our kiss I barely realized that he’d unbuttoned my shirt until I felt his hand cup my breast. Logan pulled back and looked at me.

“Is anyone home?” I shook my head no.

“Come here,” he said, offering his hand.

Logan pulled me up from my bed and led me to my bathroom in just my bra and sweats. He switched on the shower faucet and I let his hand go to close and lock my bathroom door. The only light in the room came from the tiny window. In the darkness I could hear Logan rustling out of his clothes.

Logan reached behind me and pulled me close. I liked the feeling of being pinned to his warm chest. In a matter of minutes my bathroom had turned into a steamy sauna. The pitter-patter of the water drowned out all other sounds.

“Let’s get in,” he whispered, nibbling on my ear. He helped me out of the rest of my clothes and we stepped into the warm shower.

“Soap?” I asked.

I handed him the body wash from my shower caddy and he squeezed soap into his hand. I squirted soap onto my bathing sponge and dropped the bottle back in its holder. After I worked up a good lather I ran my sponge over Logan’s hard body, taking my sweet time to enjoy each contour.

“I could get used to these types of showers,” he murmured as he rubbed his soapy hands all over my body, ensuring that no part of my body was left unturned.

“I don’t doubt it,” I replied, smiling.

By the time we’d rinsed off, areas of my body that had been asleep for years were suddenly wide awake and tingling.

As I stood in the steamy water, I could feel the length of him rubbing against my lower back. He brushed my hair to one side and traced a path of featherweight kisses from one shoulder blade to the other. Each kiss scorched my skin and I was lost. I finally gained control of my mobility and lifted my arms, wrapping them around his neck. I combed my fingers through his hair and directed his lips to my neck. His talented lips strolled leisurely along my collarbone. A low whimper escaped me as he cupped my breasts, and rolled my nipples between his fingertips.

In one swoop, his hands stopped roaming over my front to turn and press me into the shower wall. He left a soft kiss on my lips before he moved his way down my front until he was conveniently situated between my legs, his face perfectly eye level with my aching flesh. His hands pushed my thighs apart, and I knew exactly where he intended to go next.

He used his fingers to open me. Pure fire rushed through my body as he ran a solitary finger over my small bundle of nerves. He circled my tiny knot over and over.

“Oh…please don’t stop,” I begged, as water trailed down my body.

“I hadn’t planned on it.” I could hear that smile in his voice. He bored his tongue deep inside me and devoured every crevice of my pulsing groin as I tugged at his hair. I felt myself going higher and higher. Damn, it had been so long.

When Logan sweetly pulled my clit into his warm mouth and sucked feverishly, it became hard for me to hold on. It was like his mouth was telling me to let go—and my body finally obeyed his command.

As my mouth became slack and the side of my face was pinned against the tiles, my breathing became shallower. I slammed my hands against the wall, my fingers splayed like a fan. I let out a shrill cry as I fell off the edge and crashed into the waves, shuddering violently.

After I was able to pull my wits about me, Logan helped me out of the shower and I snuggled into the waffle bathrobe my mom had sent me. I pulled a spare towel out of my vanity drawer and handed it to Logan so he could dry off.

“Thanks,” he said.

I opened my bathroom door to see if anyone was home yet. The last thing I needed was Alex seeing Logan in nothing more than a too-small bath towel. Thankfully the house was still dark and quiet. We stealthily made our way back into my bedroom and I headed over to my closet to put on my pajamas.

“Oh no baby,” Logan said from behind me. Confused, I turned to look at him.

“What are…oh…” I stopped mid-sentence. My eyes took in a full frontal of Logan sans the towel I’d given him. My eyes traveled from his face to his perfectly defined chest and finally landed on the apex of his manhood, which was fully erect. I turned away quickly, not wanting to stare.

In the bathroom we were cloaked in darkness, but now that we were basking in the light of my bedroom I was unbearably shy, which was a little funny since minutes earlier Logan had become intimately familiar with my most private areas.

“We’re nowhere near done,” he said, walking up to me and pulling the shirt I’d intended to sleep in out of my hand. He dropped the shirt onto the floor, took my hand, and led me back to my bed.

He looked me squarely in the eye. “I want to look at you,” he said as he freed my robe belt, letting the flaps fall open. He pushed my robe to my back, exposing my entire body into plain view. He traced his finger along the expanse of my front—from my neck, to my breasts, to my stomach. My skin began to warm under his touch.

His fiery gaze daunted me—I hadn’t been fully naked in front of a man—in the light—since…
Damon?
I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of him being able to see my slight cellulite in the unforgiving brightness.

“I only imagined what you looked like underneath your outfits, but now I get to see you up close and—you’re beautiful.” I sucked in a deep breath as he curved his hand around the back of my thigh. Self-consciousness left me as desire pulled at me again.

“We should probably lock my door, so we don’t have any unexpected visitors—aka Alex,” I said, smiling sheepishly.

“I definitely wouldn’t want that.” Tingles spread up and down my spine. He stepped from me and walked to lock my bedroom door, giving me a great view of his taunt backside and something even more surprising. Logan had two intertwined circles tattooed on his right shoulder blade. I couldn’t make out the tiny script at the top.

“Didn’t figure you for the tattoo type,” I said as I freed myself of my robe and clamored into my bed, sliding between the sheets.

“Sounds like I should issue you a strike for making assumptions,” he said as he approached me. I laughed at how he was now using my own words against me.

Logan stopped short of my bed and grabbed his pants. He pulled a gold foil packet from one of the pockets and laid it on the nightstand.
Are you ready to go there?
My subconscious asked me. I silently nodded my answer:
yes, I am.