Quitting (previously published as Mastering the Art of Quitting) (33 page)

Love withdrawal, and failure, fear of,
92
,
93

Lying and cheating,
132
,
134

Lyubomirsky, Sonja,
206–207
,
208–209

 

Mapping.
See
Goal mapping

Marshmallow experiment,
113–115

Masicampo, E. J.,
57–58

Mastery goals,
46
.
See also
Goals

Mayer, Doris,
73

Mayer, John D.,
107–108

McElroy, Todd,
183–184

McGill and Toronto study,
151
,
158

Meaning, search for,
194–196

Medvec, Victoria Husted,
180–182

Mental contrasting,
74–76
,
164–168
,
177

and behavioral intelligence,
167

and the brain,
167–168

conditions necessary for,
167–168

and dwelling,
74–75
,
164–165
,
166–167

and future and present, balance of,
164–165
,
187

and indulging,
74–75
,
164–165
,
166–167

and motivational intelligence,
167

vs. single-mindedness,
136

uses of,
166

Mental control, ironic processes of,
30

Metacognition,
113

Meyer, Stephenie,
76

Mikulincer, Mario,
90

Miller, Arthur,
179

Mind-sets, deliberative and implemental,
202–203
,
205

Mischel, Walter,
113–114

Moods,
110

definition of,
148

vs. emotions,
148

See also
Mystery moods

Mother-infant relationship

and artful-quitting, talent for,
86–88

Motivational disengagement (“getting back on the horse” or “putting your ducks in a row”),
61

Motivational intelligence,
167

Mystery moods,
148–150

and conscious self-awareness,
149–150

definition of,
148

and nonconscious goals,
148–149

nonconscious nature of,
148

positive vs. negative,
149

and social contagion,
149

triggers,
149

See also
Moods

 

Near win,
14–15

and gambling, and the brain,
14

Neisser, Ulric,
128

New York Times,
38

Nolen-Hoeksema, Susan,
119–120

Nonconscious goals,
148–149
.
See also
Goals

Nonconscious thinking, and implementation intention,
206

 

Oettingen, Gabriele,
73
,
74
,
165

O.K. Corral,
38–39
,
42
.
See also
Quitting, unsuccessful styles of

Optimism,
1
,
3
,
21
,
70

definition of,
200

delusional optimism,
21

and goal reengagement,
200–201

measurement of,
201

and realism,
201

See also
Overoptimism

Optimistic bias,
71

Ordóñez, Lisa D.,
133

Overconfidence,
21
,
130

Overoptimism,
71
,
110
.
See also
Optimism

 

Parent-child relationship

and approach vs. avoidance goals,
48

and attachment theory,
86–92

and child's emotional regulation, development of,
108–109

and failure, fear of,
92–93

and self-regulation,
100–101

and temperament,
85–88

See also
Children
;
Personal experience and history

Perceived value conundrum,
26

and escalation of commitment,
26

Performance-approach goals,
46–48
.
See also
Approach goals

Performance-avoidance goals,
46–48
.
See also
Avoidance goals

Performance goals,
135
.
See also
Goals

Persistence,
1
,
2–5
,
83
,
92
,
106–107

and anecdotes,
15–17

and automaticity,
27–30

and availability heuristic,
15–17

and bird in the hand (“a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”),
24–25

and the brain,
12–14

as democratic,
2

and emotional push to persist,
10–11

and escalation of commitment,
19–22
,
24–25

and failure followed by renewed effort,
2–3

and inflexibility,
31–32

and intermittent reinforcement,
17–19

knowing when to persist,
193

and loss aversion,
24–25

and near win,
14–15

and perceived value conundrum,
26

and personal experience and history,
30–31

and quitters,
8–10

and regret,
179

and sunk-cost fallacy,
22–23

and unconscious thoughts,
27–30

value of, through generations,
211–212

and white bears,
29–30

Persistence profile exercise,
35

Personal experience.
See
Personal experience and history

Personal experience and history,
173–178

exercise,
178

and persistence,
30–31

See also
Parent-child relationship

Personal responsibility, and regret,
181

Personal strivings (life goals),
152
.
See also
Goals

Personality systems interaction (PSI),
97

Personality traits, and artful quitting, talent for,
85

Pessimism,
200–201

measurement of,
201

Piaf, Édith,
179
,
186

Pieters, Rik,
179
,
189

Pinto story,
133–134

Pipe dream,
72–73
,
75

Planning

and goals, achievement of,
202

See also
Implementation intention

Plous, Scott,
16

Positive thinking,
2
,
70–71
,
73–74

Postactional stage, of goal pursuit,
202

Preactional stage, of goal pursuit,
202

Preconscious mental process,
27

Predecisional stage, of goal pursuit,
202

Preschool delay behavior, and adolescent construction competencies,
114–115

Priming,
28–30
,
102–103

and competition,
28–29

and ultimatum game,
29

Procrastination,
204

Pronin, Emily,
65

PSI.
See
Personality systems interaction

Psychological immune system,
69–70
,
182
,
186

“Put down the duckie” metaphor,
192

 

Quitter,
8–10
,
212

characteristics of,
9–10

definition of,
9

example of,
9

Quitting,
7–8
,
105–107

after being fired,
115–118

aptitude exercise,
125–126

considering,
4
,
32–33

and courage to quit,
11

cultural pressures against,
43–44

difficulty in,
115–118
,
118–119

and digital communications,
41

emotional cost of,
10–11

and goal reengagement,
212–213

inability to, and personal experience and history,
173–178

knowing when to quit,
193

and learning curve,
122–124

as part of life cycle,
213

as proactive,
10

and rumination,
118–121

skills exercise,
115

value of,
3–4
,
5

See also
Artful quitting
;
Goal disengagement
;
Quitting, unsuccessful styles of

Quitting, unsuccessful styles of,
37–42

big bang (“enough is enough” moment),
41–42

disappearing act,
41

faux quit,
39–40

O.K. Corral,
38–39
,
42

slacker quit,
37–38

stealth quit (“liar, liar, pants on fire”)

threatening quit (“If you don't do this, then I'll quit”),
40

and why they fail,
42–43

See also
Quitting

 

Randenborgh, Annette van,
191

Realism,
188
,
191
,
201
,
211

depressive realism,
71

Reengagement.
See
Goal reengagement

Reframing.
See
Goal framing/reframing

Regret(s),
178

and action vs. inaction,
180–184
,
189

and action vs. inaction, and goal reframing,
182

and action vs. inaction, and personal responsibility,
181

and action vs. inaction, and short-term vs. long-term,
181–182

and action vs. inaction, over time,
181

alternatives to,
187–188

and coping, action-oriented vs. state-oriented,
183–184

and counterfactual thinking,
179
,
186
,
187
,
188

and decision justification theory,
183

as learning experience,
184–186
,
188

management of,
179–184

and persistence,
179

as positive, studies of,
184–186

ranked list of,
188–189

regulation of,
183–184

and retrospective confidence,
182–183

and rumination,
190

and self-blame,
190

and silver lining,
182
,
188

strategies for managing,
189–190

theories about,
179–184

Reis, Harry T.,
86
,
88

Renewed effort, failure followed by,
2–3

Resilience, and the self,
196–200

Retrospective confidence,
182–183

Reverse contrasting,
74

Risk taking,
24

and “high bar” goals,
134

Roese, Neal J.,
187
,
188–189

Ross, Lee,
65

Rumination,
118–121

and gender,
119–120

management of,
190–191

and regret,
190

and stress,
199

Ryan, Richard M.,
45
,
46
,
153–154

 

Saffrey, Colleen,
184–186

Salovey, Peter,
107–108

Scheier, Michael F.,
193
,
199
,
200–201

Schkade, David,
206–207
,
208–209

Schwartz, Barry,
185

Secure attachment,
86
,
88–89
,
90
,
105
,
107
,
173

and self-regulation,
100

See also
Attachment theory

the Self,
55
,
194–196

and flow,
196

and goal reengagement,
196–200

and goals, and happiness,
194

and resilience,
196–200

See also
Identity
;
Self-definition

Self-appraisal,
20–21

Self-awareness, conscious,
149–150

Self-blame,
190

Self-complexity, and self-representation,
198

Self-control,
56–57

and ego depletion,
55–56

vs. impulsivity experiment,
113–115

Self-definition,
195
,
197–200

loss of,
144–145
,
169–170

and technology,
213

See also
the Self

Self-infiltration effect,
102

Self-regulation,
100–101
,
102

and emotional intelligence,
107–109

and stress,
96–97
,
99

See also
Emotions, management and regulation of

Self-representation,
197–198
,
199–200

Self-talk study,
168–169

Senay, Ibrahim,
168

Sesame Street
(children's television series),
192

“Setting Free the Bears” (Wegner),
121