Hard Habit to Break (A Chicago Love Story #1) (8 page)

There’s a knock at the door and I realize I’ve locked CeCe out. I pull it open to find Isaac standing in the entryway.

“What do you want?” I throw at him.

“We need to talk.”

“Nope. Not interested.”

“Liv, cut the bullshit. I’m coming in,” he gently pushes past me.

I seethe for a moment, then close the door and sit on the couch. Isaac is in the kitchen; I can smell the coffee. He wants to sober me up. I sit and wait, refusing to say anything. He finally brings me a mug full of black coffee and takes a seat next to me.

“I kissed Cassie.”

“Yeah, I saw that.”

“No, I mean we kissed in my office last week.”

Even though I’ve already heard about it, the sting is somehow worse when it comes from him.

“She told me.”

“It was a terrible mistake. I was struggling with the decision to leave and she tried to comfort me.”

“Hmph,” I bet it was some comfort.

“She started kissing me and at first I didn’t stop her. I tried to pretend she was you, but I couldn’t.”

I don’t know what to say about that. My head is swimming. I take a sip of the coffee and wait for him to continue.

“Olivia, I’m leaving because I can’t bear to be so close to you and not have you.”

I don’t respond. I stare at the wall and try to pretend that I don’t hear him. If I don’t hear him, I’ll avoid the heartache again. He touches my arm and gently turns me to face him.

“I’m trying to tell you something, Liv.”

“You’re trying to tell me you want to start something we can’t finish. It doesn’t matter if you’re a professor here or at Loyola. We can’t be together. I’m all wrong for you. You deserve someone who can give you everything. I’m damaged Isaac.”

“You’re perfect Olivia.”

Before I can stop myself, I’m in his arms. His lips are on mine and we melt into each other. The attraction is undeniable and I feel like I’ve gone forever without holding him. Against my better judgement I take his hand and pull him upstairs. We’re in my bedroom with the door locked behind us.

His eyes are pouring into mine, “Liv, I can’t stay away from you, I’ve tried. Even tonight. I only went to Beer Goggles because I saw you and CeCe go in.”

“I don’t want to talk. Can we pretend there’s nothing keeping us apart? Just for tonight.”

He doesn’t hesitate. I’m in his arms and he’s tenderly kissing me. My fingers find their way into his hair and it feels like home. He deepens the kiss and I match his passion. Within moments, we’re both undressed and tangled together on my bed. I want him so badly that I roll on top of him. I straddle him for a moment before guiding him inside me. He moans and takes my hands in his. We fall into a steady rhythm as we alternate between passionate kisses and staring into each other’s eyes. He rolls me over so he’s on top of me and gently moves with me beneath him.

The intensity of the moment is amplified by the time we’ve spent avoiding one another. I cry out in pleasure as he kisses my neck and continues the rhythm we built. When we finish, he collapses next to me and pulls me into his arms. I don’t want to think about anything other than how it feels to have him wrapped around me.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers into my hair.

I let out a contented sigh as I fall into an alcohol induced sleep.

When I wake up in the morning, my head is pounding. I feel the weight of an arm on me and panic. What did I do? I turn slightly and relax when I notice Isaac. His face is so perfect. I take the opportunity to admire him before waking him to have a serious conversation.

He opens his eyes and gives me a sleepy smile, “Morning.”

I shift in his embrace until we’re facing each other. His serious expression matches mine. After last night, I can’t deny my feelings for him. If he really heard me sing and heard what I said about the song, then he must know how I really feel.

“I like waking up to this view,” he says with a sweet smile.

“Does that cheesy line work on all the girls?”

He looks hurt and I instantly regret the jibe. After all, he’s lying in bed with me, not her.

“Isaac, what do you remember from last night?”

“Everything. You?”

“I think I remember everything too. But I think we need to talk about the details.”

“Well, you declared your love for me and we slept together.”

I’m horrified. That’s not how I expected this conversation to go. I’m suddenly regretting every decision I made the night before. Isaac notices my panic and gently touches my cheek.

“I’m kidding. Are you really that spotty about last night?”

“I remember going to the bar and drinking. I remember rapping,” I purposely leave the singing part out to see if he brings it up, “I remember you singing. I remember you trying to take some slut home. I remember you coming to my door and us having fantastic sex.”

“You don’t remember singing?”

I try to look innocent, “Oh yeah. I love Christina Perri.”

“Liv, what did you mean when you said that song says everything you can’t?”

I look away. I can barely admit how I feel to myself, how can I explain it to him? I don’t even know if I really understand it myself, but I know that it can’t go anywhere. I shrug my shoulders and decide to avoid the subject.

“I don’t know. I had a lot to drink last night. I don’t remember saying that,” I hope my lie is convincing.

Isaac plays with my hair, “Can we shower?”

I sigh again. I stand and start to pull on my clothes from the night before.

“You have no idea how much I would love to. But, I’m leaving today. CeCe and I are helping my mom with Christmas dinner. It’s my job to make the pies and CeCe always helps with the turkey. I didn’t finish packing last night, so I have to do that and—“

My lips are suddenly very busy as Isaac decides to seize the moment. His tongue explores my mouth and he pulls me closer to him. I try to memorize this moment as I bring our kiss to an end.

“Isaac, I won’t tell you I’m sorry for last night, but nothing has changed. We really can’t do this,” I say as I start to cry.

“Hey, what’s this?” Isaac whispers, wiping a tear away.

“I’m sorry. It’s just killing me to keep doing this. I’m sorry. You should go.”

Isaac tries to stop me from getting out of bed but I slip out of his reach. I can’t let him know how I feel. I can finally admit to myself that I’ve fallen in love with him but there is no way I can tell him.

“Isaac, I can’t. I can’t keep falling into bed with you and then trying to pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t imagine seeing you with another woman like I did last night. I just can’t.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Don’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

Isaac is in front of me pulling me into his arms as I fight to free myself from his grasp. He holds me at arms-length and looks me in the eye.

“You want to pick up where we left off. You want to have an affair. I don’t want an affair, Isaac.”

“Olivia, I don’t want any of those things either.”

“Then, what do you want? I’m so confused. First we’re strangers, then we’re sleeping together, then you’re my teacher, then we’re avoiding each other, now I’m just so confused about who or what I am to you.”

“Liv, how can you possibly not know what I want?”

I look up at him through tearful eyes. I don’t think he realizes how bad the case of whiplash he’s given me is. I’ve never been this unsure of myself. I’ve never felt so out of sorts. I know he wants me to make a decision and I know what he wants it to be. But that doesn’t tell me what he wants to get out of this.

“Isaac, I need you to tell me what you want.”

“It’s you, you strange, almost unearthly thing. I must have you for my own.”

My eyes are open in surprise. Not only is he telling me I’m what he wants, but he’s also quoting Edward Rochester to me as though I am his Jane. I can only think of one way to respond.

“Are you mocking me?”

“No, Olivia. I am not. When I heard your song last night I finally understood. You’ve been convinced that you’re not good enough. You’re wrong. I’m leaving this university so I have a shot with you. You’re everything I need.”

I’m still skeptical. After everything I went through with my ex-boyfriend, I can’t find it in myself to believe that someone like Isaac could possibly want me.

“I love you, Olivia. I have loved you for quite some time. I’m not going to be a professor at your university anymore. Now the only thing keeping us apart is you.”

His words hit me like a gut punch and I gurgle up something between a laugh and a cry. There are so many reasons why I should not be with him but here I am. He loves me? I guess it’s time for me to take the plunge.

“I love you too.”

Isaac pulls me into his arms again and laughs with relief, “Finally.”

“It’s about damn time!” CeCe yells from the hallway.

Isaac kisses me the first kiss with no barriers between us. I melt into him without holding anything back.

“Come home with me for Christmas,” I say on impulse.

He grins, “Okay.”

I know that when I look back on this moment I will only regret not letting myself love him sooner. I call my parents to tell them to expect one more for the weekend and I have to answer a few questions before I get them off the phone. When we’re all packed and ready, we pile into the taxi together. CeCe is grinning like an idiot and I can’t stop touching Isaac.

He squeezes my hand and I notice the faint imprint that still encircles his ring finger. I know as we begin the journey home that someday, maybe soon, that empty space will be occupied once again.

Coming Soon:

Stay the Night

A Chicago Love Story

CeCe finds love in the Windy City.

About the Author:

Photo Courtesy of:

Alissa Toering at Precious Memories Photography

KT Webb is a big city girl living in small town South Dakota with her husband and two children. She believes in the power of words and enjoys writing stories that make the impossible seem possible. By day, KT is a communications and marketing coordinator; by night, she is a passionate independent author.

KT loves reading, listening to pop-punk music (especially when she’s writing), having adventures with her children and traveling. She believes in magic, that there’s a hero inside everyone and that characters should be just as flawed and intriguing as the people we meet every day.