WMIS 07 Breathe With Me (2 page)

“Oh my God, this is so fucking amazing,” he says with awe. “I’m so glad you’re my first, M.”

“Me too,” I say, happy that he’s talking. It seems awkward when we’re quiet. We talk nonstop. “I’m so happy that we waited for each other.”

“I want to be your
only
, baby.”

“You do?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s you and me, M and M, against the world.” His hips are moving faster, and I can feel my eyes fill with tears as his whole body tenses. God, I’ve never felt anything like this in my life. It’s as though we’re not just connected physically, but in
every
way. “Oh God, baby. I’m going to come.”

“Okay.” I caress his face with my hands. “That’s a good thing, right? Come, M.”

“Oh, shit.” His face contorts in this weird mask, like he’s in immense pain, and I can’t take my eyes off him.
Wow
.

“Are you okay?” I ask softly.

“I think I’m supposed to ask you that,” he replies, breathing hard.

“I’m really good,” I say and smile reassuringly.
But you need to pull out because… ow.

“I love you, M.” He leans his forehead on mine gently.

“I love you too, M.”

***

One year later

I’ve never been this fucking nervous in my life. Not even that first time that Mark and I had sex. I grin as I think back on that night, and the many, many times we’ve had sex since then. My Mark is insatiable and we’ve learned so much about each other over the past year.

He’s not going to be mine much longer.

I pull in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I see his car pull into my driveway. We graduated from high school last week. It was a proud moment for both of us, for our families, who threw us a huge party.

And we’re supposed to leave for New York City together in two days.

“Hey, baby,” he says with his signature naughty grin as he meets me on the porch and hugs me close. “Are you packing?”

“Yes,” I reply and bury my nose in his neck, knowing this might be the last time I have the right to do this.

“What’s wrong?” He pulls away and studies my face. He knows me too damn well. “M?”

“I don’t think you should come with me to New York,” I say it really fast, like pulling off a Band Aid.

He blinks and frowns. “What are you talking about? We’ve been talking about this for the past year.”

“I know, it’s just…” I push my fingers through my hair and barely hold on to my sanity. “I need to concentrate on dance, Mark.”

“Okay.” He shakes his head like he just doesn’t get it. “Why the change of heart?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“How long?”

“A few months,” I whisper. Since the day my instructor pulled me aside when she caught me daydreaming about Mark and yelled at me about responsibilities and how hard it’s going to be in New York.

“
Months?
” He rubs his fingers over his mouth and begins to look a little panicked. “Mer, where is this coming from? Is there someone else?”

“Of course not!” I gape at him like he’s lost his marbles. “You know I love you so much it hurts!”

“Then why?”

“Because I have to concentrate on dance, Mark. This is going to be the hardest thing I ever do. The days are super long, and it’s so competitive.”

“So you’re saying I’ll just be in the way?” He props his hands on his hips and glares at me and I feel the first tear fall.

“You’ll be a distraction that I can’t afford, M.” I take a step to him, begging him with my eyes to understand, but he steps away.

“I don’t want to do the long distance thing, Meredith.”

“I don’t either.” It’s a whisper, and his face pales when he realizes what, exactly this means.

“You’re breaking it off?”

“I love you, Mark.”

“But you’re breaking it off.”

“I just think that we’re so young, and I have to focus on dance.”

He takes another step away, blinking blindly, and I know I’m breaking his heart.

“So much for M and M against the world,” he spits out.

“Mark, come inside and talk to me.”

“No, you’ve said enough.” He stops and stares at me as I cry, tears in his own eyes. “Good luck to you, Meredith.”

With that he shakes his head and leaves, and I run inside to find my mom crying in the living room, having heard our conversation.

“Mom,” I cry and fall into her arms.

“Oh, baby girl,” she coos. “I’m so sorry for both of you.”

“What did I just do?” I am crying uncontrollably, leaning on my strong mother.

“You made an adult decision, baby. But I know it hurts you. And it hurts him too.”

“I love him so much.”

“I know you do.”

“How will I live without him?”

She strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. “One day at a time, my love.”

***

Two days later.

I’ve never been on a plane before. I don’t come from a poor family, but we just never went on vacations that required air travel. And now here I am, only a few months past my eighteenth birthday and on a plane.

Without Mark.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and reread his text from last night. The one I didn’t respond to.

Please don’t do this to us. We can make it work. I love u.

God, what did I do? I’ve cried nonstop for two days. Can I get off this plane? Shit, they just shut the doors. Maybe they won’t card me if I order a drink. I’ve never drank a day in my life—too many calories—but I need something to calm my nerves now.

I need Mark.

I need Mark!

I am about to stand up and make a big scene when his voice fills my head.
Just breathe, M. Just breathe with me.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes and focus on his voice, wishing with all my heart he were really beside me, talking me through this.

Just breathe, M.

Chapter One

Ten years later

~Mark~

“Hey, man. Come on in.” My brother, Luke, steps back as I walk through his door and see my beautiful sister-in-law, Natalie, snap her new son, Keaton’s pants shut and lift him into her arms.

“Unca Mawk!” Olivia, Keaton’s older sister exclaims and toddles toward me with her arms up and a wide smile on her perfect little face.

“Hi, troublemaker,” I say and lift her high into the air, then snuggle her in my arms.

“My baby,” she says and points to her brother.

“She’s claimed him,” I say with a laugh and lean in to kiss Nat’s cheek.

“Indeed,” she replies dryly. “Keaton is hers, along with all of his toys and clothes.”

“It’s okay, you can have anything you want,” I tell her and blow raspberries in her neck, making her giggle.

“I’m just about ready,” Luke says and pats his pants and suit pockets, looking about the room with a frown. “Where’s my wallet, baby?”

“On the kitchen counter.” She points it out to him and then laughs. “He’s more forgetful since Keaton has arrived than I am.”

Natalie is a gorgeous woman, with long dark hair and wide green eyes and curves that go on for days. My brother is a lucky, lucky man, and I make sure to do my part and flirt with her as much as possible, just to make him crazy.

“Run away with me,” I say and wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to my side. “He’s ugly and he stinks most of the time.”

“Get your hands off my wife, dude.” Luke scowls at me and shakes his head.

“She loves me. Don’t you, darlin’?”

“I do.” She pats my chest and I smile proudly. “But I love my husband more.”

“Killjoy,” I whisper loudly and sigh in mock despair. “What will I do now?”

“I’m sure you’ve got a few dozen women lined up who’d love the same invitation.”

I smirk and nod, but the truth is, I don’t have as many women on the line as they’d all like to think.

And I’m about to come face to face with the one woman who can bring me to my knees for the first time in ten years.

“I’m so sorry to hear about Adelaide Summers, Mark.” Nat kisses my cheek and rubs my arm soothingly. “She was a good woman.”

“She was.” I nod as the pain pierces my heart all over again. Meredith’s mom lost her fight with breast cancer just a week ago, and I’m going to her funeral today. “She sure was good to me.”

“I would go with you guys, but I’m on baby duty today.”

I grin down at her and kiss Livie’s cheek again. “It’s fine. Luke, you don’t have to go either. It’s no big deal.”

“Yeah, it is,” he says and frowns at me. He can read me too well. “I want to come. I liked Addie.”

I nod, secretly relieved that I won’t be going alone and set Olivia on her feet as Luke leads me to the front door. Halfway there he quickly turns back and pulls his wife in for a long, deep kiss.

Dear Jesus, you’d think they were still dating.

“You’re going to see her in a couple hours, Romeo.”

“Bite me,” he says with a grin. “You’re just jealous.”

“I’m nauseated,” I reply and lead him to my Jeep.

“How are you really?” Luke asks quietly as I pull out of the driveway of his new home toward Bellevue, where the funeral will be held.

“I don’t know, man. I knew she was sick, so it’s not exactly out of the blue.”

“I mean about Meredith, Mark. Jesus, you’re stubborn.”

I shrug my shoulder and rub my hand over my face. I’ve had ten years to get used to the idea of seeing her again, and now I’m nervous as hell.

“She’s probably married,” I reply.

“We both know that isn’t true,” he says calmly.

“Look, it’s been a long time. I’m just going to pay my respects to a woman who I loved. Seeing Mer is part of that.” I swallow hard and Luke catches it.

“But?” he asks.

“But it feels like I’m finally saying goodbye to Mer for good too. Like it’s closure on the whole fucking thing.”

Luke sighs and slips his sunglasses on. “I’m sorry, man.”

I shrug one shoulder and concentrate on the freeway. “It is what it is.”

The funeral home isn’t far from our childhood home. There are several cars parked in the parking lot and some people standing outside, talking. Others are coming in and out of the wide red doors of the funeral home.

“Here goes nothing,” I whisper. Jesus, I haven’t been this nervous in years. Luke and I both slam our doors and walk toward the entrance. Luke looks like the millionaire celebrity in a custom designer suit. I’m also in a dark suit with a purple tie. Purple was Addie’s favorite color.

We walk through the front door and nod hello to a few people we know. Mom and Dad are quietly talking with another couple they know and wave at us when they see us then turn back to their conversation.

As we’re walking into the chapel area, I hear her voice.

Her voice.

I stop in my tracks and stare at her, standing up near the closed casket that’s covered in all of Addie’s favorite flowers, talking with the pastor. She’s dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and nodding. She hasn’t seen me yet, so I take a moment and drink in the sight of her.

She’s no longer the young woman I once knew so intimately. I knew every inch of her. I knew what turned her on and what made her squirm. What made her smile. What made her sigh in pleasure.

But better than that, I knew what made her laugh. What made her sad. How to cheer her up and even what she was going to say before she said it.

I knew
everything
.

She was my world, and even though I know I was too young, nothing will ever erase the way it felt to stand on her front porch and have her tell me she didn’t want me any more. I’ve fought with that particular demon for years.

She turns and sees me, her bright blue gaze locks on mine, and she’s suddenly coming toward me, walking quickly on those tall black heels. Her face crumples and to my utter shock, she launches herself into my arms and holds on with all her strength.

“I can’t believe she’s gone, M,” she whispers and buries her face in my neck, the way she always used to, as if no time has passed at all and my heart feels like someone is stabbing it over and over with an ice pick.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper back and wrap my arms around her, holding her against me. “I’m so sorry about Addie, M.”

“At least I got to spend Christmas with her,” she says and sniffles. “She wanted to make it through Christmas and she did.”

I nod and give in to the moment and kiss her head. Fuck me, she smells the same.

How is that possible?

“I don’t know what else to say, sweetheart,” I murmur and rub her back softly. She’s still so slender. So small. Her hips and breasts seem to have filled out more with womanhood, but she feels just like she always did in my arms.