Wilde for Her (A Wilde Security Novel) (Entangled Brazen) (18 page)

“A moment of foolishness. But I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. If you want to be with Preston, go ahead. I hope he makes you happy.”

“I don’t want Preston. I don’t think I ever have, not really.” She hesitated, searching for a way to say the things burning a hole in the center of her chest. “I’ve always wanted what I never got growing up. A real, steady family and—and it’s a stupid fantasy, but there was a time that I…” Christ, she was jumbling it all up. So much for her neat list.

“A time that you…what?”

She faltered. Cam didn’t lose his patience with anyone—wasn’t in his DNA—but irritation laced his tone now. She swallowed to wet her suddenly parched throat.

“Well, I met you several months before I met Preston.”

“Yes, your point?”

“And I spent those months hoping for…more. From you. But you never acted like you were interested in me in that way, and Preston worked so hard to win me over…” She blew out a breath. “Preston was convenient and didn’t challenge me. With him, I was always in control, and I thought that’s what I wanted but—”

“Stop,” Cam said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Eva, just stop. You don’t know what you want.”

Outrage had her jaw falling open and burned away her self-doubt. “Excuse me? I know exactly what I want. I’m trying to tell you—”

“No, you don’t, and that’s the problem. You have this cookie-cutter ideal family in your head, and I don’t fit it. Hell,
you
don’t fit it, but you refuse to see that. And even if you don’t take Linz up on his offer, someone else will eventually come along who you think does fit it, and I’ll get regulated to best friend again. I’ll grow to hate you for it.” He shook his head, and every exhausting second of the past few days showed on his face. “I don’t want to hate you when I’ve spent so many of the past five years in love with you. It’ll be easier for everyone if we just end things now.”

Her throat tightened and burned. “Easier for everyone, or for you?”

He turned away without answering, but she yanked him around to face her again. “Wilde, dammit, you’re not listening to me. I lov—”

Down the hall, the elevator doors opened with a ding and several arguing voices boomeranged off the tile walls, drowning out her voice.

He gazed over her head toward the sound. “My brothers. I have to handle this.”

Of course he did.

A strange mix of anger and humiliation bloomed in her chest, and her cheeks heated, no doubt filling with color. At least her face was already so red from the explosion, he wouldn’t see the flush.

“Yeah, fine.” She dropped her hand from his arm. “Go ahead, indulge your superhero complex. Because everything’s absolutely hunky-fucking-dory in our personal life.”

“Eva—”

“No, don’t.” She backed away from him. “I just realized something. I’m not the only one with issues here. But, hey, at least I admit I have control issues, and I’m willing to work through them. You just throw yourself into everyone else’s problems and completely ignore your own.”

His jaw tightened. “What happened to Vaughn
is
my problem.”

“What happened to Vaughn has nothing to do with
us
. That’s a whole other can of worms that I’m sure as hell not opening right now, but you’re using it as an excuse to push me away. Which is just fucking priceless after all of your talk about wanting me.” She struggled to pull his ring off her finger—damn thing was stuck and panic sizzled through her. She didn’t want it. Didn’t want a reminder of everything they’d had that he was suddenly so willing to toss away.

Finally it popped off over her knuckle and she shoved it at his chest. “We were doomed from the start as friends and as lovers.”

Chapter Twenty-four

Without another word or glance in his direction, Eva stalked past his brothers and jabbed the elevator’s down button, then slipped inside when the doors immediately opened. A hollow ache started in his gut and moved to his chest, and he couldn’t help but feel like those goddamn metal doors had severed the last remaining thread of friendship between him and Eva as they clamped shut.

He stared down at the ring in his palm. He should go after her, but a fuckton of nasty emotions weighed down his shoulders, keeping his feet planted firmly to the floor.

Christ, it hurt to know his inability to act during those first few months of their acquaintance was the reason she’d gotten together with Preston at all. Hurt even more to know that Preston was the only reason she’d ever come to his bed.

His brothers’ voices got louder as they approached, and he stuffed the ring in his jeans pocket. The damn thing all but broadcasted his idiocy, and they sure as shit didn’t need to see it.

“I
tried
calling you,” Reece was saying. “You ignored me.”

Jude, a bit sunburned and still dressed for the tropics, threw out his arms in an act of pure frustration. “Because I thought you were gonna bitch at me for not completing those expense reports before I left. Not because one of our brothers got blown up! Leave a fucking voicemail next time.”

“I wouldn’t call you about expense reports on your honeymoon,” Reece said through clenched teeth, “and I didn’t think this was the kind of news to relate via voicemail.”

“And finding out from CNN was that much better?” Jude demanded.

“We didn’t know it had made national news.”

“Car bombs in the nation’s capital usually do. And I’ve spent the last six hours airport-hopping, unable to get a hold of anyone, not knowing how bad Cam was or even if he was alive—”

The break in his youngest brother’s voice was the kick in the ass Cam needed, and he gave the argument his full attention. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

At the sound of his voice, Jude spotted him, launched forward, and grabbed him in a hard hug. “Holy fuck, you’re okay.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He peeled Jude’s arms from around his shoulders. “There was a mix-up at the scene—Vaughn was driving my car, not me. But he’s going to be fine, too.”

“Wait, Vaughn’s injured?”

“He’s going to be fine,” Cam repeated. “A broken leg and ribs, lots of bruises inside and out, lots of swelling. He’ll be here for a week or so.”

“Okay.” Jude sucked in a breath and squeezed his eyes shut for several moments. Steady again, he opened his eyes. “Okay. But I gotta see him. Just to make sure.”

Nodding, Cam led the way to Vaughn’s room and leaned in to see if his twin was asleep, but Jude, in typical Jude fashion, didn’t wait for permission. He shoved inside and stalked to the foot of the bed.

Hands on his hips, he scowled as he studied Vaughn’s bruised and battered body. “Hey, asshole.
I’m
supposed to be the troublemaker in the family.”

Vaughn’s lips stretched into something that might have been a smile if his face wasn’t so swollen. “You’re a married man now. Libby won’t—” He stopped, sucked in a sharp breath, and winced, struggling to shift into a more comfortable position. Cam helped as best he could, stuffing pillows behind Vaughn’s back and raising the head of his bed so he sat up straighter, but sweat still rolled down the side of his face and his breathing hitched with the pain. Unfortunately, according to the doctors, he wasn’t going to be comfortable again for a long while. And neither was Cam because seeing his twin in so much pain caused a physical ache in the center of his chest that his argument with Eva had not helped.

“Libby won’t let you get in trouble anymore,” Vaughn continued hoarsely, “so I had to take over the job. Gotta keep Reece and Greer on their toes.”

“And you did a helluva job of it.” Jude’s expression softened and he tapped the end of the bed twice with his palm before going to the door. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where the hell is he going?” Greer asked.

“I doubt we want to know,” Reece said.

Jude returned ten minutes later with a package from the hospital gift shop and tugged on the sheet covering Vaughn’s legs. “Now I believe Cam mentioned a cast…”

Vaughn groaned. “Don’t you dare. I’ll make you bleed.”

“You couldn’t make a hemophiliac bleed right now, bro.” With a grin, he produced a ten-pack of neon markers from the gift shop bag. “And I’m thinking you need a pretty pink unicorn on your cast.”

…

All five of them spent the evening together in Vaughn’s room, eating a dinner of delivered Chinese and vending machine soda. Reece demolished his General Tso’s in no time, then began flipping through news channels on TV, no doubt already running financial figures and damage analysis in his computer-like brain, trying to figure out how they would salvage their business when half of their building had been blown to ruins. Greer sat in a second visitor chair, aged a decade by exhaustion and worry, picking at his lo mein with a pair of chopsticks. Jude skipped dinner and continued drawing on Vaughn’s cast, finishing the unicorn and peppering the top of his foot with hearts and swirls. Nobody spoke, but as usual, their memories of a better time filled the silence—the eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room that everyone studiously ignored.

Still, it was kind of nice to be all together for a meal. Minus the hospital and take out cartons, it was almost like a real sit-down family dinner. Or at least as close as the Wilde brothers had gotten to one since before their parents died.

A bittersweet longing filled Cam’s chest as he poked at his moo goo gai pan. He thought of Eva’s idea of a family, then thought of his own parents. He’d had that ideal once and it had been shattered by a senseless act of violence. Maybe that was why he just couldn’t bring himself to believe in the kind of future Eva wanted.

The murder of their parents had impacted each of the brothers in different ways. Jude had become insolent. Vaughn, reckless. Reece, callous. Greer, detached. And Cam? What had he become? He had no idea, but suspected it wasn’t something he was happy with.

They’d lost the foundation of their family that cold October night twenty years ago, but had gained the kind of forged-in-battle bond usually seen in brothers-in-arms rather than in true blooded brothers. Cam saw that bond now, so tangible he could almost touch it, but still took little comfort from it. He had his brothers, yes, but, dammit all, he
wanted
the kind of family Eva talked about. The real thing, the kind that sat down to meals together every night and chatted about their days. The kind who celebrated holidays and birthdays with more than a beer and a slap on the back.

Didn’t matter now.

He’d been such a goddamn pussy, carrying a flame for her all these years, unable to be honest about what he wanted with her from the get-go. He didn’t want friendship. Never had, but the thought of loving and losing her had made him keep his distance. And his silence had pushed her straight into Preston Linz’s arms. Hell, breaking his silence after all these years had probably accomplished the exact same thing.

Cam didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for that.

Looking at Vaughn laying in the hospital bed, so bruised and swollen, he realized he had a lot that he wasn’t going to forgive himself for and lost his appetite.

By the time visiting hours ended, Vaughn’s cast looked like the pages of a teenage girl’s notebook. He promised creative, humiliating revenge, and everyone—even Cam—laughed. It took Vaughn feigning sleepiness for Greer, Reece, and Jude to start making noises about leaving and another fifteen minutes before they actually cleared out.

But as soon as the door shut behind them, Vaughn’s eyes popped open, and he nailed Cam with his
spill it
glare. “Want to explain to me what that was all about?”

Cam jerked a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the door. “Jude was pissed because—”

“Not that. Eva. You know exactly what she was trying to tell you by wearing that ring.”

Dropping heavily into the seat Reece had vacated, Cam dragged both hands over his head. “I know.”

“And you are stupid in love with her. So explain to me why you’re sitting here instead of annoying our neighbors with rowdy make-up sex?”

“Because…I can’t.”

Vaughn hissed through his teeth. “That’s probably something you should get checked, bro.”

“Jesus. If you weren’t already down and out, I’d punch you.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t. You know I’m right about this.” He yawned. Maybe he wasn’t faking sleepiness after all.

Cam stood to make tracks and let him get some rest, but Vaughn pointed a finger at him, pinning him in his place. “Hold it.”

“Bro, you’re exhausted. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Nope. Sit your ass back down.”

Cam sat. “Now you sound like Greer.”

“Good. I’ll take that as a compliment.” He paused to shut his eyes and let his ragged breathing from the strain of so much movement even out. Just as Cam started wondering if he could make an escape before Vaughn gathered his strength, he opened his eyes again.

“You recall me saying you’re stupid in love? Emphasis on
stupid
. That fight you and Eva had in the hall was almost as painful to listen to as the rest of my injuries.”

Yeah, he wasn’t going to sit still for a lecture on relationships from
Vaughn
of all people. His twin’s idea of long-term started and ended with one-night-stand. “Vaughn, I love you, but stay the hell out of my business.”

“No, I’m not done. So she used you to get over her ex? Boo-fucking-hoo. You enjoyed every second of being used and if she hadn’t, she never would have come to the conclusion that she did.”

“What, that I have a superhero complex?”

“Well, yeah, you do.”

He strode to the door. “All right. I’m outta here.”

“Camden,” Vaughn said in exasperation behind him. “She loves you. And you know I don’t say this lightly, but I like her for you. Don’t throw away the best thing you’ve ever had.”

…

Best thing he’d ever had.

Vaughn’s lecture haunted him throughout the taxi ride home and followed him around the too-empty condo until he couldn’t stand it anymore and stepped outside. He needed a ride, couldn’t keep relying on taxis or his brothers, and he hadn’t even looked at the insurance paperwork for his toasted 4Runner yet. So, with nothing more than a flashlight and the icy wind for company, he set about finally fixing the Hummer’s slashed tire and hoped the busy work would keep him from thinking too much.

He was wrong.

Best thing he’d ever had.

The words rattled around in his skull as he removed the ruined tire and tossed it into the snow, then fit the spare in its place.

Yeah, no doubt about it. Eva was the best thing in his life. But right now, she was also the worst. Every cell in his being screamed at him that she was his—even as pissed off as he was at her, his body ached for the soft, tight heat of hers—but she didn’t see it. She couldn’t see it, or she’d have thrown Preston’s ring back at him the moment he tried to give it to her. Instead, she kept it. Even considered his proposal.

A more rational part of him got that this was all his fault. She’d only agreed to see Preston again because she was angry at him. He’d betrayed her trust. And after he’d sworn to himself he wouldn’t.

Cam released the tire jack, slid it out of the way, and yanked open the Hummer’s door hard enough that the hinges protested. The screech of sound dragged him out of his head, and he realized he’d also been grinding his teeth the entire time he changed the tire.

Jesus Christ.

He slid into the driver’s seat and leaned his forehead against the cool steering wheel. Opened and closed his mouth a few times to work the ache out of his jaw, and then just sat there, breathing. Each exhale clouded in the cold, but he didn’t switch on the behemoth excuse for an SUV because anger and fear burned in equal parts beneath his skin.

Fear?

Holy shit. That was exactly the emotion clouding his every thought right now. He was so damn afraid he’d lose Eva somewhere down the line like he’d lost his parents, like he’d nearly lost Vaughn yesterday. But instead of grabbing and holding on to her with everything he had in him, he’d shoved her away.

Cam banged his forehead against the wheel, once, twice, three times. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Groaning at himself, he sat up and cranked the ignition. He had to go talk to her.

Man, Vaughn called it right:
Stupid
in love.