When It Rains (5 page)

Back in the room, she is still sleeping soundly. I place the items on her nightstand, and debate leaving a note. In the end I decide against it, I’m leaving in a few days for boot camp, and she won’t remember a damn thing about this tomorrow.

I kiss her forehead, turn out the light, and bid her goodnight.

I never knew her name—until today. I wonder if she remembers that night. Funny how fate sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

Audrey

God
! I thought that
asshole
would never leave, he just kept berating me, letting me know his position, like I fucking asked. Maybe it’s time I talk to Cassie about the future of the bar. I don’t think I can bear to look at Cameron, “
the dick”
a minute longer. He freaks me out, and I get the weirdest sensation that I know him. It’s gotta be the fact that he so closely resembles Joey. If I had met such a
prick
before I would remember.

What was he expecting? He comes here looking like my dead lover and thinks I am not going to stare. It’s like caching glimpses of the man I love. So many times I wanted to walk up to him, wrap my arms around him, and hug him close to see if he smells like Joey. I know it’s wrong, but I’m drawn to his brother. I can’t seem to stop myself. He’s made me cry twice today. I can’t believe he had the nerve to speak so rudely to me.

No compassion.

No fucks given.

Just
hey I’m a prick, deal with it
. I dealt with it all right, by ugly snot crying in the closet.

After collecting myself I stayed in the office with my puffy eyes and runny nose for comfort. There was no need for him to be so cruel. I mean yeah, someone staring at you can be uncomfortable and awkward, but I’m grieving, and coping the best way I can.

At least I am handling my, I’m not sure what to call it—my loss of Joey better than my break up with Austin. When he bailed on me, I drank way too much, and fucked one too many losers, until I met Joey. I try not to think about the girl I was back then.

Sure, I drink too much when thoughts of Joey are too much, but at least I’m not taking random dick back to our apartment.

I wouldn’t.

I can’t.

Joey’s memory deserves so much more than that.

These past few months since he’s been gone, I’ve not done a very good job in keeping my shit together. Going over the books proves I’ve let my grief run the bar under. I’ve got to pick myself up, and do better for Joey’s memory. He wouldn’t want me staying drunk, and ruining what he worked so hard for.  

Resolved to turn this place and my life around, I go out front to prepare for tonight. I can’t change things overnight, but a sober performance is a start.

I do my best to ignore Cam while I am on stage, but I can feel his daggered stare piercing my heart. It’s okay for him to gawk at me like a creeper, but not for me to do it to him I suppose. By the time I finish my second song he’s gone to his coming home party. Lewis is getting ready to take off. I promised him and Cassie I would stay and mind the bar. I know I’m not wanted there anyway. Why would I be? Things between Joey’s family and me have been odd at best since his passing, other than Cassie. I don’t exactly blame her for her argument with Joey the day he died, but I am still hurt she didn’t think I was ready to marry him.

Sometimes I think it would be easier had she not told me that vital piece of information. I wish she had taken that to the grave. Well, let Joey take it with him. Then other nights I lie awake when it rains and wonder what if I had been pregnant when he died. I could’ve had a little Joey growing inside of me. I lay there rubbing my stomach, knowing I will never know what it feels like to carry the baby of the man I love.

Life isn’t fair.

It’s ugly and cruel.

I am snapped from my thoughts by Sasha giggling. Freddie is whispering something in her ear. I knew it. I knew they had the hots for each other. It’s sweet.

“Hey love birds,” I call out over the music. “Get back to work.” I grin and Sasha blushes. 

The kitchen is closed, but Freddie always stays around another hour or so to help wash glasses on busy nights. I wasn’t expecting much of a turn out, but it makes me happy to see us half-full. Most people want simple drinks, beer, a shot or some good whiskey and Coke.

I’d love to have a Jack and Coke, but I am making a new promise to myself to try harder. I can’t keep running from my problems, or looking for answers at the bottom of a liquor bottle. It’s time to grow some lady balls and turn this shitstorm I have made of my life around.

That’s my plan until hours later, when I hear Cam next door, fucking the brains out of someone, it’s either that or he’s watching some porn a bit too loud.

Thinking about sex has my core aching, missing Joey’s touch. He still owes me. I laugh at the thought. Maybe he’ll show up in ghost form to pay the debt.

Lying in bed, my fingers skim across my stomach as I listen to Cam grunting the sounds of a woman moaning. I miss being the one who is moaning too loudly, and getting bitched out by Cassie for her having to suffer through the sounds of her best friend, and her brother screwing.

Joey knew just where to touch me, he was such a sensual lover.

The first time we were together he went above and beyond to make sure I was comfortable and pleasured beyond measure. His fingers and tongue touched, licked, tasted, and caressed every inch of my body.

On autopilot my fingers trail downward, until they find the crotch of my panties. Rubbing across my lips, I imagine Joey doing the touching. His dark chocolate eyes soft with love and determination to get me off. I think about his tongue sweeping across my clit, loving the way I taste. I bring my finger to my mouth just as he used to do with his own, and lick my finger. My other hand teases at my nipples, and I wish more than ever I hadn’t let Joey throw out my vibrator. He said I had him, I didn’t need an imitation.

At the time I agreed, but now as I lay here getting worked up, I wish I had BOB.

The woman getting pounded next door by my unwelcomed neighbor, screams incoherently paired with the sound of their bodies slapping together. No wonder Cassie moved across the hall away from Joey and me. Loud sex must run in the family.

I try to ignore them and think about Joey, but I keep picturing Cam’s face instead. Even though they resemble each other, they are different in many ways. Cam’s hair is cut shorter and is slightly darker. Cam is also more muscular. Joey was in good shape, but his arms were half the size of his brothers.

God, I miss him, his touch, his voice. Unable to concentrate on my own pleasure, I tune back in to the performance happening next door.

He must really be giving it to her. Something hits the wall behind my head. Next I hear the smacking of Cam’s hand landing on her ass. I squeeze my thighs together. He must be doing her from behind against the wall. I can’t help but imagine how intense his eyes must be when he is fucking. I wonder if they smolder like they did when he was yelling at me earlier. My fingers are back at my pussy as I think about how he looked when he told me off. Nostrils flared, jaws clenched, eyes dark, and heated.

Dangerous.

Erotic.

I hear him clearly now. “Fuck, you like it hard like that? You like it when I pull your hair and pound into you harder?”

Cam is a talker, Joey was too.

“Yes!” she hisses in response. They might as well be lying next to me. I can almost feel their panted breaths they are so close to where I am laying.

My fingers are buried in my pussy, sliding in and out, working faster and harder as I rub my nipples in sync with the thrusts shaking the wall.

“I’m so close,” he tells her.

I want to shout, “Me too!” But I refrain and bite my lip, imagining his muscular body slamming into me with full force, filling me to the hilt, and him biting my shoulder when he climaxes. I circle my clit faster and faster wanting to get off right when he does. I pretend it’s me on the other side of the wall getting her ass smacked and her hair pulled.

Cassie

I’ve been in the kitchen with Ma for three hours slaving over the stove making rolls, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, baked beans, pasta salad. She’s driving me nuts with all this food. You’d think she was expecting Cam’s unit or something. I’m exhausted, and I am certain my makeup has melted from my face. I run out to my car to grab my makeup bag, noticing my brother hasn’t returned.

Audrey messaged me earlier and told me what an asshole he was. I vaguely told her about his PTSD and asked her to overlook him. It will take time for him to adjust.  

I hope he doesn’t disappoint Ma. She’s had enough heartache lately. I know this is hard for Cameron, even if I don’t understand what he’s going through. His doctor said he has survivor’s guilt. I am afraid being here and coming to terms with Joe’s death is going to make him worse instead of better. And I don’t know why Ma insisted on inviting that bitch Felecia here. She doesn’t give a shit about Cameron. They dated all through high school. She was a dirty whore then and she’s still one now. She comes to the bar sometimes. Even had the audacity to make a pass at Joe before he got serious with Audrey.

However, I put on a smile and tell her how lovely it is to see her as she gets out of her car. She’s dressed in a barely there black slip of a dress made of sheer material. I can see her nipples.
Ugh
! She follows me inside having come here many times over the years.

I make a mad dash upstairs to get away from her, and reapply my makeup in my old bathroom. I can hear her fawning over Ma, her voice is carrying through the vent as she asks if she can do anything to help. She goes on and on making a spectacle of herself. “I think it’s fate that Cam is back home, and I recently divorced. He always was so handsome. I bet he’s even more fine now,” she gushes.
Ugh
, no, she isn’t sinking her teeth back into my brother. Not on my watch. “He’s handsome like you are dad.” She did not just call my father dad,
gah
. He’s Big Joe to everyone, including her sluttastic-self.

I just know this whole night will end up being miserable. I almost wish I had asked Audrey to come. At least she’d keep Ma busy and unable to play matchmaker.

Unable to hide out upstairs any longer, I make my appearance as the rest of the guests arrive. Dad and my cousin Brian are setting up the last of the chairs and tables under the tent out back. My folks always go all out for a party. Brian waves at me. I feel so bad for him. Karen, his ex-wife left him while he was out of town receiving training for his job. I wish he could find a good girl to settle down with now that the divorce is final.

Felecia and Ma are going behind the guys with tablecloths and silverware.

“Cass, start bringing out the centerpieces, they’re in the hall closet.”

I smile, but inside I am grumbling. It’s an awful lot of trouble to go to for someone who doesn’t even want to be here. The least Cameron could do is put in an appearance, and spend some time with the people who love him.

The smell of food is making my stomach turn as more dishes show up on the kitchen table to be carried outside to the buffet. Someone turns on the stereo and the top 40 blares through the speakers over the chatter. 

Like the good daughter I am, I start dragging the box of battery operated candles and flower arrangements out the back door, when a hand on my back stops me dead in my tracks.

“Bunny, need a hand?” Trey. I freeze. I’ve not seen him in a year. Why is he here? Why now? He sure as shit didn’t show when we buried my brother, one of his supposed best friends. “You going to spend the evening staring at your toes, or are you gonna let me help,” he says with a shit eating grin. I can’t see his face but I know it’s plastered on his smug face.  

“Have at it.” I back away not bothering to look at him. If I do I will be a goner. Trey has the most hypnotic grey eyes I’ve ever seen. Not to mention the rest of him that is just as pretty. Yeah, he’s pretty. The man is perfection. He’s dessert after Sunday dinner. He’s an asshole too.

Since I was a little girl all I wanted was to be with him. I crushed on him so hard, he was Cam’s buddy too, they even enlisted together. I saved myself or him and one weekend when he was home on leave he got what he wanted he vanished. It was the best night of sex I’ve ever had. No one has been able to measure up to him. I compare every man I’ve slept with since to him.

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong to make him flake out on me completely after he said he loved me.

Whenever I would bring his name up to Joe he’d get this weird look on his face and change the subject, like something smelled bad.

Audrey said they had stopped speaking, Joe and Trey, but she claimed not to know why. I never knew if it had anything to do with me.

I follow Trey outside to the tent, I still have to help Ma, she’ll have my ass if I don’t. And speaking of asses if Trey’s don’t look damn good in those dark jeans he’s wearing. I recall how fine it looks out of them too. I remember digging my nails into his tight cheeks briefly. His blond hair curls around his ears, needing a trim. I want to run my fingers through his messy hair, and then down to his neck to choke him.

For not calling.

For not writing.

For not saying anything at all.

“Trey Darlington,” Ma yells at him as he sits the box down. “Get over here and give me a hug. It’s been way too long.” 

“Hey Gertie, I’m so sorry about Joe, I wanted to be here.”

“I know you did.” She pats his back.