What My Eyes Can't See (3 page)

Shayvon was sitting at the table, talking to her. He stood up when he saw me walk in. I saw the woman glance at me from the corner of her eye and with a bit of shock, I might add.

“Good morning, miss lady. Would you mind joining me for breakfast? I had Taleena come over and hook us up, ya’ dig. Taleena does some work for me from time to time, which includes this lovely breakfast she prepared for us. She’s real cool and throws down in the kitchen,” I said with a devilish grin on my face.

Taleena said hi to Sacaria, then immediately excused herself and headed for the front door. Sacaria sat down for breakfast. She tilted her head and gave me a puzzled look. I was wondering if she felt some kind of way about Taleena being here.

I mean, I had fucked Taleena before, but Taleena knew what time it was. I kept her ass fed, so she knew better than to show her ass because I had a chick over. It ain’t like she hasn’t seen me with a female on other occasions, but then again, I never woke her up to come over and cook for one though.

“I forgot to ask you last night. Do you live here all alone?” asked Sacaria.

“Yes, do you like it?” I replied.

“I do and it’s chill as fuck. What I am trying to say is that it is very nice and away from the city BS,” she replied. “I would love to live in the cuts.”

“I do enjoy being out of the way, but I can’t stay away from the streets too long.”

“I feel it.”

“Well on another note, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me today. I have to help my boy handle something right quick, but after that, I want to take you shopping.”

I must have made Sacaria feel some type of way when I asked her to go shopping, because she got instantly quiet. That was the last thing that I wanted to do. I hoped that I had not offended Sacaria. I just wanted to take care of her and why wait. She definitely wasn’t a thot, and that drew me closer to her.

Sacaria deserved much more than life had given her so far, and I wanted to give her the world. If she had other dudes on her team, I wanted her to see the difference between those broke little boys and a rich man. All bets will be off if any other dude thinks that he can get with her after this shopping spree.

“I hope I didn’t offend you shorty, I was just hoping—”

Sacaria gently interrupted, “That’s cool, but I don’t really have it like that right now. I don’t think my purse strings can handle shopping in the same spots you shop in,” Sacaria replied.

I laughed a little at her response. She wasn’t offended at all. She just misunderstood what I was asking her. “Nah shorty, you don’t need to worry about money. I got chu,” I told her. She smiled, and I think I saw a tear in her eye.

Taleena said hi, excused herself, and headed for the front door. She didn’t seem too happy by the look on her face. Shay didn’t seem to notice, and I did not give two fucks, so I joined him for breakfast. The entire time though, I was wondering what else Taleena threw down around his house.

I didn’t want to ask him and ruin the moment. Besides the fact that he was not my man, I felt like I didn’t have the right to ask. I had been fucked over so many times; it was just in me to think the worst of people. Even the chicks I hung with would try to fuck my man if I left them alone too long. The only person I trusted throughout my life was Granny Amanda, and now she was gone.

Shayvon and I ate the breakfast that Taleena cooked for us. I had to admit, even though I didn’t want to, the girl could cook. I can’t even make toast without burning it. Even with a little jealousy in my heart, I still couldn’t stop eating.

To put the cherry on top, Shayvon asked me if he could take me shopping and he was treating. I need to get on the horn and brag to my old trifling friends. I hadn’t really talked to anyone in the last few weeks. My girls would call, but I would just hit ignore. I’m not mad at any of them; I just want to settle in and get my mind right. I still don’t know how I got from getting my mind right, to turning up with a baller. I guess that is what happens when you get your life together.

A
fter I dropped Sacaria off at her crib, I slid through the spot. I had to help Todd figure out how he wanted to handle this disloyal dude named Dob. Dob was on the squad, and it’s a good thing for us that he didn’t hold rank in our empire. His job was to keep an eye out, as well as maintaining a few blocks. He proved to be loyal and useful in many prior situations, but nothing surprised me when money is involved.

I didn’t know the entire story, but from what I gathered, Dob got a little greedy and tried take more than his share out of the pot. I guess he wasn’t able to handle being hood rich and probably wasn’t managing his money. If he was falling on hard times, he should have spoken up. We keep our squad fed well, so he must be on some fuck shit if he is in a down position.

I met up with Q’Mari at this abandoned house on the south side. As soon as I opened the front, I could hear Todd’s loud ass mouth. In the basement, Todd had his Glock, pointing it in the Dob’s face who was hanging by the wrists with a sock in his mouth. Todd was jumping around, talking shit and yelling and asking why the fuck would Dob betray him. Saliva was foaming at the corners of Todd’s mouth and spit was flying everywhere as he spoke. Todd was so pissed off that he never acknowledged my presence.

Before I could say a word, Todd shot Dob in the face.
Damn Todd is crazy
. I realized that I really didn’t need to be there, as I checked my clothes for blood spatter. The only thing left to do was call for clean up and get the fuck out. Once I got the “for sure” from Sasha on the cleanup, we dipped.

After Todd changed his clothes, we headed straight to the bar to get a drink. I figured he might need one to calm his nerves. The entire way there, Todd was silent, puffing on a blunt and nodding his head the beat of “Jet Fuel” by T.I. and Lil Boosie. He had no intent on telling me what the story was with Dob. I trusted him, so it wasn’t necessary. I knew who Dob’s people were and what to expect, so we kept it pushing as if nothing had ever happened.

Todd was a crazy ass nigga with murderous tendencies. With him around, I never had to think twice about a fuck boy stepping to our establishment. Not that I was worried, but the streets knew Todd and trust me, niggas didn’t want it. This nigga shot a muthafucka and his pregnant wife over some petty shit. He don’t give a fuck.

Other than Q’Mari, and me, Todd has never been close with anybody, besides his two older cousins. Some niggas mowed his cousins down in a drive by. After that incident, he was never the same. He was always a lil crazy from the start, but after that, he was a straight-up goon, all day long. He even expressed it in his appearance. Everything about Todd said hood; everything from his dreads, sagging Robins, permanent grill, and ashy knuckles, which were covered in tattoos that went all the way up his arms and around his chest and back. They say that you can take a nigga out of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of the nigga. Well, it is probably best not to take Todd’s ass out of the hood, period. No matter what package he came in, that’s still my boy for life.

Me, Q’Mari and Todd grew up together. We were always in trouble and doing dumb shit, but I straightened up when I found out how good was at football. Once the scouts started talking to me, they warned me that it was best to stay as far away from trouble as possible. Therefore, I stopped hanging with my boys for a while, but our bond never broke. When I resurfaced, we were thicker than thieves were.

After I got hurt during practice and could no longer play, my boys put me on. I could have just lived off the contract money and lived a modest lifestyle. I was too used to the lavish life by then though. So we been in the game together ever since, and with the money I brought in, we built up our empire real fast.

We were able to cop a large amount of pills, powder, weed, and syrup from the gate. I became more involved with the online aspect of the market. An old college friend of mine put me on. With that avenue, we were able to supply any and everything, and it kept me out the streets. The streets remained more of a domain for Todd and Q’Mari.

Shayvon showed up on time and ready to spend those coins. He spared no expense. He bought everything I looked at. We hit up all of the expensive stores and outlets. I got handbags, shoes, clothes, and lip-gloss. I’m fresh to death and about to post to Instagram ASAP.
Hash tag, my current situation
.

Every time I looked at Shayvon, he was already looking at me. I didn’t have to do anything to get his attention. I already had it and I was falling hard for him. Shayvon spent all of that money and never even asked if I was seeing other dudes. I’m sure he figured that after today’s shopping spree, no other man would have a chance with me, and he was right. Shayvon made me feel like a princess.

Right in the middle of our fun, I received a text message from a number that I didn’t recognize.

Unknown: Sacaria, this is a friend of your mothers. I need you to come to the hospital. Your mother has been hurt, and she is asking for you.

Sacaria: Who is this and why should I care?

Unknown: I’m sorry to have bothered you. If you decide to visit Davona, please call me. I will give you the information you need. Because of the nature of her injuries I had to put you on the list to visit her.

Sacaria: Ok thanks for texting.

When I looked up from my phone, Shayvon was already looking at me. Before he could say anything, I asked him to take me home. He asked me if everything was okay, but I never answered him. I felt bad that I just took all of his gifts and went home, without explaining to him that Davona had been hurt. Hearing that Davona was hurt had brought up so many memories, and I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I just needed to be alone as soon as possible.

We’d just finished shopping, when Sacaria got a text and rushed home. She barely even hugged and kissed me when she got out of the car. I knew something was wrong, and I wanted to help her, but she dipped on me before I had the chance.

I was up half the night worrying about her. It had been three days, and she hadn’t replied to any of my calls or texts. I even knocked on her door, but she didn’t answer. I don’t know if she left town or what.

I stopped by Moms to see how things were going. Moms told me that Davona was in the hospital. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend was obsessed with her. He wanted her to come back to the drug life with him. This dude must have been stalking Davona. He approached her after church on Sunday. When she refused to go with him, he went crazy and started beating her half to death right there on the street, but he got away.

Right then I knew that I had to find Sacaria, not only for me, but because this mark might be going after her too, if he hadn’t already.

As I was leaving my mom’s, Sacaria texted me and said that, she was okay and she needed some time. I didn’t understand why she left me hanging, when we were hitting it off so well. I guess it was too soon to expect more from her. Nevertheless, it angered me that I was feeling some type of way. To make myself feel better, I did what I do best and called my boys. Fuck this shit; I’m about to turn the fuck up. It’s a good thing that I haven’t told those fools about Sacaria. If I had, they would be talking big shit about me getting played like a fuck boy.

I finally went to see Davona. She was not looking good at all. She wanted to apologize to me and asked me to forgive her. I told her that I would consider it. She introduced me to Shayvon’s mother, who was there visiting. They both invited me to church. I didn’t trust church, but I might one day, so I promised to think about it.

I told Davona about Granny Amanda’s funeral service. Then I told her about my life in Atlanta. After that, I was ready to go. I just didn’t have it in me to keep talking to her, as if the past never happened. I had so many questions, but I wasn’t ready for the answers. I’d always felt that if I saw Davona, I would beat her like she stole something, but somebody beat me to it. I almost felt bad for her. Apparently, one of her old crack head boyfriends had flipped out. He beat her ass badly. I figured that somehow she probably deserved it.

It’s weird that she would even think that a simple apology would take away all of the damage she caused. I am damaged goods, thanks to her. I see that she hasn’t changed one bit. It’s always about her and what she wants. Would it have killed her to ask me what I needed from her or what would help me to heal? Davona never even bothered to ask how her stupid ass had affected my life. Or just a simple, are you okay? It might be rocket science to her crack head ass, but to me, it’s common sense. There will be some long, hard thinking after this. Maybe I could turn a new leaf and be the bigger person, but that really isn’t my style. Where is the benefit in being the bigger person? Until I see a reward at the end of this dark tunnel, being the bigger person is out of the question.

I have a few good memories of our life together and the rest was like a scene from hell. Now she wanna play the victim and take me on a guilt trip. She could have apologized before this happened. She came to Granny’s, trying to be cool like it has just been a long time since we’ve seen each other, and telling how much she missed me. The word sorry never found its way out of her mouth. This bitch ain’t changed. Davona had better be lucky that I didn’t go to that room to finish what her dude started.

I am so glad that Sacaria finally stopped by to see me. I want to tell her so much, but I don’t know if the time is right. I just don’t want Harvey to catch up to me and kill me. I never had the chance to tell her everything. I want the chance to love her, as she has always needed me to. I will just keep praying that I get the chance.

I
haven’t talked to Shayvon in over a week. I felt guilty about shutting him out, but I don’t want him to see me. I don't like to be around anyone when I am all fucked up in the head. For the life of me, I don’t know why I react to stress and hurt the way I do. My window blinds stay closed at times like this. I don’t get dressed, brush my teeth, and might not even wash my ass. My hair can end up being another story all on its own. One time my hair ratted up so bad that I damn near had to cut it. If I did not have to force myself to eat, then I wouldn’t get out of my bed either. It’s just hard to fight away the hopelessness, so I succumb to it. Shay won’t understand and he might not like what he sees. I just hope that he will wait for me to get back on track. A nigga like him would never have to wait on any female and especially not me.