To Live (12 page)

His head snapped up at the sound of muffled footsteps behind him. He shot to his feet and spun around. "Jesus, Kelsey, are you crazy? What are you doing here at this hour?" His voice was firm and gentle at the same time.

"I should ask you the same thing. It's freezing out here." Kelsey tightened the blanket draped around her slim shoulders. In the night, her eyes sparkled, and she looked so damn hot with her bed-head hair that his cock hardened instantly. But he couldn't make love to her again. She had crossed a line no woman had ever crossed in eight years. She was the reason the pain had returned and the past had come back to haunt him. If he had even a grain of sense left in him, he would get as far away from her as possible. But he couldn't. She was also the first woman in years to remind him of what it felt to be needed on a deeper level. The gentleness in her eyes made him want to hold her and allow himself to be held by her. To be comforted. Sex with her had been far from meaningless. The warmth of her body next to his had melted away the wall of ice he'd erected around his heart. Being inside her had felt like coming home. But it was a big mistake, and one that couldn't happen again. If his body would just obey him.

"Let's sit." Kelsey lowered herself onto the sand and Shaun found himself doing the same.

In a moment of silence, they gazed at the inky black water, enveloped in the magic of the ocean, something bigger than themselves. Shaun loved the sea, because it made his problems feel so much smaller in comparison. But not tonight.

"Why are you here, Kelsey?" Shaun asked.

"I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and saw you heading for the beach." Her velvet voice made him forget about the cold; it covered him like a cloak, soft and velvety.

"So you decided to follow." Shaun's voice was low and fragile, his body exhausted. "What if some maniac pounced on you? No town is too safe, you know. Not even Dreara."

Kelsey laughed, the sound soothing the aches in Shaun's body and soul. "I took judo classes in secondary school."

"And that's enough, is it? Secondary school seems like a long time ago to me." Shaun found himself smiling. He felt her turn to look at him but he kept his eyes fixed on the sea.

"Are you worried about me?" Her voice was small, expectant.

He wanted to say no, but he'd be lying. But he wasn't ready to admit to her how much he'd come to care for her. Instead, he repeated his earlier question. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to apologize. I shouldn't have forced you to talk about your past. It's none of my business."

"You're right, it is none of your business," Shaun said simply, but he didn't feel angry or annoyed. He was just tired. Running from the past had proven to be hard work, especially since the past was pretty damn impossible to outrun, and always showed its face when he least expected it to.

Kelsey shifted next to him. "I know you don't want to talk. But if you change your mind, I'm here. I'm a great listener. And I won't say a word to anyone."

"You don't know how to quit, do you?" Shaun wanted to tell her to back off, to stop pushing him back to that painful time, but he nodded instead. His jaw tightened and he swallowed hard through the rawness in his throat. He decided to tell her just enough to satisfy her curiosity. "The person... the woman I killed, she was... my wife, Carmen." But as he spoke he realized it wasn't just for Kelsey. He wanted to empty himself of some of the hurt, so he could rest for a while.

Shaun tried to blink away the memories of that night as they formed inside his mind, but it was impossible.

Chapter Fifteen

The best day of Shaun's life had also been the worst. It had started with him standing at the altar next to the only woman he'd ever loved, the only woman he could envision a future with, the only woman he wanted to have his babies.

That was eight years ago, and he'd been a better man, a believer in love, a one-woman guy.

That day, which began with so much hope, had ended with him sitting behind the wheel of his car, driving his new bride to the best hotel in Serendipity—hell, in Wisconsin.

Carmen giggled next to him and kissed his cheek. Her wedding dress, which surrounded her like a blanket of clouds, sighed at her movement. "My husband," she said. "I love the sound of that."

Shaun grinned. He was going to be the best damn husband there ever was. She would never regret marrying him. "My wife." His voice dripped with pride. He hiked up the speed. He wanted to get there fast. He couldn't wait to pull the pins from her jet-black hair and watch it fall down her back like smooth silk. He couldn't wait to pull the lace and satin off her body and meet her skin to skin.

Knowing she was his and he was hers forever made him feel high. But the only thing coursing through his veins was love and champagne. He hardly drank, never liked the taste of alcohol much. But on his wedding day, he'd allowed himself a few glasses of bubbly and ended up downing two or three more before twirling his wife on the dance floor under a crystal chandelier.

For a person who hardly drank, the alcohol hadn't affected him much. So he’d insisted on driving Carmen to the hotel, ten minutes drive from the reception site. His mother and brothers had tried to talk him out of it, but he hadn't seen the harm. He’d felt sober enough.

The night was quiet, the streets almost deserted.

While he drove, Carmen rolled down the window and poked her head out. "I'm married to Shaun Brannon," she screamed into the night.

When she pulled her head back in, Shaun turned to take a quick glance at her.

Her face was bright with joy, her cheeks pink, her green eyes sparkling like polished jade.

It was clearly the happiest day of her life, just as it was his. They'd met in college and knew instantly they'd be among the couples who made it to death-do-us-part.

She smiled at him and he gave her a quick kiss.

When he turned back to the road, his heart jumped to his throat. A truck was heading straight for them.

Carmen's earlier laughter morphed into an endless scream as Shaun swerved into the opposite lane, the wrong lane. The truck missed them just in time for them to be hit by a speeding car. Their car overturned and rolled a few times. Silence descended as the car came to a halt. Silence just as deafening as Carmen's screams, the crunching of metal, and the screeching of tires had been a moment earlier.

Shaun saw his wife's blood on his hands, and felt a stabbing pain in his back. Then his world went black.

Chapter Sixteen

"God." Kelsey's voice shook with emotion." I'm so sorry, Shaun. I can't imagine... I'm so sorry."

"It happened within a few seconds. Just one look at my wife. I lost control of the car... of everything." He stopped talking and drew his knees to his body, hugging them. He couldn't continue his story. "I can't..."

"I understand." Kelsey's voice was soaked with the tears he wished he could cry. She moved closer to him and covered his shoulders with one half of the blanket.

Since the funeral, he hadn't shed one tear for his wife, no matter how much he wanted to. He’d broken down the day she died. And then he just couldn’t cry anymore. He finally came to accept it as punishment for what he had done. The pain would forever torment him; there'd be no mercy and no way of releasing it.

"Walk away, Kelsey,” he said. “You're a great woman. But I'm too damaged. You’ll get hurt."

"Say what you want. I'm not going anywhere." Kelsey leaned her head on his shoulder and he held his breath, as if breathing would dispel the comfort of that one gesture. "You did not kill your wife," she whispered. "It was an accident."

Shaun flinched. He couldn't tell her that the accident was not what killed his wife—not on its own, at least. That it had started the journey to her death, but he had ended it. Maybe he'd finish the story one day. Right now he feared if she found out the whole truth, she might end up seeing the monster within him.

"Shaun," she whispered. "I'll be here if you ever need to talk again. I'll be your friend, if that's what you want. I'll help you through this if you let me."

Shaun closed his sore eyes and smiled. "Only if your friendship comes with benefits." He was doing it again, stepping on dangerous ground. But he needed her, dammit. His body needed her. His heart needed her. He needed her. Period.

"I don't do friends with benefits," Kelsey said. "But for you, I'll make an exception. Now let's get out of here before my fingers fall off."

Shaun had been kidding about the benefits thing, but she didn't seem to have understood. He wasn't about to reject her offer.

***

Cool air slapped Kelsey's cheeks as the sand whispered beneath her feet. At first they walked side by side in silence. It was so quiet that she could hear her own heartbeat. Shaun's revelation had shaken her to the core, but she would keep that shock well hidden so he didn't feel worse than he already did. But was she crazy? Why couldn't she run from this broken man? Why did she just agree to a friends-with-benefits relationship with him? What kind of woman did that?

A desperate one
, a small voice in her head told her. But no, she wasn't desperate. She just felt more for Shaun than she could admit to him, or even to herself. She was falling in love with him and despite the obstacles, it felt like the real thing. Only time would tell. Until then, she'd stick around. She'd be there for him, help him heal, and wait to see if he'd eventually ask to be more than friends.

She was touched that he had told her about his past, and understood at last why he was such a careful driver. She would not turn her back on him now. He needed someone to be there for him, to understand, to listen, to like him anyway. She would be that person. The need to be there for him, to comfort him, maybe heal him, raged so furiously inside her that she couldn't ignore it. What did it matter if he had baggage? Who didn't? She'd help him carry his until he was ready to let it go. Even though accidents happened all the time, she wouldn't be able to convince him not to feel guilty. Eight years was a long time to convince himself he had killed his wife. It would take a lot longer for him to learn to think otherwise.

A few minutes later they entered Shaun's cottage. Kelsey eased herself down onto the sofa and Shaun covered her legs with a blanket, then made them both a cup of chamomile tea.

"Warm enough?" he asked, and Kelsey nodded. But not from the tea, nor the blanket. No, she was warm from the growing fire he had stoked inside of her. A fire that seemed to be growing bigger every moment she was with him.

"Tell me more about yourself." He lifted her feet from the couch and placed them onto his lap.

"What do you want to know?" Kelsey sipped her tea.

"Everything."

She nodded, and as they drank their tea, she told him the rest of her story. He had opened up to her and she'd do the same for him. She told him about her childhood, her mother dying when she turned thirteen, her father forgetting about her and becoming a workaholic. Then she told him about Craig and the wedding that never happened. When she told him what Craig had done to her, Shaun put down his cup, and wrapped his hands around her feet, holding them tight. A gesture that meant more than words. When he looked into her eyes, she saw everything she needed to know. He was not ready for a relationship yet, but he did feel something for her. It was only a matter of time before he realized he was falling in love too.

The road ahead of them was dark, but she silently prayed they would eventually get to the place they were both meant to be.

END OF BOOK 1

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this book please consider writing a review, and recommend it to friends and family.

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To Love Again (Learning to Live Again 2)
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To Love Again (Learning To Live Again 2)

COMING SOON

Shaun Brannon is broken to the core. But even though Kelsey's heart is cracking as she helps him carry the weight of his past, she can't walk away from her promise to be there for him, and she can't ignore her deepening feelings. So she tries to accept the little he's offering, even though she wants it all. But after months of wrestling with her emotions, she decides she must risk losing him by asking for more than he's prepared to give her.

Shaun won't admit it, but he aches for more than Kelsey's warm body in his bed. The problem is, something stands between them. The whole truth about what happened eight years ago. When Kelsey demands to have all of him or she'll walk away, he knows the time has come to tell her the truth. But the fear of reliving the past is just as paralyzing as the thought of losing her.

Click
HERE
to pre-order a copy of
To Love Again (Learning to Live Again 2).

Other books by Dori Lavelle

Entangled Moments
(Moments in Time #1)

Rekindled Moments
(Moments in Time #2)

Bittersweet Moments
(Moments in Time #3)

Defining Moments
(Moments In Time 4)

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