This is Living (Living #1.5) (8 page)

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ever have I felt as shitty as I have these last two days. Every bone in my body ached, my throat felt like I gargled with rocks, and I alternated sweating and freezing my ass off. Not to mention I couldn’t breathe out of one side of my nose, which might sound funny and not too serious, but trust me, I haven’t been laughing.

I tried to tough it out and act like it was no big deal, but I finally gave in and let Chloe take care of me. And trust me, she loved every minute of telling me what to do. Drink this, take that pill, pull those covers down…you get the idea.

Secretly, I loved her taking care of me just as much as she did. Even though I couldn’t see my boys and all I’ve seen is my old bedroom for the last two days, it felt like the times when it was just her and I.

Along with watching a ton of TV, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about making some major changes in my career. With what happened at the hospital and a new baby coming, my priorities have shifted. Actually, I’ve been feeling this way for a while, but I didn’t want to give voice to it because if I did, then everything I’ve worked for would seem like it was for nothing.

Now more than ever, the decision I’m contemplating feels right. Actually, I’m a little ashamed of myself for not seeing the impact my job has had on my marriage and family. I’ve been there for the big things, but I’ve missed out on a lot of the twins’ first two years of life.

I’ve thought about talking to my dad about what I’m thinking since he was most likely in my shoes at one point or another early on in his career although actually I’m thinking Connor might be the best person to talk to.

No, hell didn’t freeze over…I’m going to call my brother for advice. I’m kidding; I like to give him a hard time, but I can always count on him to tell me the truth.

Over the last several years, I’ve watched him turn into a hardworking dad of 6 and he still always has time for him and Madison. It’s sort of ironic that he was the one competing for eligible bachelor status while I wanted a family. Yet the fact is he’s a much better husband and dad than I am.

So with those thoughts running through my mind, I tap the screen on my phone for Connor’s number. I need to talk to him before Chloe comes back. She and my mom took Brendon and Braxton to the park to try and get rid of some of their excess energy from being cooped up for two days straight.

The phone rings three times and right before I hang up, I hear, “So, are you done getting pampered by mom and Chloe?”

It still hurts but I laugh anyway. “More like I’m being smothered to death. If I have my temperature taken one more time and have one more pill given to me, I’m going to run far far away.”

“Yeah, it’s too bad you’re at mom and dad’s; you could have Chloe take care of you naked or in something see through.”’

“I’ll be sure and tell Chloe your suggestion.”

“Tell little bit I know she’s freaky; there’s no reason to be ashamed.”

“I can only imagine that conversation. I’ll be sure and let you tell her that.”

We shoot the breeze a little bit more and then I tell him that I have something important to talk to him about.

Before I tell him what I’m contemplating, I ask him how he balances work, his kids, and still has time for Madison.

Without stopping to think, he says, “Because they are number one in my life. And I make sure Maddie knows that. Sure, its tough work, but I keep one thing in mind. I can always make money or get another job; I can’t ever get another one of her or my kids.”

His answer makes me feel like I’ve been sucker punched. I’ve been going about this all wrong. I thought if I was established in my career that I would always be able to take care of Chloe and my boys. Instead its taken me away from them.

“What’s with all the introspection?”

“I’ve had nothing but time to think while I’ve been sick and the more I think about what happened at the hospital with Chloe, I can see that I’ve let my job come between us. Not to mention, I’ve missed most of my boys’ first two years. I need to make a change.”

“Are you talking about not being a doctor anymore?” Connor sounds shocked and I understand why; it’s all I’ve wanted for most of my life.

“No, I still want that and I’ve worked too hard not to be one, but I’m thinking of changing from Emergency Medicine to another specialty…maybe Peds. Right now, it’s just a thought. I have to talk to the Chief and see if I even have the option of switching this late into my residency. I’m also thinking of taking some time off…maybe a leave of absence from my residency program.”

Connor doesn’t say anything and I wonder if he thinks I’m making a mistake. Before I can ask him what he thinks, he says, “I think you should do it. You’re great with kids. And it’s a lot less demanding than Emergency Medicine. Will you still work in the hospital or do you want to have a practice?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t thought that far. I need to talk to Chloe and see what she thinks.”

“You know she will support you…she always does…no matter what it is.”

I agree with him and then say, “I also don’t want to miss the important things with the new baby. I feel bad enough that I wasn’t always there for Brendon and Braxton.”

“Well, you have my vote and I know Maddie will agree. As soon as you can, get your ass up and go and talk to the Chief, then book a trip somewhere for you and Chloe, and keep her tied to the bed for a week. You know if you need any pointers, I can help out with that.”

“No thanks, dude, I think I’ve got it covered in that department.”

We both laugh, but then he says in a serious tone. “J, you need to do what is going to make the both of you happy and what will allow you to be there for your wife and kids. If you’re already burnt out, then that should tell you something.”

“I know. And that’s why I’m going to make a change. I just needed to talk to someone about it and hear that I’m not crazy for changing specialties this far in the game.”

“You know I’m always here for you as well as my wisdom…after all I’m older and wiser.”

“Ok, Yoda, I’ll remember that.”

Switching to a more serious tone, I thank him for the talk and tell him I’ll let him know what happens. We hang up and I contemplate Connor’s advice.

With his words ringing in my mind, I dial a familiar number...Methodist Hospital's Chief of Residents.

His secretary patches me through to him and when he hears it’s me, what he says floors me. “I’ve been waiting to hear from you, Jayson. I trust you have something important to tell me.”

Why would he be expecting to hear something important from me? As far as he knows, I’m calling about being sick.

When I ask him, he says, “Son, I’ve been a doctor longer than you’ve been alive. I know the signs of burnout and you’ve got them. Now, I’m not saying it’s affecting your job…in fact it’s the opposite. I’m known for being a hardass, but I watch out for my residents. You don’t call and complain like some of the others in your program and you always work extra, so for you to call me it has to be important. And let’s just say that I have eyes and ears all over the hospital…one of them being Susan.”

Thinking of Susan making me call my mother causes me to grit my teeth in frustration. I still can’t believe she did that to me. And the Chief knows about it…I feel like a fucking idiot. I start to say something and then decide to let it go; what good will it do to rehash it?

For the next several minutes, we discuss the ramifications of changing from the ER to Peds, how much longer I will have to remain a resident, and the biggest thing: taking a leave of absence.

After I have the information I need, I tell him that I will let him know as soon as Chloe and I reach a decision. He also gives me two more days off due to me having the flu. I don’t argue; I know my body is run down and I need the time to recuperate and for Chloe and I to make some life-altering decisions.

Trying to decide when I’m going to talk to her about it, the door opens and when I see her loving smile, I know there’s no time like the present.

Although I’ve got something else planned for her first.

D
riving up to Ava and Phillip’s house, I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. Jayson thinks that I went with his mom to take the twins to the park to play, but I’ve actually been out getting “the works” as I like to call them. You know: a mani/pedi, stone massage, and waxing.

I helped Ava put the boys into their car seats and as I was about to get in the car myself, she stopped me and said, “No, you’re not coming with us. I’m not going to the park. Maddie wants me to bring them over to her house and Phillip and I are going to eat dinner with them.”

Then she handed me a gift certificate and said, “And you are going to the spa.”

Not understanding, I just said, “That’s ok, I can do it another time. But, thank you so much for thinking of me.”

Of course, being Ava, she rolled her eyes and said, “Jayson is feeling better and the house will be empty until later tonight. Go to the spa and when you’re done, go see your husband. And by see, I mean…”

Feeling torn about the boys, I look from them to her. I don’t want to seem like a selfish person and leave them at the drop of a hat.

She grabs me up in a hug and whispers, “It’s ok to not be a mom for a few hours. Go and spoil yourself. Then go to him. Both of you need some time to be Jayson and Chloe, not Dr. Reece and mom, if you understand what I mean.”

With her words on a loop in my mind, I open the door to Jayson’s room expecting for him to be asleep, but instead he’s sitting up on the side of the bed grinning at me. Thank goodness he’s at least wearing a pair of sleep pants this time. Putting my bags down, I rush over to him.

“You look so much better, baby.”

He gives me that patented Reece smirk that has been working on girls since he was Brendon and Braxton’s age and says, “I feel better, too. Much better.”

Uh huh, I know right where this is leading.

With a fake stern expression, I tell him, “No way, mister. You’ve only been fever free since last night.”

Of course, a hurt expression immediately crosses his face, which makes me focus on his mouth. His very talented mouth….

Freaking pregnancy hormones…I’m about to go off at the drop of a hat and he’s still mostly sick. I have to remember that. Right? Someone tell me that I’m right before I attack his sexy body.

I close my eyes at my internal struggle and so I don’t see him. Because that’s the only way I can convince myself not to take advantage of a sick man. I know Ava said he’s feeling better, but I still worry it’s too soon.

Does he make things better? No, not at all. Instead he says in his growly turned on voice, “Why are your eyes closed? Come over here and lie down with me. We don’t have to do anything.”

Lies, people…all lies!

I know that look and that tone of voice and if I make one move over to where he is, clothes are going to start flying off.

I open my eyes and say, “Ok, But I’m only coming over there to lie down. Got that?” I’m such a faker. If only he could read my thoughts.

He doesn’t say a word; he just gives me an extremely wicked smile. I’m so screwed.
Yay.

“Are you sure you’re feeling up to this?” Noticing that his hair is damp and the scent of his body wash is in the air, I ask, “Did you take a shower?”

“Yes and I feel fine.

With a laugh he says, “I also changed the sheets and put germ gel on my lips.”

Something is definitely going on. I’m starting to wonder if he planned this with Ava, especially since he hasn’t asked where she or the boys are. Nor does he seem to be worried about anyone being in the house.

I smile and shake my head at his ridiculous comment aimed at my germ phobia and decide the time for joking is over. If he says he’s ok, I’m going for it.

I want him and not just because of hormones. I need to feel that connection between us and to know that nothing can break it.

Locking the bedroom door, I walk to him unbuttoning my shirt as I go. By the time I reach him, I’m standing in my bra and yoga pants. Without saying a word, I push them down and step out until I’m standing before him in my bra and panties.

The way he’s looking at me with so much love and heat in his eyes makes me wonder how I could have ever believed he would be unfaithful to me.

“Turn around.” 

My whole body shivers at the command in his voice. I turn and wait to see what happens next. He opens the clasp of my bra and I let it drop to the ground.

Not saying a word, he traces the length of my spine until he reaches my panties. I feel goosebumps follow the path of his fingers yet I’m not cold. Instead it feels like I’m being branded.

Expecting him to just remove my panties, he gives each cheek a squeeze. A tremor goes through me and I say, “Jayson, please…”

I feel the sting of a swat across my ass and the throbbing between my legs grows almost too much to bear. Clenching my thighs together, I steady myself to see what his next move will be.

He kisses the place he just spanked and then places his hands on my hips, pulling my panties down until they reach my ankles.

“Step out.”

Another command…and my body reacts the same way it did before.

I feel him stand up behind me and moving my hair away from my right shoulder, he places soft kisses along my collarbone. I turn my head to give him more access.

Reaching my ear, he sucks my earlobe into his mouth and then releases it.

“I’m going to fuck you until neither of us knows where the other one ends or begins,” he growls in my ear.

If it’s possible to orgasm to the sound of a voice, I think I just did.

Turning me around to face him, he places a palm on the side of my face and begins feathering soft kisses slowly along my lips. It’s too much and at the same time, it’s not enough.

As he does this, feelings of love and need wash through my body. A tear slips out of my eye and hits the hand that is holding my face. He stops and looks down at me with a question on his lips, but I shake my head no; I don’t think I can put my feelings into words.

Neither of us say anything, he just wipes the tear from my cheek, kisses my eyelids, and then back down to my lips.

Suddenly he picks me up and backs up to the bed where he sits with me in his lap. Our kisses grow deeper and he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth.

Biting down gently then soothing it with his tongue, I open my mouth for him to deepen the kiss. He pushes his tongue into my mouth and our tongues tangle together.

I need more…right now. Shifting off of his lap until my legs are spread across his hips, I push him back onto the bed, our lips never leaving each other.

My breasts press into his chest and with each movement, my nipples harden tighter than I thought possible. Every sensation seems more intense than ever.

I want to feel him everywhere. Pulling back, I say, “Your pants…take them off. I need you.”

He flips us and stands quickly to push his pants down. His beautiful cock is standing at attention and I reach for him. I want to feel him in me. I want his body to cover me, pressing me into the bed, surrounding me…

For a moment I’m confused when he lies down behind me and I feel his cock pressed against the small of my back. Then I realize what he’s doing. He knows my favorite position is spooning and he always uses it when he wants more than just a physical connection.

Rolling me to my side, his hand comes around to cup my breast. He rolls my nipple and pinches until I’m panting. Turning my head to the side, he kisses me until I’m breathless all while sliding his hand down to my pussy. He circles my clit, never touching it, and each pass makes me grow wetter.

Finally, he slides two fingers into me and I can’t help the moans that escape my mouth. My hips start moving in rhythm with his fingers and I try to find the pace I need for the orgasm I feel building deep in my core.

Because he knows exactly what I need, he starts talking.

“There you go, baby. Fuck my fingers. I can feel you’re close. Let go.”

“Please, I need...,” I cry out.

Before I can get the rest of the words out, his fingers slide into me and his thumb strokes across my clit. Instantly, I come with waves of pleasure rolling through my body while screaming his name.

It feels fantastic, but I want more.

“Jayson, I want you inside me…now.”

With my body still sensitive from the recent orgasm, he rolls me to where I’m almost on my stomach and pushes his cock between my legs. I feel him at my entrance and bear down to get him to enter me.

He leans over me with his hand next to my head and begins pushing into me. His body presses me into the bed and with each thrust his cock fills me. I’m pushing back against him and desperation builds between us.

“You’re mine…do you hear me? No one else will ever touch you”

This is what I need from him…to stake his claim on me. And now I have to give him what he needs…reassurance.

I feel another orgasm about to overtake me and as he pushes back into me, I cry out, “Yes, no one else, but you.”

Hearing my words, he pinches my clit while slamming into me and we both explode.

For a moment we lie there with him leaning over me and his cock buried deep. Finally, he lies back behind me with us still connected both physically and emotionally.

Stroking my back, he says quietly, but with the same intensity, “I’ll always be yours. I don’t want to ever touch another woman in this lifetime. I knew it when I saw you 9 years ago and I feel even stronger today than I did back then.

Tears roll down my face, but they’re happy tears. He’s giving me back what I thought we had lost…the spark we’ve shared for years. Only we didn’t lose it, we just needed to fan the flames to bring it back to life.

We hold each other until finally he slips out of me. Telling me not to move, he gets a warm washcloth and cleans us both up. While he goes to put the washcloth in the hamper, he says that he has something to discuss with me concerning his job.

Then because it’s me, I get up, pull a t-shirt on, and change the sheets. Because you know I can’t lie in a wet spot. I guess even great sex can’t tame my OCD tendencies.

Walking back into the bedroom, he sees what I’m doing and starts laughing. I grin back at him and tell him to get to helping me. Once we’re done, we climb back into bed and get into our position. And then he begins to talk…what he says floors me…he wants to change from the ER to Peds.

We talk for a while and make plans for his new career as well as our new baby and I feel a peace I haven’t felt in a long time…I can finally breathe easy knowing everything is going to be ok.