Authors: Max Frei,Polly Gannon
Tags: #Mystery & Detective, #Horror, #Fiction, #Fantasy, #General, #Epic
The Stranger (55 page)
Melamori was the first to arrive. It seemed I had given her a reasonable pretext for escaping the parental embrace a few hours earlier than planned. In any case, she wasn’t angry.
“You look fabulous!” It was impossible for me not to gush. “Have you had enough sleep?” I gallantly filled her cup with kamra.
“Has something happened, or did you just miss me?” Melamori asked with a grin.
“Of course I missed you, but that’s no reason to wake you up at dawn. I’m not such an ogre as they claim I am. Well, I wouldn’t think twice about devouring a few dozen old men and babies. But not allowing a lady to sleep her fill?”
“Well, whatever has happened?”
“A corpse happened. And a strange one it was. You can come to admire it—and to enjoy the aroma at the same time. I’m not kidding: take a deep whiff. Then come back here. There will be another cup of kamra waiting for you, and an assignment.”
Melamori obediently carried out my orders and went down to the morgue.
She came back with a troubled expression on her lovely face.
“Smell familiar?” I asked.
“Yes! But I have no idea why.”
“Same here. Well, don’t worry. If you can’t remember, you can’t remember. Here’s your kamra. Drink up, and forward, march to the
Tipsy Bottle.
”
Tipsy Bottle.
”
“What am I to do there? Drink myself into oblivion while the sun rises?”
“Precisely, and in between your eighth and ninth glasses of Jubatic Juice, don’t forget about going up to the master bedroom. Find out whether anyone besides the legal owners of the place was there last night. Except for me, of course.”
“So was that Karwen in the morgue? I’m slightly acquainted with his wife. Gosh! What a present on the Last Day of the Year!”
“The first day of the year, Melamori! Be optimistic. There’s a saying in my homeland: ‘The way you celebrate the New Year is the way you’ll live it.’ Can you imagine?”
“Do you believe that, Max?” Melamori looked at me in almost superstitious horror. “And nothing can be done to change it?”
“In my homeland, no. But in Echo, the silly signs and superstitions of the Barren Lands are not in force. So off you go to the
Tipsy Bottle
!”
Tipsy Bottle
!”
“I’m going, I’m going. Just between you and me, you’re a worse tyrant than Juffin!”
“I hope I am. Speaking of tyranny, it seems I’ll have to hit all the diners and snack bars in town trying to track down that scent again. And since you recognized it, too, I order you to accompany me.”
“You’re ordering me to hit all the diners and snack bars in town with you, Sir Max? I mean, just plain Max?” said Lady Melamori with a laugh.
“Of course,” I said. “I’m abusing the privileges of office in the best of interests. I’ve dreamed of this my whole life, and here I am in the driver’s seat. Now you won’t be able to wriggle out of it.”
“I wouldn’t think of trying,” said Melamori, and gazed at me, so clearly delighted that I suddenly turned red as a tomato. Then she left to carry out the task I had so tyrannically assigned.
Sir Kofa Yox arrived exactly two seconds before Melifaro, and both of them were burning with curiosity about whether my poor head was still in working order. They were alarmed when I related the events to them. This was the first serious crime that had taken place in Echo on the Last Night of the Year since the beginning of the Code Epoch. This was what Sir Kofa Yox claimed; and that was saying something.
By the time they arrived, I was already very tired. So I laid out the plan of action for them, and when I issued my orders, I was so cool and matter-of-fact it seemed I had been issuing them my whole life.
“I don’t think poor Karwen could have been involved in any dark matters,” said Sir Kofa, plucking the hem of his looxi thoughtfully. “But you’re right, my boy. We need to investigate his recent activities. People are capable of things that are so out of keeping with their characters, you can hardly credit it.”
“Especially at the End of the Year,” I said with a grin.
“Precisely. I’ll return at sundown, and if I uncover anything unusual I’ll send you a call.”
Kofa passed his hand in front of his face, changing his features without missing a beat. He turned his purple looxi inside out, so the modest brown lining was facing outward. Our Master Eavesdropper was ready to embark on a hard day’s work.
“And what is your command for me, O Terrible Child of the Night?” Melifaro had already jumped up from his chair, ready for action.
“Take a whirl through the Ministry. Stop in at the morgue and admire my catch. If you’re in the mood you can have breakfast. Wait for Melamori. Find out what she’s dug up. Actually, I’m sure that no one but the master and mistress had been in the bedroom. Ask around on Boboota’s side of the Ministry. Maybe one of the policemen knows something. Even the devil has a sense of humor.”
“And who is this ‘devil’ who likes a good joke?”
“Well, something between a vampire and a Mutinous Magician.”
“Ah, something like yourself.”
“I saved your life! I hid you from your hordes of relatives under my own blankets,” I said reproachfully. “And instead of falling at my feet or inviting me to dinner, all I get is—”
“I’m a swine,” Melifaro admitted, sounding aggrieved. “I’m inviting you. Today. No matter how much work there is, we still have to fill our bellies.”
“It’s nice to hear such pearls of wisdom. Mind you, it’s the
Hunchback Itullo
or nothing.”
Hunchback Itullo
or nothing.”
“I wouldn’t settle for less. Do I have your permission to depart, Sir Great Commander?”
“Permission granted. Hey, wake me up in about two hours, all right? I have a date with a beautiful lady.”
“Maybe I could stand in for you?” Melifaro said enthusiastically.
“Dream on. You’re not quite the man inconsolable widows are searching for. Moreover, you’ll be meeting the magnificent Sir Lookfi at that time. Have you forgotten? Anyway, let me get some sleep!”
“Right here?”
“Yes. If I go home, wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag me out from under the blanket.”
“True. It’s virtually impossible to get out from under your blanket,” Melifaro said with the confident air of an expert. “Did you cast a spell over it? And what if Juffin comes here and wants to get some work done?”
“It won’t bother me,” I said, rearranging the chairs into the pitiful likeness of a bed.
“It’s beginning to dawn on me,” Melifaro mused. “You’ve done away with our unfortunate chief, and now—”
“If you don’t let me get some sleep, I’ll do away with you,” I mumbled, already feeling the sweet tug of slumber. “I’ve changed my mind. Wake me up in two and a half hours, not two. In fact, make it three. And tell Urf to feed my cats. I just promised them yesterday that life was getting back to normal.”
“All right, go to sleep. I’ll take care of everything. Otherwise you might start spitting,” said Melifaro, and he disappeared out the door.
It seemed I had closed my eyes for no more than a minute. When I opened them again, Melifaro was there, looking down at me.
“Well, what now?” I said.
“What do you mean ‘what now’? You asked me to wake you up. Come on, upsy-daisy, Mr. Bad Dream. It’s time for me to go to the Main Archive. Besides, I’ve got some news for you.”
“A hole in the heavens above this World!” With a groan I tore my head away from the spot where normal people usually have a pillow. “It’s already been three hours? How unfair!”
“Three and a half,” said Melifaro, handing me a mug of hot kamra. “Juffin hides the Elixir of Kaxar in the lower left drawer of the desk. He made the bottle invisible, but you’ll find it if you fish around for it.”
“I know how to find it without your prompting,” I growled. I tore into Juffin’s desk drawer with the express goal of appropriating his personal property. A few seconds later, I was chomping at the bit to move a mountain or two.
“Now I can at least stand being around you,” Melifaro said approvingly. “Have you known about this hiding place a long time?”
“Since my first day on the job. After the scandalous adventure of the Soup of Repose, our chief realized that Elixir of Kaxar provided me with my only chance to wallow in vice. So, what’s the news?”
“First, our department: Melamori couldn’t find any traces of intruders or strangers. Except yours, of course. As you predicted. Master Mouthful-Earful hasn’t reported back yet. On the other hand, the City Police have a piece of news that makes everything else pale by comparison. Boboota has disappeared.”
“What?!” I spluttered, spewing kamra everywhere. “Are you serious?”
“Never been more so. He left for his meal right after the Royal Showering of Gifts. Since then, no one has seen him. His subordinates figured that the General had gone home, and were too happy to entertain any doubts. His servants at home thought Boboota was on duty. I think they were quite happy with the situation, as well. This morning, his wife finally decided to send a call to her beloved Boboota.”
“And?”
“Very strange, Max. He’s alive—Lady Box is sure of that. He’s alive, but he doesn’t respond to any calls, as though he is sleeping very soundly.”
“And Melamori? Has she been looking for him?”
“She’s still looking.”
“How’s that? I thought she worked fast.”
“That’s just it. In the Chancellery of Encouragement there’s not a trace of Boboota.”
“That’s impossible. Yesterday at noon he was stomping around over there.”
“That’s right, stomping around. Life, you know, is a complicated matter. It’s only in your homeland where everything is simple and straightforward: either there is horse dung, or there isn’t.”
I made a frightening grimace. Quick as lightning Melifaro hid under the desk, where he continued his story in the trembling voice of a scared little boy.
“Not in the Chancellory, not on the stairway, not by the entrance. There isn’t a trace of Boboota anywhere! Rather, the traces are everywhere, but they’re very old. Twelve days at least. They don’t count. Mr. Vampire, you’re not mad anymore, are you?”
Instead of answering, I laughed like a maniac, not so much at Melifaro’s antics as at the news. And what news!
“The entire City Police Force is looking for Boboota.” Melifaro went on. “If they don’t find him by sunset, they’ll hand over the official case to us.”
“Does Juffin know?”
“He certainly does.”
“Is he happy?”
“You bet he is. He’ll arrive here at sundown to start the investigation. Maybe he had a hand in the disappearance himself?”
“I wouldn’t be at all surprised,” I smiled. “Are you planning to stay under the desk until he gets here? What about the Main Archive?”
“You promise you won’t spit?”
“I might. The only thing that will save you is sheltering under the wing of a buriwok.”
“Fair enough.” Melifaro dashed out from under the desk, finished his kamra in a gulp, and disappeared into the corridor, waving goodbye.
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