The Promise of an Angel (A Heaven On Earth 1) (29 page)

Judith folded her hands in her lap and looked down at the table.

Her father rolled a long envelope in his hands, then tossed it on the table. “We asked you not to give Samuel false hope. You disobeyed us.”

Her brother needed encouragement. She hadn’t acted in defiance, but she had disobeyed. No wonder God hadn’t healed Samuel. She’d blocked the blessing by her sinful disobedience. A lump lodged in her throat. She swallowed, but the swelling remained. “I’m sorry.”

“We don’t know what to do with you.” Her father glanced at
Mamm
, then looked again at Judith. “You were instructed not to see that
Englischer
again. Yet you were at the river this morning. Why do you disobey us?”

Judith shrugged. “I believe . . .”

Why is it so hard for them to believe, God? They taught me what I know. They instilled Your laws into my heart
.

“What gave you the idea that Samuel saw—”
Mamm’s
voice turned hoarse and she cleared her throat in order to continue. “An angel?”

“Something he told Samuel.” Next, they would ask what the angel had said. But Judith was drawing a blank. Why couldn’t she remember? If the man was truly an angel, why couldn’t she remember what he told Samuel that made her think he was Tobias? It was all too confusing.

Her father pressed the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. “What did he say?”

“Other than for Samuel to imagine he was running, I don’t remember,” she whispered.

The envelope next to
Daed’s
coffee cup bounced when he pounded his hand on the table. “That’s the problem. You’ve told so many stories, you don’t even remember them.” He shook his head. “What has happened to you?”

Judith cringed. “But Samuel described his looks as identical to the man I saw . . . As God is my witness, I believe he saw Tobias—”

Her father held up his hand. “Who is Tobias?”

“The angel.”

Mamm
gasped. “He has a name?”

“God named the stars. Why wouldn’t He have named His angels?”

Mamm
started to cry, which caused her father to tap his hand against the table again.

“Judith, that’s enough.” He gazed at her across the table. “We’ve decided to send you to live with
Mamm’s
second cousin in Ohio.” He motioned to the envelope. “The ticket is bought.”

Judith’s eyes widened. “What? I don’t even know them.”

“They are family. There you’ll have an unblemished reputation.” He picked up the envelope from the table and glanced at it. “You will stay and find a husband in Ohio.”

“I don’t want to live in Ohio.” Judith’s gaze flipped to her mother. “
Mamm
, please.” Her stomach rolled, and her throat burned.

Her father tapped the envelope against the table as though moving its contents to one end. “This decision was made by the bishop.” His words grew softer. “He requested you leave the community.”

“I’m being shunned?” What happened to those not baptized having leniency?
Rumschpringe?
Why couldn’t they turn their heads as they did when other youth tested worldly temptations? Why was this different—worse than the sins others had received forgiveness for?

“You paid no heed to rebuke. You’ve not changed any of your ways. If you go to Ohio, you can continue in the faith.”

“I’m allowed to continue in the Amish faith in Ohio, but not here? When did sin become different depending on what state you live in?” She clutched her throat and squeezed her eyes closed.

“You have caused others to sin.”

Judith’s eyes shot open. Her father looked across the table at her mother and sighed. “You must go.”

“Who sinned because of me? Samuel? I didn’t mean to—”

“Andrew Lapp. He will be punished if you stay.”

“
Nay
, Andrew did nothing wrong.” She turned to her mother. “
Mamm
, he only befriended me.”

Daed
shifted on the chair. “We’ve sent word. The relatives know you’re
kumming
. I suggest you pack your things,” he announced, his tone final.

Everyone knew her fate but her. Relatives she’d never met knew she was coming. Her parents must have planned her departure days ago.

Judith stood and fled out the door, then began to run as fast as she could toward the river. “Why, God?”

She reached the patch of ferns, then pivoted and paced back to the river’s edge. “Why am I the only one who sees Tobias? Why am I the only one who believes?” She turned again. “He told me I would have to stand, but do I have to stand alone?” She threw her hands up into the air and looked at the sky. “I’ve used all the faith I’ve been given. How will I continue to stand?”

Except for the rushing sound of river water, there was only silence.

“My thoughts are simple. How am I expected to make the right choice?” Judith fell to her knees and then to her face. “Please don’t leave me. Show me the path and the way I should go. Guide me with a lamp unto my path. Open my eyes that I might see.”

Everything she remembered Tobias telling her, she repeated over and over until exhaustion overtook her words and silence hung in the air.

She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew. “It’s the path to Ohio, isn’t it, God?”

Judith wasn’t surprised to see David’s buggy parked in front of the house when she returned. She wasn’t anticipating what she heard, however, as she stepped into the house.

“So you did spend the night with Martha?”

She walked into the kitchen as Levi lifted his head to reply. “
Jah
, we talked . . .” His eyes locked a moment on Judith, then drifted back to David. “And we drank whiskey.”

Mamm
sobbed into her handkerchief and
Daed
lowered his head into his hands while David paced the floor. He stopped in front of Levi and crossed his arms. “You’ve marred her reputation.”

Martha grabbed David’s arm. “I love Levi.”

Her father shook his head. “You’ve disgraced your family. The church. Have you no shame?”

Martha’s bottom lip trembled.

She had them all fooled, thought Judith, playing remorseful. Even Levi looked taken in by her act. He shifted in his seat.

Judith leaned against the cabinet and folded her arms across her chest. Her heart ached for her parents.
Daed
held a somber glare and stroked his beard while
Mamm’s
shoulders shook as she wept. Hadn’t Martha considered the pain she would cause them?
Ach
, her pretending to be distraught created quite a predicament for Levi.

“We shouldn’t have spent the night together.” Martha turned toward Levi. “I wanted you to know how much I love you.”

“Did you—”
Daed
began.

“Nay!”
The color drained from Levi’s face. “We never had relations.” He turned to look at David. “I’m telling the truth. We kissed, is all.”

“Did you think about her reputation?” David crossed his arms.

Levi slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll marry her,” he said softly. He briefly gazed at Martha. “If you’re willing to join the church.” Then he looked at David again. “If the bishop will still baptize us
nau
.”

“Your commitment to the church must be genuine,” David said. “Since you’re
nett
already members, you probably won’t be required to do a kneeling confession in repentance of your transgressions.” He looked hard at Martha. “But are you willing, if asked?”

Martha exchanged glances with Levi and nodded.

Daed
glanced over his shoulder and noticed Judith. “Your sister has admitted her sin. I wish you would consider making a kneeling confession also.”

Judith gulped. She had been praying about the matter. “Truly,
Ich
have
nett
intentionally sinned against God.” Still, she had caused Andrew to disobey the bishop. She was guilty.

Daed’s
eyes narrowed. “Go on your way.”

Judith turned. Her eyes burned as the tears pooled.
He’s casting me away, God
.
I’m a disappointment—a shame
.

She ran to her bedroom, flopped on the bed, and buried her face into her pillow to muffle her sobbing.

When she had no more tears left, she wiped her eyes and pushed off the bed. She opened the dresser and pulled out her clothing, remembering the time she spent with her mother sewing each article. She gazed around the room. The bare walls, the braided floor rug . . . she would miss every inch.

You wanted me to choose, God, but leaving my district would never be my choice
.

Her eye caught on the wooden box she’d placed on the dresser. She ran her hand over the smooth birch, remembering the day she found it at the river. Opening the box, she lifted the rock.

Her heart sank. It looked like an ordinary rock.

She needed the glimmer of hope of the vibrant colors, but the rock no longer shone. Judith lowered it into the box, closed the lid, and went outside.

David stood at his buggy, harnessing his horse, when she stepped out on the porch. He waved her over to him, and her heart raced. Would he rebuke her too?

David pulled the leather strap from under the horse’s belly and looped it through the metal ring. “I understand you will be going to Ohio.”

“Jah.”

He faced her. “I wish you would have listened. I don’t want to see you go.” He motioned to the house. “
Mamm
and
Daed
are heartbroken.”

Judith lowered her head and nodded.

He touched her arm. “I’m sorry, too, about Levi. Ellen told me how you had dreamed of marrying him.”

Judith shrugged. It seemed a long time since she’d had any dreams of marriage. “Who told you about Martha and Levi?”

“Andrew stopped by the
haus
. He sounded worried about you.” David sighed. “He’s protective of you. He came to your defense the night you disappeared too.”

Judith raised her head. “He did?”

“
Jah
. He stood up for you in front of the bishop.”

Her chest grew heavy. “He shouldn’t have done that.”

“Judith, perhaps if you talked with the bishop and made a kneeling confession, you wouldn’t be sent to Ohio.”

“Confess I never saw an angel? Confess I no longer believe Samuel will walk? Confess what?”

“Tell the bishop what he wants to hear. Tell him you were confused, that you won’t make up any more stories.”

“If it were only a story, I would have already said so. But I didn’t make it up.”

David sighed. “I wish your conviction was a worthy one.
Ich veiklich
do.” He climbed into his buggy. “I will talk with the bishop once the talk has settled and see if you can return.” David motioned to the house. “
Daed
and
Mamm
are sad. They don’t want to send you away.”

The house door opened, and Levi and Martha stepped outside together.

Judith turned away. “I feel awful, but I will accept their decision. Tell Ellen I will write her.”

Judith meandered along the trail, and when she reached the river, she sat on the large boulder. Once again she opened the box with suspended breath. Again, the rock didn’t glow as it had before.

“I accept Your will.” She closed her eyes, desperately wanting to talk with Tobias. She needed to know if it was something she’d done that caused the rock not to shine. Judith waited with her eyes closed.

Silence.

Even the birds stopped chirping, and the breeze stilled.

Tobias was gone, and now God was gone too.

Judith stood, set the box on the boulder, and walked away.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

A
ndrew held a tight grasp on the money from selling Judith’s quilts as he knocked on the Fischers’ door.

Judith answered, but the moment their eyes connected, she lowered her head. Her face was puffy and her eyes were red.

“I sold your quilts,” he said, stepping into the house.

“Denki.”
Her reply wasn’t more than a whisper.