The Lie of Love (13 page)

‘I went home.’

‘Not
straightaway you didn’t.’

‘I went for a
walk first.’

‘A long walk,
apparently…’ Amanda raised her eyebrows in a very deliberate gesture. ‘
Ged
phoned me to see if we were together.’

‘And what did
you tell him?’ Darcy asked, her heart suddenly hammering in her chest.

‘Naturally I
lied through my teeth and told him we were. I assume I did the right thing.’

‘Sorry…’ Darcy
grimaced. ‘I lost track of the time and I got in really late.’

‘That’s all you
have to say on the matter? I’ve probably ruined my chances of entering the
pearly
gates for you with my whopping fib, and it was
all because you lost track of time?’

Darcy paused.
For a moment the crazy, exhilarating idea that she could share the details of
her tryst with Harry was tempting and she was so close to starting the
conversation. After all, wasn’t Amanda her best friend?  Hadn’t Amanda
always been there for her, never judging no matter how Darcy screwed up? 
But then she closed her mouth again before a word of it had been uttered. This
seemed like a confidence too far, even for the broad-minded Amanda. Darcy
didn’t think she could stand the look of disappointment on Amanda’s face if she
didn’t approve (and who would approve?). Even worse was the idea that Amanda
might feel justified in telling Julia, who had shown nothing but kindness and
generosity towards Darcy. She’d be more than justified too, and in her darker
moments when she dwelled on just what a mess she had created, the guilt would
eat at Darcy like a cancer.  The right thing would be to phone Harry, tell
him not to come near her again – at least, not when there was a chance they
might end up alone. But the right thing didn’t come that easily and the phone
call had never been made, no matter how long she tossed and turned at night
thinking about it.

‘Things were
awkward with
Ged
on Saturday, as you know. We weren’t
exactly the best of friends and I needed to clear my head, get some space… you
understand, don’t you?’

Amanda nodded.
‘Of course I do.’

‘So I’m sorry
that you lied but I’m grateful too. It saved a tricky situation becoming
downright nightmarish.’

Amanda reached
across the table and squeezed Darcy’s hand. ‘You know
,
if you want my opinion…’

‘Don’t,’ Darcy
cut in. ‘I know what you think about it but I can’t even consider a separation
whilst there’s so much else going on.’

‘That’s not what
I was going to say.’

‘Yes it is. And
you’re right, as you always are. The fact is I’m too weak to face life without
him right now. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t be. And I need him more than
ever now, to help with Sophie’s campaign. So we must continue to muddle
through.’

‘He’s not doing
much to help with the campaign as far as I can see,’ Amanda said, ‘Harry
Simmons in one afternoon has done more for you than
Ged
has in a lifetime.’

Darcy bit her
lip and bent her head to her drink. Staring into the depths of her coffee, she
pondered the irony of Amanda’s last sentence, not daring to look her friend in
the eye lest she give away her guilt.

‘Hey…’ Amanda
said, squeezing her hand a little tighter. ‘You don’t have to feel alone. You
have me and Julia and all the other people who want to help you. We all want to
see you succeed and we all want to celebrate with you on the day that Sophie
wobbles unaided across a room for the first time. So stuff your stupid husband
and put your faith in your friends, who will be with you no matter what.’

When Darcy looked up she could barely see Amanda’s
face for the tears that blurred her vision. 

Darcy pressed send on the text she
had just written. It seemed a coward’s way out but it was less painful this way
than facing him… and less tempting too. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself
alone with Harry again, not after last time, and she knew now it couldn’t
happen again, no matter what. He had sent her a text, hinting at another
liaison and she had to make her position clear without getting too close.
Locking the keypad of her phone, she slipped it into her handbag and crossed to
the full length mirror on the wardrobe door.  She took a deep breath and
stared at herself.

‘No going
back on this…’ she murmured to her reflection. ‘No falling for soft words and
promises…’ She checked her watch. If she didn’t get a move on she’d be late for
meeting Amanda and Julia. The idea of seeing Julia was a painful one,
especially with her tryst with Harry so recent, but although her conscience
wasn’t altogether clear, at least it could be eased slightly with the knowledge
that it wouldn’t happen again, not now she had ended it.  As stupid
mistakes went, this might have been her finest hour, but it was a mistake
nonetheless.  Besides, she was angry at herself, too, for losing focus on
what was really important: Sophie’s Steps.  She realised now that
everything else – her feelings, her doubts, her desires – had to be set aside
until the task she had promised to undertake was done.

Darcy’s troubled gaze flitted between Julia and Amanda. With
some dread, she had half imagined that Harry might just turn up uninvited to
their meeting at The Sugar Cube, but she was relieved to find her fears
unfounded.  There was also relief at finding that Rachel was not on shift
that day.  The notion that she had perhaps stolen what Rachel so dearly wanted
caused Darcy almost as much pain as the guilt she felt for both her own family
and Harry’s. 

‘So… as we are now, we’re a third
of the way there,’ Amanda beamed. ‘It’s incredible to think how far we’ve come
in such a short time.’

‘But it has helped being the tourist
season,’ Julia added, ‘more people around. So we need to bear in mind that
things might slow up a bit come winter.’

‘If we carry on like this, we
might not even need to fundraise beyond the summer…. Darcy? Are you ok?’ Amanda
asked, seeming to realise that her friend’s thoughts weren’t entirely with
them. 

Darcy smiled absently. ‘Yes. I
was just thinking about our next few projects.’

‘I can’t wait for the fashion
show,’ Amanda cooed. ‘I bet those university students have some wonderful
creations to show us.’

‘It was so good of them to donate
an outfit each,’ Darcy agreed.
‘And to let us use the
university as a venue for the show.’

‘So far it’s pulled in about
three hundred in advance tickets,’ Amanda said, consulting her file.

‘Most of them are people from
Howie’s
firm you’ve bribed to come along,’ Darcy said with
a faint smile.

‘One cannot miss the opportunity
to own a creation from a future star of fashion design,’ Amanda grinned.
‘Especially if it’s for a good cause too.’

‘Harry knows one or two of the
students,’ Julia cut in, ‘from high school. I think he’s after a turn on the
catwalk.’

Darcy felt the colour drain from
her face.  ‘He’s going to be in the show?’

Julia laughed, seemingly
oblivious to Darcy’s distress, although Darcy felt the weight of Amanda’s gaze
on her without even having to look.

‘If it’s up to him,’ Julia said.
‘He thinks everyone ought to put him at the centre of everything. He’ll learn
one of these days that he’s not quite the Adonis he thinks he is.’

‘Spoken like a mother,’ Amanda
said, and Darcy detected the subtle stress on the last word. Did Amanda
know?  It felt, at that moment, like she was seeing into Darcy’s soul.

Darcy almost leapt from her seat
as her phone bleeped the arrival of a text. Steadfastly ignoring it, she
reached for the teapot and topped up her cup.

‘Aren’t you going to get that?’
Amanda asked carelessly.

‘Later,’ Darcy said, trying to
keep her voice level. Her mother had always said she was a terrible liar and at
times like these she wished she had taken better lessons from that same woman
who lied to her father as easily as breathing.

‘But it might be important?’

Darcy gave
a jerky nod before reaching into her handbag and retrieving her phone. As she
had feared, Harry had chosen the worst possible moment to reply to her text.

I can’t stop thinking about
you and I can’t let this go, no matter what I said on the beach. Meet me once
more and tell me it’s over to my face. If you still feel the same way I’ll
concede defeat.

Darcy stashed the phone back and dropped her bag to the
floor beside their table. On her lap, she knotted her hands together and cursed
herself for her inability to stop them shaking.

‘So I said that he’d be lucky to
pass this year at all if he doesn’t do any reading over the summer,’ Julia was
saying to Amanda. Darcy could tell that Amanda wasn’t really listening, but
noting with astute and subtle attention Darcy’s behaviour.

‘I ought to get back soon,’ Darcy
said, hoping her voice would not betray the turmoil of her emotions. ‘Is there
anything else I need to take from today’s meeting?’

‘Not from me,’ Amanda said, still
watching carefully. ‘Just be sure to turn up at that supermarket collection on
Wednesday.’

Darcy nodded.

‘Not me either,’ Julia
said.  ‘The next time I see you will probably be the fashion show.’ She
smiled. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t let Harry gatecrash and parade down the runway in
a red evening gown, even though he’s threatened to.’

Darcy tried to return the smile
but it felt stiff and unnatural.  She rose from the table and Julia got up
and pulled her into a brief kiss on the cheek.

‘Take care. I’ll phone you next
week.’

‘I ought to go too,’ Amanda said,
making a show of checking her watch.

‘Not on my account,’ Darcy said.

‘I’ll walk up to the car with
you.’

‘No… it’s fine, honestly. Finish
your coffee with Julia and I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Darcy
hurried from the Sugar Cube and let the door slam behind her. She didn’t stop
the frenetic pace she had set herself until she reached the car. Her heart
beating wildly, she pulled the phone from her bag and re-read the text message.
The guilt she felt for deceiving Julia was palpable, but the irrational desire
to see him even more so.  His message seemed so earnest, so genuine. Did he
really feel that strongly for her? For a moment, she stared at the phone as her
finger hovered over the keys for a reply. But then she dropped it back into her
bag and started the engine with a sigh.

‘Are you making cakes?’ Jake asked as he hopped up onto the
kitchen stool. ‘It smells like it.’

‘I thought I’d make a chocolate
one for you and one with something a bit naughtier in for your dad.’

Jake grinned. ‘Like beer?’

‘Exactly,’ Darcy smiled.
‘Although I don’t know any beer recipes.
I’m making him tiramisu,
which has something similar in.’

Jake wrinkled his nose. ‘I’m glad
you’re making chocolate too, I hate tiramisu.’

‘I didn’t like it when I was your
age. It’s a thing that you’ll learn to like as a grownup.’

‘Because it’s
got naughty stuff in?’

Darcy ruffled his hair and went
back to her mixing bowl. ‘Are you going to change from your school uniform?
You’ve been in for over an hour now and I seem to recall asking you a couple of
times already.’

‘
Okayyyyyyy
….’
Jake leapt down from the stool.

‘And see if Sophie needs a drink
or anything,’ she called as he shuffled from the kitchen.

Whether or
not he heard he didn’t reply.  Darcy went back to her mixing, emptying her
mind of anything but the task in hand. Baking was when she felt most relaxed, but
these days there had been very little time for it. She also knew how much
Ged
liked her cakes and puddings
and how pleased he always seemed to be when she surprised him with something
sweet after dinner.   The text from Harry earlier that day had been pushed
firmly from her mind as she absorbed herself in making something that
Ged
was sure to love and would go at least a small way to
putting them on an even keel again.  

Four hours later and no
Ged
. Darcy had called his mobile but it was switched
off. He hadn’t answered the office phone and his secretary didn’t know where he
was. There had been no mention of working late, no after-work meetings, no
clients to entertain that she knew about. Darcy paced the kitchen, her patience
gradually waning every time Jake or Sophie asked when they could eat. 
Eventually she had tired of their incessant nagging and had given them jam
sandwiches, shortly followed by their chocolate cake, to shut them up, rather
than the cottage pie now drying out in the oven that she had made for them all
to eat together. Then they had both returned to their separate worlds of
internet gaming and cartoon watching until they had gone, complaining bitterly,
to bed, leaving Darcy feeling utterly alone. 

Her gaze flicked to the clock
again. Only ten minutes had passed since she last looked but it felt like a
lifetime. Where the hell was
Ged
? 
Images of the car upturned in a ditch somewhere crossed her mind but she shut
them out.

Then the sound of the key in the
lock of the front door reached her and
Ged
appeared at the kitchen doorway.  Darcy’s first instinct was to heave a
silent sigh of relief as he appeared unharmed and in good spirits. In fact, he
looked more cheerful than he had done in months. But the relief soon evaporated
and cold fury took its place.

‘Where have you been?’

Ged
dropped his briefcase onto the kitchen table and
headed for the fridge. Pulling out a bottle of milk, he shrugged slightly. ‘It
was Bob Dawson’s retirement do. I wasn’t going to go but as everyone was going
on to the Wishing Tree after work for Chinese, they persuaded me to tag along.’
He took a swig of milk straight from the bottle – as if it was an action
deliberately designed to goad Darcy, whom he knew hated to see it.