The Island Of Bears: A BBW Paranormal Romance (9 page)

A short while later, we rested on our backs, side by side, while the sun sank even lower and a balmy, salt-scented breeze cooled our warm bodies. For several minutes, we just relaxed quietly, fingers entwined, watching the sky turn from shades of fire to dusky purples and pinks. Somewhere behind us in the jungle, the parrot called out what sounded like “Hello” a few more times, each one quieter than the last, as if the bird was getting tired.

Eventually, I became so relaxed that I might have soon drifted off to sleep if Holden hadn’t turned to me with a very serious expression, saying that he needed to tell me something.

Praying that
something
wasn’t that he’d decided to try to take me back through the portal to New York City early, I pulled myself up on my elbows, studying his face. “What is it?”

Frowning, he rolled onto his side and hesitated for a long moment before responding. “This is very, very crucially important to our relationship. So, please...hear me out, even though you might not like what I have to say.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

I sat up fully in the wet sand, my gaze on Holden’s face. “What is it you have to tell me? And why do you think I won’t like it?”

“Here. Let’s get dressed first. Just on the off-chance that we get any more company other than that parrot back there. My men who patrol this side of the village should be coming back around here within the next hour or so, I expect.”

We brushed the sand off ourselves and got dressed, with Holden helping me back into my bikini since I couldn’t do it on my own because of being hobbled by my ankle.

After tying the spaghetti straps of my top behind my neck, Holden gently turned me toward him, frowning. “Actually, before we talk, I think we should get you back to the village, and the doctor. I think your ankle should be tended to as soon as possible. And actually, I feel like a complete jerk for not suggesting this first.”

I scoffed, though at the same time thinking that his concern was sweet. “There’s no need for urgency with me seeing the doctor. He’s probably just going to wrap it in a bandage and tell me to put some ice on it, which I think can wait. It’s really not even that severe of an injury. I’ve had a sprained ankle once before, and it actually hurt much worse than this, so I think this one is mild. So, please. Let’s sit again, and tell me whatever it was that you wanted to tell me before we got dressed.”

Holden agreed, seemingly a bit reluctantly, and we sat in the sand again.

With his arm around me, he looked into my eyes with his expression one of unmistakable sincerity. “Basically, all I wanted to tell you is that I want you to trust me. I want you to trust me to do what’s best to keep you safe, even if that includes sending you back to the city, which it definitely does. I also want you to trust me that this will all work out. We can still stay together and continue on with our relationship, but it just may take some time before you can come back to the island. Believe me when I say I’m going to try my absolute damnedest to try to make that period of time a short one, though. And in the meantime...well, I’m sure I’m going to be a bit busy trying to take out the remaining Forms as quickly as possible so that it will be safe for you to return, but I’ll still be able to come through the portal and visit you in New York every so often.”

“‘Every so often.’ I just don’t like the sound of that, Holden. That sounds like we’d only be seeing each other every month, or every several months or something, which isn’t nearly as often as I’d like, and I don’t think it’s nearly as often as our new relationship needs. And there’s something else about what you’ve just said that I don’t like. Although...I guess I’m not sure how to say it.”

“What is it? You can be completely open and honest with me about anything that you’re feeling or thinking right now. Anything at all.”

I knew that I could, but I really couldn’t think of exactly how to explain specifically what I was thinking right then.

Trying to sort my thoughts, I looked out at the very last rays of the sunset and the sparkling waters of the ocean briefly before turning my face back to Holden. “I guess I’ll just be blunt. I feel like by you saying that you want me to trust you to do what’s best to keep me safe, you’re taking the responsibility of my own safety off of me, and putting it onto yourself.”

Holden scoffed, seeming incredulous. “Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I care about you. A lot, I might add. Why
wouldn’t
I want to protect you? Why would me taking responsibility for your safety be a bad thing?”

I hesitated in responding once again, taking a few moments to think. “Taken at face value, it’s
not
a bad thing. You wanting to protect me is something I appreciate a lot, actually. I
like
it. But at the same time...there’s something about you wanting me to trust you to do what’s best to keep me safe that makes me feel... I don’t even know what the right word is. ‘Uncomfortably passive,’ I guess. I feel like we should be working as a team to keep me safe. We should
share
responsibility for my safety.”

Holden sighed, closing his heavy-lidded eyes for a moment. “Because that worked out so wonderfully today.”

“Look. I get it. I spaced out and did a really dumb thing by wandering away from the village. I know something very bad could have happened to me. But despite that—despite this one instance of carelessness—I’m not some china doll who can’t be left unattended or unguarded for longer than a second. I’m not someone who needs to be sent back through the portal to be wrapped in the metaphorical bubble wrap of a building with celebrity-level security. Not that I’ve lived a very brave or heroic life at all or anything, but I’ve always been in charge of my own self, and my own decisions, and my own safety. Not to get terribly philosophical about it, but I’ve always felt like for the most part, I’ve been in charge of my own destiny. And you wanting to send me away—you wanting me to just completely hand you the reigns when it comes to my safety—well, there’s just something that smacks of me not being in charge of my own destiny anymore. There’s just something about that that makes me feel...just, strangely small somehow. Not strong, which is how I always like to feel, and how I manage to feel a good deal of the time.” Hoping I was getting through to him, I paused to take a deep breath. “Does any of this make sense to you?”

Now it was Holden’s turn to hesitate in responding, and he did for so long that I wondered if he was going to respond at all.

But, after several long seconds of looking out at the ocean, he finally turned his gaze back to me. “Yes. I understand what you’re saying. And please believe me, I never meant to make you feel how you do. But, Haley, it’s....” He paused, removing his arm from around my shoulder and taking both my hands in his. “It’s almost a matter of necessity in this situation that you put your complete trust in me, and that you allow me to be responsible for your safety. And that’s not because you’re not strong and capable; it’s simply because we’re dealing with supernatural elements here, and creatures who are probably hundreds of times stronger than a human being, specifically you. See, I can understand why all this might make you feel as if I’m taking control of your autonomy and your destiny, and if the Forms weren’t an issue, I would never have asked you to let me take on responsibility for your safety. But the Forms
are
an issue. And until they’ve all been killed, I just can’t risk you getting hurt, or worse. I just can’t. You mean too much to me, even at this early stage of our relationship. And what happened today just made me that much more confident in my decision to take you back to the city and have you remain there, for however long it takes.”

“But... I just feel sick when I think about leaving you. Doesn’t that count for something? That I feel that me going back to the city would only make me miserable?”

“Of course that counts. All your feelings count in regards to this situation. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind.”

“Well...so you mentioned possibly hiring a bodyguard or two for me back in the city. Why can’t we just do that here? I’m not saying I’d like it, because I definitely don’t think I would, but I’d be willing to deal with it if that meant I could stay here with you.”

Holden heaved a sigh, giving his head a slow shake. “Stretched thin as we already are, I can’t spare even one man at this point. Not to mention, Forms can attack bodyguards, and then what would happen? I just can’t risk it. I want you completely safe. So, going back to what I asked you earlier...can you please just try to trust me? Can you please just allow me to take complete responsibility for your safety, just until this situation with the Forms is resolved? Remember, I’ll still visit you whenever I can.”

“‘Every so often.’”

“Whenever I can. And then, once Sun Cove is safe... I want you to come back. There’s nothing I want more. Just please agree to trust me about all this, and try not to dread what’s going to have to happen in about a week. Just please agree to at least
try
to trust me...that this will all work out in the end, and then we can be happy. Together.”

Looking deeply into my eyes, Holden caressed the backs of my hands, slowly rubbing his thumbs in slow circles against my skin. His expression was so earnest and sincere and pleading that I developed a literal ache in my chest. I
wanted
to trust him. I wanted to believe that our very new relationship could survive a separation, and maybe one of a great length. But something was still making me feel reluctant about things. Something was still making me feel like I wanted to dig in my heels.

However, at that moment, I just couldn’t respond to Holden in the negative. A small part of me seemed to be whispering that if I truly cared about him, which I did, I should at least
try
to trust him. I should at least give it a chance. Maybe the quiet little whisper I was hearing was because I felt in my gut that Holden truly wasn’t trying to wrest control of my own safety and my life away from me, and he didn’t think I was some pathetic, helpless china doll. I knew he just wanted to keep me safe because he cared about me, and I also knew that the Forms were quite serious business. I had to admit that what he’d said made sense. Maybe when an average human was at risk of attack from supernatural creatures, it was best to let a shifter experienced with supernatural creatures take complete control of the reigns. Even if that didn’t feel great for some reason.

Suddenly, making two decisions at once, I nodded. “All right. I’ll agree to at least
try
to trust you about all this. I’ll trust you that we can be happy in the end. And I promise that you won’t have to drag me back through the portal kicking and screaming in a week.”

The first decision I’d made had, of course, been to trust Holden, and the second decision I’d made had been to abandon all plans to try to deal with the Forms myself. Not that I’d really had any specific plans anyway. But I’d resolved to not try to think of any. I was now determined to just do as Holden had asked and simply allow myself to let go and let him do what he thought was best to keep me safe. I knew I might have to grit my teeth a bit to do it, but I’d do it.

In response to my agreement, Holden kissed each of my hands in turn, and then my mouth, before pulling back wearing a devastatingly sexy half-grin. “Thank you. Thank you for at least agreeing to try to trust me about all this. Everything will work out, and I won’t let you down. I promise.”

He kissed me again, then promptly scooped me up and began carrying me down the beach in the dim light of early evening, saying that it was well past time to see the doctor about my ankle. I glanced down, seeing that it really was. My ankle was so big around I probably wouldn’t have been able to fit my hands around it.

A few hours later, after the doctor, a kindly older man, had done x-rays on my ankle and iced it and wrapped it, Holden carried me back to my cabin, even though I protested that I was more than capable of using a pair of crutches the doctor had given me. But Holden wouldn’t hear of it.

“I
know
you’re more than capable of using crutches. But
I’m
more than capable of carrying you, and since I love doing so, and since you’ve said a time or two that you love resting your face against my chest, why would we want to miss out on this opportunity?”

I
did
love resting my face against his chest. If “love” was even a strong enough word. I
adored
it. Sometimes when in his arms, I felt like I could relax and breathe in his woodsy, masculine scent for hours and not get tired of it.

Once he’d made the two of us some dinner, then tucked me into bed with my ankle propped up on pillows, he left to go join his men in doing surveillance of Black Lake. I knew he probably wouldn’t be back that evening, and he wasn’t. When I woke up early the next morning and saw his side of the bed empty, I sighed, missing him desperately. I figured I had better get used to the feeling, now that I’d abandoned my plans to try to take out the Forms myself and remain on the island.

However, just a couple of hours later, my plans changed again when Cora told me something that turned my blood to ice.

CHAPTER EIGHT

When our respective men still weren’t back by mid-morning, Cora, Amy, and I had brunch together at my place, then Cora took a stroll down the boardwalk to the outbuilding where the village’s artisan chocolate was handcrafted in small batches. Or, at least,
she
strolled. I hobbled along on my crutches, still kind of trying to get the hang of them. It turned out that while I was capable of using crutches, I wasn’t exceptionally coordinated or smooth with them.

We’d decided on a trip to the chocolate shop because for one thing, the day was overcast and a bit cool, which was unusual for the island and made the day not ideal for beach activities, and for another thing, Cora had said that I looked like I could use a piece or two of chocolate. Or three. I’d already told her about Holden’s plan to take me back to New York in about a week, and over brunch, I’d told her that I’d finally agreed to it. I’d finally agreed to trust him. Even just saying the words out loud, that I’d be leaving him, and the island, soon, put me in such a glum state that I hadn’t even been able to take more than two bites of a ham-and-veggie frittata Amy had made, despite the fact that it was delicious, and despite the fact that I was hungry. A little lump in my throat that kept wanting to rise up prevented me from choking any more down.

Inside the outbuilding was a large, open room filled with vats and various workstations where the chocolate was made. All the adults in the village pitched in with production, even the men, and even Holden. He’d told me that he found the process of making chocolate relaxing. Which was great, because I found the process of eating chocolate relaxing. Several days earlier, he’d presented me with a blue velvet box filled with chocolates that he’d crafted himself, despite the fact that he’d obviously been incredibly busy dealing with the Forms. The ten or so small, rich chocolates inside the box had been shaped like shells, starfish, and various other things from the ocean, which was the signature of all chocolate made in the village. Though in my velvet box, one of the chocolates had been different from the rest. It had been shaped like a heart, with delicate filigree etched into the front of it using some special tool. I’d been embarrassed about how quickly I’d polished off the shell-shaped chocolates, but the heart-shaped one I’d kept to save forever.

Filled with the sweet scent of chocolate of all kinds, the workshop smelled heavenly, even though no production was taking place that day. Cora and I had simply stopped by to sample some “rejects,” which was to say, chocolates that weren’t really “rejects” at all, but ones that merely had some very minor flaw, such as filigree design that hadn’t turned out perfectly, or marks from where a mold hadn’t closed completely over a particular piece and had left marks. All these “rejects” were kept in boxes on a table in one corner of the air-conditioned shop, and anyone was free to take a box or two whenever they felt like it.

However, Cora said that people didn’t often do that. “After a few decades making chocolate here on the island now, honestly, we’re all a little sick of it. I myself can only stomach the white chocolates anymore.”

I didn’t think I could ever get sick of chocolate. Ever. No matter how long I stayed on the island. Which, as I unfortunately now knew, wouldn’t be much longer.

After we’d selected a box of assorted “rejects,” Cora brewed some coffee in a little kitchenette area of the shop, and we took cups of coffee and our chocolates outside to enjoy on a picnic table out front, which was flanked by two clusters of tall, vibrant green palms.

Sitting across from me, Cora handed me a paper napkin to put my chocolates on. “I want to encourage you to have all you want, because considering how down you look today...well, you look like you could use more than one piece. Chocolate makes your brain release feel-good endorphins, you know.”

Selecting a few pieces from the box, I sighed. “Yeah. I know. Although with the way I feel, it would probably take a literal ton in order for me to start feeling any better.”

I took a bite of a shell-shaped dark chocolate with an exquisite creamy coconut center very subtly flavored with a hint of lime. This kind was my favorite, though today, the delicious taste hardly even registered.

Amy selected two starfish-shaped white chocolates from the box and set them on her napkin, glancing up at me. “I know it’s hard, and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now or what you’re going through, but you have to try to think positively. Just focus on the fact that you will be coming back, and hopefully fairly soon. Put all thoughts of Dr. Bradley out of your mind, and just refuse to think them. That is
not
going to happen to you. I can just tell. Everything for you is going to go smoothly.”

While a breeze fluttered through her long brown hair, Cora picked up one of her white chocolates and took a bite.

I set the rest of my coconut-lime chocolate down, thoroughly confused. “Who’s Dr. Bradley? And what does he or she have to do with me?”

The village doctor’s name was Dr. Anderson.

The moment I’d asked the first question, Cora had begun choking on her bite of chocolate.

Coughing, she gave her chest a few thumps with a fist. “Oh, God.”

Alarmed, I pushed her cup of coffee a little closer to her. “Here, take a drink.”

She did, then coughed a few more times and took another sip before she was able to speak again. “Sorry. That bite just went down the wrong pipe.”

“Well, don’t be sorry. You all right now?”

She took another sip of coffee. “Yeah. Just fine. Thanks. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to tell you about a community clambake Amy and I have been planning for the night before you leave, kind of for a send-off. See, we’re thinking of something like a late-night party, with lots of rum, and dancing, and a huge bonfire on the beach. We didn’t tell you about it over brunch because we were thinking we’d make it a surprise for you, but now I just figured I’d tell you about it, because—”

“But, wait a second, Cora. I appreciate you wanting to have a send-off for me, and it sounds really fun, but what were you saying about a ‘Dr. Bradley'? Who
is
Dr. Bradley, and why did you mention—”

“Oh, that was just nothing. Nothing.” Avoiding my eyes, Cora paused to tuck a strand of flyaway hair behind one ear, then take a sip of coffee. “That was totally nothing.”

Now I was mystified and more than a little uneasy.

“Cora. Please look at me and tell me who Dr. Bradley is, and what happened to him or her that is supposedly ‘
not
’ going to happen to me.”

Cora shook her head, gaze on her coffee cup. “I’m a... I’m a complete idiot. An utter and total complete idiot.”

“Cora, look at me. And fill me in. Please.”

With a deep sigh, she finally returned her gaze to my face. “I’m really sorry, Haley. I guess I just sort of thought you already knew certain things. Like maybe Holden had already told you, or... I don’t even know. Me and my big mouth. I really wasn’t thinking there.”

“Well, it’s no big deal. I had my own little lapse of not thinking yesterday. But, please...fill me in. Because you’re making me feel kind of anxious, to be honest.”

Cora winced, seeming to be struggling to maintain eye contact with me. “I’m so sorry. But if you’re feeling anxious now, me explaining about Dr. Bradley really isn’t going to help things.”

“I don’t care. Please tell me.”

Cora winced again, clearly beyond uncomfortable. “All right. I guess no putting the genie back in the bottle now, or, putting the doctor back in the bottle, as the case is.” While a little bit of sun peeked through the clouds, making the turquoise waters of the ocean sparkle in the distance behind her, Cora took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Dr. Bradley was a heart specialist who came here to the island years ago... Maybe thirteen or fourteen years ago. Amy’s friend Lisa was having some strange, prolonged chest pains, and being a general practitioner, Dr. Anderson didn’t feel comfortable trying to determine the cause by himself. So, Holden went through the portal to New York, found a doctor who believed in the supernatural and who was also willing to be discreet, which, of course, was Dr. Bradley, and then Holden brought her over here to the island. Holden had done this with different medical specialists, dentists, various scientists, and so on, dozens of times. Probably hundreds of times, actually. In the past few decades, I’d just guess he’s brought a hundred different people over here on a total of maybe three or four hundred round trips, because some people come over more than once. So, anyway, Dr. Bradley, who was a nice older woman, was one of these round trips. She came over, determined that Lisa’s chest pains weren’t caused by any heart condition, but instead, by a severe case of acid reflux disease, which Dr. Anderson had suspected, but just to be sure, he’d wanted Lisa to have a full cardiac workup. So, once Dr. Bradley declared Lisa’s heart in perfect condition, Lisa began treatment for her reflux disease, and Holden took Dr. Bradley back to New York.”

“So what was the problem? The thing that will supposedly ‘
not’
happen to me?”

“Well...the problem didn’t happen until about six months later. Dr. Bradley wanted to come back to do a follow-up exam on Lisa, just to make sure that her cardiovascular system was still completely normal. And, though I’m sure that
was
really her primary intent, she really liked it here on the island, and I think she was kind of looking forward to another couple of days here as well. So, Holden went to New York to take her back through the portal, but it just...well, it just didn’t work this time.”

With an icy chill suddenly flowing through my veins, I swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well... Holden went back through the portal, but Dr. Bradley just... didn’t. So, Holden tried again, but Dr. Bradley still remained at the fountain on Ellis Island. It just wasn’t working this time. Holden tried again a week later, but it still didn’t work. Lisa insisted that she was really fine and didn’t even need to be seen by Dr. Bradley again, but at this point, Holden was just so perplexed as to why Dr. Bradley wasn’t able to come back over that he felt like he wanted to try again, just to see what would happen. And so he did, maybe a month later, but it still didn’t work. At that point, I guess he just kind of gave up, because there were other medical needs in the community at that time, and different specialists had to be brought over, and he couldn’t waste any more time or trips just trying to solve a mystery. Especially considering that Holden can only make a limited number of trips bringing people to and from the island in a certain time period, and he didn’t want his failed attempts with Dr. Bradley to count when he could have been bringing over other specialists.”

My mouth had become very dry, and I swallowed for the second time. “So... that was the end of it? Dr. Bradley was never able to come back through the portal to the island?”

I cringed inwardly at the possibility of the same thing happening to me. I actually felt physically ill.

Seeming to realize exactly what I was thinking, Cora shook her head. “This will
not
happen to you, Haley. It just won’t. What happened with Dr. Bradley was just some sort of weird fluke. She’s been the only person out of probably a hundred that this has ever happened to, and—”

“I don’t like those odds. I don’t care if it’s only been one in a hundred; I don’t like those odds at all. A one-in-a-hundred chance of the same thing happening to me is still way too high for my liking.”

My stomach was churning with dread.

Cora reached across the picnic table and gave my hand a quick squeeze. “What happened to Dr. Bradley will not happen to you. I promise. Some of us had suspicions about why she wasn’t able to return to the island, and those suspicions make me pretty certain that the same thing won’t happen to you. See, Dr. Bradley was a very different type of lady, especially for a doctor. Somewhere along the way, she’d gotten involved in the occult, though not with any dark or sinister intent. She was part of a group of women who considered themselves ‘good’ witches, and she thought that through magic, she and her fellow witches could try to cure many diseases that modern medicine just can’t yet. She passed away a few years ago, and I don't think she was ever even remotely successful in her quest, but many people here in the village, including myself, suspected that her involvement in the occult had something to do with why she couldn’t come back over here again. Maybe she just had a different supernatural ‘energy’ about her that normal people don’t have. And maybe this ‘energy’ wasn’t strong enough to prevent her from coming over here the first time, but maybe it had changed those six months later. Maybe it had grown stronger or something; I don’t know. But I just have to think that there had to have been some sort of a link.”

“But what if there wasn’t? What if her not being able to come back was just some sort of random happening that could also happen to me? What if Holden takes me back to New York, kills all the Forms, but then isn’t able to bring me back here?”

“I just don’t think that’s going to happen. I think the odds are greatly, greatly in your favor. And obviously, so does Holden. I don’t think he’d bring you back to New York if he wasn’t just as confident as I am that all will be fine.”

Thoroughly nauseated from anxiety, I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “But, Cora...no offense, but all of you here on the island don’t even know exactly how the portals work. Holden even told me this himself. He’s said that there is still so, so much that all of you don’t yet know and understand about how this island was set up, and about how everything just plain
works
. So, no one can guarantee that what happened to Dr. Bradley won’t happen to me. You can’t make any guarantees, and neither can Holden. All anyone can give me is odds. And when it comes to my future....” I paused, suddenly blinking back tears. “When it comes to my future with Holden, I don’t want to gamble. Our relationship may still be very new, but...well, I guess I think I’m falling in love with him. And maybe I have been since the day that we met.”