The Great Rabbit Revenge Plan (17 page)

‘Stop!' cries Fridz. ‘Not a step further!'

‘What's up?'

‘Ten steps back!' says Fridz. ‘We are in possession of a dreadful secret weapon and we're not afraid to use it!'

She makes a sign to Konrad. He turns around and shows Paul in the rucksack.

‘Just stay where you are! Otherwise you'll get deadly fur itch.' Fridz has to say it loudly, because the manageress has already turned on her heel and is at least two trouser racks away.

‘But, Friederike,' she says from there.

‘The key is fine,' says Fridz across the department. ‘And by the way, you can have it back.' She drops the keyring onto the floor and gives it a kick so that it clinks across the passage. A few customers are standing around watching and more are appearing from other departments.

‘I've come to say something to you,' cries Fridz. ‘I want to tell you I think you're stupid. And mean. You've taken away my dad. You mean, stupid cow. If I could have a wish come true, I'd wish you on the moon. I don't like you, and that is never, ever going to change, no matter how nice you are to me.'

‘But,' says the woman. She has quite an audience now and she looks like someone who doesn't know what to do. She takes a step forward.

‘Don't move!' says Fridz. ‘Remember the fur here. And think about your own hide. We wouldn't like anything to happen to you.'

The manageress stays where she is. Even more people have popped up out of nowhere to see what's going on. Droves of people are pouring into the casual and young fashions department.

‘Is there a problem, Frau Ahlberger?' asks a strong, masculine voice. ‘Or can you manage?'

‘No, no, everything's fine.'

Konrad has never been so aware that someone is lying. Nothing is fine. Nobody is able to manage anything here. And everyone in the casual and young fashions department can see that.

‘Friederike,' says the manageress. ‘You're a big girl now. It's time you understood. Your dad and I, we –'

‘Rubbish,' cries Fridz. ‘I'm not big. I'm actually small for my age. One metre forty-two. And I'm also a bit silly. I don't have to understand anything. I think you are both just mean, and that's that. And just so you know, from now on I'll have Konrad here with me all the time. And Paul. Just remember that if you want to come sidling up to me. Understand?'

Fridz gets Konrad to show off the rabbit again, and then she signals to him that it's time to go. Konrad is very quick to agree to that.

‘Goodbloodybye!' cries Fridz.

And they wriggle their way, with great difficulty, through all the people. There might be as many as one hundred of them.

‘Watch it,' says Fridz. ‘People with animal allergies, please stand back.'

It might even be two hundred. Konrad can't be sure.

‘Frau Ahlberger,' says the strong, masculine voice from somewhere. ‘Please come into my office.'

They can hear it from the escalator.

Goodbye, Paul!

I'm hungry now,' says Konrad. ‘And so is Paul.'

The three of them are back on the little bench in the park. None of them has said anything so far, so Fridz is a little taken aback by this.

‘Hey!' she says. ‘What did you say?'

‘That we're hungry, me and Paul.'

‘Hmm,' says Fridz. She's obviously thinking about something else.

Konrad tries again. It's not often that he's really hungry. When it happens, it's a good idea to take advantage of it. And he has money with him, and no parents to tell him what he should eat.

‘Over there,' he says, ‘there's a café there where they do just pancakes. Pancakes with sugar, pancakes with jam, pancakes with –'

‘– with trouble,' says Fridz. ‘Have you no notion what's going on?'

‘Sure I have,' says Konrad. ‘We'll have a pancake, maybe two and then we'll take the bus home.' He thinks a bit more. ‘We'll just have to get Paul to stick his head down a bit in the rucksack.'

Fridz rolls her eyes. ‘Man!' she says out loud. ‘Don't you understand? Kristine is sure to be ringing my dad and then he'll call my mum.'

Konrad doesn't know what this has to do with pancakes. He can't really think properly about it, because ever since he uttered the word ‘pancake', his hunger has been getting worse by the second.

‘Man!' says Fridz again. ‘Do you really not understand? They'll be after us.'

Konrad swallows. ‘How d'you mean?'

‘How do I mean? How do I mean?' Fridz leaps up. ‘I mean that they'll be all over the place looking for us. Maybe they've told the police already.'

‘But why? We didn't do anything.'

Fridz looks at Konrad and puts her head on one side.

‘Well …' says Konrad. Maybe they've done a little something. Maybe even more than a little.

‘You see!' Either Fridz is a mindreader, or what Konrad is thinking is written all over his face. ‘And that's why they're going to be looking for us, they're going to find us, and they are going to punish us,' says Fridz. ‘I'll probably be sent to a children's home for life, where I'll only have a sack of straw to sleep on and I'll have to do cross-stitch all day long.'

Oops! thinks Konrad. That's an awful thought. On the other hand, Fridz seems to be having a great time imagining such terrible things.

‘I think,' he says slowly, ‘I think people who tell the truth don't get punished.'

‘Well, it's not exactly a punishment,' says Fridz. ‘It's revenge. Mean, bloody revenge! That's how parents are. And parents don't care about the law.'

‘Hmm,' says Konrad. ‘And what'll happen to me?'

‘You?' Fridz frowns. ‘They'll make you become a keeper in the petting zoo.'

Konrad laughs.

‘But Paul will come off worse. He'll end up in the oven. They'll make rabbit sweet-and-sour out of him. And as an extra punishment, you and I will have to eat him up, all by ourselves.'

‘You're nuts,' says Konrad.

‘I'm nuts?' says Fridz. ‘Fair enough. But what about you? Do you really think we're going to have a jolly bus ride home, and they'll all say, “Hello!”, nice and cheery, and then everything will go on as before?'

Actually, Konrad would prefer if his parents never heard a single word about what happened today.

‘Here they come!' Fridz points towards the roundabout, where there is, in fact, a police car.

Konrad looks at it and says nothing. The police car drives once around the roundabout and then it turns into Berliner Strasse. A few seconds pass, and then the mobile in Konrad's trouser pocket rings.

‘Don't answer!' says Fridz. ‘It's a trap.'

But Konrad can't help it. He has to open the mobile and press the green key.

‘Hello?' he says carefully into the mouthpiece.

It's Dad, wondering where they are.

‘In the little park by the roundabout.'

And have they delivered the rabbit?

‘Yeah, sure.' Lie! Or is it?

And otherwise everything's okay?

‘Yes. Fine.' Which it is, isn't it?

So when will they be home?

‘Soon.'

Silence.

‘Well, bye then, Dad.' Konrad presses the button, folds the mobile and sticks it in his pocket.

‘Congratulations,' says Fridz. ‘A stroke of genius. Well done. Now they know exactly where we are. There's no point in trying to run away now.'

She leans back and stretches out her legs.

‘Sorry,' says Konrad.

‘Doesn't matter. We wouldn't have got very far anyway. Besides, I really don't feel like running away. I still want to eat. Where's this pancake shop of yours?'

‘Over there,' says Konrad. And to keep the conversation off the topic of the police, he hoists the rucksack up on his shoulders.

‘You go first,' says Fridz.

She pulls a carrot out of her pocket and as they're walking along, she lets Paul nibble at it. He's delighted. At least, he keeps kicking Konrad hard in the back with his hind paws, every time he takes a bite of the carrot. Konrad finally understands why Dad moans so much when he's telling bedtime stories.

Just as the three of them reach the pancake café, a man in a white apron is opening the door.

‘Hello, you two,' he says. ‘Hungry already?'

‘Hello, you one,' says Fridz. ‘I have a question for you
too. May we take a rabbit in, if we promise that it will stay nicely in its rucksack?'

Hey! thinks Konrad. Telling the truth is getting fashionable. It looks like it's going to be the hit of the season.

‘Okay,' says the man in the apron. Then he says, ‘Wow!' He points at Paul. ‘That's a Flemish Giant.'

‘Bull's-eye,' says Fridz. ‘A hundred marks.'

‘How come you're carrying him around? Is that the only outing he gets?'

‘Not at all,' says Fridz. ‘We just wanted to show him the big wide world.'

Come off it, thinks Konrad. She really has a nerve. But she is funny.

The man in the apron would like to get a closer look at Paul. Would he be allowed out of the rucksack?

‘Oh,' says Fridz. They've had bad experiences with that.

‘Come on in, so.' Apron man leads them into the café and then through a long passageway out to a small yard where there are tables and benches. Konrad takes the rucksack off and Fridz takes Paul out very carefully. She holds him by the fur on his back, so that he can't get away.

‘Here you go. This is Paul.'

‘Good grief!' says the man with the apron. He takes Paul, presses him in various places, turns his head and his ears and all the time he's looking pretty excited.

‘That's a wonderful specimen!' he says.

‘Correct,' says Fridz. ‘That's what it says on his pedigree. By the way, are you the cook here?'

‘Of course I'm the cook.'

‘Help!' says Fridz. ‘This fellow wants to cook Paul.'

She pokes Konrad in the side. ‘I told you. The revenge is starting.'

The cook laughs. ‘Nonsense!' he says. ‘I only make pancakes. I have Flemish Giants at home, but I haven't often seen one as fine as this lad here.'

He feels Paul's fur again. Paul keeps still. ‘Has he ever won anything?' asks the cook.

‘Sure. Medals,' says Fridz. ‘And a cup. Silver.' Then she wrinkles her nose.

Konrad knows the signs. She's thinking about something.

‘He's for sale,' she says.

‘I beg your pardon?' says Konrad.

‘Oh, really?' says the cook. He widens his eyes and feels Paul all over.

‘Can he,' he says, ‘ah … I mean … can he … have baby rabbits?'

‘No,' says Fridz. ‘He can't, because he's a boy. But he could make some with a doe. He's done it before.'

‘Doe?' asks Konrad.

‘Girl rabbit,' says Fridz, ‘that's what you call them.'

The cook is all wound up. Would they really be allowed to sell Paul? They're only children!

‘You can phone my father,' says Fridz. ‘He won't mind.'

She makes a sign to Konrad, and he shows off his mobile phone.

‘How much?'

Konrad watches Fridz's face. She clearly hasn't got a clue what a Flemish Giant costs. And neither has he.

‘I'll make a suggestion,' says the cook. ‘I bet you like pancakes, do you?'

Konrad nods so hard that you can hear him doing it.

‘Well, then, I'll give you a voucher in exchange for the rabbit, which will allow you to come and have pancakes once a week.'

Fridz squeezes up her eyes. ‘For how long?'

‘Two months?'

‘Hmm,' says Fridz. ‘Three.'

‘Agreed.'

‘And if you get a medal for him or a cup, then another month. And if he has children, then for every child, another week.'

The cook laughs. He agrees. ‘But only for you and your brother.'

‘Ah,' says Konrad.

Fridz gives him a kick in the ankle.

‘Okay,' she says. ‘Only for me and my brother. But we need to have it in writing.'

The cook puts Paul in a box, in which there used to be fruit, and he puts two boards over it so that he can't get out.

‘No problem,' he says. ‘I'll have him sent home to my house. Then he'll have company. And I'll make you two giant pancakes with everything.'

‘But first, you have to wash your hands' says Fridz. ‘Anyone who's been handling an animal must wash his hands before eating or cooking.'

‘Boy,' says the cook, ‘you're a character.'

He shakes his head, lifts both hands up in the air and goes into the café.

‘But properly, and with soap!' cries Fridz after him. Then she squats down by the fruit box and pushes one of the boards aside a little.

Konrad squats down beside her. Fridz strokes Paul's head.

‘Well, you,' she says, ‘we've sold you.'

‘Are you sad?'

Fridz nods. Then the two of them say nothing for a while. They just sit by the box and scratch Paul behind the ears, one on either side.

‘Well, then,' says Fridz at last. ‘So long, Paul.'

She stands up and pulls Konrad by the ear.

‘Come on, bro! Now to fill our bellies. Let's see how many pancakes will fit into Friederike Frenke.'

The table has been laid for them in the cafe. The cook has even put a candle on the table and lit it. Fridz gives a little squeal of delight. Beside the candle lies the voucher for the free food, and on each of the two giant pancakes that are spilling over the edges of the plates, the cook has drawn a rabbit with sugar, honey, chocolate and jam. They are clearly Flemish Giants. You can tell because they are so big.

Just an hour later, Fridz and Konrad are out on the street in front of the café. Fridz is holding her stomach. ‘Phew,' she says. ‘It's great that we don't have to carry Paul any more. What'll we do now?'

The phone in Konrad's pocket rings again.

‘Say we're not at home,' says Fridz.

This time it's Mum. Konrad can tell from her voice that something has happened.

Where is he?

Konrad answers.

And is Friederike with him?

Yes, she is.

‘Listen, Konrad,' says Mum. ‘Friederike's mother is standing here beside me. Can you put Friederike on, please?'

‘Just a moment,' says Konrad. He presses the mute button.

‘Your mum, for you.'

Fridz shakes her head.

‘What'll I say?'

‘Dunno.'

Mute button off.

‘Mum,' says Konrad into the mobile. ‘Fridz doesn't want to talk.'

There's talk going on at the other end of the line, at home in the Bantelmanns' house. Konrad can't catch it all, but he understands what it's about. Frau Frenke is worried, and she wants Fridz to come home right away. Right away as in immediately.

That's what Mum says into the phone, and Konrad says it to Fridz, after he's pressed the mute button.

But Fridz shakes her head again. ‘I want to do something nice first.'

Mute button off.

‘Mum,' says Konrad. ‘We have something else to see to.
We'll be home in two hours.' He tries to say it in such a way that no mother in the world would be the least bit worried about it. He says it in his deepest voice, the way Dad does when Peter has tummy ache and is afraid he is going to have to have an operation.

‘I'd prefer if you came now,' says Mum. ‘Should I come and pick you up?'

As far as Konrad is concerned, that'd be fine. But Fridz just stands there on the kerb, trying to kick a little stone onto the roadway, such a tiny stone that she can't get it with the toe of her shoe at all.

‘No,' says Konrad. ‘We'll be home in two hours, for sure. Bye, Mum.'

He presses the ‘hang up' button. How do you turn the thing off altogether? Maybe it's the little button with the X on it? The screen goes blank and Konrad folds the mobile over.

In the meantime, Fridz has finally managed to get the stone. It bounces off a tyre and ricochets back onto her shin.

‘Ouch!' she says.

‘Come on,' says Konrad. ‘We have two hours to do something nice.'

He thinks for a few seconds. Should he or shouldn't he? What does he mean, should he? It has to be done.

So he comes out with it, ‘Two hours and thirty euro.'

‘Thirty euro?'

Konrad tugs on the string around his neck until the little purse peeks out from under his T-shirt.

‘Did you break your piggy-bank?'

‘Yeah, well,' says Konrad.

‘And you can lend me some?'

‘Sure!'

‘Well, then, let's go!' says Fridz.

They set off towards the pedestrian area of town, where the big department stores are.

Fridz takes Konrad's hand. At first, he doesn't even notice. And when he does notice, he also notices that he doesn't mind a bit.