Starbound (15 page)

I had to fight back tears of frustration and injustice. This curse had nothing to do with Seth and me, yet we were the ones who had to pay the ultimate price. Staring down at our feet, I swallowed the lump of emotions clogging my throat. There was one question that was chopping at the back of my head. “I-Is the curse the reason you pushed me away?”

He made a sound of guttural pain, and my hand was captured by his. “Can you honestly look at me and believe that I don’t want you? That I ever didn’t want you? It literally tore me up inside.” His finger began to trace lazy patterns on the inside of my palm.

Holy hotness times infinity
.

I chewed my lip as I tried to stop my heart from going into cardiac arrest. “Seth…” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say, but my tongue was flapping before I could second guess myself. “Hold me? Just once. If I can’t ever have you, I think I deserve one night with you.”

Oh. My. God. Did I really just ask him to spend the night with me?

His dark eyes widened. I didn’t think he was expecting that, but then he shook his head. “We can’t risk it.”

I wanted to be able to remember what it felt like to be in his arms. The way he smelled in twilight. The sense of completion I’d only be able to have with him. “Are you saying that you won’t be able to control yourself for one night?” I was taunting him. Sometimes to get what you want, you had to play dirty. Plus, Seth owed me; he had manipulated my memories.

No hesitation. “That is exactly what I am saying.”

Sweet baby Jesus
. “Oh.” How was a girl supposed to respond to that? Yeah, I didn’t have anything intelligent.

“What can we possibly gain by what we can never have? I can’t. Having you in my arms, even for a little bit, would haunt me for the rest of my life. It’s bad enough that I still taste your lips when I close my eyes—when I dream.”

That made two of us. I knew that his kisses were intoxicating, and I wanted to savor them one last time. I needed to make sure my memory and the effects of the alcohol hadn’t dulled how earth-shattering I remembered his lips to be. It was all in the name of science. “Aren’t you curious what it would be like between us?” I asked, holding his gaze with mine.

His jaw ticked with a firm willpower that apparently I just didn’t have. “I want you alive more than I want to satisfy my curiosity. Don’t ask this of me, Kats.”

Okay, so talking about me dying was sort of a heated moment buzz-kill, but I figured I might as well take it a step further and go for the plunge. I was feeling reckless. “If I did ask you…would you deny me?”

His eyes seared, flashing with heat and eventually lingered on my lips. I held my breath. An electric current ran between us as we sat facing each other on the back of his truck, suspended in a flicker of uncertainty. Then he let out a heavy sigh and looked away, staring off into the distance. “I would deny you nothing. I can’t.”

Oh mercy, that was so worth the plunge. My heart soared, somersaulting off a cliff. I squeezed my eyes closed, struggling with indecision. My heart was begging me to take the leap, and my head knew that Seth would regret it afterward if I pushed.

I hopped off his truck and glanced up. The sky was gloomy behind him, and the darkness brought a chill. “I need to talk to my parents.”

He nodded, watching me with the saddest lush eyes I’d ever seen. My legs felt like Jell-O as I began to walk to my car. The winds howled in the distance, and my heart was crumbling with each step away from Seth.

“Kats!” he called.

I turned around and found myself engulfed in his arms. His scent surrounded me, woodsy and serenely bewitching. I clung to him and drank in the feeling of his golden warmth. For one blinding moment, I imagined in perfect clarity what it would be like to be with Seth. I craved it.

His arms tightened around me, and I could feel the struggle in his body, whether he should pull me closer or push me away. In the end, I made the decision, stepping out of his arms. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Well, almost, walking away was just as hard when every inch of my body was screaming to run back into his embrace.

Tears washed over my cheeks.

Chapter 15

Katia

I walked through my front door like a zombie. There was an ominous shadow that followed me home. Every block I thought about whipping the car around and making my way full throttle back to him, even though I was sure he was on his way home as well.

What a day.

What a wave of information.

What a sack of shit.

It was almost too much to handle in one day, especially after having my mind muddled with, getting in a catfight, finding my soul mate, and having my heart broken.

All in a day’s work.

It was tiresome, and I was exhausted.

But I wasn’t done yet.

No matter how beat I was, there were still two people I had to confront—my parents. Sure it could have waited for another day, but hell, I figured why not, I was on a roll. Truthfully I didn’t think I could wait. They owed me an explanation. Not only had they lied to me and kept the truth from me, they had also taken away my ability to decide what Seth and I could have been.

My whole relationship with him felt cheated somehow, because we were always sneaking around. Now that I knew why our families kept us apart, I had to wonder why my parents had even taken the chance and had kids. Sure there was a 50/50 chance of having a boy. Then there would be nothing to stress over, yet here we were…

I found them both in the kitchen, Dad on the laptop and Mom doing the dishes—without magick. I had missed dinner, but I knew there would be a plate of leftovers waiting for me in the fridge. No matter how much I felt deceived, I knew my parents loved me and in their own way, like Seth, they were protecting me.

“Hey, stranger,” Dad said as I slumped into a seat beside him. There was a soft touch of grey at his temples.

I chewed on a nail, trying to decide what the best route was. “Do you have a minute? I need to ask you something.”

“This sounds serious.” Mom shut off the water and dried her hands. I knew that she would be testing the air to get a read on my feelings. She was intuitive to emotions—that was her gift.

“It is,” I admitted still in sort of a numb state. I waited until they were both seated at the family dining table. Where did I begin? “I talked to Seth Nightingale tonight.” That should get things going.

Dad immediately began the same lecture. “Now, Katia, you know you are not—”

Mom laid a hand on his arm, silencing him. “Oh, honey, I am so sorry.” Her eyes glistened with tears.

“So it’s true.” I half expected, half hoped that it was all a big fat lie and Seth was just being a jerk. I expected to feel something, but I felt nothing.

Mom nodded. “Very much so.” She clung to Dad’s hand across the table, and he squeezed her fingers in encouragement.

Seeing the two of them, I realized Seth and I would never have that, at least not together. I could only hope that I could find someone who would complement me, but that meant giving up that all-consuming, rock-you-to-the-core kind of love. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” The words came out harsher than I’d intended.

They looked at each other, but it was Mom who spoke. “I can’t believe you didn’t find out sooner, but I guess I have Seth to thank for that. Eighteen years ago, when I found out that Seth’s mom, Ashley, was also pregnant, we both knew that our worst nightmare had come true. The offspring of both a Montgomery and a Nightingale born in the same year happens only once in a century, and you and Seth were going to be victims of a curse we couldn’t control or break. It was maddening, terrifying, and we were all desperate.

“Shortly after the two of you were both born, the four of us got together and came up with a plan. It wasn’t foolproof, but we had to cling to something. We are sorry we lied to you, kept you in the dark, but, Katia, never once have I regretted having you, just the curse that looms over your future.”

“I can’t believe this is real,” I said full of disbelief, and I slid lower in the chair. I didn’t have the willpower to hold myself up anymore.

Mom was apparently the spokesperson or maybe it was because Dad looked pale as a ghost. “I am sorry. If I could take the pain away, I would. A hundred times over. And I know Seth feels the same. If he could spare you from hurting, there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do, or hasn’t done.”

Was that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing, that for years Seth has suffered the responsibility of this curse alone? “God, it’s not fair,” I cried.

“No, it’s not,” she agreed.

“So you don’t really hate Seth or his family?” I asked, thinking my whole childhood had been based on lies.

She shook her honey-colored hair. “No. I actually adore Seth.”

That made it ten times worse. “I think I need to go lie down.” Nothing could make this gut-stabbing pain any less severe. I felt as if I was being carved from the inside out. So many emotions, I didn’t know how to separate them, to deal with them. Love, pain, fear, sorrow, and the list went on.

There wasn’t anything left to say, so they just watched me with somber eyes as I walked out of the kitchen with my head hung low and fresh tears stinging my eyes.

My bedroom was my sanctuary.

I ran my hands over the length of the old carved wood dresser that had been polished to a gleam. It felt like silk under my fingertips and was ages old, a part of my family history—a history that now haunted me. It had been a gift from my grandmother. There was magick in the ancient wood. I could feel it pulse under my touch.

With my eyes shimmering with tears, I lit the pillar candles on the dresser, and the room filled with the aroma of beeswax, tangy smoke, and vanilla. The beaded curtains blew lightly from the night’s gentle breeze, chiming like music. As a little girl, the sound made me think of ancient castles in Wales. Moonbeams reflected off the colored crystals, casting an array of mystical colors on the floor. It was like being in the middle of a rainbow after a rainfall and Mother Earth rejoiced.

Tossing aside my jeans, I slipped on a pair of sweats and collapsed onto the bed. Cries afflicted my shuddering body, and I fell asleep to the song of wind chimes, the sweet smell of vanilla, and a broken heart. And I dreamt of spiders.

Seth

They said it was supposed to get easier after I turned eighteen. Well, I was months shy of adulthood and…they lied. I knew it was only going to get harder and harder to deny my love for Kat, fighting every day not to be with her. I knew it wouldn’t be so easy for us. There was nothing easy about not being able to love Kat.

I lay down on the bed of my truck, listening to the crunching of her tires as she drove away. Twinkling stars dotted overhead in a pattern of diamonds in the sky. Her scent lingered in the air, faerie roses and cherry blossoms, and my heart collapsed.

Now that I had nothing to hide, no secrets left to protect, I thought I would feel free, not this chest-crushing pain. That one blinding moment with her wrapped in my arms, I hadn’t wanted to let go. It felt like it was going to be the last time, and the misery in her eyes cut me like a knife, worse than anything the curse could do to me.

Closing my eyes, I let the moonlight spill over my face and the autumn breeze cool my skin. Imagining her in my arms was so simple, her head buried against my chest, the steady beating of her heart with mine. I’d never understand how someone could damn the future, let alone their own blood—their kin.

I could only pray to the stars for so long without receiving any answers.

Going home that night wasn’t the sense of relief I’d expected. There were no secrets or lies between us, but it didn’t change the rules. She was just as untouchable as she had been in the sixth grade.

I heard Mom’s laugh from the family room as I dragged my butt home. It was late. She was curled up on the couch with Snickers, our cat, and a sleeping Mya at her feet. My little sister looked peaceful, but I knew how much of a nuisance that angelic face could be. So much mischief and trouble gleamed behind her fey green eyes and dark silky hair. I knew all too well that she and Kat’s little sister were grand schemers.

“Why so glum?” Mom whispered, careful not to disturb Mya.

I sunk into one of the recliners, taking comfort in being home with family. “Kat knows.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh crap.”

“You can say that again.”

“I should call Miranda.” She started shuffling on the end table for her cell phone.

I kicked off my shoes. “I am pretty sure Kat has already talked to her parents.”

She paused in her search and studied me with eyes as green as mine. “Seth, how are you holding up?”

I leaned back into the chair and linked my hands behind my head. “A week ago, I would have said just peachy. Tonight I feel like I’ve been hit by a wrecking ball.”

The soft glow of the dim table lamp picked up blue highlights in her black hair. “That bad, huh?”

I closed my eyes. “The pits.”

“I can honestly say that I am relieved. It has gone on for far too long.” She suddenly sounded as if she had aged ten years.

Maybe we both had. “Yeah, I guess. It still blows.”

“I know you want to protect her, Seth, but I think you’ve done just about all you can do. It’s time for Katia to be able to make her own decision about what’s best for her,” she said.

She was probably right, but I had been doing it for so long, it was like losing my left arm. I didn’t know what else to do if I wasn’t trying to keep her safe.

“This burden isn’t yours alone to shelter. Let her help you,” she told me.

Kat help me? Was she crazy? I couldn’t even be in the same room with her without wanting to attack her with my mouth. Probably best I kept that erotic detail to myself. I doubted Mom wanted to hear how I had constant impure thoughts when Kat walked into the room.

Before I knew it, I was snoring logs.