Sparks of Blue (Dark Light Book 2) (6 page)

“Belle?” Gwen asked hesitantly, shrugging into her backpack.

Belle offered her a smile. “Don’t worry, you should handle the next jump much better. And I’ll be there soon if you need a boost.” She hoped that wouldn’t be the case, though. Between spending a solid hour healing Gwen and then immediately having her head partially crushed by a demon, Belle was tired. What she needed was sleep. But her patients always came first.

As soon as Kai and Gwen were gone, Belle stepped aside for Sera to enter. “So what’s the situation?” It was unlike Sera to play messenger. Belle had expected Sera would have been taking charge of the clinic in her absence.

Serafina crossed her arms and aimed a disapproving frown at Belle once the door was shut. “You tell me,” she said. “I come in for my shift to find you’ve left without notice. Run off to Earth playing, what, house with a human and
Kai
? I can’t imagine he’s on leave with all the demons running around topside these days.”

Belle blinked at her, taken aback by the accusation and the attitude. “Is that what this is about? You tracked me down to
lecture
me without knowing the circumstances?” She did her best to maintain her calm as she thought about the effort Sera would have had to put in to find her so quickly. “You have patients to be tending to, Serafina.”

Sera narrowed her eyes at Belle. “So do you, Belle. As Master Healer, you have an obligation to all of them. So what is this? Some Nephilim-population plan?”

“Don’t you dare speak like that to me,” Belle warned sharply, stepping into Sera’s personal space. “As Master Healer, I outrank you. One word of this to Kai and you’ll be unemployed, returning to the High Kingdom in shame. Now you listen to me, Sera, because I’ll only explain this once. I’m here on
orders
from Isabella herself. That is all you need to know.”

Sera looked less than convinced. “Well, isn’t that convenient. I thought you hated Kai?”

“I didn’t pick him,” Belle replied. It was the easiest, shortest truth. Though why she felt inclined to stick to the truth in this conversation was beyond her. Nephilim-population plan?
Really?

“You still can’t just abandon your post,” Sera insisted.

“I do what I’m told,” Belle returned. Deliberately looking down on Sera in an effort to get her message across, she added, “Unlike you, it seems. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check out. I have a patient to return to.” She turned her back to Serafina, snatched the hilt from the bed before the angel behind her could see it, and moved to her remaining bag.

“Don’t think I believe you,” Sera finally replied. “I’ll be back.”

Belle released a breath and threw the strap of her bag over her shoulders. With the hilt tucked into a pocket and the keycard in her hand, she turned for the door. “What was her deal, anyway?” she muttered to herself as she let herself out.

She and Serafina had never been particularly close, it was true. Sera had been in line for a promotion to Master Healer when Isabella decided to break with tradition and recruit Belle. In the beginning,
none
of the angels were fond of her. She was a Nephilim, after all, and it was rare for a Nephilim to be accepted as a healer among the angels. Belle was the first to make Master. But she’d worked her ass off to earn it, too. She was a better healer than Sera or any of the angels at the clinic, and they all knew it. Eventually, most of her staff had come to acknowledge and even respect that.

But not Sera. For Sera, Belle’s title and station were an insult. The idea that she might be outranked by a lowly Nephilim was abhorrent. Belle knew Sera wasn’t fond of her because of her race alone; that discrimination was something she’d have to deal with. And normally she could. But normally it wasn’t so blatantly in her face, either.

She shoved the frustration of the never-ending struggle to prove herself from her mind as she checked out, doing her best to ignore the obvious flirtation attempt from the man at the desk. He could hardly meet her gaze long enough to smile. But she didn’t care; she just wanted to get out of there. As soon as she was done, she moved out of sight, heading for a couple of trees that would make disappearing a little easier.

“You want me to smite him for you?”

Kai’s question startled her, as did the sound of his voice coming from behind her, and Belle jumped.

“Kai, you scared the crap out of me!” she exclaimed as she turned to face him. His words hit her, then, and she couldn’t stop the tease. “Smite, really?”

“Seemed appropriate,” Kai said by way of explanation as he stepped into her personal space. Before she could catch her breath at his nearness, he’d slipped her bag from her shoulders with one hand and caught her hip with the other. “Stop taking risks,” he added, the order roughened by a distantly familiar thickness to his voice that sent shivers of anticipation down her spine. Before she could process what he was doing, he’d tugged her up against his chest and caught her lips in a hard kiss.

Belle moaned as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, demanding and teasing at the same time. He kissed her like a man starved, winding both arms around her as she kissed him back. Her skin burned beneath his heavy, heated touch and she threaded her fingers through his hair. It was thick and soft, exactly the way she remembered. He rolled his tongue over hers, stroking and sliding, reminding her body of exactly what he was capable of. Heat pooled low in her belly, and she leaned into him instinctively.

For a long, blissful moment it was as if nothing had ever changed between them. The past ninety-plus years never happened. They were just two people with a powerful attraction to each other. They’d never broken up. He hadn’t ripped her heart out and torn it to shreds with his cruel words.

Except that he had. And that reminder was enough to dampen the flame he’d reignited in her blood. No matter how mindlessly good a kisser he was, no man was worth that. She had more self-respect than to throw herself at someone who could think so little of her.

Belle pushed back, taking a full step away from him as she fought to catch her breath. Her body rallied against her, remembering all too well the pleasure he could bring, but she held strong. She just hoped he couldn’t see the tears stinging her eyes.

Chapter Six

“What the hell was that?” Belle’s question gutted him almost as effectively as the tears in her eyes. But she was right. What the hell had he been thinking, kissing her like that?

He scoffed at himself. He knew damned well what he’d been thinking. He’d been thinking he hadn’t done a good enough job protecting her on this mission. That because he wasn’t around when he should have been she’d had to not only acquire a weapon but, he was sure, train with it, too. He was thinking that she’d overexerted herself and then isolated herself with a pissed off angel. And he’d been thinking he didn’t at all approve of the way that human man in the hotel had ogled her.

Not that he should have been watching. His job was to protect Gwen, not Belle. But he couldn’t distinguish that separation. Being in Belle’s presence put him on edge in every way and having failed her now more times than his pride could handle had pushed him over. He’d reacted the way he might have a century ago. The way he’d once been allowed to.

But you blew that. You deliberately threw that away.

What kind of a moron knowingly threw the best thing he’d ever had out the proverbial window? The same kind of fucking idiot who knowingly broke the heart of the woman he loved. He was the one who deserved the smiting.

But instead of saying any of that, Kai swallowed and dragged in a breath. He honestly didn’t know how to answer that question. He couldn’t tell Belle the truth. He’d burned that bridge more effectively than anything he’d ever done in his life.

Fortunately, Belle seemed to have decided she didn’t want an answer. “Gwen,” she said suddenly, looking around. “You left Gwen alone? Are you stupid?”

He had to fight not to flinch at that. She certainly had every right to call him worse. “I warded the room,” he assured her instead. “She’s safe.”

Belle frowned thoughtfully, her otherwise smooth forehead creasing almost invisibly. “Have you considered the possibility of a trap? Demons could surround the warded space.”

At this Kai allowed a smirk to show and adjusted the weight of her supply bag over his shoulder. “They’ll be expecting the threat to be inside with her.”

He could see she hadn’t considered that perspective. Not only were the tears in her beautiful blue eyes gone, but she seemed to be fighting a smile of her own. “That’s true.” She paused, her expression changing. Suddenly there were too many emotions swirling in her eyes for him to distinguish any one over the rest. “Can I ask you one question before we go?”

He inclined his head silently, and she took a step forward, stepping back into his personal space.

She searched his gaze for a moment, and he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted her to find what she was looking for, let alone if she did. But she swallowed and quietly asked, “What am I to you now?”

Oh, how he wished he could answer that honestly.

Kai pulled in a silent breath as he debated what to say. He couldn’t tell her the truth, but he couldn’t tell her the lie he’d once tried to sell, either. He’d have to find a smaller lie. Maybe something with a sprinkling of honesty. But he wasn’t sure how. At length he finally opted for the best truth he could, knowing all the while she would hate his response.

“I can’t answer that.”

She leaned back as if he’d threatened her. “Excuse me? What kind of bullshit answer is that?”

“The best one I have,” he confessed.

He never expected her to smack him. His head swung to the side, and his cheek stung angrily, burning for several seconds. Echoing not only her anger but his interior rage at this ridiculous situation.

“When this mission is over,” Belle began, her voice steady, “I don’t ever want to speak to you again. Is that clear?”

Fighting his instinctive reaction, Kai met her glare and nodded. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. To explain that he’d been trying to protect her and that he’d never stopped loving her. But he couldn’t, for all the reasons that he’d never told her the depth of his feelings in the first place. And she was right. He couldn’t push her away one day and then kiss her like it was his privilege the next.

“Good. Then let’s go back to Gwen.” She was fighting to keep her voice steady. He could hear it. But he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he merely placed his palm on her shoulder, ignoring the way her skin warmed his hand, and called upon his power again.

When this mission was over, he was going to have to let go of Belle for good. Even if it meant leaving the armada, too. He owed that much to her after the terrible way he’d ended things before.

****

Kai hadn’t spoken a word to her since they returned to Gwen. He hadn’t spoken a word at all, actually. Belle hadn’t put that together at first. When they appeared inside their new hotel room, it was immediately apparent that Gwen was once again a little worse for wear after the latest jump. She’d required more healing, and though Belle could sense Kai’s disapproval, she hadn’t been surprised that he neglected to voice it.

She didn’t get suspicious, in fact, until Gwen had suggested they “go do something” and Kai hadn’t argued. He’d silently allowed Belle and Gwen to decide on their options—settling on grabbing a couple of drinks at a bar and maybe playing some pool—and followed them out the door.

The truth was, Belle hadn’t been doing a whole lot of thinking while Gwen suggested options. She’d just randomly said “let’s do that,” and later wished she’d listened better. A bar was a terrible place to go for avoiding demons. But they were nearly there when Belle pointed it out, and Gwen loudly declared she didn’t want to hear it. One glance at Kai had assured Belle she’d get no support from him.

Was he angry with her?
He doesn’t have the right to be.
Not that that would stop him. He didn’t actually have the right to kiss her and yet he’d done it anyway. Then again, she’d taken her sweet time in stopping him.

But why else would he be so silent? Sure, he could stay out of a conversation about as well as her sister Madelyne could lead one, but this seemed a little extreme. In this he
should
have an opinion. And she knew him well enough to know what it would be. So if he wasn’t mad at her, then was he mad at himself? For kissing her? Or for agreeing to her demands to leave her alone?

Now you’re just getting your hopes up.

This whole mission was screwing with her head, and her heart, in ways she’d never have anticipated. If she’d known the ways Isabella’s armada would test her, she’d probably have decided against working with them.
Ha. No, you wouldn’t.
No, she’d been too full of anger and spite to have seen the reason in refusing the job then. She’d known Kai was in the armada; known there was a good chance they’d cross paths. She’d accepted
because
of that. Because she’d thought she wanted to hurt him. Or haunt him. To rub in his face that she was a survivor, that he hadn’t destroyed her, that she could make decisions for herself that didn’t have a damned thing to do with him.

Only that last part wasn’t true. That decision had
everything
to do with him. She’d been lying to herself then. She suspected she still was.

“What does Kai drink?” Gwen asked as they settled at the bar.

Belle glanced over her shoulder, hoping to get an answer from him, only to find he wasn’t directly behind her. She cast her gaze around the bar, taking in the rapidly filling, dingy atmosphere that she’d blindly walked through in Gwen’s wake. She really was distracted today. People were shaking on the dance floor to an old country tune she didn’t care for; clichéd biker guys appeared to be hogging the pool table, and the booths along the sides of the establishment were about half-full.

She spotted Kai leaning back in one, the one with the best view of the front entrance, and turned back to Gwen. “Surprise him,” she said. If he’d had a specific craving, he should have said so.

Gwen ordered herself a dirty martini and promptly ordered Kai a Fallen Angel. Apparently there was such a drink on the menu.

With the drinks ordered, as well as a platter of nachos, Belle led the way to the booth Kai had claimed. She had to fight her instincts when it came time to decide where to sit, forcing herself to slide in across from him instead of sliding up next to him. She was far less surprised when Gwen slid in after her.

“At least it’s not the back corner booth,” Gwen declared. She grinned, focused on Kai, and teased, “Actually, I’m surprised you remember how to sit. Do you know how to do other things, too?”

Kai stretched an arm out along the back of the booth. Belle looked away. She wasn’t supposed to miss him this much. She
hadn’t
missed him this much a week earlier.
It was that stupid kiss.
The kiss had rattled her; reminded her heart of things that once were. And once upon a time, she would have been tucked beneath that perfectly sculpted arm. Warm from his nearness. Confident because of his strength and the tenderness he showed her.

Belle shook her head, trying to chase away the memories. The longing.

“Belle?” Gwen asked, nudging her shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Belle said, doing her best to smile. “Sorry.”

“Here we are,” a petite waitress announced as she sidled up to their booth. “One dirty martini—” Gwen indicated herself and the glass was deposited. “One Sex on the Beach.”

“Here,” Belle said before her drink was handed over. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kai had raised an eyebrow at her choice. She hoped it resonated with him the way it had with her.

“And you, sir, must have the Fallen Angel,” the waitress deduced with a grin, setting down the final glass. “Those nachos will be right up.”

After the waitress left Gwen leaned forward with a laugh. “It was either this or Angel’s Kiss. I couldn’t in good conscious order that.”

You should’ve.
But then again, maybe she shouldn’t. It was probably a good thing Belle hadn’t been in charge. She’d have not-so-accidentally ordered herself the Angel’s Kiss and Kai the Sex on the Beach just to send a message. Only the message would probably have come out not the way she wanted it.

After a few moments of silently sipping at their drinks, Gwen sighed loudly and leaned back into the booth. “C’mon, do neither of you know how to have fun?”

“He probably doesn’t,” Belle said before she could stop herself. “I’m usually good at fun.”

Gwen arched a brow at her. “I don’t see it.”

Belle sighed and spun her sweating glass in her fingers. “I’m a little tired, I think. I’ll probably have to drink this whole thing first.”

Gwen looked over at Kai, hesitated, and reached to down the rest of her martini. “I won’t even ask,” she said. “When they bring out the nachos, order me a refill. I’m going to dance.” She stood and sauntered away before Belle could think of an argument to stall her.

“That’s probably a bad idea,” she grumbled before bringing her straw to her lips.

Kai said nothing, just scanned the dance floor from his seat. He’d barely touched his drink.

Belle studied him out of the corner of her eyes and finally heaved a sigh. She couldn’t shake the feeling that this silence was her fault. “Are you giving us
both
the silent treatment?”

Kai turned his attention back to her, seeming almost surprised by the question. “I’m not giving either of you the silent treatment,” he replied. His voice was monotone, and his gaze had already returned to the crowd.

“Look,” Belle said, trying to figure out how to voice her jumbled thoughts in a way that made sense, “I wasn’t trying to be hurtful earlier.” She paused, certain he was listening despite that he didn’t look over at her. It surprised her how much that simple gesture bothered her. “It’s for me, okay?” Her words came out in a whisper. She looked down at the table and wrapped both hands around her glass. “I’ve tried, but … it still hurts. Every time I look at you. I try taking it out on you, but that doesn’t make it go away. I’ve tried ignoring you, but that’s like trying to ignore the weather. You’re a force of nature, Kai. Beautiful and devastating at the same time.”

God, what’s wrong with me?
She hadn’t meant to say all that, even if she was finally being honest about it.

Kai was silent for a long minute, but this time she sensed he was building his response. So she waited.

“I’m sorry.”

Belle let her eyebrows jump to the top of her forehead, her gaze suddenly glued to his. Had he apologized? For which part? Her gut churned, and her heart lurched. She doubted he was sorry for being compared to a force of nature.

His jaw was tight, his eyes narrowed with serious, intense focus. “I’m sorry, Belle.” He didn’t elaborate, but this time she was certain what he was saying.

“Sorry?” she repeated, incredulity building rapidly inside her. He was
sorry
for ripping her heart out? For ignoring her desperate prayers? Tears of hurt and anger immediately sprang up, but Belle refused to let them fall. “You don’t get to be
sorry
for that, Kai. I laid my heart on the table for you, and you tore it to pieces. You ignored me when I needed you the most. I lost track of you for
decades,
and now you’re
sorry
?”