Remember (47 page)

Normally I do not leave my readers wondering what happened to the characters in a particular book. But in the case of the Redemption series there will always be some questions left unanswered, some issues unresolved until the very end. I wish I could tell you now what will become of John and Elizabeth, Kari and Ryan, Ashley and Cole, Brooke and Peter, Erin and Sam—and what will happen to Landon Blake.

But I can’t.

The books that lie ahead are written on the pages of Gary’s heart and mine, but they have yet to be typed across the pages of my computer screen. As they emerge, we will bring them to you.

My prayer and Gary’s is that you continue to enjoy this series, and in the process that you gain a deeper understanding of what L-O-V-E really means (Listen, Offer yourself, Value and honor, and Embrace). Perhaps in riding out the next few years with the Baxters, you’ll find yourself expressing that new understanding in your own relationships.

And maybe, just maybe, the Redemption series will help change the way you live together, the way you love.

I leave you with the message of
Remember:
We must remember how to love, remember what’s important, and remember God’s truth as it applies to our relationships. Will we make mistakes? Of course. But if you’re one who’s messed up a relationship, you’ve come to the right place.

This series is about redemption. God’s redemption. The Bible says that accepting God’s gift of redemption is the first step to real love. And real love is what the Redemption series is all about.

If you need to know more about the redemption God has for you, I urge you to contact a local Bible-believing church and talk to a minister—someone like Pastor Mark at Clear Creek Community Church. Then make a decision to accept God’s offer of redemption while his salvation can still deeply affect your life.

Don’t wait. The truth is, we may not have much time to make things right. If we ignore God’s offer of redemption here and now, tomorrow we might find that it’s too late. The best time to say yes to God is always today.

Thank you for traveling the pages of
Remember
with us. I hope you’ll pass this book on to someone else. Then keep your eyes open for the next book in the series. The answers to some of your questions are just ahead in
Return
, book three of the Redemption series. In the meantime, may this find you walking close to God, enjoying the journey of life, and celebrating his gift of redemption.

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Please visit my Web site at
www.KarenKingsbury.com
, or write me at
[email protected]
.

Blessings to you and yours, humbly,

Karen Kingsbury

A Word from Gary Smalley

Remembering is not something God takes lightly, and for obvious reasons. The very core of operating as a Christian is to “remember your first love”—God Almighty—and to remember what’s important according to God’s truth. If we don’t remember these things, we leave ourselves open to the top two most destructive forces at work in relationships today: pride and fear. These attitudes and emotions destroy bonds of trust, intimacy, and love, and they fly in the face of all the Lord has for us in our relationships.

Still, there are times when we are either too busy to remember or too jaded to believe in the past. The following is a brief list of six practical ways you can incorporate the ability to remember into your relationships today.

Six Ways to Remember

1.
Remember the important things in life.
The more time passes, the busier we get. Isn’t that true? Our list of bills and expenses and unfinished projects grows longer with each year. Make a point of having “remember days,” either alone or with someone you love. This may be a spouse or a parent, a sibling or a child—even a friend. Take a walk or a drive, plan a quiet hour over coffee, and reflect on the essentials, the things that are truly necessary for your relationship to work. During this time, make a list, and take a hard look at it. How much time do you spend each day on things that don’t even make the list?

2.
Remember your shared faith.
We often begin our relationships in a flurry of promises—of shared prayer time, church attendance, and Bible study. Walk back through your past, and see if this was the case with the person you love. If so, are you still sharing your beliefs this way? God wants us to remember our first love—both in our relationship with him and in our relationships with each other. In both cases, the bond that builds lasting relationships is none other than Jesus Christ.

3.
Remember how your relationship started.
Think back to the time when your relationship first began. Look at photos or videotapes of your early days together. Whether this is a marriage or a relationship with a parent or child, your decision to walk down memory lane and admire the foundation of your love will always be an important one.

4.
Remember what you first liked about that person.
Take an hour or an afternoon, and write a list of the character traits, personality quirks, and attributes that helped build your relationship with this person. Perhaps these are details that still apply. Or maybe the busyness of life and the burden of various troubles have buried the traits you liked most in the person you love. Examine the list closely. Are you still looking for these things in that person?

5.
Remember the good times you shared together.
Photographs and scrapbooks have a way of triggering a series of memories. Force yourself to think back on the happy times together. Again, this might be the time you and your five-year-old took walks each evening. Or it might be the time you and your partner first began to date. Either way, make a list of how the two of you interacted during a time when things between you were at their best. These remembered thoughts will go a long way toward replacing the sometimes troubled thoughts of that same relationship today.

6.
Remember lessons from your past.
If you’ve walked as a believer for very long, you know that troubles have a way of coming and going. Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble, but not to worry: He’s already overcome the world (John 16:33, my paraphrase). Obviously, remembering that single bit of truth will go a long way toward helping you let go of today’s troubles. In addition, though, remember the way God has delivered you from your past troubles. He who was faithful to do that will also be faithful to deliver you through whatever relationship troubles you might currently be experiencing.

Remember
shows the importance of working on our relationships through the use of our memories—not just in our marriages but also in the special bonds we share with our children and parents, our siblings and friends.

If you or someone you love needs counseling or other resources to improve a key relationship, I urge you to contact us at:

The Smalley Relationship Center

1482 Lakeshore Drive

Branson, MO 65616

Phone: (800) 84-TODAY (848-6329)

FAX: (417) 336-3515

E-mail: [email protected]

Web site: www.smalleyonline.com

Discussion Questions

Use these questions for individual reflection or for discussion with a book club or other small group. They will help you not only understand some of the issues in
Remember
but also integrate some of the book’s messages into your own relationships.

1. Before September 11, in what way did Landon Blake’s memories play a part in his decision to take a job in New York City? Explain.

2. As helpful as remembering can be, painful memories can actually stand in the way of healthy relationships. How was this the case in Ashley Baxter’s relationship with Landon? with her family?

3. Explain Ashley’s goal in taking a job at Sunset Hills Adult Care Home.

4. How did Kari’s memory play a part in her healing after the death of her husband? In what way do you think remembering may have helped Ryan Taylor during this time?

5. After working at Sunset Hills for several weeks, Ashley began to discover something about the memories of the Alzheimer’s patients she worked with. What did she discover?

6. Describe the Past-Present ideas Ashley found on the Internet. How did this help her make the residents at Sunset Hills calmer and happier?

7. How did Ashley’s work at Sunset Hills affect her personal life? What did it make her feel about her own memories?

8. When Ashley shares the painful memories of her time in Paris, what does Landon remind her? How does this, in turn, change Ashley’s life?

9. After September 11, when Landon goes to New York to work at Ground Zero, what do you think drove him to work nearly eighty straight days?

10. How does Kari use the importance of remembering to help Erin in her marriage?

11. What can you learn from the happy memories in your life when it comes to your relationships? What can you learn from the darker memories?

12. Throughout the Scriptures God asks his people to remember certain things. Why do you think remembering is so important to God? How would your faith grow if you were to remember in the ways suggested in the passages below?

“And remember these instructions when the Lord brings you into the land he swore to give your ancestors long ago, the land where the Canaanites are now living.” (Exodus 13:11,
NLT
)

“Remember your Creator now while you are young.” (Ecclesiastes 12:6,
NLT
)

“Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again.” (John 14:28,
NLT
)

“You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus . . . .” (Acts 20:35,
NLT
).

13. Describe a relationship you would like to see improved. What are the problems, the conflicts? How would your ability to remember possibly improve that relationship? Detail a plan based on the suggestions in the previous section.

14. Purchase a “memory journal”—any lined notebook will do. Jot down important memories from your past and the lessons you learned—or can still learn—from them.

15. What role did forgiveness play in Ashley’s relationships to Landon? God? herself? Luke? Kari?

16. In what ways would you find freedom and peace if you were to seek forgiveness from God and others? In what ways would you experience freedom and peace if you were to extend forgiveness to others—including yourself?

17. How did the redemption theme—the overall theme of the series—reveal itself in this book? In whose lives did you see redemption at work?

18. In what ways does your life need redemption? How will you find it?

19. Whose relationships were marked by honor? In what specific ways did the characters show honor?

20. How are you currently showing honor in your relationships? How would you like to grow in that area? How will you accomplish that?