My Mr. Manny (12 page)

Looking over his shoulder, I could see several women speed-walking around the edge of the park for their daily exercise and others just strolled as they gossiped with their friends. The idea of a stroll around the park sounded good.

“You guys want to take a walk with me?” I asked.

Dominic looked down at Lucia once he’d placed her back on the ground and asked, “What do you think?”

“Sure, but I want you both to hold my hands,” she said as she shrugged her shoulders.

With Lucia in the middle, swinging back and forth, we went off on a stroll together. Polite nods and a few hellos to the folks we passed and Lucia’s squeals accompanied us halfway around the park.

“Lucia, hold on tight so we can do a big one,” Dominic said. I braced myself, squeezed her hand, and swung her so high, her white tennis shoes were almost at eye level. And that’s when I noticed the couple walking toward us. In complete shock, I almost let go of Lucia’s hand. My feet stopped without conscious thought, and I stood there, frozen. Dominic and Lucia were jerked back by my sudden halt. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Dominic looking at me questioningly, but I couldn’t tear my attention away from the sight in front of me to explain to him.

I stared, unnoticed for the moment, when he caressed the woman’s rounded belly while they strolled carefree through the park. They were a few feet in front of me but had not looked up yet. There was no escape for me, so I just stood, waiting for him to notice. It felt like it took years for them to reach us. When he looked up, he paled. Yeah, I knew the feeling. I had hoped never to see him again.

“Mia . . . Uh, hi. Um . . . how are you?” Alex asked, sputtering with nerves. His eyes lingered over Lucia, and then glanced at Dominic. I didn’t want Alex to see my daughter, since he had no right to, so I stepped to my right and covered her a bit. She peeked out, though, sneaking looks at them. I could tell that Dominic had figured out who this man was, because he took a stance in front of Lucia and me, just off to my right. Alex looked affronted at that movement and scoffed visibly.
Asshole!

I took a deep, cleansing breath and called forth all of my confidence. “Oh, wow! Hi, you two.” My voice came out in a much higher tone than usual. “Don’t you look wonderful,” I said, when I pointed toward the girl on Alex’s arm. It was the same girl I had seen in his office bathroom the night I caught him.

The girl’s hands covered her stomach in a protective manner, and she and Alex just stood there, waiting for me to snap. I wasn’t upset at seeing them together; I’d just never wanted Lucia to see him again and ask me questions. How could I tell my baby girl that her biological father never wanted her, never loved her, yet had a new baby on the way?

“This is my boyfriend, Dominic. And this is Alex and . . . what’s your name? Sorry, I didn’t catch it when we met in the bathroom.”

She didn’t answer, but Alex did. “It’s nice to meet you, man. This is Amber, my wife.”

And that was all it took. “Well, Amber, if you’re lucky, all that love and attention he’s showing you now won’t end the moment your baby is born, like it did with us. I hope he won’t do to you what he did to us, for your child’s sake–”

“That’s enough, Mia,” Alex interrupted.

I nodded, shaking with anger. “You’re right. It
is
enough.” Reaching for Lucia’s hand, I walked away.

I was nearly at our car when Dominic caught up to us. He was talking to me, but I didn’t register what he was saying. I was so angry that I was caught in the maelstrom of my mind until Lucia screamed and I felt Dominic’s hand on mine, trying to stop me.

“Momma, you’re hurting me.” Lucia began to cry, and I realized I had been walking too fast and held her hand too tight

Snapping out of it, I stopped dead in my tracks, and the tears began to fall. “Oh, God,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.” Looking into Dominic’s eyes, I pleaded, “Please take me home.”

Swooping Lucia into one arm, and then wrapping the other around me for support, he guided us to the car. Lucia was still crying. I had scared her with my actions, and she was confused. I knew she would have a ton of questions later after we had all settled down.

Lucia fell asleep in the car, and I just stared out the side window, wondering how Alex could replace us so easily. It was as if we had never existed. I didn’t love him—I knew that to be true—but seeing him after all this time brought up the feelings I had never dealt with when he walked away from us without a second glance.

Upon entering the house, Dominic took Lucia straight to her room. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I remained in the entryway, just waiting for something, anything. I felt hurt, betrayed, and just plain drained. Before I even realized what was happening, Dominic had lifted me up and carried me to my bed. Removing my shoes he said, “Why don’t you take a nap? You’ll feel better.”

“Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

After slipping off his own shoes, he laid down next to me. His comforting arms circled me and pulled me toward him to spoon me, and I wrapped my hand around his where it lay across my ribcage. I felt his warm breath on my neck, and then felt the vibration of his words. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I sighed, letting out a deep breath. “I feel so many things, Dominic. I just don’t know what it all means.”

Dominic pulled his hand from mine and pushed the hair off my face. He turned my face toward him a bit so he could look me in the eyes. “Tell me.”

That simple request opened the floodgates. Feeling the tears dripping down my face into my ears, I heard myself speak as if it were someone else. Things I had not even thought about spilled from my mouth.

“He hurt me and betrayed me for God knows how long. In all honesty, I thought it didn’t matter. I thought I was okay with it because I had Lucia and I had to protect her. Not once did I feel this pain.” Rolling over to look at him better, I kept trying to explain. I wanted him to understand;
I
wanted to understand. It seemed as if the words were flowing from my mouth without my permission.

“It’s not that I still love him, because I don’t at all. But, wow, what a rejection. I mean, he just discarded and replaced us like we were nothing. Caring for our home, our child, and him—despite the fact that he was never there and didn’t reciprocate for years—wasn’t enough? How does that reflect on me? All these insecurities that I didn’t think I had are coming up for me now.” I sat up in a panic. “God, I think I compartmentalized it all. I never gave much thought as to why it was so easy for him to replace me. My whole life was a lie, and I let it be that. And God knows for how long. I ignored the fact that he was never home yet I blame him for it all when I was just as responsible.”

My breaths were coming in short pants and my head felt dizzy. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Why didn’t I ever say anything to Alex? I never forced the issue of him being gone all the time until the very end. For five years, I played single mother and thought I was happier that way. What if I was not capable of a relationship? What if I screwed this up with Dominic?

He turned me toward him, placed my hand on his chest, and spoke in soothing tones, “Listen . . . Take a deep breath, in and out. That’s it, baby. Slow. In and out.”

I felt his chest rise and fall under my palm. When I matched my breathing to his, it went back to normal. My eyes were focused solely on his. Those beautiful green orbs were soft and concerned.

“Mia, what happened between you and Alex is . . . well, it was just meant to happen that way. It was to give you Lucia, because without her, we would have never met.” Dominic looked at me with love and sincerity. “We were meant to happen. Lucia was meant to happen. So, without that jackass, we would have never found each other. Just think what a tragedy that would have been. And, listen, you have to stop beating yourself up over this. Yes, you were complacent. Yes, you had a part in the failure of the marriage, but he was already doing what he was doing. You just let it happen. You didn’t love him, so it was easy to let him go. And that’s what you did when he stopped coming home. At least you understand it all now.” Holding my face in his hands and swiping my tears with his thumbs, he peppered my eyes with small, reverent kisses.

I kept my lids closed and left my hand on his chest, counting his breaths. “You’re right,” I said, “I didn’t fight for him, and I let him go the minute he checked out emotionally. I’m not even sure I know how to love. Being able to give my all to Lucia from day one and to never think of Alex was too easy. What does that mean? Why didn’t it bother me until it was too late? What if I’m not capable of being in a healthy relationship because I . . . I don’t know. What if I’m not good at it, and you regret us?” I was so confused. So many things were running through my mind. “I just hope that things work out better for his new wife and baby, because it would be a shame for another child to be left fatherless by him,” I said with sadness in my voice.

“Lucia is not fatherless.”

With those words, my eyes flipped open and faced his, which were full of conviction. Once the words sunk in, I jumped toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him with enough force to let him know how much his words meant to me. My heart clenched; it hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. Dominic was the most kind-hearted man I had ever met.

“Well, she’s going to have questions when she wakes. I’m sure she recognized him. I mean, she’s seen pictures, and he was around every now and again. ”

“We’ll do this together,” Dominic said firmly. “Whatever questions she has, we’ll answer as best we can.”

I nodded.

And she did have questions, but not the ones I thought she would. Lucia mainly wanted to know why I had been upset enough to hurt her. After I explained that I didn’t mean to cause her pain and had just wanted to get out of there, she went on to her next question with all the brusque charm of a six year old.

“So, that man was my dad,” she said, more a statement than a question.

How would I explain this to her? “Lucia, he was your father. He helped me make you, but he was never your daddy. He never took you to play at the park, to a ballet class, or ever picked you up from school. A daddy is someone who takes care of you and is there for you, and a father just makes you. Does that make sense?” The term sperm donor came to mind but there was no way I could explain that to Lucia.

Her little head tilted to the side in concentration. I knew she was trying to piece it all together. “So, does that mean Dominic is my daddy? He does all those things.”

This girl was going to be the death of me; she was too smart for her own good.

“No, he’s not your daddy. We are working toward it. You see all the hard work Dominic has been doing to learn how to do all of those things with you, right? We all want nothing more than for him to be your daddy, and we’ll get there soon, I promise. Okay?”

She looked at us, not quite convinced, but I had no idea how to explain it further. The truth was, Dominic and I were just starting a relationship. I couldn’t let Lucia believe he was her daddy, and then have something go wrong between us. Our relationship had to progress in its own time and couldn’t be rushed just because of what Lucia wanted. However, I did believe, in my heart, that Dominic wanted to be called Lucia’s daddy more than anything in the world.

Chapter 17

Chopsticks

Two weeks before Halloween, Dominic, Lucia and I were standing in Party City staring at a long wall of costumes. There were too many options, and Lucia was overwhelmed with them all. The girls’ side alone took up half the wall.

I was beginning to crawl out of my skin with impatience. We had been standing there for over thirty minutes, and we weren’t one step closer to finding a costume. Dominic, forever the patient man, was caught up in the excitement of all the choices and the holiday itself.

“Do you want to be a Disney princess or a super hero? Or wait, look at those Monster High costumes!” he exclaimed, a bit glassy-eyed while he examined the huge selection.

“I like Cinderella because she’s so pretty and . . . what’s the word, Momma? Classic?” Lucia looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded. “But my favorite is Tinkerbell. She looks like a ballerina, and her costume matches Dominic’s eyes.”

My head snapped up to look at her and then over to Dominic, and I couldn’t help smiling. I couldn’t believe the things my kid said sometimes. Dominic was hiding his amusement because he didn’t want to embarrass Lucia, but I could tell he found it amusing and maybe even a bit flattering.

Suddenly I realized she had made a decision, and I jumped all over it. “So, you want the Tinkerbell costume?” I asked while reaching to take it off the hook on the wall.

“Yeah, I think so.”

I sighed in frustration. “You need to be sure, Lucia. I don’t want us to get home and have you decide that wasn’t what you wanted. Whatever you pick today is it. Okay?” With the costume in one hand, I ran the other through my hair while I prayed she would just choose a costume so we could go. I was hungry and tired and feeling grouchy.

Watching my struggle, Dominic jumped in after he flashed me a “calm down” look. He knelt down at Lucia’s level, leaning on one knee while he ran his hand down her arm to soothe her. “I think you’ve made a wonderful choice. Her green dress and slippers do look like a ballet costume, and with your hair up in a bun, you will look like a fairy ballerina. And I think the most special thing about it is that you think the outfit matches my eyes. That’s very sweet.”

She looked up at him in awe and amazement. I could see she was losing the battle and was submitting to his convincing words. “Yeah, she’s my favorite.” Then, turning to look at me, she said, “I want Tinkerbell, Momma. Let’s go.” She looked back at Dominic, reached for his hand, and led him to the front of the store, with me following behind. Always the gentleman, Dominic looked over his shoulder and reached for my hand as well.

~*~*~

Halloween was fast approaching, but, in typical Los Angeles fashion, there were no natural telltale signs. The leaves didn’t change color, the sun shone, kids were running around without jackets, and people barbecued. The weather was still quite hot, and it made for a nice night since most kids would be trick-or-treating in very thin costumes.