Legacy: It's Never Black and White in Love and Business (2 page)

Edwina took a deep breath as her hand touched the door handle. You got this. She thought to herself. The smell of chlorine filled the air and her nostrils. Her heart began to race, but only until she saw Matthew. 

Watching him glide through the water as if he belonged there, gave her hope. Maybe he really could teach her to swim. The room was silent except for the sound of Matthew’s hands pushing away water, as he made the length of the swimming pool. 

“BUZZZ, BUZZZ, RINGGGGGG, RINGGGGGG”  

Matthew lifted his head out of the water and wiped the dripping liquid from his eyes, as he looked over to the side of the pool. Edwina was standing there gripping her bag so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her full breasts peeked over her bathing suit top, but not in a sleazy way. Her sexuality, in the midst of modesty, turned him on. 

“Glad you showed up. I was worried,” Matthew joked. 

“I take my education very seriously. I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Edwina returned, trying to hide the way her voice trembled. 

“Damn, and all the time I thought it was this body,” Matthew answered, as he stepped out of the pool.  He was perfect. His chiseled frame instantly caught Edwina’s attention, as her eyes traced his body from head, to chest, to his six pack and finally down to his bulging cock. Her eyes stopped there as she took a deep breath. 

Matthew laughed after following Edwina’s eyes and seeing where they landed. 

“What’s so funny?” Edwina asked. She was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. 

“What were you looking at?”  

“You’re the one walking around her with your rock hard belly out for the world to see,” Edwina answered. There was no way she was gonna say had been eyeing his Johnson. 

“That wasn’t my question, but it’s all good. You can go to the bathroom in that back corner to change.”  

“No need. I just threw on my shorts over my suit. Let’s get this over with,” Edwina dropped her bag to the cold tile surrounding the pool and stepped out of her cheerleading shorts. 

“Damn,” Matthew exclaimed. 

Edwina just smiled. Her freshly shaven legs glistened and commanded his attention. 

“I gotta warn you, I don’t know anything about water, and it scares me to death.” 

“I kinda figured that out when I saw you out there flailing instead of floating in gym class.” Matthew chuckled.

“Don’t judge me. You just can’t make me believe that water will hold me up. Do I look like a float to you?” 

“Well, I think you have a nice pair of headlights that could be used as floatation devices.” 

“That’s not funny, Dude. I’m not mentioning the kickstand you should put away,” Edwina said, as she pointed to Matthew’s semi-hard piece. 

“I can’t help it.  It likes what it sees.” 

“Whatever. You just keep that thing to yourself and let’s get this torture over with.” 

“Why don’t you trust the water?” Matthew asked in a serious tone. Edwina could tell the games were over and it was time to get down to business. 

“I don’t trust much of anything these days,” Edwina said, as her voice trailed off into the air. 

“We’re gonna fix that. I promise. Deal?” Matthew asked, as he extended his hand and Edwina shook it with a smile. 

“Deal,” Edwina returned.  

“Let’s start by getting in the water,” Matthew instructed. 

“Ummmm, can I get a float or a life jacket or something?” Edwina asked through a quivering voice, as she tried to hide her shaky hands. 

“Do you trust me?” he asked. 

“I don’t know you,” she responded. 

“We are in a room full of swimming pools all alone and you can’t swim. How do you know I won’t just throw you in one and let you learn to sink or swim right here and right now?” 

“Don’t be silly, you’re not that crazy.” 

“How do you know?” he asked. 

“I don’t think you’d harm me, Mr. Matthew Marlowe,” Edwina said, as she began to regain her confidence. 

“Then trust me to make sure you don’t harm yourself,” Matthew said, stepping into the water. “Besides, we only have about 30 more minutes before the swim team comes in, and I know you aren’t ready for those jokes. Trust me. I got you.” 

Those words made Edwina cringe. Things turned out bad anytime someone in her life asked for her trust. 

“What’s wrong, Edwina?” Matthew asked, sensing her hesitation. 

“Nothing, you just better not let me drown.” 

“I got you, Ma,” Matthew joked, as he waved his hands through the air in an attempt to look “urban.” 

Edwina smiled, as she focused on slowing her breathing before stepping into the 5 feet of water. 

“See, it’s not that bad,” Matthew said, trying to encourage his student to relax. 

“What do you want to try first?” 

“I need to learn to float.” 

“Okay. Good idea. I’m gonna need you to lie back.” 

“OH, hell no! How do I know you aren’t gonna let me fall?” Edwina asked, with a look of concern covering her face. 

“You have to trust me. Put your head here,” he said, as he pointed to the crook in his right arm. “Now, put that “donk” right here so I can support you.” 

Everything in Edwina was screaming. Her internal alarms were sounding and it was all she could do to stop the anxiety that was overtaking her. Instead of giving in to her fear, she relaxed and stepped closer to Matthew. 

“I trust you, so you better know what you’re doing,” Edwina said. Then, she held onto the side of the pool, as she lay back, placing her neck on the arm that reached out to support her body. Sure arms swept Edwina off her feet, and she was literally lying in his arms. She leaned her head back to enjoy the moment. 

The gurgling sound of water going in and out of Edwina’s ears made her uneasy, but Matthew’s strong arms made her feel safe. 

“Let go,” he instructed. 

“I can’t,” she said. 

“Why?” 

“I’m afraid you will let me go or not be there, and then I’ll be out there flailing again.” 

“Baby, I got you,” Matthew said before planting a kiss on Edwina’s lips. The movement shocked her. She panicked and began trying to wave her hands to gain some bearing. 

“Stop it,” he said, as Edwina reached for the side of the pool. “You have to trust that I got you,” he said, as he held onto the young woman he wanted to build a family with.  He stepped out into the water and away from the safety of the pool’s edge. 

Edwina saw she had no choice, so she followed Matthew’s instructions. Edwina learned to float in no time. Matthew was impressed. The alarm on his phone sounded again. 

“We have 5 minutes before the swim team gets here. Run and get dressed, and we’ll go grab a bite to eat before my day starts.” 

“Okay,” Edwina responded. It felt good to have a man make plans for her. It’d been a long while since anyone had been interested in her, and this time, she could feel the chemistry and she knew the feeling was mutual.  

“Next time, we’ll start learning a few strokes.” 

“I’ll try,” she smiled. “But, I’ll need you to take your time with me.” 

“Don’t worry Edwina, we’re gonna have the rest of our lives.” 

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,” Edwina laughed, “Can we start with breakfast?” 

“I wanna go steady with you, Edwina. I wanna be your man. I’ve been watching you for months.  And then, what were the chances of you being such a bad swimmer? I want you Edwina Edwards and Matthew Marlowe always gets what he wants.” 

“Well,” Edwina returned, “I’ve been watching that tight behind of yours all semester too.  So, how do you know I didn’t work out all of this so I could holler at you?” 

“I saw you in that pool with your arms flying everywhere. That panic was real. You need my help. That’s the reason you’re here.” 

“Okay, okay. You’re right. Can we go now? I’m starving.” 

“Meet you out front in 10 minutes?” Matthew said before jetting off to the men’s room. 

“You got it,” Edwina returned, as she wondered what to do with her wet hair. Those nappy roots always gave her away. 

***

“Who gave you this package? Did you see who left it?” Marcellus asked, as he scanned the photos and threw them on his desk.  He was obviously repulsed by the envelope’s content. 

“No, Mr. Marlowe. It was in with the mail this morning.” 

“Thanks Jimmy. That’s all for now, I’ll buzz you later if I need you.” 

“Yes, Sir. But, what about the poll reports?” 

“Boy, you know I am gonna win. Now get your young ass out of my office and before you go crying about me cursing you out. You should know 2 things: most honest people curse and ALL CEOs do. So, man up and close my fucking door behind you, please,” Marcellus smiled, as he watched a brilliant young man, unaware of his genius, cower and back out of the room; as if to some king. 

Marcellus grabbed the mirror from the top drawer of his desk. He looked to see if his façade was still intact. It was, so he went on about his day determined to figure out just who would be bold enough to blackmail him? He was one of the most powerful men in the city and his connections made him virtually untouchable, but there was no way he could lean on any of those resources for this. He would have to handle this one on his own. 

Edwina wasn’t ready for the feelings that came with her swim lessons. It had only been two weeks and she and Matthew were inseparable. The campus was buzzing, as everyone was preparing to go home for Thanksgiving. Edwina and Matthew had one more lesson together before it was time to hit the road.  

She had no idea what she was going to do for the holiday. She’d been spending so much time at Matthew’s that she really lost touch with most of her friends, but she couldn’t let him know that she was gonna be spending this Turkey Day in someone’s empty hotel room, alone.  

Matthew met her at the door of the gym. He smiled, as she jogged up the stairs to meet him. He cringed at the thought of being without her. She made life so simple for him. In two weeks, they’d grown into breakfast 3 times a week after swim class and at least 4 nights a week at his place; all of which included a mouth-watering Southern style meal. 

As soon as Edwina came within reach of Matthew, she kissed him on the lips. Hugging her instantly made his day better. 

“Are you ready to do the dead man’s float today?” Matthew asked.  

“No. I thought you could let me float on my back one more day,” Edwina answered trying to hide her anxiety. 

“Babe, you can’t stay on your back forever. You have to learn how to swim. I’m right here. I promise I won’t let you drown.” 

“Let’s just try the back float to make sure I’m comfortable, and then we can move on, okay?” 

“I’m only letting you get by with this because I like you,” Matthew joked, “but, we have to get down to business next week, Eddie. You have to pass Mrs. Whittington’s test.” 

“I know. I’m ready,” Edwina relented. 

Matthew wrapped his arms around the new love of his life. Edwina is one choice his Father would gladly approve of. He wanted so badly to ask her to go home with him for Thanksgiving, but he wouldn’t want to scare her away by moving too fast, too soon. 

Edwina felt so comfortable lying back into Matthew’s arms. Being suspended like that meant that all her troubles could float away for at least an hour. Matthew began to step away and allow his new best friend to peacefully float beside him.  

Edwina was so blessed. She had everything she needed to be a successful student, but it didn’t mean very much without her mother’s validation. Matthew was too good for her, that’s what Tesha would say.  

The vibrant young woman began to lose faith in the fluid support surrounding her, as her mind drifted back to Norwood.  

It’s been years since my Dad was killed. That’s when my mother changed, and as hard as I try, I can’t bring one pleasant experience with them both to mind. As a matter of fact, when I revisit the things I learned from my parents, I can only seem to come up with things I don’t want to do. I don’t want to constantly fight over money. I don’t want to cheat on my husband. Instead, I want to understand my child. I want to be there as he grows up to enlighten and encourage him in a way that only a mother can. 

The task itself seems simple to me, but it was an impossible for my momma, and I’ll never understand why. But, there is no way I’m going back there after the way I left. There is no way Tesha would let me live that down, and I can’t be ammunition from her friends again. What am I gonna do? I don’t have roots any more. There is no place for me to call home. 

***

The reality of her life and the choices she’d made scared her to death. And, suddenly, she panicked. Her moment of calm retrospect was over and reality set in. Her arms began to violently hit the water, as her head dipped back into the pool. 

Suddenly, she felt strong arms pulling her up from the water. Matthew was there. She coughed but found that he’d caught her before the water ever got to her nose or mouth. 

Edwina looked up at Matthew with a look that read
Thank you for saving my life
. He looked compassionately upon the beautiful woman he felt an undeniable urge to protect.  

“Why do you get so panicky in the water? Hasn’t it proven to you that it will hold you up? Why are you so determined to fight it?” 

“I don’t know. I guess I just have trust issues,” Edwina answered, as she dropped her head to hide the embarrassment now making its way across her cheeks. 

“Don’t blush. It’s okay. I know you’re afraid of something. Tell me what it is. Do you know who my father is?” 

“I’m not trying to be funny, but if you knew who my benefactor was, you’d understand why name dropping doesn’t move me,” Edwina chuckled. 

“See, that’s what I mean. This is why I love you,” Matthew said, realizing the words that had just jumped from his lips. It was too late to take the words back, and he meant them.  So, he allowed them to linger there in the space between them before he continued. 

“My Dad is a NC Senator headed for the Governor’s mansion. Do you know what kind of stress comes with that? I get so tired of having my life examined by these self-righteous strangers, who know nothing about me. It’s like I have to live my life under a microscope. I can’t fuck up like normal kids. I made a deal with the devil just to come here.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“My Dad wrote me a check for one million dollars.” 

“Damn, that’s a lot of cake,” Edwina exclaimed. 

“Yeah, but check out the kicker that came with it.” 

“Matthew, the man gave you a million dollars. Whatever he wants you to do can’t be that bad.” 

“I have to be engaged and ready to be married within 6 months of graduation, or I have to sign my house, car, and remaining checking account balance back over to him.” 

Edwina laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked. 

“Oh, you and your rich white boy problems are funny. It seems to me that your Daddy bribed you to be normal.” 

“Be normal? What do you mean?” 

“Some kids come to college and meet their husband or wife early on, and then they get married right after college. That’s all he’s asking you to do. He wants you to get serious about something and stop throwing away your life and his money.” 

“Well, Iyanla. Thank you for fixing my life,” Matthew joked. 

“Somebody had to,” Edwina returned playfully. 

“What is your mother like?” Matthew asked, trying to connect with Edwina and get to the bottom of her anguish. 

Edwina’s face went blank. The rosy cheeks and small dimples that surfaced when she smiled were gone. Matthew instantly recognized her problem. He was majoring in Political Science, but the things he’d learned in Psychology were definitely coming in handy right now.
Maybe I should minor in Psychology
, he thought. 

“Do you really want to know?” Edwina asked, finally ready to unburden herself. She and Matthew were close, and she believed he could handle the weight of her insecurities without dropping her all together. 

“Yes, I want to know what makes you so afraid out there. If you can’t trust the elements, how could you ever trust me?” 

Edwina opened her mouth and words just fell out. He wanted her life story and she was ready to share it with someone. 

As she spoke about her mother, it was almost as if she were reading something she’d rehearsed over and over in her head. They stood in the water, as Matthew held her in his arms and Edwina’s “Mean Mommy Monologue” began. 

“I don’t know when I started to hate her, but I can tell you that I never liked her. When I think of my mother, I never see a woman who tried to uplift or encourage me. I see a small fraction of a woman who, because of her pain, was never able to fully love and treasure me as her gift from The Creator.” 

“I could never understand why my attempts at intimate conversation with her would turn into heated arguments months later; with my indiscretions thrown back in my face. My deepest desire was to have her teach me to be a woman, but the truth was, I wanted her to be a mother.  Like the one down the street who empowered, uplifted, and trusted. Instead, God gave me one who belittled, discouraged, and doubted me out loud and in front of my peers. I was awarded a broken being who pierced my spirit with venomous words that my psyche is still working to purge.”  

“I don’t get it, though. Did my appearance drive her that crazy? Was my self-worth so apparent and seemingly valuable that she needed to subtract from it to add to her own?”  

“I fell in love with words around the age of ten. That I owe to my mother.  Only because I needed the dictionary to figure out what conceited and arrogant meant. I couldn’t understand how such big words applied to such a small child like me, but I guess even then; I was stronger than I realized and she hated my strength. She hated that her stones didn’t break me.” 

“I don’t guess I’ll ever know why she couldn’t love me completely. I’ve asked many times in several different ways, but can never seem to get a straight answer.  You know what? I don’t try to answer that question anymore. I have come to know that this is an issue best taken up between her and her maker.”  

“I never asked to come here. She didn’t either, but we were always two women stuck in a world created and dominated by gloomy and abusive histories. I don’t know when my mother’s spirit was broken, but there was always some secret and inherent need for her to pass that pain on to me.” 

“There were times when I secretly wondered when God would allow me to break into small pieces and escape my painful reality. But, for some reason, there was a small resilient voice inside me that encouraged me to hold it all together; despite hurt feelings and welt covered legs that continued to hold me up, irrespective to the stick that met them and left its trace of red marks and scabs.” 

“I wonder how those remnants of her anger and insecurities made her feel. She never apologized for them, even when she was wrong. She never apologized for not knowing how to be a mother, and I have never apologized for not wanting her close to me.” 

“I am sorry that she is broken, and I am sorry that she tried to break me, but some things are best forgotten. Now she, her race, and everything else about her are dead to me. So, from here on out if anyone asks, my mother is dead. Do you hear me? I don’t care that she still walks around breaking people. I killed her in my mind, and I’ve already buried her. I have no desire to know someone who spent that kind of time trying to destroy me. So, there are no ‘Happy Holidays’ for me. There is only time spent with a woman who loved me until the Social Security check from my Dad’s death ran out.”  

Edwina shook her head as the last words left her mouth. She exhaled as their release gave her a freedom she’d never felt. She could understand if Matthew never wanted to see her again. Nobody wants to deal with that type of crazy. She reached for the edge of the pool. She wanted to leave before he could see her tears. 

Matthew immediately steadied Edwina’s body and lifted her head to face him. He kissed the tears away, as they fell from her face. 

“Don’t worry. I am sorry that you lost your mother in that horrific car crash, but as fate would have it, my father has asked me to bring a date. I guess he wants to check up on my progress.” 

“Edwina Edwards, would you please do me the honor of joining me and my family for Thanksgiving?” 

“Thank you for your sympathy. It happened so suddenly, and yes, I’d love to accept your invitation,” Edwina answered. The couple smiled, relieved that the truth was finally out on the table. 

That was the last time they spoke of Edwina’s mother or the strings that made Matthew dance.