House of Payne: Rude (12 page)
“Don’t be so sure about that. I’ve thought a lot about this from the moment I saw your deadened expression in my eyes when I got back to civilization. There might not have been bullets or mortar fire or knife attacks going on around you. But you were always in hostile territory no matter where you went, weren’t you? You were always surrounded by enemies while growing up. Shit, I was even one of them. Wasn’t I?”
She tilted her head in the faintest—but still damning—nod of agreement.
“When I looked at myself in the mirror and saw your expression, that was the day I realized you were probably the one person who would understand me best. You’d been surrounded by hostiles your whole life, with no one to fight for you but
you
. And irony of ironies, I’d antagonized you so much that you wouldn’t even speak to me once I decided to come back home. I couldn’t even blame you for it. My wanting to make peace must’ve seemed as ridiculous to you as the idea of me sitting down to tea with those fuckers who obliterated my friends and comrades.”
“Rude, you weren’t
that
bad.”
“Yeah, but an enemy’s an enemy, because they’ve proven themselves to be fuckers who can’t be trusted.” He tugged on her hair to raise her face to his. “I need to know, Sass—is that what this is all about? You trying to put the brakes on us… is it because you don’t trust me?”
“I don’t trust anyone.” Her smile was infinitely sad. “Try not to take it personally, okay? I broke a
long
time ago, but that had nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me, since I’m the man who’s going to put you back together.”
That sad smile vanished under a wave of surprise. “You’ve really got a thing for impossible missions, don’t you?”
“I know there are a lot of jagged pieces inside of you, and I know how it feels when you think you can never be put back together. Believe me, I
know
. But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. And right now, as I’m looking into your eyes and you’re looking back at me, I don’t see anything inside of you that can’t be fixed.”
Something shot through her expression, something torn between a beautiful hope and a desperate fear. “Are you sure you’re looking deep enough?”
“I’m sure I’ll never want to stop looking.” With his fingers tensing at the back of her head, he drew her in to meet the descent of his mouth.
The electrical current they created whenever they touched was crazy; it made every nerve in his body hum, and breathing was something he forgot how to do. Even as he pulled her closer, the hand at the back of his head did the same, pushing him deeper into the kiss as if she wanted to drown in him. He understood. If he could wallow in the taste and feel of her for the rest of the day, that’d be a day well spent.
The stroke of his tongue was met by hers and then toyed with, and he had to work hard at stifling a groan. But damn, he was nuts about how she responded to him. There was a wildfire locked beneath the wariness that kept her distanced from the rest of the world, and every time he got close to her, he felt the increasing intensity of its heat.
He wouldn’t be happy until that wildfire burned him alive.
“Look at those two, Aaron. I think I read in one of my travel books that if you kiss under this Bean thing, you’ll be blessed with eternal love. Isn’t that romantic? Quick, kiss me.”
“It’s called the Cloud Gate, and you’re thinking about the Bridge of Sighs in Venice.”
“No, no, I’m sure this is the eternal love spot. Kiss me, stupid.”
Rude’s laugh mingled with Sass’s and she turned her head, breaking the kiss as she glanced covertly over at an older couple a few feet away.
“Aaron needs to get his head out of his ass.” The curl of her mouth deepened as she watched the woman grab the man’s face to seal the deal. “Every man needs to realize he’s got to give up a couple kisses before he can achieve the ultimate goal of getting to a woman’s eternal love spot.”
“Yeah, that love spot’s a big goal, but it’s not the ultimate one.”
Her brow’s shot up as her attention swerved back to him. “Oh, really? Trying to convince me that you’re not after my love spot, are you?”
His whole body flashed over with heat, and he could feel his smile almost sizzle with it. “Baby, I’m taking dead aim at your love spot, so it’s a foregone conclusion that not only am I getting it, and getting it good, but you’ll be overcome with gratitude when it happens.”
Her scoff sounded torn between being breathless and amused. “Well, well. Don’t you think you’re special.”
“Nah, I don’t think that. I
know
it, because I know that’s not the ultimate goal in Operation Sassy Pants.”
“What is?”
“You’re a smart girl. You’ll figure it out.”
If one mega-hot kiss and talk of eternal love spots got her so overheated she could barely control her breathing, Sass was in one hell of a lot of trouble.
Excitement thrummed just beneath her skin as they walked back to her apartment, a restless buzz of knowing that something galvanic loomed on the horizon. That “something” was a change in her relationship with her former foster brother and long-ago enemy, and the knowledge that once they made the jump from enemies to lovers, they’d never be able to go back.
But instead of sending her into a froth-at-the-mouth freak-out like it had an hour ago, that thought now made her girlie parts tingle in all the good ways.
They were really going to do this. And after he’d opened up and shared his innermost self with her, she was now ready to share herself with him.
Like any idiot, she’d worry about the consequences later.
“You remember the rules, right?” Sass closed the door behind them and locked it, glancing back to watch him take his phone out of his leather jacket before he shrugged it off to sling it over one of the fluffy white sheepskin chairs flanking the purple sofa. “No promises, just fun. Sound like something you can handle?”
“I’ve handled plenty just like that.” Dropping the phone on the tufted ottoman, he held his hand out to her. “You too, right?”
Her fingers curled into his, though for a moment she was weirdly unsettled at the thought of just how many was
plenty
. “It works.”
“Other things work too.” With her hand still in his, he sat in the middle of the sofa, then pulled her onto his lap facing him, so that her knees sank into the cushions on either side of his hips. His hand guided hers to his shoulder, his eyes on hers as his hands then came to land on her hips to pull her in nice and close. “I’m a big believer in exclusivity. If we’re together, that’s it. There’s no one else but me in your world, and no one else but you in mine. Yeah?”
“I’m good with that.” She smiled when his hands slid down to cup her ass. She’d never known that hands on her butt could feel so good. “That’s just common courtesy.”
“It’s more than that.” His body heat radiated into her even as his fingers gripped her glutes and squeezed, an action that brought her to partially lie against his chest. “As long as you’re in my bed, this ass is
mine
. I never share.”
Her breath caught before she forced a casual nod, as if his words hadn’t resonated through her in a way she liked a little too much. “Considering you didn’t want to share bathroom-time with us strays, I’ve already figured out that sharing’s not a natural instinct for you. This isn’t a problem.”
“Good. That reminds me of another thing I need to get squared away before we go any further.” He craned his neck up so his mouth could toy with hers for a heart-stopping moment. Then he backed away to look her right in the eyes. “You’re not a stray anymore, so I’m not going to let you call yourself that.”
She frowned, bewildered. What did that have to do with anything? “Rude—”
“You’re going to change that mindset, Sass, and you’re going to start doing that
today
.”
For some reason her thoughts went back to her one-sided chat with Red The Skittish, and how it might be possible for a stray to stop being a stray. “It’s just a name.”
“It’s how you identify yourself, but that’s an old framework and it no longer fits who you are. It holds you back.”
“I don’t—”
“You have a home, you’ve got a steady job you’ve been working for years, and you’ve got family and friends who’ve loved you for nearly half your life. Face it, Sass—you’ve put down roots. Serious, deep-ass roots, and you did it because that was what you wanted and needed to do. Strays don’t do that. Strays don’t even think that way, and there’s a reason for that—strays are temporary. You’re not.”
She searched his eyes for a long moment and saw that not only was he was dead serious about this, he wasn’t going to budge until he got his way. “If it means that much to you, okay.”
“It means a lot to me that you leave that stray shit in the past where it belongs, and you get focused on the reality that you’re a very different person now. Not everyone in your life has to be seen as the just-passing-through variety. Because baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He caught her mouth again, this time delving deep while one hand left her hip to move to the tab of her jacket’s zipper.
Finally.
The sound of the zipper was loud in her ears as she felt it give way. She helped him slip it off and tossed it to the floor, her mouth never leaving his while his hands slid up her rib cage covered in a black camisole to capture her breasts. His mouth took in her gasp as his fingers curled over the sensitive flesh, and even through the layers of camisole and bra she could feel the sharp puckering of her nipples.
Damn, but she liked his hands on her.
Her nerve endings clamored to feel his skin against hers until it was almost painful, and the boldly kneading pressure of his fingers against her breasts communicated a similar hunger. His thin, black knit sweater and the white T-shirt he wore underneath it were barriers that had to be eradicated, and she wasted no time in doing so, tossing them in the same general direction of her jacket.
Then everything inside her crashed to a halt when she looked at what she’d unveiled.
“Oh…my.” Fearing she might actually swoon for the first time in her life, Sass stared at the broad expanse of his chest. She wasn’t sure, of course, but she’d be willing to bet serious money that there wasn’t a more perfect specimen of manhood than Rude anywhere in the city, maybe even the state. He was beyond hot, beyond yummy. He was straight-up
perfect
. And she’d been right about his build; there wasn’t a spare ounce of flesh on him. His muscles seemed to have muscles, and his washboard abs were in dire need of being licked. There was a surgically straight scar under the right rib cage that sliced along his side and disappeared behind his back, with dark staple holes still evident. His impressive chest was decorated with another scar under the right clavicle, and another scar—she thought it might be from a bullet—on his upper left arm.
A text-style tattoo covered his defined left pectoral. After a closer inspection she saw it was a list of about a dozen or so names, the last of which was Edward “Boomer” Barilla. Her thudding heart fractured when she realized the tattoo was a very private memorial—a list of his fallen comrades that he’d had placed over his heart. Without a thought, she bent and pressed her lips to those precious names, and silently promised them that like Rude, she would never forget them.
“Jesus, baby.” His breath came in hard, audible gusts, and that excited her so much she shivered. Then it occurred to her that no man had ever come close to making her shiver.
“You’re beautiful.” Her mouth slid to the flat disc of his nipple, and she circled the tip of her tongue around it until it became pebble-hard. “I knew you would be.”
“
Fuck
.” A harsh intake of breath whistled through his clenched teeth. As his arms tightened on her, she saw a colorful USMC tattoo covering his upper right arm and shoulder, complete with a depiction of an eagle carrying the world, with an anchor behind it. Flame coloring was the background for the tat, with the words “Semper Fi” highlighted within the flames. “I was going to tell you to slow down so we can savor every second, but screw that. My hands need to feel you, my mouth needs to be on you, my cock needs be inside you, and I’m dying because you’re still wearing clothes. No.” He lightly slapped at her hands as she reached for the hem of her camisole, and she shivered again when his hot smile burned over her. “No one gets to unwrap my present but me.”
“You’re so spoiled.” Her breath was coming just as fast as his as she reached down and nudged her shoes off. “What’s yours is yours, and that’s all there is to it.”
“I grew up one hell of a lot while I was away, but I’m still me. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I like to keep what’s mine, as
mine
.” Leaning forward, his smiling mouth caught hers in a hot, deep kiss that didn’t last nearly long enough to suit her. He leaned back, breaking off the kiss and giving himself room to peel off the camisole, leaving her in just a lacy black bra and black and pink yoga pants.
She was so involved in what he might be interested in removing next that she didn’t immediately hear the off-and-on vibrating of his phone on the ottoman behind her. Only when he stilled and looked over her shoulder did the sound fully penetrate, and with it came a spark of unreasonable irritation.
Was he really weighing which deserved his attention more—her, or some unknown caller?
“Decide which is more important—me, or that call.” To her shock, she heard the aggressive words shoot out of her. When the hell did she ever get aggressive when it came to men? That wasn’t like her at all.
But still… she wanted him focused on her, like she was on him.
Was that too much to ask?
“It’s not a call, it’s a text. And FYI—that
decide now
shit might work on those weak-ass little boys you’ve played with in the past, but it’ll never fly with me.”
The irritation flirted with the border of frustration-fueled anger, and she got up on her knees to slide off his lap. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone to—”
“I said, it’s not going to fly.” Wrapping an arm firmly around her waist, he moved with her. But not to help her stand up. No. Much to her vexation, he got to the edge of the sofa to reach his free hand out for the phone, then settled back against the cushions while still holding her to him once he had it.
And with that one hand, his eyes and attention on the phone, he began to work the phone’s screen.
Sass didn’t think of herself as the center of the universe. Life didn’t fuck around when it came to showing abandoned children how much they didn’t matter. She knew her place on the planet, and that place was
nowhere
. Throughout her growing-up years she’d had to accept that truth and swallow it whole, all the while hating that it left her feeling worthless. Like she was nothing.
She’d had to take it then.
She didn’t have to take it now.
“Let me go.”
“Don’t get excited. I just need to do this.”
“Let me go, Rude.
Now
.”
His preoccupied gaze flicked to her when her tone registered, and his expression changed until he appeared to be as irritated as she was. “Relax. I’m going to make a call that’ll last ten fucking seconds, and then we’ll get back to where we left off.”
“I don’t think so.” With her palms planted firmly against his magnificent chest, she pushed against the arm wrapped like a steel band around her back to show him she meant business. “The mood’s gone. All I want to do now is get up and make sure my clothes don’t wrinkle.”
To her shock, the arm at her back tightened hard rather than letting her go. “Fuck the clothes, Sass. I’m not letting you go off in a snit over nothing.”
I’m not letting you go…
“Rude, stop fooling around and let me go, okay?”
“No, you’re staying right where you are until I’m finished.”
Her heart began to pound. Sweat broke out along her upper lip. She pushed harder while her stomach twisted slickly and the first stirrings of panic fluttered. “I’m serious, Rude. Let me up.”
“You’re being ridiculous, getting this upset over a shitty little phone call. This is my work, and this how my life is.” With his attention firmly on the phone, his arm clamped down vise-like in answer to her struggles. “You need to find a way to cope with the fact that sometimes shit doesn’t always go as planned. Being a demanding, high-maintenance bitch isn’t going to change that.”
With just one arm, he had her trapped. God, he was strong. So much stronger than she was… “Please, okay? I’m really serious, Rude, please,
please
let me go.”
Oh God, she was shaking.
“No.”
“Please.”
Pleasepleaseplease
…
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until I say so.”
She couldn’t get out. She couldn’t get out. She couldn’t
fucking
get out.
“
Please
let me go.”
“No.”
Trapped.
Something snapped inside, unleashing a panic so extreme she went partially blind with it. She saw only a frenzy of body parts, his and hers, and heard only her own gasping breaths that verged on being either sobs or airless screams. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered because she had to get out, get out,
get out
—
“Sass!”
She was free and scrabbling first on all fours, and then stumble-running down the hall to fling herself into the first room she came to with a door that locked, the guest bathroom. The slam of it snapped her out of the panicked fog even as she turned the lock with wildly shaking fingers.
God.
God.
He was
so
strong.
She was weak.
She was
nothing
.