Flow (The Beat and the Pulse #6) (9 page)

She snorted and shook her head. “She’d be a fool not to.”

Lifting a hand, I placed it on Josie’s shoulder and squeezed. “Dean can be fuckin’ stupid, but I saw the way he looked at you at the weddin’. If you want it, you’ve gotta fight for it. Fuck knows I fought hard enough.”

She sighed, glancing at the people milling around us. “I’m sorry for coming here and trying to drag you into my petty shit.” Turning back to me, she added, “I’m sorry for what I did to you at the wedding. I should’ve—”

“Like I said…don’t think anythin’ of it.” Turning her gently toward the exit, I said, “C’mon. I’ll walk you to your car.”

“I really am sorry, Hamish.”

“I know, darlin’,” I murmured. “But it is what it is.”

I
was still pissed
at Hamish.

Well, not exactly pissed as in extraordinarily angry with the guy but still pretty bloody annoyed.

If I let a little more common sense in, I’d see that he was just trying to look out for me. Storm was the biggest asshole of the bunch, and whatever he’d said to Hamish in the cage had caused a ruckus that people were still gossiping about almost a week later.

Talking about Storm…I hadn’t seen him since he got his ass handed to him. He was probably off someplace licking the soda water off his wounds. As long it was far away from me, I didn’t care.

Catching sight of Hamish through the crowd, I smiled. Ironically, he was the one bright spark in my otherwise mundane existence. It was ironic because of that time I swore off fighters for good. Funny how fate worked against us sometimes…but was it fate or just blind stupidity? Either way, I really liked him, which went against the fact I was trying to be angry with him for meddling.

Really, was it so bad having an Underground champ on my side if things got rough with Storm again? Probably not.

Realizing Hamish was walking my way, I straightened up and busied myself so he didn’t think I was daydreaming about him. That’s when I saw her.

Josie.

His ex.

I remembered seeing her around a little when she and Hamish were a thing. She didn’t come all the time—people said she worked with some fighters in the AUFC—so I figured she’d come see Hamish fight when the season was in downtime in Sydney.

It must suck doing the long distance thing. I wondered if that was why they broke up in the first place. I’d never asked him, but I figured it hadn’t been any of my business. It wasn’t like I wanted to pick up where she left off.

She was beautiful. I mean, Bel was up there in the stakes of what men wanted—big boobs, pouty lips, and feminine sensuality. Then there was Josie with her perfect blonde hair, perfect clothes, and perfect body, who looked like she’d just stepped off the catwalk of a Jean Paul Gaultier show at Paris Fashion Week.

If it came down to her and me in a fight to the death, there was no competition. Josie would win by default.

Before I realized what was happening, jealousy came right up and sucker-punched me in the heart.

There was only one reason why she’d be here, and as she pressed her body up against Hamish’s, I narrowed my eyes, and my hands tightened around the glass of beer I was currently pouring. Turning the tap off as the head began to overflow, I slammed the glass down in front of the customer I was serving, snatched the money from their hand, and practically threw the change at their face.

Then I went back to staring like a jealous girlfriend. Which I had no right to do.

“Who are you staring at?”

I shivered as Stu’s slimy voice broke through my reverie. “Nobody.”

He snorted and shook his head. He didn’t believe me, but I didn’t care what he thought. “So when you’ve finished staring at nobody, remember there are customers to serve.”

I rolled my eyes before turning to face him with a fake smile plastered on my face. “Sure thing, boss.”

Attempting but failing to put Josie and Hamish out of my mind, I served the next few customers, but I couldn’t help myself. When I glanced back, his hand was around her back, and he was guiding her away.

Typical
.

Who was I kidding, anyway? This whole thing was a mess. Friends with a fighter? Was I crazy? Right now, I was. Damn, I had to pull myself together, or tomorrow night, people would be gossiping about the obsessive bar chick and her infatuation with Goblin after their supposed one-night stand.
Stalker much?

“Lori.”

Turning, I found Hamish leaning against the bar. The customers who’d been waiting had scattered, and I shook my head. I’d fast learned he was the nicest guy, but he did have an intimidating presence about him. One look with the right amount of force behind it and people ran.
Fast
.

Then there was the look that had women swooning… I bet his ex had returned to try to get back together with him. Who wouldn’t? Goblin was a catch and then some.

“Was that her?” I asked, ashamed at the flare of jealousy I’d let overtake me.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, that was Josie.”

I snorted and played with the stack of glasses so I had something to busy my hands with.

“You know, I haven’t thought about her in a while.”

I glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. So maybe he didn’t just fuck her after all. “Oh yeah? You got over it that quick?”

“I don’t think it’s somethin’ anyone ever
gets over
.” He shrugged. “I just haven’t thought about it. Not since I started hangin’ out with you.”

I paused, eyeing him awkwardly. What did he mean by that? Should I remind him of the friend zone, or just smile and say thank you?

“You’ve given me a new perspective,” he went on, not even noticing that I’d tensed up. “That’s a good thing.”

“If you say so.”

He leaned closer. “Have you got a minute?”

“Yeah. I’m due a break…”

“Good.” He stepped around the end of the bar, grabbed my hand, and tugged, towing me through the warehouse to the side door.

Outside, the air was cold, and the storage area was dark. The whole space was lined with empty kegs waiting to be picked up by the guy Stu paid off to do a dodgy first thing in the morning. It smelled like stale barley and hops mixed with a little bit of piss. Totally romantic.

Hamish pulled me into a little alcove and glanced around, but we were alone. Realizing the position we were in, me against the brick wall with him mere inches in front of me, I began to tremble. If we were anything but friends, this would be the part in our story where we kissed. The moment the notion passed through my brain, it was all I began thinking about. Kissing Hamish McBride.

So not cool
.

Then there was that Josie woman he’d led away earlier. Had he gone out back to kiss her?
Shit
, was I stupid? Guys like him didn’t just kiss a girl out back. They fucked like animals.

The thought of Hamish fucking like a beast had my tremble amped up to an earthquake. Now I was thinking about his cock.

Great
…

“Why did you two break up?” I blurted, sinking back against the wall.

Hamish frowned and tilted his head to the side. “Where’s that comin’ from?”

I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

He sighed and glanced away into the darkness. “She wanted me to go pro and move to Sydney with her. I wanted to stay in Melbourne and make a life here. That was the first problem. The second was she had feelin’s for another guy.”

“Oh,” I murmured, beginning to feel childish considering the thoughts that had gone through my head earlier.

“It was a long time comin’.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I said ‘oh’ again.
Lame
.

“Listen, Lori…” He hesitated, and I glanced up at him.

“What?”

“You and Storm…”

It was my turn to frown. “What about me and Storm? I told you…”

“Do you know why he came back?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. The other night… Well, that was the first time I’d seen him since…” I didn’t want to elaborate on the foursome I’d walked in on, so I added, “Since two years ago.” I watched him closely, my earlier thoughts about fucking like animals fading into the background, and I slapped his chest. “What do you know?”

“I didn’t like the way he talked about you,” he began, his eyes beginning to fill with anger. “You weren’t tellin’ the whole story, Lori.”

“So you set out to prove me a liar?” I exclaimed.

“No.” He stepped forward, practically caging me against the wall. “I went out to try to protect you.”

“
Protect me?
”

It had been like a month since I found Hamish sitting at the end of the bar. A month of talking, hanging out, and a few casual conversations between his fights. That was hardly any time to get to know another person, let alone feel so strongly about them you wanted to go out and do a bloody background check on their asshole ex.

“He got kicked out because one of the ring girls claimed he’d abused her.”

“What?” For a moment, I wasn’t sure what Hamish had said. I’d heard him, but it didn’t sound real.

The world was spinning. I could feel the blood draining from my face and pooling in my toes. Storm was a master at emotional manipulation against the women he slept with, but physical abuse?

“The girl filed a complaint with the UFC, and the police alleged that he put his hands around her throat and tried to strangle her. There were other marks on her body…marks easily covered by clothin’. Sponsors canceled their contracts with him, and people boycotted, so the only thing the UFC could do was kick him out. Zero tolerance.”

My body felt numb, and I slumped against the wall, slipping down it a few inches. Hamish curled his hand around my arm, trying to steady me, but I shook him off.

“Lori…” His voice was low and calm, reassuring and full of concern all at the same time. I knew he was trying to make sure I was fine, but the only thing it did was spin the merry-go-round faster and faster.

I didn’t know why I asked it, but it was the only thing I could think of at that moment. “You looked into all of that for me?”

I glanced up at him and hesitated when I saw the look on his face. His eyes were dark and full of emotions—anger, jealousy, and something else I didn’t know—as his hands fisted into the hem of his T-shirt like he needed something to hold onto. It was yet another instance of feelings blurring the line, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“He’s not a nice guy, Lori,” he said. “He needs to get the message to stay away. That’s what you want, right?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, starting to feel cold. It was more to do with finding out about my ex-boyfriend’s newly developed choking habit than the actual temperature out here.

“What did he do to you?”

I froze, my gaze falling to the ground at my feet. “Does it matter?”

“It does if he did to you what he did to that girl.”

I wasn’t prepared for the fierceness in his voice, and an odd sensation ricocheted through my body.

“Lori?”

His hands found mine, and I closed my eyes, willing the tears that had begun to well to fuck off. I did not want to cry in front of Hamish ‘Goblin’ McBride, terror of The Underground.

“He didn’t,” I managed to get out.

“Are you sure?”

My eyes flew open. “Of course, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” he said, not looking convinced. “If he tries anythin’, you let me know, and I’ll be talkin’ with him. Got it?”

I knew enough about Hamish to know we’d be arguing about it all night if I asked him to leave it alone, so I nodded. Truthfully, I was glad for the backup. Someone caring enough about me to go and beat the living shit out of a guy that treated me bad was a comforting thought.

What I didn’t get was why me?

I wasn’t anything special. Not by a long shot.

S
tanding
on Lori’s front porch, I stared at the front door, studying the stained glass.

All I had to do was raise my hand and knock, but I was hesitating. The plastic bag in my hand was getting heavy, the food I’d brought over becoming colder as the minutes wore on.

It was Tuesday night, which meant I’d been at the hospital all day sitting with Ma as she was pumped with radioactive poison that was supposed to help shrink her cancer. I was feeling tired and helpless, and I should’ve gone home to bed, but all I wanted to do was think about something else. Lori hadn’t let me down so far.

Did that make me selfish? Maybe she was using me for the same thing. Yeah, when I thought about it that way, it didn’t sound so bad.

I hadn’t invited her to my place yet, but I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. I had letters from the hospital and bills strewn over the kitchen counter, and all in all, my apartment was a barren wasteland. I didn’t like things cluttering up my life. Furniture, knickknacks, crap that accumulated dust… It was all shit that weighed me down when all I wanted was to be able to move at a moment’s notice. Maybe that was the fighter in me, or maybe it was a result of my current predicament. Who knew. I just didn’t like it.

And I didn’t want Lori to ask all the awkward questions I didn’t want to answer.

Sighing, I raised my hand and knocked on the door. Footsteps thumped from inside, becoming louder as they approached the door.

Instead of Lori, it was her ‘special’ housemate Bel, who I’d been assured was going to be out tonight.

“Hello,” she purred.

“I’m here for Lori,” I grumbled, shoving my hands into my jeans pockets.

“Lori!” she called out. “It’s your Irish beefcake!” I narrowed my eyes, and she laughed. “Oh, don’t be so grumpy. You’re damn fine, and you know it.”

“How do you know?” I asked, stepping inside.

She slammed the door and looked me up and down. “Honey,
you all know it
. Men don’t play coy and clueless.”

I tried to picture Bel at The Underground and wondered if the fighters there would eat her alive, but in the end, I began to realize she would be the one doing the eating.

“Hey!”

I glanced up as Lori appeared at the other end of the dark hallway. Stepping past Bel, I strode toward the little piece of blue heaven that stood in the warm lighting of the lounge room beyond.

I could hear Bel grumbling behind me, but I didn’t give a fuck what she was sooking about. Women like her always had their pride hurt when they couldn’t reel in the guy they were flirting with. I could have her, she’d made that clear, but I couldn’t do that to Lori. Anyway, Bel wasn’t my type. I’d snap her in half.

“Long day?” Lori asked, tilting her head to the side.

I put the food onto the coffee table where cutlery and drinks were already waiting. “Does it show that much?”

“You look a little wired.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” I said, sinking down onto the couch.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I shook my head. If I talked about it, she’d get on my case about a million things I knew I was deliberately ignoring at my own peril, and then we’d argue again, and that’s not what I wanted tonight or pretty much ever with her. I was a classic ‘argue and fuck’ kind of guy. I got heated and passionate during verbal slanging matches with beautiful women I was attracted to, and it always led to being hard and naked.

I didn’t like the idea of fighting with Lori Walker.

She sat next to me on the couch, hooking her legs over my lap. “You know I’m always here if you need to.”

“Yeah.” I stared at her legs, which were wrapped up in pajama pants printed with Marvel superhero comic strips, and tried to pinpoint the moment we’d become familiar enough to touch like this. I couldn’t, but I liked that we could without it meaning more than it should…even though I felt things were beginning to change.

“Food’s getting cold,” I muttered.

“We’ve got a microwave.”

“Lori.”

“You keep questioning me about the asshole who shall not be named,” she complained.

“So I’m a hypocrite now?”

Her lips quirked as she stifled the urge to smile. “Pretty much.”

Rubbing my hand over her knee, I said, “Takes one to know one.”

The gesture was meant to be casual, but her expression dropped like I’d pushed a little too far. If it were a perfect world, I would’ve pushed a lot further. Her leg was warm, her breast had been pressing against my bicep, and of course, I’d thought about touching a little closer to the sweet spot. Her superhero pajama bottoms didn’t turn me off in the slightest.

“Lori, I’m going!”

Bel’s voice tore us apart, and Lori pulled her legs back, severing our connection.

“Okay!” she yelled back. “Be safe!”

The door slammed, and suddenly, we were alone. The room began to feel really small, the air heavy with all the blurry line shit going on. Like she was trying to busy herself with something else, Lori began pulling the takeout containers from the plastic bag.

I’d stopped at her favorite Chinese takeout on the way over and got all the things she liked the most. Fried rice, combination noodles, prawn crackers…and for me, steamed vegetables and chicken because I couldn’t afford to drink beer and eat fatty food three nights a week.

Picking up my dinner, she handed it to me. “This one’s yours. Bland and unappetizing.”

Relieved the air had cleared a fraction, I said, “You don’t get a body like this by just liftin’ weights.”

She eyed me and said, “I bet you don’t.”

“You picturin’ it?”

Stifling a smile, she rolled her pretty eyes. “You wish.”

We ate in silence for a while, the whoosh of cars flying past outside echoing through the little house. Setting down my container, I watched her eat and wrinkled my nose.

“You eat like a man,” I declared.

“Am I meant to be offended by that?” she asked, a noodle stuck to her bottom lip.

“Depends on how delicate you are.” Reaching over, I wiped my thumb across her lip, dislodging the noodle. Of course, I began thinking about her mouth and what I could do to it. Her eyes widened slightly as I let my touch linger a little longer than was appropriate, and my gaze dropped.

She cleared her throat abruptly and pulled away, placing the takeout box onto the coffee table.

“So you’ve never told me when you moved to Australia,” she began. “Why would you want to live here when Ireland is so pretty?”

The temperature in my groin began to cool at the change of subject, and I nodded. “It’s pretty, that’s for sure.”

“Have you been back?”

“Not in a long time,” I replied. “We came over to Australia when I was five. Me, my ma, and Da. Da worked in the mines back home, and he got a job workin’ in one of those opencut mines in Western Australia.”

“Really?” she asked. “In the outback?”

“Yeah, I was too little to remember much of Ireland, but I do remember red dust. It gets into everythin’. In the summer, it was too hot to go outside, and the road would melt. I remember one day I’d been out pokin’ sticks into the tar, and I got so sunburned I had to go to hospital in Perth.”

“True?” Her eyes were wide, and I knew I had her hooked.

“Pale Irish skin wasn’t meant for the Australian desert.”

“Do your parents still live there?”

I hesitated. “I don’t know where my da is,” I said slowly. “He left us when I was eight. He made big money, more than he ever did in Ireland, and he… It went to his head and his dick.” He’d cheated on Ma with a woman who resembled one of the gold diggers that hung around The Underground, and the only reason I knew was because Ma had ranted about it during one of her episodes. “There was no reason for us to stay, and Ma didn’t want to go back to Ireland, so we came to Melbourne.”

“I’m sorry…” Lori began.

“It isn’t your fault my da was a douche.”

I saw her mind ticking over with a million questions, so I turned the conversation back onto her before I was pressured into revealing my double life.

“What’s Lori short for?” I asked, knowing it was going to be extremely embarrassing. I lived to see that woman blush.

“Asshole,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

I gave her a wink. “I know.”

“It’s short for Laurelin.”

“What’s fuckin’ wrong with that?”

“It’s too…
girly
.” She shrugged, her lip curling.

“If I’m not mistaken, you are a girl.” Her full breasts, which had been jammed against my arm earlier, were a dead giveaway.

“Don’t get me wrong, I embrace the girl within, but I’m not… I don’t like…” She bowed her head. “I’m not into pink and flowers. You know. Girly shit.”

My gaze dropped to her pajama bottoms, and I smiled. “No, you are not.”

“Do guys like that?” she asked, her question coming out of nowhere. “I mean, I see guys going after the women who have the whole thing going on. The clothes, the hair, the makeup… I’m not into any of those things. Do they even see women like me?”

I blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the fact that Lori felt insecure. I saw her, granted it took me a while to, but I was looking at her now.

“I see you,” I murmured, and her gaze met mine.

If I were game to cross the line, then this would be a perfect kiss moment. Not a ‘let’s fuck’ moment but a ‘let’s kiss and make this more’ moment. Her eyes were full of so many swirling emotions, and her body was giving me all the signals… Shallow breathing, parted lips…shit, I realized she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath her top because her nipples were hard, peaking against the material.

Josie appearing at The Underground the other night had made me realize one thing. One dangerous thing that threatened to tear apart the one bright spark that kept me swimming through all the stuff with Ma.

The lines had blurred so much that I wasn’t even sure there was a line anymore.

I focused on her lips, and it was all I could do not to lean forward and take her deep. To thrust my tongue against hers and feel her body against mine. My cock began to feel tight against my jeans, urging me to undo my zipper…

“What are we doin’, Lori?” I whispered.

She narrowed her eyes and gestured to the food. “Eating?”

I shook my head slowly, raising my hand toward her face. When she didn’t move away, I cupped her cheek, the curve of her jaw fitting against my palm perfectly. My fingers curled around her neck, threading into the hair at her nape as I urged her toward me. Just the slightest of touches, like I was making a suggestion, not a command.

Conscious or unconscious, I didn’t know, but the space closed between us, and all I wanted was to fall headfirst into her and whatever this mysterious feeling was. I wanted to dive into the deep end and learn how to swim through the chaos with her.

My lips brushed against hers, and she didn’t move, her breath hitching as I slid my palm along her thigh toward her hip. Testing her boundaries further, I kissed her softly, her mouth fitting with mine like we were two pieces of a puzzle clicking together.

Everything about this felt right, and I parted my lips, ready to…

Suddenly, she jerked back, breaking the connection. It shattered like she’d hosed me down with soda water like she had Storm. I was beginning to see a pattern.

“You really can’t hang out with a woman without trying something, can you?” she asked accusingly.

“Lori…” A deep chill began to settle in my bones, and I leaned back, my cock going soft.

“What is it? You don’t have any friends who are chicks? Or is it just because you see women as objects?” She looked me over, her expression impassive, and I started grinding my teeth together. “Fuck, it’s because you don’t want to fall for anyone, isn’t it?”

I didn’t understand it until right then, but she hit it right on the mark, and I stood up, my hands curling into fists.
Bitch
.

“Oh shit, I’m right, aren’t I?” She shook her head, pressing back against the couch. “That Josie chick really did a number on you.”

Was all the shit I’d felt just now only because of my stupid fucking cock? I’d been ready to do more than just fuck her.
I’d been about to hand over everything
. She was fucking dangerous. Damaged and dangerous.

I ran my hand over my face and cursed.

“You’re just trying to wrap our relationship up into something you can understand instead of respecting the boundaries of friendship,” she said.

“Do you really believe that shit?” I asked, glaring at her. “After everythin’?”

“After what?” Her voice began to rise as she stood in front of me. “After we just talked about ourselves a couple of times?”

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t make any words come out. What was I going to say, anyway? Not only could my ma not remember her own son ninety-nine percent of the time but she was also dying of cancer, and I was putting her through unnecessary pain because I was a selfish bastard. Not to mention I might have the same poison inside my chest trying to choke the life from me.

I’d been the strong one in this stupid attempt at a friendship. I was the fighter, the protector. I’d promised to keep Lori safe from Storm. If she knew all of that, she’d never see me the same way again.

It didn’t matter, anyway. In a move that I assumed was classic Lori, I’d gotten too close, so she was pushing me away with all her strength. Storm had hurt her more than she ever let on, but it was none of my business. Just like Ma was none of hers.

“Maybe this was a mistake,” she said, her words stabbing me right in the heart.

“I’m beginnin’ to think the same thing.”

Turning on my heel, I strode down the hall and wrenched the front door open. Lori didn’t call after me once, which only served to rip my pride clean in two.

Slamming the door closed behind me, the glass rattled, and I was alone on the street in front of her house.

Alone
. That was a horrible word and an even worse feeling.

The bright spark that had been guiding me through the worst time in my life?

It was gone, and I only had myself to blame.