First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (9 page)

9

Alyssa

I must have been hallucinating, because he looked like he was glowing. He didn’t have a shirt on and his broad shoulders dominated my vision. I didn’t know what to say other than “
Hey
” and he winked at me. I felt that intense electric surge when I brushed passed him into his room. He stood in silence and his smile spread broad across his face.

“I was wondering when you’d wanna hang again.” He beamed and my mouth went dry.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you’d mind. So I thought what the heck, I’d see.” I shrugged and sat down on his bed, waving around the movie cases I held. I’d taken them from my brother, Kyle. He and Jake used to be best friends years ago. He would certainly have a lot to say if he knew where I was. “I borrowed these from Kyle.”

Jake came and sat down next to me, grabbing the movies out of my hand. I went numb. Really though, what the hell was I doing here? I couldn’t take all the questions bouncing around in my head. I’d barely eaten anything since the night before. I had to ask him about his relationship with that girl Rachel ‘cause it was eating at me big time, not to mention the feelings that swarmed through me. Yesterday, when I’d first gone to his room, she’d come by and caught a glimpse of me lying on his bed. He made innocent excuses when she gave him a hard time about it. It was obvious that there was something between them…but what? My gut was telling me that there was more to them than just her crushing on him, as he made it out to be. Oddly enough I wasn’t nervous about our impending talk. I would still be his friend no matter what his response. I would still want to come and talk music and have him teach me to play the guitar. At least, that’s what I told myself, but with those thoughts came the truth fast behind. I also didn’t want to think something was happening between us if it was only happening in my head. I kept thinking about poor Matt Squire. He had been my main crush for so long, and now this? Matt would be
back the next day and I wondered what I would feel for him now that
this
was going on with Jake. I was completely and utterly confused. Or was I? All I knew was that I loved the way Jake made me feel.

I was fidgety and Jake immediately called me out on my mood. He reached over and grabbed my hand
. I was frozen. I wanted curl my fingers around his but I stopped myself. I didn’t know which way was up. He finally spoke again, making the mood light and our conversation drifted to the new song he’d wrote. I begged him to play it for me and when he did I wanted to die. The way he looked sitting there strumming his guitar without his shirt on left me speechless. Everything about him was perfect. He was so talented. Finally, our small talk ended and I decided to go for it.

My stomach did cart wheels.

“Jake, I have a question.” I breathed deeply, trying not to hyperventilate. “I’m just going to ask, because I don’t know how else to do it.” I paused for a long moment. Our eyes were locked.                                                                                                                                                 

His cheerful expression turned concerned at the seriousness of my tone. He froze, speaking slowly. “
Okay.”

My heart raced.

I paced back and forth what seemed like a million times and finally Jake grabbed me by the waist and drew me onto his lap. When he touched me it felt like I was plugged into an electrical socket. He held me snug, placing his chin on my shoulder and speaking softly into my ear. His tone was measured. I thought I was going to faint. My heart raced and my hands started to sweat again. I gulped.

“What’s up?
Something’s obviously on your mind.”

I closed my eyes. “Do you feel it?” I breathed heavily.

“What? Feel what?” he asked, holding his breath in an attempt to feel it.

“The electricity or whatever it is,” I tried to explain. I held my breath too, wanting it to last.

“The electricity,” he repeated slowly. He moved me off his lap. My legs remained draped across his thighs. “What are you talking about?”

I was instantly mortified. “Never mind. I’m just going crazy, that’s all. This was a bad idea.”

I knew it was only me – who was I kidding anyway? I was just a stupid girl with a stupid crush, that’s what
it
was. I was embarrassed and I deserved it. I threw myself back onto his pillows.

“Hey, don’t stop,” he said softly. “I wanna understand.”

Holy crap. What else did I have to lose? I’d already completely embarrassed myself. He could take this back to his stupid friends and have a laugh. I covered my eyes with both hands, wanting to rip my eyes out of my head. I breathed in deeply, trying to come up with something to say and kept peaking out between my fingers. The seconds ticked away and Jake stared at me tenderly, shaking my knee. My words came out like a dam burst.

“Jake, when I get near you, it’s
like this feeling I’ve never felt before. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but the only way I can describe it is electricity. It’s like this weird energy that passes from you to me.” I wouldn’t look at him. A long moment passed. His cell phone began to ring. “Now I feel stupid.” I blurted out, breaking in over the ring tone, worried the phone call was going to thwart our moment, but thankfully he ignored it.

“Don’t feel stupid.” His voice soothed my frayed nerves. He sat quietly, contemplating his next words, nodding his head. He placed his hands on my thighs and I seriously thought I would die. I still wouldn’t look at him for any longer than a second. “I guess that’s the way you could describe or explain it. It’s also known as sexual tension,” he said flatly. My stomach dropped. So he thinks I’ve already had sex? I was shocked. What the hell?
The shift of my emotions was too much and they ran up my spine and out of my mouth.

“I’ve never done that!” I hissed, jumping up. “I’ve never even really kissed a boy!” I wanted him to know I wasn’t some slut. There were girls my age who were already known for hooking up with guys, their reputations tarnished by their easy, teasing ways.

“Alyssa, calm down, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just another way to describe the energy that flows between the opposite sex when they’re attracted to each other,” he explains. “It’s also known as chemistry.”

My warning bells were going off as I remembered what my sister Allison said to me the night before: “
Guys like Jake only want one thing, and when they get it, it’s dump city.”

Jake was
gonna try and get in my pants, wasn’t he? I started to panic.

“I should probably go.” I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm and I flinched blurting out, “You’re not gonna try to have sex with me, are you?” I pressed my eyes tightly closed. I wanted to cry, feeling the sting in my eyes and the burn in my nose.

Jake laughed nervously and immediately took his hand off my arm.

“Whoa, whoa, no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t just take that away from you.” He paused. “Or force you to do that.”

His face maintained a serious expression, his eyes searching mine.

A few silent seconds passed. My brain fought to catch up, deciphering his words. “Take what away,” I asked, not immediately understanding what he meant.

“Your, your,” he stuttered and paced around. He grabbed the top of his head and looked at the ceiling, “Whoa, warp speed. All in a day, I guess we’re making up for lost time.”

He forced a smile but didn’t look happy.

“Jake, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Alyssa, don’t be sorry.” He shook his head. “Let me explain something to you. Guys and girls, sometimes this is how it goes.” He gestured between us.

We stared at each other for a long moment until something came to my mind.

“Like love at first sight?” I couldn’t help myself. I sounded so naïve.

“I’m not sure about that, to be honest. But I can tell you that you’re not misreading anything. There’s something here.”

“So, you’ve felt this with someone before,” I asked, even though I knew what the answer would be and didn’t want to hear it.

“Yes, I have.”

I was disappointed. There goes my
schoolgirl dream of finding true love – of being
the one
. It was ridiculous and I knew it.

“You have.” I confirmed.

My voice was barely audible.

“Take Rachel for example. I was attracted to her at first, but then after I got to know her and what she was really like, that feeling vanished into thin air, like it was never there.”

“But you don’t feel it with me, it’s just a one-way thing then.” I stated in a matter-of-fact manner. I was exhausted from my emotions.

I plopped over onto the bed, rolling onto my side to face him. He was so perfect and I was so foolish. To think I was anything special was idiotic. I pushed his pillow under my head and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent again. I swear I’d never get enough of the way he smelled. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me curiously from across the room. I mustered a little smile and croaked out a question.

“Do you want me to leave, Jake?”

“No, I want you to stay, if y
ou wanna stay.” There was sincerity in his voice. He turned around, fiddling with the DVD player and started the movie over again. I wondered briefly about his mom. I never saw her anymore.

The next thing I knew Jake hopped in bed behind me and stuffed a pillow under his head. I was paralyzed. I could feel the heat radiating from his body even though he wasn’t touching
me. The sensation was electrifying. I was completely captivated by the way I felt when I was around him. The peaks and valleys of everything he exuded enamored me. It was there, that
tension
again. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I flinched as he moved my hair away from my neck.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His hand moved down my arm, giving me the chills. He tucked his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My heart skipped a beat. I could feel his breathing speed up too. “Alyssa, let’s just not read into this whole thing. I
do
feel what you feel. I enjoy being here with you and that’s the way it is.”

“I’m–”

“And I’m not going to do anything that would ever hurt you,” he interrupted. “You can trust me on that. I promise.” He squeezed me tight. I could feel him burying his face in the nape of my neck and it gave me butterflies. His promise echoed in my head, mingling with the butterflies fluttering around every inch of me, lulling me to sleep.

***

I was dreaming the most awesome dream; I was still in Jake’s bed and my head lay on his chest. He had me safely tucked under his arm. My consciousness returned, jolting me awake. It wasn’t a dream at all. I sat up in a near panic, thinking about my parents. I was lying with Jake and he
was
holding me. Dawn was barely shining and the clock read 6:12am. Jake’s eyes fluttered open at my movement. His dark lashes framed his bright blue eyes, mesmerizing me. I wanted to stay right there forever, staring at his face. He squinted at me, smiling softly.

“Shit, we’re no joke with that sleep,” he said, sitting up. Still shirtless, his hair was all mussed up. He looked amazing for just having woken up. I wondered what I looked like. I walked to the mirror attempting to brush my hair with my fingers and I immediately got self-conscious.

“Do you have to leave?” he asked, grabbing a thick comforter at the foot of the bed. We had only slept with a thin blanket and the warmth of the night and now a morning chill had consumed the room from leaving the back door open.

“No, I can’t go home yet, my parents are up getting ready for work. They’re probably in the kitchen, drinking coffee.” I laughed. “Yeah, hey mom, hey dad…I was just sleeping in Jake’s bed.”

He flashed a lop-sided smile. “Come lay back down then, go back to sleep, it’s too early,” he said, slapping the pillow next to him.

I crawled back in next to him. There was no way I was going back to sleep, not while laying there so close to him as he held me just like he did during the night. I started to daydream about what it would be like to have Jake as a boyfriend. We would be going to school together soon. He would be able to drive me and I wouldn’t have to depend on my brother or sister.

I could see us pulling in the parking lot together and him putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked across campus. Wouldn’t that be a dream? I was crazy to think it would ever happen, my father would never allow it. And of course there was Rachel and the rest of The Envies. Now
that
was reality, I thought as I closed my eyes, hoping ninth grade would be easy.

“You know,” I mused, “technically these aren’t the first times we’ve stayed together, we can just add these last two sleepovers to all the others.”

“Nope, we’ve done this a million times. But this is the first time we’ve been at my house, and we’re teenagers. Not sure our parents would agree.”

“Oh sure they would, no big deal right? If I get caught, I’ll just act stupid. “
Oh, mom, dad, I didn’t think you’d care, we use to have sleepovers all the time.”

“Aly,” he said firmly, squeezing my waist, “Zip it, go back to sleep.” His voice was tired and raspy.