Exception (44 page)

Zack was chuckling at Jody’s mamma bear words when he noticed the change in Taylor’s face. All of the kindness, politeness and patience he always had were gone; even his usual controlled calm had vanished. In their place was hurt, sadness and undiluted anger.

“No, Jody,” he screamed at her. “She is your friend and Bradley is your person. Toby is Zack’s, and Emily—” He couldn’t continue. More than anything, he wanted to say she was his person, but he knew that placing her in the same category as Brad and Toby wasn’t right. She was as much his friend as she was Jody’s. And what she had just done proved that, if not made him their lesser. His clenched fists shook with anger as his shoulders sagged.

For the first time Jody looked at him and saw not the strong and hunky man, but a boy, with a broken heart. She wanted to apologize for being such an idiot. In her anger she’d never considered that when he left Emily crying in that hallway it was because he was hurt; all she could think of was revenge over who got her sister upset.

“You can finish that sentence, Tay. Emily is your person and we all know that.” Zack, being the more rational and sensitive one, spoke with kindness.

The sadness in Taylor’s eyes was heartbreaking, but still, he wanted to fight Zack’s statement. She was his person, she’d always be his person, but she had proven he was definitely not hers when she chose to confide in someone else. He took a large breath in preparation to say those words, but Zack spoke first.

“And before you say that even if she’s yours, you’re not hers, I want to make it very clear that you are.” Zack placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed tightly before continuing, leaving no him time for him to argue. “I know you’re hurt that she came to us this morning. I know that you might even feel betrayed, but the only reason she did it is because she had something that she needed to work through, and it wasn’t something you could help her with. It wasn’t for lack of trust; she was just embarrassed.”

Taylor listened to Zack’s words, but they didn’t make sense. Between their stories, teasing jokes and the personal moment they shared on Halloween, there was nothing that, in his mind, could ever be considered embarrassing between them. “That doesn’t make any sense, Zack. I know her better than anyone. Why would she be embarrassed to tell me anything?” His tone and eyes were a perfect display of his confusion.

“Because she dreamt you two were having sex, Taylor.” The words came out of Jody’s mouth in a rush.

Zack closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, trying to find his Zen before turning his narrowed eyes and clenched jaw towards Jody. “For heaven’s sake Jody, shut the fuck up.” Returning his gaze to Taylor, he could almost see the neon question mark blinking over his head.

Having intimate dreams about Emily wasn’t a novelty to Taylor; he’d had countless since meeting her. Knowing they could ruin everything between them, he’d never mentioned them to her or anyone else, and even within himself he tried not to give it much thought. He regarded it as an escape valve for his sex-starved brain, and nothing else. However, he knew better than anyone that Emily’s view on sex was much more complex than his and, for that reason, he had no idea what the dream had meant to her, or to them.

Either his poker face sucked or Zack had a crystal ball, because his words were Taylor’s exact thoughts. “You’re probably wondering what it means, but don’t. We talked about it for a long time and she decided to look at it as being related to all the sex she’s reading for Hump Day.”

Hearing those words was like a bucket of cold water being thrown at his head. For just a second, he’d allowed himself to hope that the feelings he’d been hiding from for months could be reciprocated, but within the next second it disappeared.

Once again, his feelings were too clear on his face, and once again, Jody couldn’t resist. “Stop with the puppy face, Tay. We think—”

“We think nothing, Jody.” Zack cut her words short with a stern look. “We might hope things, things that perhaps Taylor agrees with, but the only thing you should be thinking is about the shit coming from your mouth.”

Jody sighed loudly and mouthed a “bite me” to her friend, who only smirked at her. “Fine, but go to her and explain why you were so hurt, Tay. She thinks you hate her, and Z was right—you are her person. Not us;
you
Taylor.” She hesitated, before continuing, “Losing you will kill her.”

Self-loathing was tearing through Taylor’s every cell. He’d been so cold to her, refusing her when she walked towards him, even though he knew how hard it was for her to reach out and seek contact. She should be the one hating him instead of worrying if those were his feelings. And how could she think he hated her, when his feelings were quite the opposite of that? For the longest time he didn’t want to admit it, knowing that it wouldn’t change the fact that the only relationship he could have with her was friendship, but, deep down, he knew that he loved her. He’d loved her since the first time he saw her. He loved her like he’d never loved anyone in his life.

He wanted to grow old with her. He wanted to be her first good morning and last good night. He wanted kids that had her eyes, and a mailbox with both their names on it. He wanted to give her everything he had and not own anything that wasn’t theirs. He wanted to make her feel safe, make all of her dreams come true, and all her nightmares disappear.

That was all he wanted: to love her and make her fears, traumas and insecurities go away. He wanted to make sure that no one would ever hurt her again, and he wanted to be her safe haven and the proper lover she deserved.

“It took you long enough, my friend.” Zack’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Taylor’s eyes found Zack’s. His fear was lessened by his friend’s words and happy face, but it didn’t disappear. His eyes were as filled with sadness as his voice was. “It changes nothing, Zack. To her we’re still friends, just friends.”

“You can’t be that dense, Taylor. You went to Harvard and Cambridge, for goodness sake,” Zack said, rolling his eyes. “You two have never been just friends, not for a day. And thinking that you have is what changes nothing. The question is, what are you going to do now?”

Jody had finally caught up with what the two men were saying and her head was about to explode. Since the first time she saw Taylor, when he went to her restaurant with his brother asking for Emily, she’d hoped that one day they would be together. Emily deserved a nice guy who loved her, and knowing that Taylor did made her extremely happy. She fought hard against the urge to jump up and down or hug him, but her fight was lost, and she did both.

“Do you think she could ever love me back?” Taylor’s asked while patting Jody’s shoulder.

Jody and Zack turned their eyes to each other and shared one of those looks that held secret conversations. When they turned back to Taylor, their lips were turned up with honest smiles. In a sort of freaky Friday thing, Jody answered with a simple nod, but it was Zack whose simple, honest words about Emily really summed it up. “I would dare to say, she has no idea that she already does.”

Taylor smiled and, through the mixture of happiness and sadness in his eyes, there was also peace and hope.

“Good, then I’m going show her, in any and every way she allows me to, that I love her. And I’ll wait for as long as it takes for her to see it.” His words were more directed at himself than at his friends, but when he met their eyes they were both grinning at him. He let out a deep breath and returned their smiles. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take some breakfast back to my woman and apologize for being an ass.”

He turned around and walked back to the inn. The two friends held each other, with identical swooning looks on their faces. When he was halfway across the leaf-covered lawn Taylor turned around and thanked them. He didn’t say for what—but then again, he didn’t have to.

Emily leaned against the door of the bathroom and looked at herself in the huge mirror above the sink. Her shower had done a poor job at appeasing her heavy heart and fear of losing Taylor, and her make-up had done an even worse job at concealing her puffy lids.

Her mind kept going back and forth between the dream and the conversation in the hallway. It filled her with self-loathing. She had spent the past half hour trying to come up with a plan to apologize and make things right, but her frustrated mind was making it even more of a challenge than it already was. Deciding that she couldn’t hide forever, she peeled herself off the door, smoothed her red, wool sweater and turned the handle.

Walking back into the room, she was surprised to see a tray with two delicious looking breakfast sandwiches, two mugs and a thermos of what was probably coffee on top of one of the bedside tables. But, what got her pulse racing was the sight of Taylor standing by the window.

Afraid of how he might react, she tiptoed in his direction and stopped, just a couple of steps behind him. Sensing her presence, Taylor turned to look at her with a smile on his lips. “I got us some breakfast. Thought we could eat in bed today.”

Emily stared at him, puzzled. Expecting the cold shoulder and even some residual rudeness from her appalling behavior towards him, she was ready to apologize and even grovel if she had to. For that reason, his happy smile and delicious breakfast surprise caught her off guard.

“You aren’t mad at me?” Her voice was small and emotional.

Taylor turned his lips into the biggest smile he could possibly give her and ran the back of his fingers across her cheek, from temple to chin. “I’m never mad at you, Ems, but you should be at me. I was a jerk.” His downcast eyes lacked their usual sparkle. “I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am for making you cry and for not respecting your privacy.”

Emily’s eyes filled with tears again. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I was stupid, I should have explained. It’s not that I didn’t want to share it with you, I was just embarrassed.”

He smiled and pinched her lips in his fingers. She looked at him, not really understanding what he was doing. Her eyes were still filled with regret, until he shook his head and spoke. “You don’t have to explain or tell me anything you don’t want or feel comfortable with, and I have no right to ask that or think that what we have is any less special because of it. I was just a jealous asshole. Can you forgive me?”

He let go of her lips so she could answer his question. Overwhelmed with relief, the tears poured down her face. Without even a second of hesitation, she lunged herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck.

Heavenly joy. That was how Taylor felt as he snaked both his arms around her waist and held her against his body, lifting her feet from the ground. He could feel her tears against his neck. “Please don’t cry, Ems, I hate that I’m making you cry.”

“These are happy tears,” she admitted, prompting him to squeeze her a bit tighter, as she continued. “I thought I’d lost you. The hurt in your voice, and then you walked away when I stepped closer to you.” Her voice caught on her last words, and he tightened his hold once again. “I thought you’d never speak to me again.”

Taylor walked the few steps to the bed with Emily still hanging from his neck and sat on the mattress, pulling her with him. She curled up and rested her head on his chest. He held her there, as close as he could. They spent a long time like that, with her sitting sideways between his legs, her face pressed against his chest and his arms around her. The whole time he stroked her hair and delivered light kisses to the top of her head.

As both of their breathing reached the same calm speed, Taylor loosened his grip on her and, with gentle fingers, lifted her face to meet his. He had no way of knowing if she could see all the love in his eyes, but still, he tried to put all of the words he couldn’t say in them.

“When will you get in this amazingly beautiful head of yours that you could never lose me, Ems? I’m yours and I’ll always be yours, in any and every way, shape or form you want.” His honest eyes and smile sent a wave of chills through her heart. “And I’m not saying this to make you feel better, I’m saying this because you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to spend my life trying to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

He moved forward and kissed the tip of her nose. She wanted to give his words back to him, but once again he’d rendered her speechless, so she simply stared at him. Without moving her, he reached to the side table and filled the two mugs with coffee from the small thermos. He gave her one and sipped from the other.

After the awful pain she’d felt when she’d considered the possibility of Taylor being so angry with her that she would never have his company again, this closeness was a calming balm. Not wanting to part from him for a second, when he handed her a sandwich she simply turned around, resting her back to his chest, and started eating.