Driving Me Mad (22 page)

“I didn’t just not talk to
Faith about my depression; she didn’t know about it at all,” I
blurt out.

Brittany’s hand stops over
the middle of the pizza. Her shoulders droop, and it takes a moment
for her to look at me. “What?” she asks softly.

“She didn’t know; I never
told her.”

“But you were
married
to her.”

“I know.” I nod.

“I don’t understand, Trace.
Your dad doesn’t know, and neither does your ex-wife. Why? Who
does
know?” She sets the pizza cutter down and faces me,
folding her arms over her chest.

“My doctors and you.” I sigh
as I prepare myself to continue talking. “When Faith met me, it was
a good time for me, so I avoided telling her. Once things got bad,
like they always do, I didn’t want to tell her because I knew it
would be a complete surprise and I didn’t think she’d be able to
handle it. Be able to handle me like that. I did my best to hide it
from her or avoid talking about what was going on with me.”

“Why can you tell me, but not
them? I get not wanting to tell every single person you meet, but
these are people you’re close to, or were close to. If you couldn’t
be honest with them, how can you be honest with me? Are you being
honest with me?” Her eyes search mine, trying to find the answer,
and I hate that I transformed her from a good mood to one where
she’s now concerned about what I’ve been doing.

I reach out to grab her hand
and pull her against me. In a low voice, I tell her, “I’m a work in
progress, Britt. We both are; you’re just farther along than I
am.”

She squeezes her arms around
my waist. “I don’t want to be left in the dark, Trace.”

“Okay.” Not a promise, but
not a refusal either.

“Well, we should eat, and
make sure you get some rest.” Brittany pulls away from me to finish
cutting the pizza.

I need to do better. Brittany
doesn’t deserve anything less.

“Are you sure about this?”
Brittany asks as she squeezes her wrist.

“Yeah. Don’t you want to meet
Lily?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to
meet your ex-wife. Won’t it be awkward?”

I laugh. “It’ll be better
than what it was like to meet my dad, I’m sure.”

My laughter makes her frown,
or maybe it’s the memory of meeting my dad. I grab the hand
clutching her wrist and interlock our fingers.

“Aren’t you nervous?” she
asks before I can say something to relax her.

“It’s just Faith.” Why would
I be nervous? It’s not like I still have feelings for her. I’ve
moved on; she’s moved on. There’s no reason to be anxious about
seeing her.

“It’s just Faith,” Brittany
mocks in a deepish voice with the roll of her eyes.

“Why are
you
nervous,
Britt?” I ask seriously in a gentle tone, searching her expression
for an answer.

“It’s the whole ex-wife, new
girlfriend scenario. It’s awkward.”

“It’ll be fine. She’ll stay
long enough to drop off Lily, bring in her things, and say goodbye
to her. It’ll be fine,” I repeat. Finally, she nods and seems to
relax a little. I kiss her forehead before leaving for the
restroom. When I come back, I want to wince at the bad timing.
Faith has arrived and poor Brittany had to answer the door.

At least, she seems relaxed
as she pets Lily, and there’s a man with Faith. Looks like she
brought her boyfriend. That has to make Brittany feel better.

“Hey,” I say as I walk
closer. Lily runs over and jumps up, causing me to laugh. “Hey,
girl.” I rub behind her ears and she sniffs my shirt. “Down.” She
gets down and walks next to me.

“Thanks so much, Trace,”
Faith says.

“No problem.”

“This is Peter, my
boyfriend,” she introduces.

He holds his hand out and I
shake it. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Thanks for being
able to take Lily.”

“Of course.”

There’s an awkward silence,
and I’m surprised when Brittany is the one to break it. “So, Trace
said you were bringing Lily’s things?”

“Yeah, it’s all in the car.
We wanted to bring Lily in first,” Faith answers.

We all walk outside; Lily
explores the yard. I help Peter with Lily’s things. He does the
talking I expected Faith to do.

“Faith just took her to her
annual checkup last week; she’s in good health and won’t need to go
again until next year. She put the vet’s contact information in one
of these bags, so you can get her records transferred to wherever
you take her. That’s pretty much all you need to know, I think,
considering you’ve taken care of her before.”

“Right.”

There’s her bed, a bag of
food, a bag full of toys, and a bag with things like shampoo and
heartworm prevention meds, it looks like. We walk back into the
house, Lily following behind us without having to be called. We set
her things in the living room. Brittany sits down on the couch, and
Lily jumps up to lie with her head in her lap. Brittany has a goofy
grin in her face. Having Lily might be better than I thought it
would be.

“We should head back,” Peter
says.

“Yeah,” Faith agrees. She
walks over to Lily and pets her head, saying her goodbye. Then, she
turns to me. She surprises me when she hugs me. “Thank you,
Trace.”

I loosely hug her back.
“You’re welcome.”

Faith steps away, and I walk
them to the door. They say goodbye, and then they’re gone. I return
to the living room to sit next to Brittany, reaching over to pet
Lily’s head.

“I’m in love.”

“With me or Lily?” I grin and
Brittany rolls her eyes.

“Lily, obviously. She’s so
sweet. How am I supposed to leave your house when the cutest dog
I’ve ever seen is here?”

“You’ll just have to visit
more often.”

“As if I’m not already here a
lot.”

“Have you heard me
complain?”

She smiles, one of those
bubbly, happy, my-boyfriend-just-said-something-great kind of
smiles. “No.”

I take her hand and tug to
pull her to straddle my lap. My body crashed last night after
pizza, so I got some decent sleep. I’ve been feeling good today.
Leaning forward, I kiss her softly. Lily wedges her head between
our stomachs.

“Lily,” I chastise. “You’ve
already overstayed your welcome.”

She barks, which causes
Brittany to giggle. Lily scoots closer and rests her head on my
shoulder.

“Aw, she missed you.”

I reach up to rub her neck.
“Are you staying again tonight?” She’s debating it; her gaze
switches between Lily and me. She was originally going to head back
to the dorms. “Don’t you want to spend more time with Lily?” I say
as a way to bribe her.

“Okay, fine. I’ll stay.”

Good. I need to make up for
hiding how I was feeling yesterday.

***

“
H
ow often do you
and Dustin have sex?”

Rebecca rolls onto her side.
“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you and Trace aren’t having enough sex?
Brittany, I know you have anxiety and all, but you are seriously
worrying too much over every aspect of your relationship with
Trace. You’re both alike, so if y’all aren’t having a lot of sex,
it’s probably because you’re both too wrapped up in your own
problems.”

“That’s not why I was
asking.”

“Oh. Sorry.” She smiles
weakly.

“I think we’re having too
much sex.”

Rebecca groans and sits up on
her bed. “I take my apology back. How is there such a thing as
too much
sex? You
are
worrying too much,
Brittany.”

“Will you just answer my
question?” I’m starting to get annoyed and regret asking her.

“A few times a week. If we
have the whole night, then more than once that night usually. How
often are y’all having sex?”

“That’s how often it was for
us, but now, it’s like multiple times a day every time I see him.
He’ll stop us mid-conversation to have sex. It’s great sex, but I
don’t know. I’m wondering if maybe Trace is using sex to both
pretend to be normal and as an escape. I still feel like he’s not
being as honest and open with me as I am with him. That can’t be
good for us.”

“Give him more time,” she
says. “He obviously cares for you because he’s put his job on the
line, taken you on a trip, is a damn good boyfriend, and he decided
to go to Las Vegas with us. Cut him some slack, enjoy the sex, and
give him time to open up.”

I nod. Maybe I am too hard on
him. I might be expecting too much too soon. After all, Trace hid
his depression from his father and his ex-wife. Habits are hard to
break. He needs more time to work on it himself. I highly doubt me
saying something will help. It’ll probably just make it worse. I’ll
stay quiet and trust in Trace.

I smile to myself. That
should be my new motto. Trust in Trace. I want to text him, but I
need to focus on my homework. It’s been hard, but I’ve been slowly
learning how to stop obsessing over it. My grades have been better,
too. We have midterms next week, and I feel pretty prepared.
Students from all of my classes have formed study groups, so that’s
on the calendar.

Tomorrow, I meet with a new
therapist. Dr. Gunner suggested I start seeing someone off campus,
and Mrs. Rumley was able to recommend someone in the area. I called
to make the appointment soon after Dr. Gunner made his suggestion,
but tomorrow was their first available appointment. I’m nervous.
Trace had me call his old office to have my records transferred, so
they should know my background by the time I arrive.

My phone vibrates with a
text.

Trace:
Come over? I
have Lily, fried pickles, pizza, and a fridge full of Sun
Drop.

Me:
What about my
boyfriend?

Trace:
He’s here
too, but he had a bad day.

Shame on me. I’m a little
excited because he’s
told
me he had a bad day. Usually, I
know only because I find him in the recliner. Lily loves the
recliner, so her big body is usually lying across his lap. He
hasn’t been in it but a time or two this week. I think having Lily
has helped. He’s always talking to her, petting her, and letting
her sprawl all over him.

Me:
Be over
shortly.

I stop where I am on my
homework and start packing a change of clothes. Rebecca eyes me,
knowing where I’m going without me having to say it.

“Are you still going to move
in with me once we graduate?”

Whirling around to look at
her, I say, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re at his house a lot.”
She shrugs.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to
live with him yet. I want to live with you some more.” I smile.
“Don’t worry, Bec. I’m all yours for a while longer.”

“Whatever,” she laughs.