Close to Her Heart (10 page)

The truth was, she hadn’t made a conscious decision on the matter. She’d simply avoiding calling back the office and booking the test. The way she was behaving was classic denial.

Even knowing that, Dani couldn’t make herself think calmly and rationally about the possibility of a chromosomal abnormality. She hadn’t told a single soul about the ultrasound findings, either.

Not even Adrian.

They were seeing each other just once a week now, dinner on Wednesdays. They hadn’t made love since she’d told him she was pregnant. There was no reason to abstain. Her doctor, and all the literature, made it clear that sex was safe, would not cause harm to the baby.

Dani longed to have Adrian kiss her newly voluptuous breasts, and make love to her passionately, like always. She also craved the quiet cuddling that came after. In her mind she pictured Adrian’s hand running over her belly as he talked to the baby—
This is your Daddy—

But every week Adrian had a new excuse for why he couldn’t come back to her condo. Either he was preparing for a conference, or Ava had a cold, or the live-in nanny had to go out and he needed to be home early.

He showed his love in other ways though. Every week he sent her a gift with a cute card attached.
Flowers for a Woman in Bloom. Cookies for your cravings.
Mixed-chocolates for the Mom-to-be.

But she still yearned for his touch.

This week, hopefully, it would happen. After work on Wednesday Dani put on a lacy bra and the new dress she’d bought to make the most of her cleavage. There were advantages to being pregnant and tonight she intended to put them on display.

She took a cab to the restaurant where they’d arranged to meet, hoping after their meal Adrian would give her a ride home. Then she’d invite him in and they’d end up in bed together.

The early evening sun was warm on her bare shoulders when she stepped out of the taxi twenty minutes later. A sweet taste of the summer to come. Two beautiful spring flower arrangements flanked the front door to Bonterra Bistro, inviting her to step inside, but first she checked up and down the street for Adrian.

She didn’t see him. So she made her way inside on her own, hoping that for once she’d find him waiting for her at their table.

But he was late. As usual.

She passed the time studying the menu, then checking e-mail messages on her phone.

It would have been easy to feel annoyed. Instead, she took deep, calming breaths, reminding herself that they had all night. She had big plans for the evening and didn’t want to start out feeling peeved.

When he finally came in, he looked like he’d just woken up from a nap, his dark curly hair wind-blown despite the calm day and the t-shirt under his open jacket rumpled. Despite his unkempt appearance, she felt the usual rush of pleasure at the sight of him.

When their gazes connected, she felt it again, a wonderful zapping of warmth spreading out from her heart.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “The damn nanny—”

He stopped at her chair to give her a chaste kiss and as he drew back she noted with satisfaction that his gaze drifted to her voluptuous cleavage.

And lingered.

After the server came and took their orders, she leaned in closer to him, watching again as his eyes slipped from her face, to her breasts, then back again.

“So—what was the problem with the nanny?”

“It’s not really her fault, I guess. It’s always hard breaking in a new one.”

Only when he said that did Dani remember that he’d had to let his old nanny go because she kept spending her evenings out with her friends and her sister—rather than in the private suite attached to the back of Adrian’s house. Then the next morning, she’d show up late for work.

Dani knew the layout of Adrian’s house because she’d been there once when Ava was on a playdate and their affair was new and hot and exciting. She would have taken a closer look if she’d realized then that she wouldn’t be invited back a second time.

The new nanny—Olga?—had only been on the job for two weeks.

“I’d planned to come here straight from work,” Adrian continued. “But she was trying to put on a TV show for Ava and had forgotten how to switch the input mode from Apple TV to cable. So I had to swing by the house. And then Ava didn’t want me to leave.”

He brushed a hand though his tangled curls, drawing attention to just how thick and wonderful his hair was. A hint of stubble defined the contours of his high cheekbones and well defined jaw and chin.

If Adrian had a physical flaw, it was probably his fitness level and the presence of ten extra pounds around his middle. But as a working dad he claimed he had no time to hit the gym, and Dani couldn’t fault him for that. She’d rather he spend all his extra time with
her
than the treadmill any day.

He asked about her research after their meals were served, several times setting down his cutlery and leaning in, his small, brown-as-mahogany eyes watching her intently as she spoke. He made her feel like everything she said was absolutely fascinating. This was what had drawn them together in the first place. Their love of research and their work.

Then she asked about his project, analyzing data from an ongoing study on the effect of video games on the academic and athletic success of tens of thousands of boys and girls from across the country. So far Adrian had published two papers on the subject and was earning a reputation as one of the leading experts in the area.

They could have talked for hours more, but when the bill came she remembered her strategy to seduce Adrian tonight if it killed her. She pulled out her lip-gloss and freshened her makeup with slow, deliberate strokes of the wand against her lips. It worked. She could feel the heat building between them, and she stoked it higher when she slipped one foot from her shoe and ran it up the length of his calf.

“I took a cab. Will you give me a lift home?”

From his expressive mouth and eyes she could see he was feeling desire—but battling it.

He signed the check, tucked his wallet back inside his coat pocket. “Of course I’ll give you a lift. But I can’t come in. The nanny is too new…”

“I’m sure she’ll phone you if she has any trouble.” Dani stood, letting the strategic folds of her dress camouflage her tummy, while highlighting her newly ample cleavage. When Adrian stood up beside her, she slipped her hand into his and moved closer. “I miss you. It’s been a long time—”

He swallowed. Weakening against whatever resolve he’d erected between them. Outside Adrian placed a hand on the small of her back as he guided her to his parking space. It was almost dark now, and the city had the settling in feeling that comes when shops close and people head home to prepare for another workday the next morning.

As she got into the passenger seat, Dani could sense Adrian checking out her legs. One part of her body that was so far untouched by the pregnancy. They drove in a sweet silence that, for Dani, at least, was filled with anticipation. She hoped Adrian was thinking about taking her to bed. Stripping her clothes and making sweet love together.

At the condo, he pulled into a parking stall for visitors and walked her to the door.

She was certain he intended to come inside. But all he did was kiss her gently and tell her good night.

She took hold of his hands. “What’s going on?” She realized she had to be more specific. This limbo between them had to end. Trying to prepare herself for the worst she asked, “Do you want to end things between us?

His “No,” sounded perfunctory.

“Are you sure? Because a platonic relationship isn’t of interest to me. And it wasn’t what you used to want either.”

“I still find you beautiful. Very desirable. I just—don’t want to hurt you.”

Was he talking about physically? “What hurts is thinking you don’t want me anymore.”

“As if that was even possible.” He ran his hands down her bare arms, then pulled her in close for a kiss. It started tenderly, then quickly grew deep and full of need.

They were inside and on the elevator in under a minute, and finding themselves alone, they kissed again. Adrian held back her hair so he could have access to the side of her neck, one of her favorite hot spots. And then his hands were working their way up, gently cupping her breasts through the silky fabric of her dress and the lacy barrier of the bra.

“Do they hurt?” He whispered the question in her ear, where his hot breath gave her a shiver of pleasure.

His question reminded her that this was a man who understood the changes pregnancy caused in a woman’s body. “No. Not anymore.”

But then the elevator doors opened and they had to make their way across the hall and she had to find her key, unlock the door, all the while hoping that neither Miriam or Eliot—or any of the other residents on this floor, would suddenly appear to break the mood.

They didn’t.

And soon she and Adrian were inside, in her bedroom, where Adrian kissed her again, then slowly unzipped the back of her dress, until it fell to her waist. He brushed his hands over her breasts, still held firm in the bra. He kissed the deep valley between them, then slowly released the catch.

And groaned. “Oh, baby.”

They made love fast and furious, not quite managing to shed all of their clothes, only the ones that were completely necessary—her panties. His pants.

Dani’s orgasm came fast, soared high, then left her quickly. She held onto Adrian’s shoulders, wanting to keep the buzz alive for a little longer. But then he was coming, too, with a desperate panting, then a groan.

“Oh, baby.”

He only ever called her that when they were making love. He rolled onto his back, keeping hold of her hand, so they were both staring up at the ceiling when he asked again.

“You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?”

“God, no.” She laughed, before it occurred to her that she was being insensitive. “Adrian, how far along was your wife when she died?”

For almost a minute all she could hear was the sound of him breathing. Then, quietly, he said, “Four months.”

She’d been killed in a car crash. Ava, buckled into a car seat in the back hadn’t had a scratch. The baby in Vanessa’s womb hadn’t had a chance.

Dani thought about her own baby. She put a hand on her belly, wishing Adrian would do the same. Didn’t he want to feel the presence that was his child? But he was already cleaning himself, handing her a tissue.

“Come back to bed,” she said, trying not to sound like she was pleading. “Let’s get under the covers and cuddle for a bit.

Whenever Vanessa was mentioned, he always clammed up. She wanted him to talk to her about his wife. There should be no off-limits topic between them.

“I really can’t. I promised the new nanny I wouldn’t be late.”

“I’m sure she’s fine. And Ava is probably asleep by now.” Even as she was speaking the words, Dani realized she was sounding like a mistress, trying to convince her married lover to spend the night. It was unsettling, distasteful.

Feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable in her half-naked state, she scrambled into her yoga clothes which were laid out on a nearby chair. By the time she was dressed, Adrian had returned from the washroom, his face damp, and his hair somewhat neater.

He sat on the bed and patted the spot beside him.

“I think we should talk.”

This was all wrong. She settled next to him, unhappily. They were supposed to be naked, in one another’s arms, under the covers. He was supposed to be opening up to her about his worries and fears, his hopes for the future—for
their
future.

“I was right earlier.” She could hear how flat her voice sounded. “You
do
want to end things.”

He sighed. “No. What I wanted was to keep things as they were.”

“I didn’t
plan
on getting pregnant.”

“No. But you did make the choice to keep the baby. And while I respect your right to make that choice, my position hasn’t changed. And it won’t.”

Dani folded her arms protectively over her midsection. Not once all evening had he allowed his gaze or his hands to go anywhere near the place on her body where their baby was growing. She hadn’t needed to hear him speak these words to know he still didn’t want her to have this child.
Their
child.

“I haven’t asked you for anything, Adrian. And I won’t.”

“You haven’t asked. But I see the hope in your eyes every time we’re together. And I’m sorry, darling, but it isn’t going to happen. I’m not at a point where I’m ready to get married again. It takes everything I have to be a good dad to Ava.”

“Okay. But what about a year from now? Two years?”

“I wish I could promise you I’d feel differently by then. But how can I?”

Dani stared down at her hands, twisted together in her lap. “So where does that leave us?”

“It’s your decision as much as mine. I feel we should tone things down. I want to support you in the months to come. And later, when the baby’s here—that support should become financial in nature.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“Maybe not. But I have an obligation to the child. I don’t want to make you feel like this is a business transaction or something, but I think it’s smart to get a lawyer involved.”

She felt as if he’d slapped her. “I’m not your adversary.”

“I just want to make sure I’m treating you and the baby fairly.”

“Honestly. You don’t have to worry about me and the baby. I’m more than capable of providing for both of us.”

When he didn’t reply, suddenly she understood that this wasn’t about his concern for her and the child. It was about covering his ass—legally and professionally. If news ever came out about this, he didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

She stood and went to the door. “You should leave now.”

“I didn’t say those things to hurt you. I want to help.”

“Leave, Adrian. Now.”

It gave her a mild amount of satisfaction to see that he hadn’t expected this reaction, and that it unbalanced him. He fumbled with his belt, then as he passed her on the way to the front door, there was an awkward moment when he tried to kiss her good-bye.

At the door, he gave it one last shot. “I still want to be your friend, Danielle.”