Before He Was Gone: Starstruck Book 2 (7 page)

‘You have to grip with your feet, not your knees, Mowgli!’ Shan calls up. His arm is looped through mine as we stand slightly back from the tree. Ever since Joshua’s warning about the falling coconuts I’ve kept my wits about me, everywhere.

Mike is halfway up the palm like a monkey in his khaki green board shorts. He doesn’t look entirely stable. The roll of flab up against the bark might be throwing him off balance, though Mike’s had more beers than any of us and I know for a fact he’s stuffed full of meat. If he fell he’d land like a sack of frickin’ cement.

‘Please be careful,’ Mia tells him in her usual mothering tone, folding her arms over her kaftan. I notice Karin covering her eyes, watching him nervously through her fingers. She’s wearing her bikini too, now, like Stephanie and me. The cameras have been orbiting us like planets since we put them on. I actually wrapped my bandana round my waist like a skirt before, just to stop them following me. I don’t mind a few ass shots here and there - I was expecting that - but I’d like to control the angles they shoot them in, if possible. Thankfully they’re distracted now, by Mike.

‘Hurry up big guy, I’m thirsty!’ Shan calls before turning to me, rolling his eyes. He’s wearing a tank but is still in his tight white underpants with the word GAY on the front. His friend Marty bought them for him in Britain apparently and he calls them his G-A-Y-fronts. They crack me up every time I look at him ‘cause I can actually picture half of America shaking their heads at the screen at him. He said he wore them three days straight till he got collected for the show. He wanted to make sure he had them on when he was snatched from his office on the Lower East Side. That’s a scene I can’t wait to watch when I get home.

‘Seriously, Double G, I could row to the stupid bar in Bali and mix myself a cocktail faster,’ he whines at me.

‘I’ll have a sex on the beach,’ I tell him.

‘Salty round the edges, I like your style,’ he winks, ‘or is that a margarita? Jesus, hurry up!’ he yells again. ‘I’m parched!’

‘I’d like to see you try this,’ Mike shouts down at us gruffly. ‘I can’t concentrate with you all yelling at me!’

‘You can’t concentrate ‘cause you’ve had five beers,’ Shan replies, tutting, and he’s probably right. Most of our team have drunk maybe two or three. The whole camp still smells like sausages and ribs. Journey said it made her feel sick and went AWOL, but the rest of the losers have taken it pretty well I guess, even though I know they’re starving. We weren’t allowed to smuggle them any alcohol either. Breaking rules can equal a stint on Asylum Island and no one wants that.

‘You have to find a foot hole,’ Jaxx shouts, and from my place on the sand I notice Joshua watching him now. He’s just come back from the well, talking to the camera there, I think. His muscled arms are folded. He’s wearing his new black board shorts. I try not to let my eyes linger, but he’s the image of a sexy stranded plane crash survivor on the set of a
Vogue
shoot. Seriously.

That lion tattoo roars through me every time I see it now and makes me feel weird. Already, dark stubble is shading his jaw line. He’s the only one in our winning team who didn’t drink any beer. He catches me looking, raises an eyebrow and I pull my eyes away.
Crap.
What is my problem?

Mike wobbles and Karin lets out a shriek. ‘You’re almost there!’ Shan calls, ‘come on soldier, throw me a coconut!’

‘For fuck’s sake, fairy boy, would you just shut your face!’ Mike replies angrily.

‘What did you say?’ I say, prickling instantly and stepping forward, just as he loses as his grip and tumbles from the tree, smack onto the sand. Joshua’s on his feet, racing over to him.

‘Say you’re sorry,’ I hiss at him as he scrambles up. Mike's hobbling on one leg, but he pushes me aside and grabs for the front of Shan’s shirt, making all of us gasp, including Shan.

‘I told you to stop yelling at me! What is it with you goddam people, always acting like the world revolves around YOU? Thank Christ you’re getting voted out first, you damn waste of space!’ He shakes him hard by his shirt, raises his fist as Shan holds his hands in the air. I’m about to make a grab for him when Joshua’s in my space, reaching for Mike’s ear and yanking him away from Shan, throwing him straight onto the ground. 

‘Do
not
even think about it!’ he says, glowering over him.

‘You
people?
’ I say, blood ringing in my ears as Shan straightens his tank, looking in irritation at the stretched-out fabric. ‘Who the hell do you think you…’

I pause as Joshua holds his hand out in front of me, still looking at Mike. Every muscle in his body is tensed. I try to move but Shan wraps his arms around me in a death grip and as Mike goes to lunge at him again from the ground, Joshua slams a bare foot to Mike’s chest, pinning him down. ‘What the hell are you
doing?
’ 

‘Get off me, you fucking idiot!’ Mike growls at him. He’s struggling, but injured he’s no match for Joshua’s strength.

‘What did you mean by you
people
?’ I say and Shan tuts.

‘He meant he’s a homophobic asshole, Double G. You have to read between the lines sometimes.’ He releases me but keeps hold of my arm. He can tell I want to stomp on Mike’s legs. 

‘Stop this ya’ll, he’s been drinking, we all have,’ Stephanie cries, as Mike lashes out at Joshua’s knees. He keeps on trying and failing to sit up and Joshua’s still glaring down at him.

‘Apologize!’ he demands. His face is like thunder as he holds his weight on him. I can see his jaw pulsing, every vein in his arms straining now as he clenches his fists as hard as I do.

‘People, please,’ Punk pipes up, ‘this is ridiculous.’

‘He’s right, this is stupid, Joshua, let him go,’ Karin follows.

‘He’s not worth it, honey,’ Mia tells him, shaking her head.

‘APOLOGIZE,’ Joshua roars again, refusing to move his foot and Mike resigns to lying in the sand beneath him. His face is all scrunched up like a paper bag and just by looking at him, I'm pretty sure no one's ever stood up to him like Joshua's doing right now.

‘Sorry,’ he growls in a tone that clearly means he’s not sorry at all. ‘I'm sorry, OK? Now get off me!’

Joshua lifts his foot and releases Mike, who scrambles up and storms off towards the well, still hobbling slightly. Joshua walks away in the opposite direction, fists still clenched and both Shan and I watch him go. 

‘If Mike’s going to try and redeem himself he’s going to have a tough time doing it,’ Mia sighs, nodding to the cameras still pointed at us. ‘The whole of America just heard what he said.’

‘I only asked him for a coconut,’ Shan says, tutting again. ‘That man has issues.’

I stare at him. I can’t believe he isn’t more angry. He just got attacked on television. Shan sweeps his hair out of his eyes. ‘He wants me,’ he tells us simply. ‘It’s hard for some men to admit. Anyway, is it true you’re voting me out first?’ He pouts.

Mia looks away. She was on his team.

‘I’m a big boy, you can tell me,’ Shan says, reaching for her hand. ‘Is it ‘cause I dropped the fish? I messed up that challenge didn’t I, Mamma Mia?’

‘That doesn’t matter,’ Mia tells him. ‘Mike’s been trying to get all of us to vote you out first since we arrived in this place.’

‘Why’s he so pissed all the time, anyway?’ Stephanie muses, tightening the bandana round her head. She’s every inch the swimsuit model now, in her hot pink strapless bikini. Jaxx can’t keep his eyes off her.

‘He spent six weeks in isolation on the Syrian border, being interrogated,’ Joshua interjects suddenly. We turn to him, walking back towards us. He’s fetched the spear and he's holding it in one hand now like he’s about to go do some damage. I notice there’s a long rope strap attached to it now. ‘He’s seen some shit you can’t imagine. Maybe the smallest thing just sets him off. He probably didn’t mean to lash out.‘

‘He’s a homophobe,’ I tell him.

‘He’s afraid,’ Joshua replies straight into my eyes. ‘He shouldn’t have said what he said but he doesn’t know who he is anymore. Anything
else
he doesn’t understand just makes him realize that. He’s acting in self defense.’

‘How do you know that, Dr Phil?’ Shan says, frowning up at his chiselled silhouette in front of the sun as a camera predictably zooms in on him doing so. Shan actually licks his lips.

‘He told me. He was flying an F15E Strike Eagle when he got hit by a SAM. He was forced to eject right into the Iraqi desert. Then he got captured, taken to the Baghdad headquarters of the Iraqi Intelligence Service. Guess things got nasty.’

‘He told you
that?
’ I say.

‘I like to know who I’m playing with,’ Joshua replies. He turns back to the tree Mike was trying to climb and I watch him throw the spear over one shoulder by the rope and reach his hands up for a grip. Shan’s eyes are locked to his ass. I had no clue Joshua had been talking to Mike so much. Although, I get the feeling there’s a lot I don’t know about Joshua. I still can’t get that crazy dream out of my head; those hands against my thighs.

‘Woah!’ Shan cries suddenly, springing up again. ‘Holy ball-sacks, spider monkey, look at you go!’ I feel my jaw drop. Joshua is climbing the tree as easily as if he’s been doing it his whole life. ‘Really, if you can do that, why did you let Fat Mike even try?’ Shan calls up.

Stephanie clutches my arm. Her mouth is open, too. He’s making right for the top in a series of hops. His arms and shoulder muscles are taut and he’s gripping the bark between his feet, grabbing a palm frond and reaching for the spear. The others have hurried back now and everyone’s crowding round, shielding their eyes against the sun.

‘Get back, they’re coming down!’ Joshua warns, before slashing at the bunch of big green coconuts. It takes him all of twenty seconds to release six. They come crashing to the sand with humongous thumps and Stephanie claps her hands together, reaching for one and struggling to lift it in both hands.

‘Woah, it weighs a freakin’ ton!’

‘Let me,’ Jaxx says, taking it from her and carrying it away from the tree as Karin and Punk move the others with their feet.

‘Grab the machete, would you?’ Joshua says to Stephanie, hopping back down quickly and jumping to the floor beside us with a thump. He wipes his hands on his shorts. Sweat’s shining beneath his bandana. Every line of his six-pack is defined in the sparkling sun but Stephanie’s staring at him like he just flew back from the moon.

‘How did you…’

But Joshua’s looking at me now, raking my almost-naked body with those crazy intense eyes and I realize my mouth's still open. I shut it. In a flash I remember all over again that I’m now in my turquoise blue halter neck bikini top and the bandana’s tied around my waist as the tiniest skirt known to man. I know I look OK. But I care what he’s thinking again. Why do I care what he’s thinking?

‘Machete?’ he says.

‘I’ll get it,’ I say quickly, heading to the well where we left it. Journey’s here, sitting in her bra and big pants with the goat, which is tied up, looking bored. She looks up when I approach, followed by a camera, but I can barely concentrate now. I’m turning into the kind of girl I hate - lusting over this spearfishing, tree-climbing jungle man I barely know; seeing him in my dreams when I’ve barely been single a month. Is this what happens to people when they’re stranded? Would I feel this way about The Animal in the middle of Manhattan? I need to talk to Chloe. I feel like I’m losing my brain.

‘It hasn’t produced any milk yet,’ Journey says frowning at the goat. ‘What did I miss out there?’

‘Not too much,’ I reply, flustered, grabbing for the heavy weapon. ‘I’m sure you’ll catch up when you watch the show.’

‘It’s easy when you’re imagining it’s Mike’s face, right?’ Jaxx says, smashing into the coconut with another blow from the machete. He grins in the firelight, looking at me, but I say nothing.

I think we’ve all agreed that Mike is out of here come tomorrow’s council meeting anyway. We each get a vote. It’s a shame, ‘cause Mike’s pretty strong and he’s smart, too. He could’ve helped us win more challenges, but then, when it comes to happy living as a unit he’s a damn storm cloud over this camp and no one needs that.

‘I kind of feel sorry for the guy,’ Karin says now from her place in our circle by the fire.

‘So do I,’ Mia says. ‘He’ll be named and shamed for this, for sure.’

‘That’s why they wanted us drunk,’ Alyssa says. ‘They get way better TV this way. But they'll stop talking about it soon as some other M-lister does something dumb.’

Jaxx looks away as Stephanie grins. I stay quiet. I shouldn’t have lashed out at Mike today; it wasn’t my place, but I’ve seen guys like him go too far and I guess my instincts kicked in. I can’t argue that Mike’s a prick at times, but still, he has his battle scars. I know it more than them. I saw the pain in his eyes when we talked the other morning, out on the rocks. 

He watched three of his friends take a bullet. He lost his wife to another man when he went home, and when shit gets really bad he still wakes up at night screaming. I was kind of surprised he said all that to me in front of the camera guy, floating round us on the kayak. I’d never spill my demons like that,
will
never… but I guess he has his strategy. 
Mike didn’t say it, but I also know he doesn’t care so much about the prize money as he does about proving to himself that he can come out of something a survivor. Now this is just one more thing that’s going to haunt him.

‘I think we should cut the negativity, people,’ Stephanie says, twizzling her blond hair. Jaxx takes a seat beside her in the sand and hands her the coconut. ‘Let’s all share something fun about ourselves,’ she says, ‘a secret.’

‘What if we don’t have any secrets?’ Alyssa says, without looking up. She’s had three beers, all predictably zoomed in on from the company sponsoring the show - I’ve been counting. She’s not slurring her words like Stephanie is now, but there’s a reason Mia wouldn’t let any of them loose with the machete. She’s wrapping shreds of palm leaves around sticks. She’s got ash on her face and tribal paint still on her forehead. Her blue bikini makes her breasts look even better than the bra did – though it’s not as see-through. I tear my eyes away.

‘Why don’t
you
start with the secrets and tell us what you’re doing over there,’ Punk says to her from two meters away, picking up the machete Jaxx just abandoned. His shoulders slump instantly in his sweater vest but he starts hacking feebly at another coconut. He’ll take all night, hitting it like he’s putting a damn golf ball with a club, but we’re letting him try. We’re all going to need to learn that.

‘I’m making a voodoo spell,’ Alyssa grins.

Stephanie’s eyes widen. ‘Seriously?’

‘No. I’m making us all toothbrushes.’ She tears a leaf and knots it round another. ‘I just remembered, Bear Grylls did it I think. We use the wood ash to make a paste.’

Damn, she’s right. I should’ve known that.

Jaxx turns up his nose. ‘I’m not putting that shit in my mouth. The leaves on their own are working out fine.’

‘Speak for yourself, dragon breath,’ Stephanie says and he wrestles her down in the sand. They’ve been flirting all afternoon and I think Stephanie getting drunk has made her less resistant to his charms. I watch them laughing as she threatens to pour her beer over his head and I get a pang of missing something.

What do I miss, though? I’ve never let myself get like that – well, not in a long time, anyway. It’s been so long I don’t even remember it; the flirting, the laughing; the carelessness, the
danger
of pouring drinks down my neck and letting go. My stomach twists. ‘We need eucalyptus, first thing tomorrow,’ I hear myself saying. Alyssa looks up at me.

‘Eucalyptus?’

‘I forgot,’ I admit. ‘It’s a deodorizer. It’s also good for brushing teeth. There’re more than five hundred kinds. It has to be here somewhere in some form, like the peppercorns. We’ll find it. If not, the ashes will have to do.’

She nods thoughtfully, goes back to work making ten toothbrushes and my eyes stay on her hands. She’s made one for Mike, in spite of his outburst; in spite of her looking like she wanted to murder him, too, back there. She can go from sunshine to thunder in a second, like me. From summer to winter, as Harri would say.

‘So, Joshua,’ Stephanie chirps. ‘Got a secret you’d like to share?’

‘Not really,’ I say as Shan walks from the bathroom station behind the tree line and sits down next to Alyssa. He crosses his legs and wraps an arm around her briefly.

‘What’s happening campers? Ooh, is it story time?’ he says, looking at me suddenly. ‘What are we all doing with the prize money? I’ll go first. I’m spending it in Bangkok. And the Philippines.’

‘We were actually asking Joshua for a secret,’ Stephanie says, looking at me expectantly. I drag a stick through the sand, avoid her eyes.

‘I’m a Pisces,’ I say after a moment.

Shan snorts. ‘Game changer. And to think I was about to tell you all I had my wicked way with a hottie I met in line at the post office last week.’

‘What?’ Jaxx frowns.

‘Twenty-two, six-three, a lot like you, Abercrombie,’ he winks at him. ‘We were in line for an hour. We never made it to the front. Actually, I didn’t even make it home for three days. I still didn’t mail that letter. Oops.’

‘I’m a Pisces too,’ Alyssa says, looking straight at me now. ‘When’s your birthday?’

‘March 12,’ I tell her.

Her eyebrows shoot up. She puts her toothbrush down. ‘You're kidding? Mine too.’

‘Uh oh,’ Shan says.

‘Interesting,’ Journey pipes up. ‘Mysterious and elusive. The sign of self-undoing. Extremely passionate but not easily fooled. You create your own world to avoid the misery and difficulties in this one. Not always a good thing.’

We’re all looking at her now. Is she serious?

‘You’re like Susan Miller,’ Alyssa tells her.

‘Who?’ Shan asks.

‘
Who?
Look her up.’

‘Yeah, I’ll just go Google her,’ he says, rolling his eyes.

‘Seriously, Journey, you’re right,’ Alyssa adds and I don’t say it, 'cause this suff is kind of stupid, but she’s pretty right about me, too.

‘I’m not an astrologer, I’m just interested,’ Journey says, looking between us thoughtfully. ‘Two emotional drifters on one island. Don’t drown yourselves.’

My nerves are twitching the more Alyssa’s inscrutable eyes laser at my face. ‘I have a
real
secret,’ I say quickly, changing the subject. ‘I just taught at a Zombie Survival Camp for a month.’

Shan folds his arms around his knees and cocks a plucked eyebrow. ‘There’s such a thing as Zombie Survival Camp?’

‘It’s the end of the world as we know it,’ I say, but Alyssa’s looking at me with even more interest now and for some reason my heart’s started to beat harder. Maybe I
should
have a beer.

‘So you’re a teacher?’ she says, rubbing the ash from her cheeks. ‘What kind of teaching?’

‘Survival,’ I respond, finally meeting her eyes.

Shan gasps dramatically. ‘Well, that’s not entirely fair!’ 

But I’m still looking at Alyssa. 
‘Amongst other things. I haven’t really had a home in two years.’ 

‘Where have you been?’

‘Anywhere that would take me.’

Her eyes burn into mine in the firelight and for a split second, everyone’s gone but us. I drag my eyes away.
The sign of self-undoing
- Journey’s right about that.

‘OK, Karin, what’s
your
secret?’ Stephanie says.

‘My name means
pure
.’

‘Something else!’ Shan barks at her, flipping the lid off another beer and handing it to Alyssa. ‘You’re supposed to be entertaining me. I could be playing Candy Crush.’

‘I got accepted to art school,’ Karin says, holding her breath.

‘That’s a secret?’ Mia says. ‘Honey, that’s great!’

‘My parents don’t know. They think I applied to law school.’

Shan gasps. ‘You rebel!’ but Alyssa nudges him, frowning.

‘It’s kind of a big deal in my family. They’d probably disown me if they found out. They’ll support me through law school, but not if I choose to do what I really want.’

‘That’s tough,’ Alyssa says now. ‘You need the prize money for school, then, right? Me too. Well, cooking school.’ She traces the neck of her beer with a finger. ‘I want to open a restaurant someday, with Greek food. I have a ton of recipes and ideas. I just need qualifications, apparently. Who’d have thought?’

I shoot her a look. No wonder she could fillet those fish like a pro.

‘Couldn’t your rock star boyfriend have paid for that?’ Jaxx says.

‘Why would I have let him?’ Alyssa answers, narrowing her eyes. ‘I have my own life, Jaxx. I pay my own way.’

‘I didn’t say you didn’t.’

‘It’s what you were thinking,’ Shan says. ‘Admit it.’

I suck in a breath, bite my cheeks. ‘If you must know,’ Alyssa continues, ‘I’ve been working in an office to save up. Sebastian did nice things for me, the things you all saw in the gossip columns I’ll bet, but…’

‘She’s not a money-grabbing fame-whore,’ Shan finishes.

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re an idiot, then,’ Jaxx says and my fists clench. The jock’s pissing me off now.

‘Who the hell are you to judge her, let alone for
not
taking advantage of some celebrity?’ I snap at him. ‘That’s honourable of her, don't you think?Considering she’s on the
M-List?
Would
you
have the done same thing?’

‘Hell no,’ Jaxx laughs, ‘I’ll take money from whoever offers.’

‘Then guaranteed no one will ever offer you any,’ I say. Everyone’s looking at me.

‘My parents ran a tiger sanctuary in Chitwan National Park,’ Journey cuts in suddenly. ‘I haven’t eaten meat since we left Kathmandu, ten years ago.’

Shan flops back in the sand as she goes into a story about how she was taken to a slaughterhouse with her Nepalese classmates and was scarred when she saw a severed water buffalo’s head on the floor, but I’m only half listening now. I can feel Alyssa’s eyes on me, piercing the side of my face. I should’ve kept my mouth shut… again. What the hell is my problem?

I stand up, reach for a metal container and walk towards the well as the camera guy follows me. When I get there, footsteps behind me make me turn sharply. For a second I’m certain it’s going to be her. But it’s Jaxx.

‘Dude, I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘Look, I’ve been wanting to tell you something. I’m not an asshole.’

‘You’ve been wanting to tell me
that?
’ I say, fixing the container to the ropes and lowering the bucket down into the well.

‘No. I found this.’ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a string of shells on a leather cord. I drop the ropes
. Damn.

‘The immunity charm,’ I say, reaching for it. ‘Where did you find it?’ I study it, turning it over in my hands like it’s buried treasure, when really the production team have likely stitched it together in ten minutes. But owning this means no one can vote you out. 

‘It fell from the coconut tree when you were up there. No one else saw. They were all watching you,’ Jaxx says. His eyes are gleaming. Mine narrow instantly.

‘Why are you telling me?’ I say, handing it back at him.

‘Because I don’t want to keep any secrets from you. Look, it’s pretty obvious you’ve got the alpha dog thing down. I could use this against you the moment they turn… which they will… but I need you on my side. I know I’m not the most popular guy here, but neither are you, Joshua. We can use this together. I’ll share it. You keep me in the game, I’ll keep you in the game.’

My eyes are still narrowed. Do I trust him?

‘Think about it. We’re the strongest here, dude. Mike’s out tomorrow, Shan lost the last challenge and you’ve seen Punk – he can’t even break into a fucking coconut. The girls know we’re stronger, they’re gonna try and get us out of the game eventually. We need to make sure it’s us in this to the finish.’

My arms cross as I study all two hundred and fifty-five pounds of him. He’s right. I need to keep my shit together to beat Jaxx, too. I need to win; that’s all that matters. But his words about my lack of popularity sting suddenly. I know I’ve been distant at times… and yes, I could’ve kicked the shit out of Mike this afternoon. Do people think I’m a liability?

‘If it looks like I’m out I’ll use this, but if it looks like you’re heading out, I’ll volunteer it, on the condition that you keep it quiet. No one finds out. Just us,’ Jaxx says, dangling it in front of him from a finger. ‘Do we have a deal?’