Awakened (19 page)

Nick let her look her fill. Then he turned the photo around so the back was to Barrett and studied it himself. “Gorgeous girl. Beautiful. And fearless. But she scared the shit out of me. Because I didn’t want to lose her.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “That’s why I did what I did, Barrett. But I lost you anyway. I don’t want to lose you again.”

She didn’t know what to say. Felt her anger dissolving into nothingness. And it scared her how much power this man had over her. She believed him. He did love her. And he had been trying to protect her.

And she loved him.

But she couldn’t tell him. Not yet. Maybe never.

When she said nothing, a shadow crossed his face and he slid the photo back into the wallet and tried to flip it shut. Wanting to say something to make things right between them, at least until she gathered the courage to say what she really needed to say, Barrett grabbed for his wallet. “I want to see what else you have in there.” She was trying to defuse the tension in the air. To be playful. It didn’t work.

Nick snatched the wallet so fast Barrett gasped. Then he cursed. Then he shook his head. “God, you really want to kick me where it counts. Why not,” he said. “Why not get everything out in one fell swoop. Here.” He held the wallet out to her. “Take it.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, Nick, I—”

“No. You wanted to see it, here it is. I’ve put myself out there about everything else, why not this, too.”

Nick—”

“Take the fucking wallet, Barrett.”

She took it. She opened it. With shaking fingers, she explored a hidden, smaller pocket behind the ID. It was another photo. Barrett took it out.

She paused before she spoke. Her confusion was obvious in her voice. Why had he reacted so strongly about her seeing this?

“It’s your brother, Gary, right?” Nick had mentioned him in passing, but that was years ago. “You resemble each other.” The man in the photo had the same dark hair and ruggedness but seemed weaker somehow. She didn’t see a trace of Nick’s inner strength in his face. “Is he younger than you? I forgot.”

Nick nodded. His troubled gaze bothered her. Barrett had a sickening feeling that she’d gone too far without knowing why. “What’s going on, Nick?”

“He’s dead, Barrett.”

Oh shit.

Oh no.

Nick hadn’t talked of Gary often, but when he had, it had been obvious he’d adored his brother.

It had to have happened after they’d both returned to the U.S. She put the photo back in its secret place, searching for the right words to make up for her blunder. “I’m so sorry. So so sorry. But you know how I feel, Nick. You know about Noah—”

“It’s not the same. Not at all.”

Barrett felt even worse. She should have kept her mouth shut and not offered those meaningless words as comfort. She had endured similar comments from wellmeaning relatives and friends when Noah died.

I understand exactly how you feel
.

No one had. No one could.

I was just like you. I cried a river—surviving doesn’t always make you feel lucky, does it? Especially under the circumstances, with you right there and nothing you could do to save him
.

A shake of the head. A pat on the hand and an offered tissue.

But I stopped crying. Like you will. Life goes on, Barrett
.

Yes and no. Nothing was like anything else when you lost a beloved brother. Noah wasn’t replaceable.

“He was five years younger, to answer your question,” Nick said in a controlled voice.

“That’s right. But—but what were you talking about before? Why didn’t you want me to see his picture?”

“Because I killed him.”

She inhaled a soundless breath.

“I killed him,” Nick repeated. “He begged me to.”

Barrett went numb.

“Gary had been turned. He’d seen action before me. He’d suffered injuries to his back and PTSD. When the FBI went looking for volunteers for its turning program, he was one of the first in line.”

Oh, God. Oh no.

The List.

She thought of Murphy, the turned vampire that had attacked her, and the way he’d smelled. Rotting flesh. Nick’s brother, Gary.

“I didn’t even know about it. I’d been overseas, of course. He didn’t tell me. But when the FBI approached me, it wasn’t just so I’d kill a bunch of turned vampires. Gary said it was what he wanted. He’d talked about me. He told people that he—that he loved—”

Nick’s voice broke and Barrett started to move toward him.

His hand shot out, holding her back. “No,” he shook his head. “No! Don’t you see, Barrett? Gary was on The List. You think you’re to blame for Noah’s death. Bullshit. But me? I drove an arrow into my brother’s heart and killed him.”

Nick stopped. The silence seemed endless.

She didn’t want to, but her mind immediately went there, picturing what the scene must have looked like. Nick, reeling from the news that his brother had not only been turned but was going insane. Suffering. His brother needing to be put out of his misery. Wanting Nick to do it.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Nick.

“Jesus.” Her mind was reeling.

He looked up at her, and her eyes were riveted on Nick’s dark gaze. It glistened with unshed tears.

“Baby,” she whispered. “Did your parents—did you tell them?”

“They died in a car crash a few months earlier. If they’d been alive …” The tears fell now, all the more poignant because he immediately tried to swipe them away. Only more followed. “I don’t think I could have done it. But I had to. I had to. I had to. He was suffering. I had to. If you could only have seen him. I had to.”

She couldn’t take it any longer. She took him into her arms.

His body shook with his low moans of despair.

She rocked him. She kissed his tears away. Tears she knew he hated her seeing.

Finally, she gave her heart to him, this man who loved so much, who wanted only to protect those he loved from harm.

“Nick,” she said. “Of course you had to. You did what you thought was right. You did.”

It took a long time, but eventually he quieted. She continued to hold him in silence.

Then she said, “You loved him, Nick. You did what you had to for him. Just like—just like you love me. I’d want you to do it for me if it came to that, and you would. I’d do the same for you. I’d want to die myself, I might even try to make it happen, but I’d do it. I would.”

He raised his face. Looked at her as if he didn’t quite believe her. Then he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.

Later that night, after they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, Barrett thought about everything they’d said to each other that day. It was almost too much to process, but she had no choice.

Nick Maltese had killed his younger brother. And she’d chosen him to help her find a vulnerable girl.

Something should have been radically wrong with that picture.

But nothing was. She’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Nick had been Gary’s only salvation because only he could have done such a difficult thing. A man that strong was someone Barrett could rely on to protect her.

To protect her and Jane.

When she finally went to sleep, she had no doubts about her feelings for Nick or her trust in him. Dreams, however, plagued her. And when she woke, her heart thumping and sweat covering her body, suspicion was the first thing she felt. Suspicion that both she and Nick were being lied to.

Barrett shook Nick awake.

“What is it?”

“Nick, I know you’re tired, but I have to talk to you.”

He stared at her with sleepy eyes before his expression turned to dread.

She immediately shook her head. “No. Nothing’s changed, Nick. I didn’t suddenly decide that you’re a monster because you did what you did for Gary.”

“Then what?”

“I’ve been dreaming … and thinking … about Murphy. The possible mole in the FBI. About Gary.”

“So tell me.”

“First, I need you to answer some questions about Murphy.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Do you think Murphy had anything to do with the SexFlash operation?”

“I have no reason to think so. I can’t tell you anything for sure except he was halfway to dead—you got a whiff of him.”

“So he was like Gary?”

“Gary was nowhere near that far gone. Nor were the others that I killed.”

“So obviously the turneds you’re hunting are getting worse with time.”

“I’d say that. Gary still had moments of lucidity. He could still ask. Beg.” He closed his eyes, obviously fighting off bad memories, before determinedly continuing. “Murphy seemed much farther gone. And batshit crazy. Full neuron-rage.”

“Nothing we’ve heard suggests born vampires have experienced anything like this.”

“It’s a result of the turning.”

“But not all turneds. My friends Peter, Ty, and Ana, they’re perfectly fine.”

She saw his expression close up. “For now. Doesn’t mean it’s not coming, Barrett.”

“I know that, but you’re assuming it will. Why?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You assumed it was coming because you trusted the FBI. Now we know there’s probably an FBI mole. If that’s the case, what if the turneds they’ve targeted are different from others? What if the FBI took their experimenting one step further, and gave a select group of them something to see if their powers could be enhanced?”

He seemed to be considering the possibility.

“Something that poisoned them,” she continued. “They’d need to get rid of the evidence, the same way they formed Belladonna to get rid of the evidence that Rogues are engaged in criminal activity so they could keep the Turning Program going.”

Nick stiffened. “What?” he whispered. “The Turning Program has been shut down.”

Barrett frowned. “Not according to what I know.”

“Then you don’t know shit.”

“Nick—”

“You’re wrong,” Nick said abruptly. “About the Turning Program still being in effect and about the FBI poisoning Gary. You’re grasping for straws because you don’t want to acknowledge the possibility that your friends are in danger.”

“That’s one concern, yes, but—”

“Damn it, Barrett,” he roared, “it’s the only possibility. Or else I’ve been working for the same assholes who did that to my brother. Assholes who are continuing to turn humans into vampires, knowing the irrevocable damage they’re inflicting.”

“But you already knew that they’d done it to Gary. How is it different if they went a step further?”

“Because he volunteered for it. And the FBI admitted to it. If what you’re saying is true, they lied to me. They fucking fooled me and I’ve been doing their dirty work for them. No. It’s not true.”

He got up and swept into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Barrett went to follow him when her phone rang.

She picked up her cell, barely able to see the screen. The number swam. “Hello?” Barrett said.

“Barrett? It’s me, Ginny Prescott.”

Barrett immediately tensed. “Hi, Ginny. What’s going on?”

“I don’t really want to tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere?”

She looked at the closed bathroom door. “Sure. When and where?”

She memorized Ginny’s suggestion: two days from now in the park along the Potomac. The walkway through it ran for miles and there were plenty of places to stop and sit down.

Barrett walked into the kitchen to conclude the conversation. She endured Ginny’s nervous chatter for as long as she could. The woman talked a lot for someone who essentially had nothing to say at the moment.

Ginny’s voice was tinged with fear and she hesitated often, stumbling over ordinary words. But she made it clear that she had something important to communicate. Polite reassurances from Barrett weren’t enough to get Ginny to reveal them over the phone.

They got through awkward good-byes and Barrett hung up.

When she reentered the bedroom, she realized Nick had left and she hadn’t heard him.

And he’d left not just the bathroom, but her apartment entirely.

She hated reminding him of his brother’s death and his part in it. Yet what she’d said was valid—it was entirely possible the FBI had experimented with a select number of turneds, including Gary. Given that, Nick’s reaction to her supposition had seemed a bit over the top. Moreover, while he’d obviously been torn up about Gary’s death, the fact remained that he’d
killed his own brother
and had been able to go on with his life. It had been less than a year. A year after Noah had died, Barrett had still been tormented by his death and her limited part in it. Sometimes she still had nightmares about it. If Nick could so easily get over killing his own brother, whom he’d clearly loved, it must have been easy as pie for him to get over Barrett’s sudden departure from his life. Maybe all the affection and care he’d shown her in the past few days wasn’t so much about truly lingering feelings but about convenience.

She shook her head to stop her runaway thoughts. What the hell was she doing, trying to analyze the depth of Nick’s feelings for her? Nick was helping her find Jane. That was all that mattered.

No matter how well adjusted he seemed now, she knew killing his brother had been difficult for him.

But he’d done it. And she had no doubt in her mind that if he had to kill Ty and Ana and Peter, all vampires that Barrett cared about, he’d do that, too.

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

Club Red
New City, Georgia

Vladimir swung first, catching the beefy contractor off
guard. The other man crumpled to the cement floor without a sound. A few hard kicks to the head with a polished, custom-made black boot finished him off.

Tamsin, who had been watching the fight from the shadows, came forward, stepping carefully around the fresh pooling blood. Her stiletto heels clicked against the raw concrete until she reached her lover’s side. She looked up adoringly.

“You still have what it takes,” she purred.

“I would rather not do such things.”

She slipped a hand through the crook of his elbow, smoothing the clingy material of her low-cut scarlet dress with the other. “What did he do anyway?”