A Right Brain Mind in a Left Brain World (5 page)

Pensions in the bin
this is not the way to win
Or is it just a big bad sin
Taxes soar so high, levies
almost reach the sky
Yay we're dying in our shoes
and trying hard not to lose

But I see through you
I see how fake you are
I see through you
I know the game you play
I see through you
I see through you

Do you know who I am
Do you care where I've been
Do you know what I do
Do you care what I've done

Will you share with me your life
Will you share with me how you live
Will you share with me what you do
Will you share with me what you have done

And will you and I join together to become one
And from that one become three four or more

Will we all live together in a house full of love
Will we share
Will we care
Will we dare to
Last beyond loves last song

Do you know I think we will

What was keeping him for the love of god
, Jill McSweeny thought to herself now.
Sure all he had to do was put his bloody boots on and they talk about
women being vain
. Jack Byrnes just loved checking himself out in the mirror. He was the only fella she knew who kept a comb in his back pocket, even if he was only going out to bring the cows in for milking.

I mean I’d ask of you, who’s going to be looking at him out here in the
sticks miles away from civilization?
Our nearest neighbours are over
eight miles down the bog road and sure Mrs Kenny’s legs have been
giving her trouble now going on three years. Anyhow everyone knows
she’s almost as blind as a bat. So whoever Jack is trying to impress I’ve
no idea, I’d just wish he’d hurry on. I’m freezing.

Thank god. Here he comes, not looking any better than he did twenty
minutes ago mind.

‘Come on girl, stop your day dreaming! That won’t get us anywhere,’ Jack said and gave her a cheeky smile.’

‘Well the nerve of you Jack Byrnes.’

‘What’s got you hot under the collar all of a sudden? I just needed to fetch something from me bedroom. And tell me Ma we are off. You can’t half get cranky Jill, if you didn’t want to come why didn’t you just say so?’

‘You know well Jack that my Ma won’t hear of you going up to bring the cows in on your own, if she could offer some help.’

‘Ah, come on Jill, it’s not so bad.’

Jill knew that there was no point in being mad with him. Sure what harm, the walk would do her good anyway.

As they hurried up to the Head, the wind caught up. Jill’s long curly hair was flying all over the place and her young face was flushed from exertion.

‘Jack,’ Jill shouted so as to be heard over the roar of the wind.

‘Jack, could you slow down a bit, and why are we heading for the Well when the cows are in the field over?’

‘Come on girl. Hurry along I have something to tell you, or maybe I should say something to ask you.’

They arrived at the Well, which is out on Merry Head. You can hear the waves down below crashing against the rock face as Jack sat on the wall of the old Well.

‘Okay, out with it Jack what chore am I needed to help with now?’

Jill rushed in a little breathless from the climb and the wind that has her hair danced around her face as she pushed it away.

‘Well, I was thinking.’

Oh, were you indeed.’

‘Will you just shut up for a minute and let me talk? Well Jill I am hoping...’ Jack put his hand inside his jacket and pulled out a small black velvet box.
‘...that you will be my girl and wear this ring.’ Jack opened the box and stood holding it out to Jill.

Had Jack Byrnes really just asked her to be his girl?
The most handsome boy in school, who she had loved secretly for many years now.
Was it really her he was asking to be his girl or was this some
sort of joke? Yes that was it...
‘Well, Jack Byrnes if this is some sort of joke I assure you...’

‘So will you...’

‘Yes,’ she said in almost a whisper because her throat had the biggest lump in it. She was trying so hard not to cry.

Then Jack wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

‘Come sit down here and try it on girl,’ now they both sat on the Well wall.

‘How did you know what size ring to get?’ Jill asked Jack now as she fitted it on.

‘Remember last year when I won the ring in the Barn Brack, and you claimed it should be yours because it fitted you perfectly?

Well, I took it in to town with me and the jeweller sized it so we could get the perfect size ring for you.’

‘But Jack it must have cost a fortune, it’s so very beautiful thank you.’
Jill leaned over and kissed him ever so slightly on the cheek.
‘But don’t think for a minute that this means I’ll be doing your chores every other evening.
Come on boy or your Da will think the cows are never coming home.’ Jill jumped up reaching to pull Jack by the hand. But Jack stumbled as he got up and slipped backwards falling against the small wall of the Well, but the wall gave way and as Jack lost his balance.

Jill looked on helplessly as Jack tried to stop himself from falling in. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion as Jack disappeared down into the Well. Jill rushed to the Well, calling Jack’s name all the while, but she couldn’t see a thing. She kept calling for Jack to answer her, hoping someone would come and help her, but there was no one.

Oh god, what to do!
She knew she would have to go and get help but she didn’t want to leave him on his own. She called out to him again and again. There was still no answer. Now she knew the only thing for it was to run as fast as she could to get help.

Jill didn’t know how long it took her to reach the farmhouse to get help. One of Jack’s older brothers, Sean, met her in the yard. It took him a few minutes to make out what Jill was saying to him. Sean gathered his other two brothers and his Da to head up to the Well.

Jill’s Ma and her brother Cormack came to see what all the noise and shouting was all about.
Jill insisted she wanted to go with them. She kicked and screamed at Cormack that she wanted to be there for Jack.
Jill’s Ma held her very firmly. She made her go inside and get a hot drink. She had just had a terrible shock. Inside Jill howled into her apron, as her mother tried to support her young daughter.

‘Come on now girl, get this hot drink into you.’ Jill’s mother had to hold the cup to her lips because her hands were shaking so much. Then Jill’s mother made her lie down on the settee by the fireside and covered her with a blanket.

‘Be a good girl now and try to take a wee sleep.’ Jill’s mother looked down at her young daughter now and her heart was breaking for her.

Jill woke to the sound of the dogs barking. Her throat hurt and her eyes stung. For just a moment she wondered what was wrong and then it came to her again.
As fresh tears began to form in her eyes again, she thought of the night before. She had heard them coming back, the noise of the tractors and the dogs barking but no voices. She had gone to the back door just as her brother Cormack was coming in. She looked at Cormack and could see he had been crying.

‘Well,’ she shouted at Cormack ‘tell me for god sakes, tell me...’

‘I’m sorry Jill, he didn’t make it. His head wounds... Well, there was just too much damage. He died almost as soon as he fell...’

After that she could hardly remember what had happened. She remembered someone carrying her to her bedroom. Then she had hazy dreams about getting married and waiting at the church but no one turned up. The last dream she remembered, she was sitting with Jack out at the apple blossom tree in the meadow. He was telling her that she shouldn’t be sad and not to worry. He would always be somewhere nearby to help her along the way.

For a while, after Jack’s burial, Jill’s life took a bit of a tumble. Until finally one day she heard his voice in her head telling her it was time to move on. It was what Jack would have wanted.

And into the wind she whispered, ‘I love you,’ to Jack. ‘Someday we will walk together again’.

My writes my words my wrongs my rights
I play for you each coming day
My soul my heart my love is taken
I rest I wait I pray today
My aches my pains my will of song
I run I hide I died

We walked we talked we wondered
I sang I soared I conquered
We dined we danced we fled
I cried I sighed I lost but still
We were we had we did
I run I hide I died

All in a moment of time

Memories that remain
Are the things that can never be the same
How I wish for them
But I know I must refrain

Memories of youth
Never knowing who to suit
Summers never idol
You were always my rival

Memories of Love
Conquers the world
But fades in time
I was sure you were mine

Memories of old
Nothing quite so bold
You have passed me by
It was your time to die

Memories now a loan
Not talking on the phone
Email box is empty when
How I wish that there were plenty

Memories now fade
Life’s just like a blade
Sharp that is now blunt
I can’t play this stunt

So just give up the hunt

I went to see her today
She crashed in around me
Not caring that once again
She was full on no hell
Knew her fury
While others relished
Moving to her beat
I refrained
Not wanting her to know me
I will come again another day
And I will walk beside her
Feel her body under foot
And she will know me then
I know she is a danger
Waiting for me to slip
And she knows I am carefully
watching and she knows
As I do that Mother Nature
Cannot always be your friend

It calls to me from far away
I swear I will not listen
I look for something to distract me
All the while chanting I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you.

But in the end my will begins to bend
For what am I, just a poor mortal soul?
I have no wizardry or magic wand
To make it disappear
Will someone please tell me how?

But you tell me it can only be my will alone
Now my body begins to shake and sweat,
The headache pounds and the bile forms
As the call seems to come nearer and nearer
Would it be easier to die? I cry.

Maybe, I think, yes maybe
But what of the lives
I leave behind?
Yes, I have myself believe,
It would ease their misery.

Free from the worry
Of their ongoing nightmare
that is me

I think about them each in turn
Until I come to her:

The Angle blond with big blue eyes
That pierces your very soul
Those eyes have begged me many times
To return to the person I once was,
I pull back a little and think.

For I know what I must do,
Ignore the call and if I die trying
I will have at least died a better person,
I will put hope back into those eyes.

I will beat this demon,
I will return my soul
To what it was once before,
Once I took the devils hand
Now I let this Guardian Angel take mine.

I give her to you now my womb replies to me
I set her free for she is for this world
How joyess a moment but take it for granted
As she grows we ask for more so certain
are we and why not

And then once again our voice is heard
and again for granted we are so sure.
But the womb replies to soon
and you are gone
What I ask you of you have we done wrong
But you tell us nothing and we ask again

We ask again and again six times now
And the reply has been so harsh and we ask
but still you tell us nothing I will beat
you at your game I promise I will ask again

And I do they send you I hardly dare
to believe and again they womb replies
I set her free for she is of this world

But I am greedy and ask again but as before
the womb replies to soon why oh why I need to know
Where do they go I ask for I promise I won't ask again
and one night you whisper in my ear

I am here we are with you all the while
Don't you know we walk beside you we hold your hand
We sing your song and wipe your tears

We are the gaurdians of you and those who stayed
We are the seven who could not stay we are not of your world
but you are of ours

One life’s dream is another life’s nightmare

I walk along the path of fire
Self destruct less I expire
Moving ever closer to my goal
I think I may now lose my soul

For now there is no turning back
Am I really on this track
There is no one to cancel out
The fight that flames within my heart

For I have left you now alone
Not caring, not thinking of your loss
That it is now to be your cross or burden
To carry now upon your backs

What does it take to open eyes
Transmission entry to the brain
Less they abstain
I tried and tried but failed now died

The D’s and E’s are in the breeze
Science, math and geography
All now just histories message
I wanted life, you wanted more

So once again the F for failed
But what of the onslaught
No one to hear rant or ravings
Who to call a failure now

What was the dream you saw
What was it, that made every waken hour
A lecture, head thrust into a book a grind
What did you perceive for me

I, who was to be your trophy, your story of triumph
The ghost of your life’s past today becomes the ghost of your future

Down the darken days and dreary nights
While I waited and listened
Was it wasteful and wilful for want
But if I tried I could not stop
You were there in the dark resis of my mind
Forever lingering wishing
Now I pray it stop I know
The time has finally come
You are no more the last nail
has been sent into that timber box
Your home now my prison
Once there was hope faint but hope
How I wish there was a last nail for me
Maybe then my mind would settle
And stop this rambling
Down the darken days and dreary nights